If a trans feeling refers to realizing one likes something that boys don't and most girls do or vice versa, then the first one I can date accurately was when I was four and my parents dressed my sister as a fairy and me as a troll for a masquerade. I cried and raged but couldn't get them to change their minds. I still remember and hate those clothes. Although I do now realize they would look cute on a boy of four.

I vaguely recall earlier occasions but I think this was probably the most definitive. And most of the others I can't place as exactly.

I believe it was also my last true tantrum. It taught me some things could not be changed. To my sorrow I was forced to accept that I was classified as a boy and that whatever was girl-classified would likely be and remain unavailable to me.

I also clearly remember wanting to be smooth like my sisters. Unlike American children we were never discouraged from running around naked inside or outside. The first time I insisted on wearing something at a beach was at the age of seven, when some boys around my age came wearing swimming shorts. I hated to display the dangly bits. I also remember wanting to wear what the girls did.

That year, on entering school, I was elated when the boys sneeringly told me I threw like a girl.

The need to be a girl stayed largely in the want but can't box until I found Frank Baum's Ozma in sixth grade. Then it came bursting out. Oh, how I wanted and needed to be her.

...but all of that came later.

I was about 4.

Quote from: amandam on May 15, 2018, 11:53:48 AM
I was about 4.

When I was around that age, I asked my mother to put some lipstick on me, as she was getting ready to go out.  However, I suspect it wasn't anything to do with being trans, just curiosity or trying to be like others.  Young kids can get some funny ideas.   

I was around 4 when I felt I was being put into the wrong group. I always felt not like a boy after that time but tried to fit into the place people said I had to be.

As a young kid I loved going through my grandma's jewelry and wearing her clip on earrings, spray on a bit of perfume, and wear both her and mom's dress shoes.

I think i was three years old when I told my mom i wanted to wear a dress. She spent the next several minutes explaining to me that I could not because I was a boy. So I told her I wished I was a girl. Mom spent the rest of her life trying to get me to be more masculine.

A trans feeling.  Would that be feeling like what people were calling you was wrong, fundamentally wrong on a terrible level?  I think it was around 4 or so.  I knew deep within I was a girl.   Turns out I wasn't wrong, on far too many levels.

I'd dress up, and oddly my brothers encouraged me. They probably thought it was funny.  I still dress up   40+ years later. My brothers know lol... everyone does (in my family) now.

In preschool I would wear long t-shirts and pretend they were dresses. Since then I've often dreamed about becoming a bride one day. I didn't really put these feelings together until later on though.

I guess around age 8 when I asked my mum to buy me a doll from the local corner shop.  It was only a little one, but I REALLY wanted it.  She asked why and I said I just want to take care of it.  So she bought it for me and I was delighted even though I knew it was 'wrong'.  I made a little bed for it and she slept in a drawer in secret in my bedroom.  Only mum and me knew she was there.

I really don't have many memories at all of being younger than that, so maybe other things happened, there are huge chunks of my childhood memories missing...

Around 5.  I would get so upset and heart broken when I was told I was a boy.

About 7ish, wanting to start a new school as a girl. It wasn't until i was 21 I realised my life was like a jigsaw & when i put the pieces together I realised I was transexual. Another time was when i was 14,1 of the older boys at school came past on his BSA motorbike with his girlfriend on the back. my friend wished he was the boy, I wished I was the girl

It's funny what you sometimes remember when you're very young.  I think I was 4 and I was sitting on a blanket in our backyard with a neighborhood friend.  She was a bit of a tomboy and was complaining that she wasn't a boy.  I remember at the time thinking I would love to be a girl, but I already suspected that if I said anything it may get me in trouble.

When I was 8 or so I was at another neighbors with my sister and her girlfriends.  The mother brought out all these dance clothes and girly costumes.  All the girls were trying on the clothes and the mother convinced me to try on a leotard.  I resisted at first but they all convinced me, so I did it.  I just loved it.  I looked like one of the girls :-)  My sister convinced me to go home with her to show our parents the nice outfits we were wearing.  Boy was that a mistake.

