Quote from: Steph2.0 on March 30, 2018, 07:15:23 AM
My friend Faith,

Thank you for posting that. You don't want to believe it, but your friends really do care and want to know how you're doing.

Beyond that, your thoughts echo many that I've been having lately, and it's so helpful to be reminded that I'm not alone in how I feel. Especially the problem with the mirror...

I'm moving past those bad feelings now (I have a lot of catching up to do here), and you will, too. Having such positive feedback at work is a wonderful thing. As you know, my situation limits such interactions, and I'm a little envious.

I don't really have any words of wisdom that you'd want to hear right now, other than I'm out here, I'm your friend, and I'm listening.

Hopefully you'll find "something for you" in what I wrote.

Stephanie

I've kept up with your posted trials .. NYC, they can keep it. But I wish you ease and health on a -->to be determined<-- snipping.

I hate posting things that 'everyone is going through' as it relates to me. I am not a open sharing person ... although, I have shared more here than anywhere else ... ever. It's much better for me to have my wife at my side, express my feeling (verbally or not), get a supported comment or look, snuggle closer and let it work itself out. Then there's the days of 'going through something' that I've posted about before. It gets old, to me, to post the same thing over and over. UP, DOWN, UP UP, DOWN DOWN DOWN .. UP again. Did I repeat myself?

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Quote from: Jayne01 on March 30, 2018, 08:26:51 AM
Faith, I'm glad you have chosen to come back online. I am always happy to chat with you in private as we have been, but I think there is benefit in hearing from other people too. We each have a different way of looking at things and it is very likely someone else can offer something that I cannot to help you. We are all here to help each other.

Laurie, when you read this, please refrain from pulling your slap trigger. Slaps don't always help. I think Faith needs some hugs right now.

(((((HUG)))))

Take care Faith. We are here for you.

Jayne

physical hug please, hop a boat or get that Steph person to commandeer a seaplane.

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As an addendum to my 'midriff' exposure. As I recounted the story to my eldest daughter my wife goes, "And what would your Dad have told you if you had tried to go to school like that?" My daughters response?, "If I can't dress like that, you can't either" ... umm, yeah. I don't think she has any qualms about my 'issues'.

Quote from: Faith on March 30, 2018, 06:55:27 AM

**Laurie, I'm leaving this comment in for you. I almost edited it out**
I wore a dress 2nd day that Laurie was visiting, she made no comment at all. I wish she had said something .. anything ... good or bad just for a peer review. I didn't wear it to make a point, I just felt like wearing it.

If I was simply a cross-dresser there wouldn't be any marital stress at all.

---

---

That sums up most of it. and I'm tempted to erase it all. I hope I edited out what needed to be and left nothing offending in there. I'm sure some Laurie person will moderate it for me ... since she's stuck reading the whole thing ...

   Faith,

      That Laurie person didn't find anything that needed moderating from a moderator's viewpoint. However, Young Lady, There are a few things in there that as a friend I didn't care for. Go climb up on that refrigerator. First off is this retreating from our community and deciding just because some posts have "Nothing for me!" is not a reason to go hide in a corner. There are still a lot of us that want to know these issues and thoughts you have going around in your head. People care about you and Lori and want to know what is going on so we can at least commiserate with you. You are not the only one out there that feels the way you do and if we know how you feel we can show you that you do not need to suffer alone. It is called support. It is what this site is here for.  Okay take down the avatar if it helps. cover the mirrors.
   You are a quiet person almost to the point of being an introvert. Lori is your rock and security blanket. That was very much apparent while I was there. But you are also her rock. Yes, she is having to adapt to Faith, she will be there for you just as you need to be there for her. She isn't going anywhere. She (and you) will work this out. Of that I have no doubt. It will take some more time and a bit of work but it will be okay.
   I am sorry I did not comment on you wearing the dress. I did not see it as anything special to you as you mentioned you like to wear one around home. You certainly look comfortable wearing it. In the house or out it, appeared to be normal for you. At home, it is what makes you feel comfortable that matters, not what I think. I thought it was good you could feel comfortable doing so.  And I am sorry I am not good on social graces. I am still the clueless lout I have always been. Hit me with a big stick or shock me by some unexpected brazen action (like Michelle did) and I might get the idea.
  So Faith, what I came away with is that you are a very quiet, personal, individual. You are caring and thoughtful, especially when it comes to Lori. And you are comfortable in your own environment and with what you do and what you wear. You obviously have some dysphoria over your appearance but also in how this is affecting Lori. But as I said, she and you will figure it out.
   The bigger surprise for me was finding out both of you are into playing different instruments. It just never crossed my mind.  One of the things I am discovering is that we as a community, are very creative in a lot of different ways. Talents and interests run the gamut. If it isn't talent in the arts of some sort, it is intellectual talents. I personally feel like a plain Jane compared to all the talents of those that I have met. I have no special talent. Even in the one thing I was good at I wasn't creative or special, I left those for the smart and talented folk. I was just a repairman. I fixed things that broke.

