Not sure why its such a problem for her. She never cared that I had earrings before, but i feel like she is letting my outward appearance dictate whether she loves me or not. I still look very male and i had earrings before i met her, thought i still had them when i did meet her but its fuzzy. She wont even kiss me. Not sure what to do, because i sure as hell do not want to take them out. *will have to for work but that's it*. I will not bow to this anymore. I could leave them and see if she ignores them but i feel at some point this year i am going to want a divorce because she is telling me these things i want to do to express myself are wrong. I've felt this coming for a while i guess. I almost feel like she has no loyalty.

I saw this once myself in the support group i was in many years ago we had three members who were married and came to the group meetings with their wives. They were accepting of everyone in the group at least on the surface how ever there were issues like this often between them. And it always was about these affirmation signs like wearing earings plucking eye brows growing hair out wearing clothes etc. Its not that she doesnt love you the fact that she is still there says alot about her feelings for you. But as a couple im sure you know this what you wear is what your spouse wears and it becomes hard for them as they see you dealing with your dysphoria, any of your affirmations now become theirs as well .Its a touchy area whenever we do something to make ourselves feel better now she is feeling your dysphoria by seeing it as it is.It becomes real your wife sees you as her husband in her heart and mind and now she must cross with you every perceivable  gender boundary you cross she is now crossing with you. She may not be ready to accept it.If you go to a support group see if she will go with you seeing and participating  in a group with you may help her see why your doing this and how you are feeling seeing it in other people besides just you.It may or may not help there are those hard questions down the road with their decisions that are difficult.Try to get her to go with you to a support group if your in one.Whatever your circumstances are its a good bet its to real to fast for her to deal with talk to her.I hope this is helpful i really mean this our issues are not just ours they are the people around us as well.

Quote from: DraconisTiff on May 13, 2018, 08:39:52 AM
Not sure why its such a problem for her. She never cared that I had earrings before, but i feel like she is letting my outward appearance dictate whether she loves me or not. I still look very male and i had earrings before i met her, thought i still had them when i did meet her but its fuzzy. She wont even kiss me. Not sure what to do, because i sure as hell do not want to take them out. *will have to for work but that's it*. I will not bow to this anymore. I could leave them and see if she ignores them but i feel at some point this year i am going to want a divorce because she is telling me these things i want to do to express myself are wrong. I've felt this coming for a while i guess. I almost feel like she has no loyalty.

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I think its just me wearing earrings in general. Theyre just general stainless steel u shaped. Course the one was pink which i didnt quite notice. My ear has been pierced since before i met her and ive wanted to start wearing them again for a while regardless of my current feelings of my gender. I've always liked jewlery to some extent so she views it as me wanting to feel like a teenager again. I havent brought it up to her yet about how i am feeling about my gender. I tested those waters by mentioning i wanted to paint my toenails and it went downhill fast from there so i am just trying to skirt by with small little things that make me feel better or pretty that i can hide, like toe rings or stuff i can hide under clothes. I need to make it at least till i get my tooth implant because of insurance.. i feel horrible that it has to be this way but i cannot see any other way that i can make myself happier without destroying my current living conditions at the moment. I just hate feeling like im doing something wrong or horrible, which is how shes making me feel any time i try to do something that makes me feel happy or pretty regardless of how gender neutral it is.

Thats really harmless although i remember when i pierced my ears in the 90s you'd of thought by the reactions  i recieved for that i was some kind of revolutionary.I got alot crap for that myself and i was in a band played live music in a bar every week. But still people would ask if i was bi or gay of course i wasn't it use to freak me out how people would jump to conclusions over that.But they did co-workers my family made a big deal about it as well.I wonder if its something about our base character that turns people's radar on like they all of sudden they go ah ha thats it i knew it .i just dont know there for certain but i swear there must be something to that.i mean getting your ears pierced nowadays isn't really that big a deal your just breathing

Quote from: DraconisTiff on May 13, 2018, 12:22:56 PM
I think its just me wearing earrings in general. Theyre just general stainless steel u shaped. Course the one was pink which i didnt quite notice. My ear has been pierced since before i met her and ive wanted to start wearing them again for a while regardless of my current feelings of my gender. I've always liked jewlery to some extent so she views it as me wanting to feel like a teenager again. I havent brought it up to her yet about how i am feeling about my gender. I tested those waters by mentioning i wanted to paint my toenails and it went downhill fast from there so i am just trying to skirt by with small little things that make me feel better or pretty that i can hide, like toe rings or stuff i can hide under clothes. I need to make it at least till i get my tooth implant because of insurance.. i feel horrible that it has to be this way but i cannot see any other way that i can make myself happier without destroying my current living conditions at the moment. I just hate feeling like im doing something wrong or horrible, which is how shes making me feel any time i try to do something that makes me feel happy or pretty regardless of how gender neutral it is.

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I took the pink one out and she seems to have chilled out so maybe it was just the pink one that was bothering her.. when i bought it i thought it was more purple but then again hot topic doesnt have the best lighting, and it wasnt very bright either when i put it in lol. I prefer purple to pink, just feel like its the best of both worlds.