Well we bumped into my dad first.   He started screaming at me to get it off.  He told me if he ever caught me wearing anything like that again I would get severely beaten.  I'm not sure why he didn't then, it didn't take much for him to bring out the belt or something else.   He never beat my sisters so maybe looking feminine saved me that day. 

Anyway I went back to the neighbors crying and changed.  I learned my lesson to hide it.  As life went on whenever I showed the least bit of femininity, my parents would shut it down quickly.   I always wondered if they suspected something.   They were progressive people for the times but terribly transphobic  (the word didn't exist back then but it describes them to a T).

Take care,
Paige

I was probably like 3, I would roam around the house and put on any women's clothes that I wold find. Whether it was my mother's, aunt's, or cousins clothes I would put it on and it felt so right wearing it. Whenever the cousins and I  would all play, I would always choose to be with the girl teams as much as I could, guys and guy stuff never really got my attention.

After watching anything on the television I knew that I was going to grow up to be a beautiful woman like all the women I had seen. Eventually I found out that I was born a male, that fact broke me down and I became the quiet guy and to this day I remain the quiet guy. Everyone just assumes that I'm shy, it's not that I'm shy, it's just that since that moment I have been very sad knowing that I'm trapped in a stupid male body, cursed to live as a male.

Until the internet came along into the house when I was 15 year old, it took me a few years to finally research my feelings at the age of 17 and that's when I really discovered that I am a female traped in a male body.

I'm now 24 and I'm finally at the beginning of my transition, I'm training my voice and doing lots of feminizing lol wow after reading this post I see that I basically post the same thing over and over, maybe I also suffer some sort of OCD?

Anyways, does anybody know where I can find a good gender therapist in the Houston area? I have done a few Google searches, but I'm paranoid about going to a "wrong" one.

Well at age 3/4 I wanted to wear girly things and recall having desires to play with an easy bake oven mainly due to the female association with it as well as tucking when in showers... that's gotta count. Not sure exactly what inwas thinking but the fact it was feminine stuff I was doing made me feel hally. but then when I was 5 in 1999 I flat out recall having desires to be fully female

Age 7, sitting in class during an Indoor Recess thinking about singing about wanting to be a girl to a song from Sonic Battle. Also just joined the place so woo.

Anyways, this continued for a few years but being early 2000's rural nebraska, I couldn't do anything. It eventually meandered off to me wearing my siblings clothes and stuff until I got yelled at by my father. I'm now 22 and finally doing something about this feeling and well, It's only been a couple months since I started my HRT and it's been a wild ride, but so far fun with an occasional mess now and then. I bet if I were to work on losing some body fat I would look and feel even better.

When I was six and was yelled at for wanting to play dress up with all my other girl cousins at grandmas, of course I didn't know what that meant at the time, butbfast forward to my mid teens when we all got internet in our houses, and found out what it all meant, looking back was like yeah that makes sense.

Hrrmm, I can think of 3 memories from before I turned 7, not sure exactly when any of them happened, but I know my earliest memories are from when I was 2 or 3, so they all fit in that time frame somewhere.

1. Trying on my sister's pajamas, liking it...and getting caught & terrorized over it by my parents (shudders)

2. I'm not 100% sure what this is called, but I think it's a Christmas pageant? My church was having the kids do the manger scene thing and I was in it, and they had me wear robes for the part, and I didn't know what those were but when I got to try them on I was like "I'm wearing a dress! This is awesome!" and then I felt sad afterwards because I couldn't wear a dress anymore. I also vaguely remember being jealous of my sister for getting to wear dresses and skirts all the time.

