I identify myself as a transgender woman. I am 19 years old and it has been four years I am on hormones. The thing is in my life, I have never experienced sexual satisfaction or orgasm. I do want to have sex. First of all I have piles that scare me from any penetration. Secondly I don't even know how to kiss. I seem to like my breasts being massaged but I think that is all what I get satisfied at. I am just too scared to have anal with piles. What can I do about this? How do I get them removed? The surgical process is not just painful, but it also makes it come again and again. It won't go permanently even after surgery. I get quite really shy when it comes to physical intimacy, although I can fearlessly openly talk about sex. But when I start doing it, I loose every emotion of sex in the middle all of a sudden. I get aroused and my arousal drops at no time. Then again it is hard to have an arousal and then when it happens, after a while, it stops all of a sudden. I cannot have proper erection as well. I cannot understand what is happening with me. I want to have sex, but why does my emotions get dropped all of a sudden? How can I solve this problem? Moreover I have never masturbated in my life. I don't know why it is painful for me. I have an uncut penis and someone playing to it actually gives me different sensation of pain. When I get aroused, it erects, then while playing with it, I start to slowly loose my emotions. I am not really being able to understand myself and how to keep myself satisfied. I have never seen myself cum, never felt it. I tried doing it but the same problem stops me. What should I do? please suggest me and help me. I feel damn frustrated at this complexity of issues.

Hello NapaleseTrans, I see that you are new here and have many questions and concerns. I certainly do not have all the answers for you but this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances. 
Be aware that there are lots of members here that can identify with the issues that you brought up in your posting. 

WELCOME to Susan's Place.  You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others about your transition and to read about others transitions and their trials, tribulations, and successes in their transition journey. 
It is nice that you have signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other members.
When frustrated or if you have a successful moment in your journey you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....

***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

Please come in and get involved at your own pace.  Be sure to look at the Links that I posted below, there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.
Again, Welcome.
Danielle

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

NepaleseTrans    Oh, and another thing, please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum  to let the members here know that you have arrived on Susan's Place.   You will then be more visible to many others that may be able to share their stories about similar issues to your own. 
Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

Did you weewee ever get bigger after 8-10 years old?

And, you never had a wet dream, or random erection ever?

If you want to try anal, buy a dildo.  Make sure to buy lubricant, and condoms.

And try mastermating prone.  Get a sheet of paper on the floor, and after getting aroused, lay down on the sheet.

I did not do it even before transitioning

For all you youngsters out there, "piles" is an old (World War 2 and before) term for hemorrhoids (At least in American English).  I used to get them too but I haven't had that problem since I started transition.

So if we are talking about anal penetration, we need to address the "H" word as well.

I don't have any magic cures for that one but I can offer this with respect to the penis:  My last few years as a man I had a lot of anxiety and confusion about orgasms with the penis.  I've fixed that by dissociating any thoughts of being male from its use and concentrating on my own femininity.

So assuming you have no physical issues with regard to that particular organ, you may need to address psychological issues in terms of associating it with being male before you can think of achieving orgasm with it.

Now for a final nugget of wisdom:  for a woman, the orgasm originates in the brain, regardless of the source of stimulation.  In order to have one, you need to feel relaxed and loved, even if only loved by yourself. The physical sensations, whether from breasts, anus, or elsewhere, are just cues for the orgasm machinery in the brain to fire up and get going.  This is why there are reports of women going to the emergency room having nonstop orgasms, and being diagnosed with manic phase bipolar disorder.  Bipolar is a brain chemistry disorder, and the orgasm originates in the brain.

Quote from: CarlyMcx on May 06, 2018, 03:06:06 PM
For all you youngsters out there, "piles" is an old (World War 2 and before) term for hemorrhoids (At least in American English).  I used to get them too but I haven't had that problem since I started transition.

So if we are talking about anal penetration, we need to address the "H" word as well.

I don't have any magic cures for that one but I can offer this with respect to the penis:  My last few years as a man I had a lot of anxiety and confusion about orgasms with the penis.  I've fixed that by dissociating any thoughts of being male from its use and concentrating on my own femininity.

So assuming you have no physical issues with regard to that particular organ, you may need to address psychological issues in terms of associating it with being male before you can think of achieving orgasm with it.

Now for a final nugget of wisdom:  for a woman, the orgasm originates in the brain, regardless of the source of stimulation.  In order to have one, you need to feel relaxed and loved, even if only loved by yourself. The physical sensations, whether from breasts, anus, or elsewhere, are just cues for the orgasm machinery in the brain to fire up and get going.  This is why there are reports of women going to the emergency room having nonstop orgasms, and being diagnosed with manic phase bipolar disorder.  Bipolar is a brain chemistry disorder, and the orgasm originates in the brain.

Thank you, now that was a new one.. I had no clue what piles was honestly.  Now I know  

As far as orgasm advice?   I think most of the ability to get into the mood is mental blockage anyways.. until you can deal with the mental negativity surrounding the issues faced here it will probably always be an issue.  My body chooses to orgasm at night if I haven't "taken care of needs" during the day.  Nocturnal emission?  I don't really like that word, but ya it'll happen whether I choose it or not.  No shame in that.  (Keep in mind i'm all girl equipment at this point).  If it happens, it happens.   I'm not sure its completely mentally created when .. am I arousing myself when I'm sleeping?  Its always a possibility.

I tell people this, but they have a hard time believing.. its still true though.  The night I woke up from the surgery down under, I was experiencing a full blown orgasm.  I knew from that moment things would be perfectly fine in the sensation department.   I can't explain WHY I was having one.. maybe the knowledge my equipment was finally fixed got me that thrilled / excited when I was sleeping.  I didn't mind, it was an amazing experience  

We are our own worst enemy.

Thank you for the response. Piles is a common term in Nepal at least.

I really cannot explain the situation I am going through and it is depressing me.

Welcome to Susan's, NepaleseTrans. I hope you visit here often. I think you and this group can benefit considerably from one another. Your blog looks very interesting.

Most TG people here transitioned well after puberty, while you did so in your mid-teens. While that seems to me to be an admirable thing (from your pics, you're a very lovely lady), obviously there are difficulties as well. There is probably no guidebook for beginning one's sex life as an early transitioner. Still, we all have to literally feel out our own sexuality and this can be a life long process. The good news is it will almost certainly get better and better as you do that.

I think the best way to start is alone. Don't set a goal of orgasm or anything else. Just have some regular alone time to get you know what your body and mind likes, sexually. Let this be a gradual process. Experience your entire body, too, not just your genitals. In recent years I've been totally amazed at the erotic potential of my previously ignored nipples. The human nipple is, apparently, hard wired to the sexual centers of the brain-- almost as if they are two additional genital organs. I've cultivated this aspect of myself to the extent that, if I want, I can actually experience hours of erotic pleasure from nipple stroking alone.

Everyone's sexual roadmap is a bit different though. You just have to be patient with yourself and discover.

Hmm the pain thing is something that happens from the penis simply not being used, I have this problem. When I do become turned on sometimes it can be just so painful you can't go on!
It sucks but in order to attain an O, you are going to have to push past the pain. The more you do it I'm sure the pain will lessen. For me I basically have atleast a mild pain as it is rarely use it.