Hi all
I'm new, and I've asked myself a lot of questions. It can be hard to not fit in population standards, but how it is when you think you don't even fit in a group? The group you seems to fit in the most...I think I've been so afraid to not fit anywhere that I simply didn't asked. I'm on those forums for even not a week. I decided to introduce myself, and to read. Took the risk to get answers I'm afraid of, but also answers that could wipe out my fears. Inaction never help, whatever are the consequences of action. I know it but I'm still afraid.
I think I just don't know the transgender world enough, and I've simply made false assumptions, I supposed too much things, I acted alone. Recently something pushed me to stop wasting my life in thoughts that will never get me anywhere and seek the truth about me, and our group at the same time. I've read and done some searches for posts. I'm already beginning to feel dumb to have waited for so long. So tell me if I'm wrong...
I thought that transgenders were all seeking the same: the ultimate transformation. The finality may be true for the most, but I catch that not everyone want to do surgery, taking pills...Personally I don't want of these. For me, if I cannot have a total feminine body in all its DNA, I see only those like illusions, plus complicated and painful. I thought I would offend people with what I consider and want for myself. I would never disapprove someone for doing what he/she want since I know that everyone know their own path for happiness much more better than anyone else.
I also thought that transgenders were pure girls or boys, no mix, no variants, like, a girl totally girly and never to find a girl a bit tomboy. I don't know how to define myself, because there is no one right word. Some days I can feel very princess, sometimes a more modest and standard girl, sometimes I adopt a more tomboy style, and all of those are just me, I'm not more or less of one of them. I've range of clothes from a style to completely another. I wear them because I love them and the look it gives on me, even if society decides how it may looks like sometimes. It may sound stupid but I doubted often to be really a girl just because I'm not so much in makeup like a lot of girls, because I prefer it to be discreet to adopt more of a natural style, or because I'm not really into high heels even if I may like no too high stilettoes. Or because often I love to trade skirts, dresses and hosiery for comfy and sporty outfits (I don't mean one or the other is more comfy by the way, I use that word to describe the look). Of course I asked myself, would I be the first girl on the planet to have styles less girly without being less a girl? But then another question pop out, it is possible also for transgenders? From what I've read, I begin to understand that the diversity explode everywhere on this planet, including here. People like to put names and make separations, and it creates a lot of confusion and doubts. I guess there will never be enough words in the dictionary to define us all.
