Quote from: Veetje on March 19, 2008, 12:32:53 PM
I guess I am a bit weird 

Weird? Not at all! I can understand TOTALLY your frustrations. I feel envious a lot of the time over other women. I even get that way of those who've transitioned! Like, "I can't BELIEVE she's done this waaaay before me, this is so not fair!!". It makes me grit my teeth and want to distance myself. I think I'm starting to make it up by coming here. I wanted to sign into a community with others like me. Like I said about myself "I'm not perfect!", so I'll react irrationally.

You'll deal with this, much as I will deal with my problems. Just need a lot of love and support, which you'll find here.

I envy? Yes certainly.  I do enjoy chatting with folks, trans and whatever other. I will converse with some of the pretty ladies both here and out there. One thing I am not, and that is shy, I love all people that are willing to spare a minute to share their thoughts and feelings with me.

Aggression, meanness and hate are foreign to me, my inability to be aggressive or confrontational has posed some problems for me in the past, and still could in the future, but I don't worry about it. I love socialising and I ain't about to stop. "puts foot down." Wing Walker sometimes gets concerned about me but she's a big girl, and I believe if someone was to pose a possible threat to me, they would be going home with some missing limbs to be sure.

I just don't worry about it, 8 years full time already and nothing bad has happened so yep, I like pretty people watching, male or female, don't matter to me which. Indulgence in a little bit of envy now and again does not hurt anyone. To old, to thin, to short and certainly not a beauty queen, but I am young and beautiful inside, and I love and I am proud of who I am, all of my 5'3" of me. Just need to smile a lot.

Yep, that's me.

Cindy 

Quote from: Nero on March 19, 2008, 12:52:44 PM
I feel envy when I see fathers with their children. I'd love to be called 'daddy' and have a little girl to bounce on my lap. 

I feel you there Nero 

Quote from: Veetje on March 19, 2008, 12:32:53 PM

...feel some sort of hate/jealousy towards the gender you wanted to be deeply within/striving to be

I have this rather frequently and its making me really bitter.....if I see pictures of girls on a forum I often visit I tend to ignore, badmouth but certainly not compliment them. And socially when I am out I keep thinking "Life's not fair, bitch! Stay away from me"

I guess I am a bit weird 

Your not wierd I get exactly like that to the male sex sometimes..... *sighs* 

I get it all the time...

When I'm around girls and I realise that I'll never be quite as feminine, quite as beautiful or graceful...when I hear them speak and know I can't match that quite...

I do tend to look for their faults, which is a nasty thing to do! >.< Like, features they have where I think mine would be prettier...ugh, I feel ashamed doing so.

Weird...oh, no...I suppose we all tend to compare ourselves to others. And since we were not happy with the way we look from the very beginning, I guess it's harder for us not to measure ourselves with other people.

Yeah, envy. You can't help it, dear. It's easy to think you won't ever be like them, but I think we'll just have to come to terms with that and be the best 'us' we can be.

I am not making sense, yeah, no...rah!

I don't get mad at girls for being girls (I know you had a little thing with your room-mate, then ), they can't help it. But it is damn easy to get depressed about it.


~Moi.

You make a lot of sense Moira Midnigh. It's OK to have jealousy, we wouldn't be human if we didn't and especially a woman.  It is just a mater of having control over that jealousy. It's also nice to fantasize being pretty. I can be anybody I want in my imagination
There are no truer words then in your statement below.

QuoteYeah, envy. You can't help it, dear. It's easy to think you won't ever be like them, but I think we'll just have to come to terms with that and be the best 'us' we can be.

Cindy

One thing that makes me envious is seeing a mother with her children.  I don't know what it is.  I have this internal want to be a mother.  I think I would be a good mom.  I would love to be able to actually go through the pregnancy process, but I know that will never happen. 

Another thing that makes me jealous is seeing a woman on her wedding day.  All beautiful and glowing.  Thankfully this is something that can happen to me!

I've had feelings of envy for girls any number of times, but I don't hate girls for being girls or anything. Now that group of them that seems to unconditionally hate me; them I have a problem with.

Recently I was coming up the elevator with a very pretty woman.  I had thought I was looking pretty good that night, at least for me.  There were mirrors all around.  One thing that all women do is check each other out.  I was suddenly filled with envy at how she looked.  I certainly didn't hold it against her, but it was depressing knowing I could never be that pretty.  It's funny that all of this happened while we chatted a few words.  She was very nice.  But she won, she triumphed, she was gorgeous.  I wanted to be her.  I learned that there will always be prettier girls out there than me.  (Tell me something I didn't know!)  Yes, I am totally envious in situations like that.  I need to learn to get over it.

Kristi

I envy pretty girls far too much.  I also envy Cindy's attitude though!  If I knew I was as nice as that I probably wouldn't care who was prettier

Hi Alex, thank for the comment

Just smile, walk the sidewalk straight and proud like you own it. After all you have just as much rights to be taking up the space and air you on that spot just as much as anyone else. Project  what you desire the folks around to see and smile and be friendly a lot and just keep plugging along forward on you transitional journey hon. Also be prudent about the places you wish to visit that you are not certain of. Live and Prosper for a lonnnnnnnnnnnng time.

