It's been a while since I've been on Susan's actively.  Live has gotten busy and finding the time to post has been difficult, sorry.

I've learned a lot in the last 6-12 months about myself and life in general.  Below is a list of things I've learned.  These are all MY OPINION and you may have your own.

1. When I was pre-everything, including being out to myself.  I always wondered what it would be like to be a woman.  During my transition I've asked dozens of CIS gender people what it feels like to be male/female.  The responses have varied from "I don't know" to "What are you talking about?  I feel like me."  The question was so very foreign to them that I realized cis people never think about their own gender (Period!).
*** fast forward to today - I've gone from thinking nothing but about my gender to I don't think about it any more.  It's a hard thing to notice because if you notice it, then you're thinking about it.  I guess that means that I'm now cured (?) since all the mental issues of pre-transition are gone!!! (there are new ones, but those are outside-social not inside-mental)

2.  (no judging me on this one) I never appreciated diversity.  Oh sure, I played lip service to being accepting but living for +55 years in a very homogenous suburban neighborhood I never experienced it for real life.  Today I live in a building where a significant percentage of people are xxxxx.  Pick xxxxx and you'll be right, young/old, black/white/other, straight/gay, cis/trans (although I don't know how many transgender people there really are), dog/cat lovers, windows/mac, iPhone/Android, Google home/Alexa (I go both ways).  I now understand and appreciate how important diversity is for the health of a community.

3. The Magic Button.  There are dozens of threads here from newer people asking "if you could press the magic button to wake up in the 'right' body, would you?"  I've always thought that would be such a wonderful thing.  I've come to realize, for me, that pressing that button would be a bad idea.  Transition comes in three parts, Body, Mind, and those around you.  Your friends, co-workers, family etc all have to transition with you.  You must bring them along with you as you transition to be successful.

4.  Pre "boobs" I was concerned that i would be infatuated with them.  Cis-females would say that they never think about them (ok, when they hit them or need to put on a bra) they are just there just like an elbow.  They are right.  Sometimes in the shower, but they are just there and they are a part of me.

5.  Friends.  I've never had any real friends.  All the "friends" I had pre-transition were friends of my ex-wife.  Okay I had one or two but no one I could call at 3am to just talk.  I now have a few friends that are in that category and I wouldn't trade them for the world.  They are like gold and I love them dearly.

6.  Emotions - Emotions are good.  Even sad emotions are good.  They are very unpredictable but I wouldn't trade them in either.

7.  I'm a better person because I've transitioned.

8.  It's important to give back to the community.  If it's donating $1 to Susans or standing in front of an audience explaining what it is to be transgender and that we're not all that scary.

9.  I started a journal when I started all of this.  I wish I had kept it up!!!

10.  The most important lesson I've learned is that NO ONE (outside my immediate family) CARES that I'm transitioning.

This is a very insightful post...thanks for sharing! Transitioning is definitely a fascinating process.


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Welcome back, Denise! The last I heard from you was when you did the radio interview. That is some serious "giving back" and you did a wonderful job.

I'm going to study your post. I may be about halfway to where you are now. It's certainly something to look forward to.

I hope we can get together again next tine you're down this way!

Stephanie

@Denise
Dear Denise:
I had wondered where you had disappeared to.  We last exchanged some postings more than 2 months ago in late May or early June.   I always enjoyed our exchanges of thoughts and comments.

I find your post about your "musings" quite interesting and enjoyable to read.
You last 2 musings are "right on" as far as I am concerned.

Quote9.  I started a journal when I started all of this.  I wish I had kept it up!!!