I had musical notes in mine then went to diamonds now when i went to amethyst that turned some heads but they were cool i loved them a lilac purple color

Quote from: DraconisTiff on May 13, 2018, 01:11:05 PM
I took the pink one out and she seems to have chilled out so maybe it was just the pink one that was bothering her.. when i bought it i thought it was more purple but then again hot topic doesnt have the best lighting, and it wasnt very bright either when i put it in lol. I prefer purple to pink, just feel like its the best of both worlds. [emoji14]

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I'm aiming to get some dragon ones. Ive had a deep affinity for dragons ever since i was little and its always been a constant in my life. I am considering getting my other ear pierced but i am not sure how thatll go with my work unless i get clear ones to hold the holes open. That wont happen until later though. Considered getting one of those finger claw rings a while ago xD.

The initial post they put in are pretty generic i wore those for a good month before i went shopping for better i had my going to work being a guy ones and my ah these are so much better girl ones.Thing there is inevitable sooner or later you forget what your wearing and really get the um what are you wearing look  i do not care anymore i wear what i like. The real big minor step was thinning my eye brows i can tell you that ,that will raise a lot of questions  do that one gradually

Quote from: DraconisTiff on May 13, 2018, 01:32:21 PM
I'm aiming to get some dragon ones. Ive had a deep affinity for dragons ever since i was little and its always been a constant in my life. I am considering getting my other ear pierced but i am not sure how thatll go with my work unless i get clear ones to hold the holes open. That wont happen until later though. Considered getting one of those finger claw rings a while ago xD.

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Yeah i dont remember when i got mine in but i think they let me pick one. Got the first one done at a tattoo shop, second and size increase was done at my apartment from a friend who was a piercer. Had all the needles and everything. My works policy is no earrings for guys so i hope i can skate by on clear sticks. But thats going to be after ive been there a while hopefully, i just started two months ago. Not trying to spring anything on them all of a sudden like that lol

When I had my ears pierced in 1992, it was unusual for a guy to wear earrings, but now it's become much more common.  I wear small gold studs in both ears all the time.

When I first started questioning my gender, I got an asymmetrical haircut, so it was half boy and half girl.

The truth is, I feel 100% boy and 0% girl, so I've been wanting to chop the other side. What really threw me over the edge in this decision is that I joined the gym - and it gets in my face at the gym.

But when I told my partner, he flipped. He doesn't want to see the girl side go...

I feel like he doesn't understand what dysphoria is, and I have been wondering how to express the depth of it to him. Going together to a support group is a great idea. It will probably take time to get to that point, though.

I couldn't  even get her to go see the therapist i was going to because she said i never brough up what my problems were so i told her to come and tell her for me since i forget or just don't say anything about it.

Quote from: DraconisTiff on May 13, 2018, 02:36:16 PM
Yeah i dont remember when i got mine in but i think they let me pick one. Got the first one done at a tattoo shop, second and size increase was done at my apartment from a friend who was a piercer. Had all the needles and everything. My works policy is no earrings for guys so i hope i can skate by on clear sticks. But thats going to be after ive been there a while hopefully, i just started two months ago. Not trying to spring anything on them all of a sudden like that lol

Its hard enough fitting into a new job ringing a bell on yourself is never good when your new on a job your being watched as it is

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So i took them out for good for now. I just cant deal with the stress of her not reciprocating the affection i was giving her, because she found me wholly unattractive for such a little thing. Maybe sometime in the future I can put them back in but not as long as i am with her.

My wife only had one comment when I came home with pierce ears. She wondered why I didn't get a wig first. Lol
Just told her the piercing took longer than expected and need to get back to work, bought the wig several days later.

I had the holes just never wore earrings in them anymore because I was trying for that big boy(girl) job. She says all she sees with them in are a teenager or young boy. so I dunno.

I'm sorry to hear that I hope that things get better for you and your wife
It can be hard I'm having similar problem with my wife on I'm still pre hrt
For her it could be like you dropped a bomb on her and she is still trying to come to terms
Try sitting down and talking to her at least she hadn't left maybe she still needs time
I hope you both can work things out
Hugs
Chloe

So sad to read that your wife is giving you grief about something as trivial as earrings. 

When I came out to my wife, one of the first things she said was, "We'll have to go and get your ears pierced."  Note "we".  It makes me sad that other people don't have this kind of support from their spouses.

Hopefully, you can work it out.

I haven't come out to her yet. I gauged her reaction by mentioning i want to paint my toenails and she was so upset with me she slept in our spare bedroom that night. I dont believe she will accept this and stay with me. Im honestly at the point though that i dont think id mind if we did divorce. It sucks to say that but i kinda feel like we've grown apart and i want to go in a completely different direction than she does.


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Quote from: DraconisTiff on May 15, 2018, 01:57:42 PM
I haven't come out to her yet. I gauged her reaction by mentioning i want to paint my toenails and she was so upset with me she slept in our spare bedroom that night. I dont believe she will accept this and stay with me. Im honestly at the point though that i dont think id mind if we did divorce. It sucks to say that but i kinda feel like we've grown apart and i want to go in a completely different direction than she does.


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Its would be alot to take in for her sometimes giving time might help
The painting your nails is how I got caught out..
If you are seeing a psycologest to acquire hrt try seeking advice on how to come out to your wife.
But not telling her can feel worse in the long run I hope everything works out for you
Love is what's on the inside
Xxx
Chloe