Hey all! I'm not on here much as I once was but am trying to reconnect to my friends! 2018 has been kicking me hard in the butt, but as a of late not for the worst at all. In fact if I play my cards right I will be laughing hard!!

So basically February and much of this month was hard. I had dealing with terrible dysphoira, night terrors, massive anxiety attacks , etc. Turns out hormones played a lot into this. Instead of taking my estrogen through out the day I was taking a massive amount in morning and by nighttime or sleep time I was actually feeling bad. Insomnia and stuff. In fact many feelings I had before HRT.. seems T was somehow coming back. Now that it's been a few weeks since changing dosages and making sure E stays in system all day and night no night terrors and no real panic attacks!!

I also got a new job and one that I tend to turn into a career as a chef in training! This would be my  first above minimum wage job!! I briefly mentioned this on another post I base

I had my surgery papers sent out to Montreal for GRS nearly three weeks ago and I still get gitty  with joy when I think about it all! However, dr brassard apprently makes us girls go off HRT for three weeks prior to surgery. So, with that in mind i contacted dr and seeing if they can help me get an orchi in Winnipeg before my surgery in Montreal so atleast I won't have T in system.

Also noticed my inner self being more intune as of late. As many of you know about a year ago I was a mess with dysphoira and "doubt" but funny thing is, through therapy lately I noticed I never had any "doubts " . I learnt this through realizing I don't regret coming out (i regret not coming out in 2007 when I should have) I do not ever wish to be male, never nor do I feel this is not right, it does feel right. No, not doubts but instead lots of shame, guilt , fear and hate to admit internalized transphobia .... all deep in the sub consious. It has been there since I was actually a little child (like before 5 even). With learning this I feel much better and tbh more free!! I baught my first real purse, felt euphoric most of week and even the bad times are tolerable now. In fact some days now, especially recently I feel as though I was always an Female and not male. It's greats. I know I still have a very long and hard road to go, but on the whole the past few weeks and especially this week have been great filled with good news. I'm going to make it stay!

Reply to @ SailorMars:  Thank you for sharing about what is going with your transition journey and with your other life events.
I always enjoy reading about others experiences and look forward to their updates.

I am sorry that 2018 has been "kicking your butt" as you say....   hey, what happened to the month of March, in fact what happened to 2018?... we are already coming into 4 months... a quarter of the year is gone already!!

Regarding taking your Estrogen in one big dose and then having issues... did your doctor instruct on on the prescription bottle to take it in ONE dose a day?  My HRT is taken twice a day per my doctor's orders.  Perhaps next time you go in for a check up you should mention your issues with taking the meds.

Hmmm, Chef in Training... sounds wonderful especially because that it will pay more than minimum wage.  Is the place that you are working specializing in any particular type of food... i.e.  Italian, Mexican,

That is very good news about your planned GRS and possible orchi before your SRS.  Generally I don't think (just my personal opinion here) they like to do the orchi first because they can use tissue and skin for the GRS procedure.... but you are correct to call your Doctor first to get direction on this.

Yes, for sure, the longer you are on HRT the more that your mind and inner self gets more in tune and calmer about things... at least that has been my experience

Again, SailorMars, thanks for your update and for writing today.
Please continue with your updates... I will be looking forward to reading your next one.

Hugs, and best wishes,
Danielle

Thanks Girl! And no the whole hormones thing was on me. It even said on my bottle to "take one one pill three times a day".... didn't get memo till later! And kitchen work is fine dinning like steaks and chicken specials thanks for kind words!

I wish I was as brace as you