   Now you are lucky, I am not there or I'd likely give you a couple slaps up the side of your head and then a couple hugs.
You are okay, Faith, and you have friends and support. The greatest one for you is Lori. But we are here for you too.

Hugs,
    Laurie

wow, Laurie, a huge rant and I only spotted a couple typo's .. good job!!

I'd give you a thumbs up but I can't find it. Excuse me while I go look for it ....   

Quote from: Laurie on March 30, 2018, 02:34:44 PM
I personally feel like a plain Jane compared to all the talents of those that I have met.

Hey! What is this comparison to a plain Jane? Firstly, you spelt my name wrong, obviously one of the typos Faith was referring to. Secondly, and most importantly, I'm not plain! I am very complex, just ask my wife! [emoji846]

Complex Jayne

     Faith I am sorry you have been feeling bad lately I don't post a lot as I also often feel my experiences are inconsequential I have been following your thread for quite a while and found so much of it both helpful and often entertaining though I don't say much I have enjoyed reading about your ups and downs  take care of yourself and your wonderful wife Lori while I do hope to hear more from you as you continue this adventure of transition always do what is best for you and yours

     bobbisue

I didn't do a proper reply to Laurie because, she's not far off .. well .. she's far off but not the comments.

I do the 'don't care what people think' but always watching and listening for any to come. I know I am insecure in affirmation of self despite looking confident on the outside. My brain holds entire conversations ... they don't come out my mouth or my fingers to keyboard, as the case may be. My feeling get hurt rather easily so I bury them to the point that I've buried almost every outward expression, happy, sad, anything in between.

Enough of that, That's not what I came in here to type.

---

---

I was going to wait a little longer, but ...

I was primping in the bathroom, removing my face, and my upper arm kept rubbing on something, it was rather annoying. As it registered I realized not only was my arm rubbing something but the real annoying thing was the sensation .. I looked down and ....

-=BOOBS=-
or
-=MOOBS=-

call them what you will but there they were. An itchy, not quite burning, goose-bumpy sensation bothering the heck out of me. Time to brave the mirror, yep, side view has a definite shape. Looking down, no question, that is not muscle shape. No buds, more like gynecomastia ... I'll take it.

Mixed emotions.
On one hand, excitement .. progress, woo hoo ..
On the other, trepidation. Lori still prefers the 'her man' look.

how do I show my elation when Lori may take my escalated happiness in the other direction.

Keeping myself grounded, as I have for years, I went about my evening. Last night before going to sleep (it was after 1 am and waaay after bedtime) I quietly mentioned it. Non event, she'd already noticed and taking it in stride. It's OK to be happy .. WOOT ..

another small step.
.
.
.
.
... Now if only my face would fall off and grow a different one ....

Welcome to the new boobs club, Faith! BOOBS or MOOBS, you know what they are. It is a special feeling to finally have something appearing that should have been there many years ago.

Lori may prefer her "man look", but beyond that she prefers you, in whatever packaging you may come. Congratulations on your progress.

Jayne

and another day goes by

Lori helped out with a wedding yesterday (and the days and days before), I stayed home. she kind of wanted me to go but I'm not much for weddings. Instead I stayed home to clean the kitchen and livingroom in preparation for guests today.

So, I had it all very cleaned up, lots of bar and counter space, Lori gets home  and ... has all the leftover food and containers .. ACK!. So much for my clean spaces. We managed to get it all parceled out into the refrigerator.

House full today, son went to work by the two daughters came with their brood. Then Lori's Mom, aunt, sister (and her husband), niece, 2nd great-niece & nephew? (not sure how the math works on those two). I'm sitting there in my painted nails, short-shorts and pink blouse. Nothing overt said the biggest question seemed to be about how much weight I've lost. no negative comments, the aunt did say she was shocked about my nails, no positive or negative connotation to it. The niece stated that she was jealous, I had better nails than she does.

Anyway, bedtime

Quote from: Faith on April 01, 2018, 09:31:31 PM
and another day goes by

Lori helped out with a wedding yesterday (and the days and days before), I stayed home. she kind of wanted me to go but I'm not much for weddings. Instead I stayed home to clean the kitchen and livingroom in preparation for guests today.

