Hello everyone. To start off I'm sorry if this may be the wrong place to post this. The last couple of days have been rough for me. I have felt so empty inside, which isn't new for me. I don't feel any emotions and it is taking all of my concentration and energy to even write this. Even physical needs like eating are just a thought at the moment.

I thought that I was trans, but now I'm not really sure. I was going to go to the store and try finding some clothes that fit my gender. Now I can't find a reason why I would do that. It's not a reason like "oh, well I'm not trans", but more like there's no point. Again this even goes with eating or sleeping. "I'm hungry, but oh well." I do suffer from depression and I am seeing a therapist, but not a gender therapist. This has only been going on for a couple of days, and during that time I have been taking Benadryl to help me sleep, so I think this might be the cause.

Has anyone else had a problem like this? Just everything disappears; no dysphoria, emotion, or wanting of anything. Should I just hold off on doing anything until it passes or should I keep trying to move forward and try to break out of this emptiness? My therapist is out at the moment and my next appointment isn't until Aug. 2nd. I don't know if he can help with gender issues, he's a Veteran therapist, so should I try finding a real gender therapist?

Quote from: Ginger26 on July 18, 2018, 12:07:06 PM
Hello everyone. To start off I'm sorry if this may be the wrong place to post this. The last couple of days have been rough for me. I have felt so empty inside, which isn't new for me. I don't feel any emotions and it is taking all of my concentration and energy to even write this. Even physical needs like eating are just a thought at the moment.

I thought that I was trans, but now I'm not really sure. I was going to go to the store and try finding some clothes that fit my gender. Now I can't find a reason why I would do that. It's not a reason like "oh, well I'm not trans", but more like there's no point. Again this even goes with eating or sleeping. "I'm hungry, but oh well." I do suffer from depression and I am seeing a therapist, but not a gender therapist. This has only been going on for a couple of days, and during that time I have been taking Benadryl to help me sleep, so I think this might be the cause.

Has anyone else had a problem like this? Just everything disappears; no dysphoria, emotion, or wanting of anything. Should I just hold off on doing anything until it passes or should I keep trying to move forward and try to break out of this emptiness? My therapist is out at the moment and my next appointment isn't until Aug. 2nd. I don't know if he can help with gender issues, he's a Veteran therapist, so should I try finding a real gender therapist?

@Ginger26   Thank you for writing and for sharing.   YES, as soon as you can, get an appointment with a Gender Therapist, your doctor should be able to recommend one.... or at least try to get an immediate appointment with any Therapist...

....you need to discuss the issues that you are having and how you are feeling about yourself before things get worse.
For your own well-being, please do these things.

I will be looking for your followup post and update on what is going on with all of this.

Stay strong, keep keeping on and please get some professional help ASAP.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

The therapist that helped me the most wasn't a gender therapist because they hadn't invented the term yet. A skilled therapist should have some knowledge of the basics and if they feel they lack the knowledge, they may be able to refer you to somebody who can help.

It sounds like your having severe depression and if you are, it can suppress all of your emotions. If your having difficulty dealing with it, call your therapist and see if you can have a discussion now. Either over the telephone or squeeze an extra appointment in. Heavy depression can cause you do something you might regret latter and it's best to avoid it if the solution is only a phone call away.

Thanks for the advice. I tried to reschedule my appointment, but there weren't any openings any sooner. I did start feeling better during work after a wide range of emotions. I did email my doctor, and will hopefully see what the VA is willing to do. Until then I will try to take things slow. I can be impulsive at times and I need to realize this won't happen overnight. I'm going to make small changes and see how I feel.

Ginger,

Recently, the VA has become more involved in transgender care. Many VA Hospitals do have therapists trained in transgender care. If your therapist is not one of them, they can refer you to someone who has this expertise.

Other services the VA can provide are hormones, lab work, and speech therapy. At this time, the VA does not provide any form of hair removal. Surgery is provided to veterans who have been injured in combat, but the goal is to restore original function, not GCS. This may change in the future.

Well if they help with hormones and stuff that's a start. I don't have any other insurance so if they didn't provide anything then that would be all out of pocket for me. I have an appointment with my doctor on Aug. 3rd now. Now it's going to be two or three weeks of denial like I always do before an appointment. It's finally making these thoughts real and I want to run for the hills.

Quote from: Ginger26 on July 19, 2018, 12:20:53 PM
... I want to run for the hills.

I ran for the hills for 60 years.  You don't want to know what sort of mess that made me.  So, follow the plan and talk with the therapist.  Maybe I have been blessed with the last two therapists I have worked with; but both made an emphatic point that if I am having an emotional blow out to call/text/email them NOW to get the emergency sorted out before it escalates. 

I know, I know, healthcare in the US has reached a low ebb.  Those I have been working with have a therapeutic relationship with me, and take their position as Licensed Clinical Social workers seriously.

Hopefully as you go they will provide you a Plan B for EMERGENCIES.

Hang in there.  I hope things get better!


Erin