3. I read a lot (I was apparently at a 6th grade reading level by 1st grade), and asked way too many questions, and at some point I found out that all babies are girls before they turn into boys during gestation, and that got me excited because I USED TO BE A GIRL but then I felt sad, too, because somehow I messed it up and turned into a boy instead.

In spite of those early feelings, I didn't even start to figure out my problem until I was 20. I think it took me that long due to a combination of parental repression and having much bigger things to worry about in my life than being the wrong gender.

I was about 7, neighborhood girl invited me to play dress up, I thought I it was fun and wanted my own princess costume. Word got back to my family and all he'll broke loose. I can't think of a day after that I didn't wish I was someone else.

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Fun little topic, and relates to a thought I had recently when trying to explain why I 'haven't been acting feminine growing up'.

One of the earlist 'clearly trans' memories I can remember was around freshman high school, being assigned some group work - and I can remember just staring at a couple of the girls, thinking to myself 'Dang.. it's really unfair girls got all the nice traits, and guys are stuck with the bad ones'  Like the boys just got unlucky and rolled poorly on the gender chart at birth or something.

Of course it didn't occur to me until some years later that not everyone felt that way, and some people actually wanted to be guys  Being told all my life I was a boy, I obviously looked at the other boys and acted like they did. I wish we lived in a world with less focus on fixed genders.. I doubt it would have taken me another 10+ years to go from 'I sure wish I was a girl' to 'I can actually be a girl' if these things were actually talked about..

Quote from: Anastasia E on August 28, 2018, 03:16:17 AM
Fun little topic, and relates to a thought I had recently when trying to explain why I 'haven't been acting feminine growing up'.

One of the earlist 'clearly trans' memories I can remember was around freshman high school, being assigned some group work - and I can remember just staring at a couple of the girls, thinking to myself 'Dang.. it's really unfair girls got all the nice traits, and guys are stuck with the bad ones'  Like the boys just got unlucky and rolled poorly on the gender chart at birth or something.

Of course it didn't occur to me until some years later that not everyone felt that way, and some people actually wanted to be guys  Being told all my life I was a boy, I obviously looked at the other boys and acted like they did. I wish we lived in a world with less focus on fixed genders.. I doubt it would have taken me another 10+ years to go from 'I sure wish I was a girl' to 'I can actually be a girl' if these things were actually talked about..

Hmm, i can´t really remember if i had any thoughts during my early childhood, but the part that hit me here was the looking at girls and thinking that exact same thought, Girls got all the nice traits and males are stuck with the ugly stick, and not just in school, but also from movies and tv-shows, i always looked at the females and kind of envied them.

Another thing was friends, always had a closer connection with girls, so many of my friends and best friend is female, which did help when it came to finding girlfriends like my male schoolmates.

But thanks Anastasia for sharing, it was good to hear a similar story and know that i am not crazy.

Now i just need to take the full leap and ya like you i wish society was not so locked on gender, maybe then someone else than a random customer would have asked me about it and i took a offensive stance instead of exploring it.

Quote from: pamelatransuk on May 01, 2018, 10:04:36 AM
I knew I wished to be a girl at 4 and told my grandmother.

I prayed to God to turn me into a girl at 6 and for several years after.

My first crossdressing was aged 7 in a Wendy House ( as they are called here in UK - some places call them Play House).

I first heard the term ->-bleeped-<- aged 10 and yes it was while watching television with my grandmother and obviously she knew about me from our past discussion.

Pamela

Hello Anastasia and Cassuk

I posted on the early part of this thread and I thought I would repeat it for you as I felt exactly the same way you describe. I thought for the first 10 years of my life that girls had all the good traits and boys the bad ones and that that logically there must be 4 groups: girls wishing to be girls, girls wishing to boys, boys wishing to boys and boys wishing to be girls. I was of course right but I never thought in my naivety that second and fourth groups would be so rare as to never be discussed or tolerated.

We are less fixed now but how sad it is that as a rule society still believes in fixed genders.

Hugs to all

Pamela