So, I had it all very cleaned up, lots of bar and counter space, Lori gets home  and ... has all the leftover food and containers .. ACK!. So much for my clean spaces. We managed to get it all parceled out into the refrigerator.

House full today, son went to work by the two daughters came with their brood. Then Lori's Mom, aunt, sister (and her husband), niece, 2nd great-niece & nephew? (not sure how the math works on those two). I'm sitting there in my painted nails, short-shorts and pink blouse. Nothing overt said the biggest question seemed to be about how much weight I've lost. no negative comments, the aunt did say she was shocked about my nails, no positive or negative connotation to it. The niece stated that she was jealous, I had better nails than she does.

Anyway, bedtime

Hi Faith,

  It sounds like you did alright with the crowd. Heck you survived! Call it good.

Hugs,
  Laurie

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Quote from: Faith on March 31, 2018, 02:06:30 PM
I do the 'don't care what people think' but always watching and listening for any to come. I know I am insecure in affirmation of self despite looking confident on the outside. My brain holds entire conversations ... they don't come out my mouth or my fingers to keyboard, as the case may be. My feeling get hurt rather easily so I bury them to the point that I've buried almost every outward expression, happy, sad, anything in between.

Enough of that, That's not what I came in here to type.

---

---

I was going to wait a little longer, but ...

I was primping in the bathroom, removing my face, and my upper arm kept rubbing on something, it was rather annoying. As it registered I realized not only was my arm rubbing something but the real annoying thing was the sensation .. I looked down and ....

-=BOOBS=-
or
-=MOOBS=-

call them what you will but there they were. An itchy, not quite burning, goose-bumpy sensation bothering the heck out of me. Time to brave the mirror, yep, side view has a definite shape. Looking down, no question, that is not muscle shape. No buds, more like gynecomastia ... I'll take it.

Mixed emotions.
On one hand, excitement .. progress, woo hoo ..
On the other, trepidation. Lori still prefers the 'her man' look.

Hugs, Faith,
Oh, how your post resonates with me. With as much water that has passed beneath my bridge, my friends tell me I should be past my insecurities by now but I am not. I still shy away from cameras and wish I could do my face without a mirror - I still see too many parts of "him" looking back, especially the eyes. Mental conversations? I tend to have full blown arguments! Even now, I am debating whether or not to post this reply...

Congratulations on your "development." As much as I wanted boobs, the first time I realized they were really growing was, as you said, exciting and disconcerting at the same time. Was I really sure about this? My wife, who helped encourage me to transition, noticed and commented just about the time I first aware of any growth sensation and she was elated. At the time, my work life was spent in male drag and I feared what my colleagues would say; 20 plus years ago scores of folks were nowhere close to being as accepting or open-minded as they are today...

As corny as it sounds, keep the faith, Faith. Be true to yourself and the rest will fall into place, I promise.

Susan
PS The bare midriff comment had me laughing out loud and your niece's jealousy shows just how far you've come.

Quote from: Susan Baum on April 05, 2018, 10:05:05 AM
Hugs, Faith,
Oh, how your post resonates with me. With as much water that has passed beneath my bridge, my friends tell me I should be past my insecurities by now but I am not. I still shy away from cameras and wish I could do my face without a mirror - I still see too many parts of "him" looking back, especially the eyes. Mental conversations? I tend to have full blown arguments! Even now, I am debating whether or not to post this reply...

Congratulations on your "development." As much as I wanted boobs, the first time I realized they were really growing was, as you said, exciting and disconcerting at the same time. Was I really sure about this? My wife, who helped encourage me to transition, noticed and commented just about the time I first aware of any growth sensation and she was elated. At the time, my work life was spent in male drag and I feared what my colleagues would say; 20 plus years ago scores of folks were nowhere close to being as accepting or open-minded as they are today...

As corny as it sounds, keep the faith, Faith. Be true to yourself and the rest will fall into place, I promise.

Susan
PS The bare midriff comment had me laughing out loud and your niece's jealousy shows just how far you've come.

Welcome Susan, I think, have you been in here before? I lose track ... doesn't matter, welcome any way.

'HIM' ick, been hiding from 'him' for years without knowing it. The why has been a recent realization.
BOOBS, definitely boobs. firm nipples, small hard and slightly sore lump behind them. Oh yah, boobs-a-commin' in .. errm .. out.

