This question has been nagging me. Any other trans parents out there?

My children are 5 and 7 and they've always known me as daddy. I'm about to start hormones and I'm not sure if and when I should start asking them to call me mom, or some other nickname, or my new name, and how to differentiate between their cis mother and me.

Daddy has always just been my name to them. I wonder if I should just let them keep calling me that until they get to an age where they start thinking that's weird. I'm a little uncomfortable trying to impose a different name on them, but I'm also worried about things like them calling me daddy in public or in front of friends and if that could cause me dysphoria or them getting teased.

This is very complicated. Any advice?

I have seen a lot of threads like this over the years and I will NOT claim to have approached this one well. Actually probably not well, but here's what happened.

We told the kids what was going on around the 6 month mark when the physical changes started to become obvious. Up until this point, I was not presenting full time but it was getting more frequent. My children are 5 and 8 now, they were 4 and 8. My son (the older) immediately asked, "well what do I call you now", and I asked what he wanted to call me. He said DAD.

A few months later, Dad started to become a problem for me. It was outing me in public because I was now presenting full time aside from work. It was at this time I started pressing on the name issue. My daughter had started calling me mom, which created other issues.

It was and continues to be very important to the children's birth mother that she is mom. I support that, with the knowledge that it is likely that the children will refer to me as mom over time. But for now, everyone has settled on Maddie, which is somewhat common I guess. My (now ex) spouse was pretty adamant I remain dad. At some point it occurred to me that "dad" has a very specific social connotation and meaning that goes beyond just being male. I no longer met the criteria. Dad no longer fit. I found that I had to mourn that loss as much as anyone else did because that was part of my identity as a parent. That was a role that I was used to filling, a name I was used to responding to, and a source of pride as a parent. "My dad did this with me" kinda thing.

Now, I am Maddie. No one knows what that means, so my kids have started to fall back to Mom when talking about me in public, with teachers and with friends. The issue now is this creates some tension with their mother, but she understands why they do it - it is simpler this way. Kids today are used to split families and families with same sex parents. They do not know how to talk about and do not want to talk about "my mom who was my dad". So mom-Jill is easier than Maddie.

There are many folks on these boards and that I have met in person who are still Dad and have no desire to change that. For me this created massive dysphoria and depression that almost caused me to end my life because I did not know how to deal with the sudden, unexpected consequences to me and my kids by me passing as female and being called Dad in public.

Another bit, when my kids/ex spouse/parents stopped calling me dad, the correct pronouns and name started to show up more consistently.

My kids call me Dad and that's all good with me. I look nothing like Dad but I'll always be that to them and if it outs me in public I care not.

My kids are 36 and 27.  Each decided on their own to continue calling me dad.  My (adopted step) daughter (36) said, "You're not getting out of being my dad that easily," and my son (27) said, "I'm still calling you dad because it describes the relationship, not the person."

So there you go.

I have 4 children, 24 to 29, they call me dad as I have told them when I came out. I told them I am still their father, won't take that away from them.

Sometimes my youngest daughter calls me "momy2". My middle daughter in public refers to me as "She is my father".

After all I was their father and "male" to everyone in the world, until I came out.

I am fine with that, although in public I like to be called with female pronounce, I am not pressing the issue.

*** I forgot to mention that I did tell my wife earlier on that my children will have a father until they are 21, although at the time I told my wife this for another reason, it still stood for when I came out. ***

edited 07/30/2018 @08:10

My wife was always was adamant about being Mom and I 100% in agreement. I am a bit different I held off transition or seeking any help whilst my daughters were still at home...I new I was fighting a losing battle I just didn't know how long I could keep things under control I would convince myself things were under control...when I had tried to transition when the kids were 8 and 10 my wife asked me not too and to please wait for the kids to get older. It wasn't quite as simple as that but indicated she may not be totally adversed to some kind of compromise in the future and she was good to her word and supports me 100% in my transition


My kids call me Dad when at home and Liz or Lizzy Beth when we are out. This is all their choosing. They always use female pronouns with me and occasionally the will call me Dad and use she in the same sentence and as far as I am concerned that is just fine. 

Take care

Liz

It helps that for the most part I do not have a serious pronoun/name issue, only when done in excess (5-6 times in one short conversation). Bugs me other times but does not debilitate me .. I hate DUDE. Call me dude and you get a glare!!

I made myself a firm decision that immediate family (Wife, Kids, grandkids) call me what's comfortable for them. Knowing them, eventually they'll find a compromise on their own without me making an issue over it. Siblings and such, well, that depends on who they are. Those that matter are already changing. Siblings have quite a few years of habit to overcome.

Jill, I have been a "Maddie" for over 35 years.

As a mostly closeted but inveterate CD, our (bio-)daughter grew up knowing me both as "Daddy" and Susan. When she became verbal and picked up on when I had changed clothing style and my wife called me Susan, she began doing so as well, something my bride took with great umbrage - she was raised in a rather parochial family and felt no child should ever call a parent by their given name. I honestly had given it no thought.
Long story short, we settled on Maddie or Daddy depending on apparel. Later, when we took in and essentially raised two other young ladies as our daughters, they chose to call me Maddie as well.
To be sure, there was an occasional misgendering or two along the way but how can one stay upset at a child?

Susan

Kids of 6 and 4 here. They both still call me 'daddy' and while not ideal, I'm totally happy for them to do so, even in public.

I did ask them one time if we should try a different name, but they were both very clear that was their preferrence.

'mummy' is for use by their biological mother, so I'm not sure what name we would use, and maybe when they're older I'll have that conversation again.

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Thank you all so much. It's great to see all these different perspectives, and it's become clear there's no standard way to deal with this part of transition.

I haven't completely made up my mind. Thankfully I have been open with them about how I will be "taking medicine to turn me into a girl" and have done makeup in front of them, shown them trans timelines etc.

I'm leaning towards maybe some variation on being "momma" or "mum" or mommy-Cara, while their birth mother can be mommy. I think they will ultimately be ok with that but it will take some habit breaking, on my part as much as theirs tbh. I'm still in a stage where I'm presenting male 100% of the time in public and misgendering myself even in private. This will be a lot of work but I believe it's worth it. Thanks again everybody.

My 15 year old son still call me dad. I am not going to correct him.

My Ex told our daughter when she was 16. She is 21 and still dead names me and calls me Dad, when we see each other. She will not go in public with me. I see her maybe once every 6 to 8 or so weeks. When she graduates college I think she may not bother with me.

Each child is different. We had a very strong bond and were very close at one time.

My daughter has her life and does not want me in it. She also said I am dead to her.

Young children are more accepting so redirecting them to address you as you want should not be too hard.