Cindy

Quote from: Kristi on April 10, 2008, 07:05:05 PM
Recently I was coming up the elevator with a very pretty woman.  I had thought I was looking pretty good that night, at least for me.  There were mirrors all around.  One thing that all women do is check each other out.  I was suddenly filled with envy at how she looked.  I certainly didn't hold it against her, but it was depressing knowing I could never be that pretty.  It's funny that all of this happened while we chatted a few words.  She was very nice.  But she won, she triumphed, she was gorgeous.  I wanted to be her.  I learned that there will always be prettier girls out there than me.  (Tell me something I didn't know!)  Yes, I am totally envious in situations like that.  I need to learn to get over it.

Kristi

I could feel what you did as I read this.

yes i feel jellious of girly girls and often wish i could wear her dress or makeup but i don't know if i will ever be able to change

Sometimes. But, I realize halfway into that that I am me. and they are them. I love me. I love everything about me. So they're anatomically male, and I am reminded I am not, but I'm sure I could do it better than he can. XD *shrug*

Quote from: Haruke on April 15, 2008, 02:25:45 PM
Sometimes. But, I realize halfway into that that I am me. and they are them. I love me. I love everything about me. So they're anatomically male, and I am reminded I am not, but I'm sure I could do it better than he can. XD *shrug*

Yes, I see some women and think "Dear god, I am so much more the woman that you are"

But perhaps Im too shortsighted about what feeling/being female stands for

I am just feeling good about not being "just playing the part", but also being one and equal among other women. It's not just the physical that needs to change, that needs adapt, but also the spiritual part of you, then emotionally, and psychologically.

Once the shell you were in is shed, the true inner you will shine. I feel badly that I only have a limited amount of years left to enjoy it.

Cindy

I've just read through the rest of the thread, and I agree with Jay - I'm female-bodied, and while I will on the odd occasion be envious of a particularly attractive girl, it's far more common that I'm envious towards men. And as for being the beautiful and glowing bride at a wedding, I'll leave that to you, BrendaBunnie. I'd much rather be a groom. At a gay wedding.

Not half weird or confusing...

Actually, I don't know if it's because it's uni holidays so I haven't been going out much (going out as in 'leaving the house in general', not 'partying'), but for the last...two weeks? For a while anyway, I just haven't felt much like a woman at all, and have *really* just wished that through some bizzare spontaneous hormonal imbalance or something I'll wake up irreversibly male. I don't want to go and actually have HRT or SRS or anything, 'cause I don't think it would necessarily do that much for me, and I do think it's more a mental thing at the moment (I've told one gay friend, and don't plan on telling my parents any time soon), but it's still very depressing.


Mais c'est la vie, n'est pas? ... At least I'm sitting in a cosy bed with my own laptop and a full tum, ranting. It could be far worse... It's just very... annoying.

it's been the hottest few days of the year so far, and to get to work I walk through one of London's many public parks. And I felt extremely jealous of the lovely summer women being all lovely and summery, and laying around with boyfriends and playing with children and being all floaty and summery and pretty - as I trudged in my black work clothes ready for 13 hours of being in a stuffy bar, and 70 odd years (hopefully) of being behind a stuffy male exterior.

Quote from: Pica Pica on April 26, 2008, 07:49:17 PM
it's been the hottest few days of the year so far, and to get to work I walk through one of London's many public parks. And I felt extremely jealous of the lovely summer women being all lovely and summery, and laying around with boyfriends and playing with children and being all floaty and summery and pretty - as I trudged in my black work clothes ready for 13 hours of being in a stuffy bar, and 70 odd years (hopefully) of being behind a stuffy male exterior.

Aww. I'd love to see you in something summery and colorful. Bet you'd put all those girls to shame.

Quote from: Pica Pica on April 26, 2008, 07:49:17 PM
it's been the hottest few days of the year so far, and to get to work I walk through one of London's many public parks. And I felt extremely jealous of the lovely summer women being all lovely and summery, and laying around with boyfriends and playing with children and being all floaty and summery and pretty - as I trudged in my black work clothes ready for 13 hours of being in a stuffy bar, and 70 odd years (hopefully) of being behind a stuffy male exterior.

Funny. I went out to get groceries yesterday, and on the way I went past one of these local counsel-housing parks, and there were all these little groups of people either picnicking or just lazing about, and all these girls in their tanks and florals and stuff, and I just about burst into tears. I felt like this huge, awkward, lumberjack, and so Steve McManis was born.

~Simone.

Quote from: lady amarant on April 27, 2008, 02:06:52 AM

Quote from: Pica Pica on April 26, 2008, 07:49:17 PM
it's been the hottest few days of the year so far, and to get to work I walk through one of London's many public parks. And I felt extremely jealous of the lovely summer women being all lovely and summery, and laying around with boyfriends and playing with children and being all floaty and summery and pretty - as I trudged in my black work clothes ready for 13 hours of being in a stuffy bar, and 70 odd years (hopefully) of being behind a stuffy male exterior.

Funny. I went out to get groceries yesterday, and on the way I went past one of these local counsel-housing parks, and there were all these little groups of people either picnicking or just lazing about, and all these girls in their tanks and florals and stuff, and I just about burst into tears. I felt like this huge, awkward, lumberjack, and so Steve McManis was born.

~Simone.

Hot summer days are the hardest for me too, a wrap skirt and tank top or summer dress would be so much more comfortable than schlumping around in boring male clothing.

Z