Several things to get out of the way ... I was off in my own world ignoring the forum again. WAY too much to catch up on, however, .....

STEPH, I caught up on your thread.  Happy, Sad, Happy, Dismayed, Relieved. I think I have them in the right order. Hang in there. (ps. you pull off a dress and skirt better than I ever will)

JAYNE!! Seriously, you coax me back in here and what, you disappear on me. There should be 3 posts from you to my 1. Oh, wait, this is my thread ... nevermind.

Sarah .. a GF .. WOOT

I left all kinds of people out, sorry, I've read most of them but remembering them to reply to, HAH! I'm too old to remember what I just typed without scrolling back.

Back to my boobs (priorities). No wife problems that I can tell. All good on both fronts

Dr visit today, I'm cleared for Spiro. Now I just need to get Planned Parenthood to get me a prescription. Downside. Gluten Intolerance. Even the small amounts I've been eating are messing things up. Now I have to revise my diet .. again.

FUNNY MOMENT ..

At the window to set my next appointment and pay for this one, The lady asked for the Dr card that had the requested follow-up time period (weird, I know. They write on a card how many months just for me to hand it back to them). I hand her the card that has my first name only on it (birth name). She looks at it, looks up at me, looks down, mumbles my <name>, looks at me again. I had to actually tell her it was me 

I'm leaving something out in replies and things that have happened. age makes you forget things, Heck, I have to scroll back just to .. crap .. I typed that already.

Spiro will definitely speed things up. I started on estradiol only for four months, my nipples got puffy but that was about it. Once spiro came into play and my dosage was bumped up to an appropriate level my breast growth really increased. Good times are coming soon, enjoy the journey!

Hi Faith,

I'm still here reading everything, just not in a very "posting" mood. Congrats on being cleared for Spiro.

Hi Faith,

I'm still here reading everything, just not in a very "posting" mood. Congrats on being cleared for Spiro.

Hi Faith,

I'm still here reading everything, just not in a very "posting" mood. Congrats on being cleared for Spiro.


(You said you need to keep scrolling back to remember what you just forgot.......or something like that, I forget now. [emoji846])

Jayne

Quote from: Faith on April 05, 2018, 02:23:21 PM(ps. you pull off a dress and skirt better than I ever will)

I'm gonna remind myself that you probably didnt mean that literally!   

Quote from: KathyLauren on April 05, 2018, 04:17:27 PM
I'm gonna remind myself that you probably didnt mean that literally!   

Depends on who's asking.

Stephanie

PS: Thanks Faith, I appreciate the compliment more than you know. And you'll get there, too.

Quote from: KathyLauren on April 05, 2018, 04:17:27 PM

Quote(ps. you pull off a dress and skirt better than I ever will)

I'm gonna remind myself that you probably didnt mean that literally!   

I see what you did there ... now I have to unsee it 

Quote from: Jessica_Rose on April 05, 2018, 02:50:20 PM
Spiro will definitely speed things up. I started on estradiol only for four months, my nipples got puffy but that was about it. Once spiro came into play and my dosage was bumped up to an appropriate level my breast growth really increased. Good times are coming soon, enjoy the journey!

Jessica!! You're one of the people I read and don't reply to. Here I get all worked up with my thread goes dead but I don't contribute. I guess I'm just a crappy personality.

'grats on the face burn, I think, I haven't started mine yet but it is planned. Great picture in there too of that Laurie-person's visit (she needs to learn to spell her name, it only has 4 letters)

Quote from: Faith on April 05, 2018, 02:23:21 PM
Dr visit today, I'm cleared for Spiro. Now I just need to get Planned Parenthood to get me a prescription. Downside. Gluten Intolerance. Even the small amounts I've been eating are messing things up. Now I have to revise my diet .. again.

While I can eat pretty much anything, You might find Bob's Red Mill a useful resource for Gluten free products and recipes. They have an on site lab just to ensure their products are as they advertise.

Hi Faith!! Always good to hear what you're up to, even if I don't always post here myself. I've been a little busy lately. 

Oh, and thank you!

Hi Faith and you too Lori,

  Getting closer to the west coast to see my girlfriend again. I could have told you Lori would be okay about your recent development. That woman loves you, Faith. The you inside. What the outside looks like doesn't matter, Hun. Stop worrying about it and just love her back as much as she loves you. So enjoy the boobs. They are wonderful things. The wonderment of them hasn't gone away for me at all. Every time I see them I cannot help but be happy that mine are there. They are real and they are mine. I hope you can feel the joy of them as I have.

Hugs,
  Laurie