Hey all! So in the past few months my life has generally been great! My friend is visiting me from UK I also have a great long lasting job that pays well and gives me full time hours. I'm generally so content with life I just love. On most days I don't even think of gender, I just live like a regular woman I had wished to be for so many years to live as. Career is also coming a long. There is one thing that comes almost on a monthly basis and that is random dysphoira. I will shave or scratch an itch on yucky area and feelings of not good happen. On a regular day i will be disturbed mildly for a few seconds but quickly move on and not think much. During these episodes I will be obsessed unwillingly by these horrid thoughts and feels. I will also find it very hard to centre my mind. Prior, during hard dysphoira I used to vomit and self harm to escape pain and it was a regular thing. Sometime ago I would deal with extreme dysphoira and I suppose a form of dissociation to the moment? I began having those about 2 years ago. These "not here" moments are actually worse. I will be come so overwhelmed I will feel emotionless. Or "lose" the panic feeling but instead get painful feelings in tummy, cold to hot body temps (like a pendulum)and lose track of time. Will become more confused and more angry eailsy.

These episodes don't last like they did and the degree/intensity of them are lower. But this is still annoying as ever. I have been in therpay with lots to show from it and realized how painful my dysphoira was throughout most of my life even before it "took off" and next week begin EMDR after trying to get a hold of someone. I just wonder how to train the mind now beciase as I get better and feel better of my life these moments of detachment are awful

Quote from: SailorMars1994 on August 11, 2018, 01:35:54 AM
Hey all! So in the past few months my life has generally been great! My friend is visiting me from UK I also have a great long lasting job that pays well and gives me full time hours. I'm generally so content with life I just love. On most days I don't even think of gender, I just live like a regular woman I had wished to be for so many years to live as. Career is also coming a long. There is one thing that comes almost on a monthly basis and that is random dysphoira. I will shave or scratch an itch on yucky area and feelings of not good happen. On a regular day i will be disturbed mildly for a few seconds but quickly move on and not think much. During these episodes I will be obsessed unwillingly by these horrid thoughts and feels. I will also find it very hard to centre my mind. Prior, during hard dysphoira I used to vomit and self harm to escape pain and it was a regular thing. Sometime ago I would deal with extreme dysphoira and I suppose a form of dissociation to the moment? I began having those about 2 years ago. These "not here" moments are actually worse. I will be come so overwhelmed I will feel emotionless. Or "lose" the panic feeling but instead get painful feelings in tummy, cold to hot body temps (like a pendulum)and lose track of time. Will become more confused and more angry eailsy.

These episodes don't last like they did and the degree/intensity of them are lower. But this is still annoying as ever. I have been in therpay with lots to show from it and realized how painful my dysphoira was throughout most of my life even before it "took off" and next week begin EMDR after trying to get a hold of someone. I just wonder how to train the mind now beciase as I get better and feel better of my life these moments of detachment are awful

I don't know how old you are but I do have issues to where I sometimes so far the rare that I get majorly depressed if I have a scratch on it in the will called between my legs just knowing that it's there it's like disturbs me I guess what I do is I try to think of what is going to come which is the full transitioning to female having that removed also I find that meditation focusing on the feel-good helps a lot light some incense turn off the lights light a candle play some music that will really relax you usually this music is best to not have words just a soothing Melody try that I do hope it will help in these times and even out of those times.

and if any of this seems the wrong word what I'm saying it's because I'm using the talk to text on my phone

Sent from my SM-S337TL using Tapatalk

I've been reflecting on this. Living in a state of dysphoria for a long time created deep trauma. Trauma is hard to overcome and can often take years or decades with triggers that are unpredictable. I know its going to a long road before I can banish all the effects of trauma.

Training the mind.

Many years ago as a teen I went through a traumatic time. I was eventually 'rescued' and put through therapy. One thing I was taught and I have practiced it ever since was my safe place and my boxes.

It is a form of meditation and it is very personal. At least mine is. It needs practice but after a very short time the practice is to come out of it.

I have a mindplace. I won't tell you mine as it is private.

It might be a room, a planet, a cave, a wall unit, a palace - a place. I have in mine some of my favourite objects. When I was being taught I had my teddy bear there. She still is. I have a very large set of boxes of different sizes. Some are lovely and well made but that all fit very well together and slide open when I wish.
I visit my place and if I have trouble thoughts I put them into a box. Sometimes I can sort through the box and put some thoughts together into a bigger box and then put the lid on them all. Sometimes it is a single thought that is horrible and I can't cope with it, so I put it into a special box and I may put a lock on it.
I have nice thoughts too and I tend to put them on shelves in the open so that I can see them.

I visit when I wish and I rest in my place.

If I'm having a surgical procedure or  something that is going to hurt me, I go to my place and settle down and look at my nice things.
When I have horrible thoughts I go there and put them away. I know they are there but they have been dealt with and they are available when I need them, but I don't need them so ...

It takes practice but it has been good for me.

Thank you all for your replies! To the first reply I am 24 yes at times i listen to music and it helps normally but during these strong moments it can be very difficult to focus on the tunes.

Krobinson- I have been in a state like you for ever and it sucks girl but know you're not a lone. It's taken me forever to get to a place where I live at peace most times but I still suffer with a few days at a time of being helpless to all that and much of my inability to escape the bad feelings is truama related too.

Cindy- thank you for the advice. I have in recent months been meditating. It can be very hard to calm the mindnin such a state but I have been able to make gains. My issues isn't just thendistress at those moments but rather the disoscation of the pain. The times I don't feel thatbregualr anxiety. Then"calm" likenstate where you feel nothing. The random pins and needles, losing focus of real life and not feeling too much mental pain for hours and from the outset could seem ok but I don't feel real and the pain just goes to other parts of body. That's myscare. But I will try to focus more on meditation!