10.  The most important lesson I've learned is that NO ONE (outside my immediate family) CARES that I'm transitioning.

re: #9   ->If I could have known you back when you started, or even before, I would have strongly suggested and advised you to continue making entrees in your journal.  While online forum threads and blogs are convenient ways to keep track of your "story" and to share it with other like-minded persons.... there is nothing that can substitute for your own personal journal.
As I have mentioned in my own thread and on my comments on other threads I have always kept an old-school pen and paper personal journal complete with creative and colorful doodling.  There I can mull over my successes, my failures, and my frustrations....  I find it a good way to work out many issues in my mind and it helps me to formulate positive solutions instead of dwelling on the negativity of it all.
Later on, sometimes years later, it is encouraging and even fun to sit down with my journal and read about my past experiences and how they ended up.

re: #10   ->You are mostly right about no one else besides immediate family caring about my transition...  that is something that newbie transitioners need to understand... that alone would relieve a lot of the personal stress that comes along with them  in their transition journey.

Thank you again, Denise, for coming back after your absence to share your musings.... please don't be a stranger here on the forums.
Hugs and well wishes.
Danielle
.

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on August 17, 2018, 02:35:12 PM
@Denise
Dear Denise:
I had wondered where you had disappeared to.  We last exchanged some postings more than 2 months ago in late May or early June.   I always enjoyed our exchanges of thoughts and comments.

I find your post about your "musings" quite interesting and enjoyable to read.
You last 2 musings are "right on" as far as I am concerned.

re: #9   ->If I could have known you back when you started, or even before, I would have strongly suggested and advised you to continue making entrees in your journal.  While online forum threads and blogs are convenient ways to keep track of your "story" and to share it with other like-minded persons.... there is nothing that can substitute for your own personal journal.
As I have mentioned in my own thread and on my comments on other threads I have always kept an old-school pen and paper personal journal complete with creative and colorful doodling.  There I can mull over my successes, my failures, and my frustrations....  I find it a good way to work out many issues in my mind and it helps me to formulate positive solutions instead of dwelling on the negativity of it all.
Later on, sometimes years later, it is encouraging and even fun to sit down with my journal and read about my past experiences and how they ended up.

re: #10   ->You are mostly right about no one else besides immediate family caring about my transition...  that is something that newbie transitioners need to understand... that alone would relieve a lot of the personal stress that comes along with them  in their transition journey.

Thank you again, Denise, for coming back after your absence to share your musings.... please don't be a stranger here on the forums.
Hugs and well wishes.
Danielle
.

Hi Danielle,

I keep a journal, but I don't write as often as I should.  I love to write, but I've gotten lazy.  As an excuse I'll say that I work full time and am working on my Bachelor's degree, among other activities, so I keep busy.  At my first therapy session my therapist gave me my journal so I can write down questions I have about ttransitioning and about being transgender, as well as keeping track of milestones, expressing wishes, or letting out my emotions.  Again, I don't write as often as I should, but that is something I'm going to start doing is keeping my journal as an intricate part of my journey.

Hugs!!!


Danielle (from Texas)

Quote from: Denise on August 17, 2018, 01:49:08 PM
It's been a while since I've been on Susan's actively.  Live has gotten busy and finding the time to post has been difficult, sorry.
.
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10.  The most important lesson I've learned is that NO ONE (outside my immediate family) CARES that I'm transitioning.

Hi Denise,                  17 Aug 2018

Welcome back; I remember your post about your fantastic parents and their gift. You are a lucky lady. I hope they are doing well.

Until yesterday I agreed with everything you wrote. Yesterday, one exception occurred while talking with the wife of a long time friend. Just to make this understandable, she is a a nice person but dingy and never shuts up. NO ONE ever gets a word in when she is present.

She went into a speech about how I should change back. I told her that was impossible, there are things missing now so I couldn't go back even if I wanted to, which I don't. Next she told me about some TV preacher (my favorite kind. Follow the money) that could help save me. This went on for awhile until I terminated the conversation as politely as I could.

Further perspective on Ms. Dingy: Three years ago I picked her and her husband (my buddy) up at DFW airport upon their return from a visit to California. As they were entering the non-secure area it was evident that my friend was having difficulty walking. Helped him to the restroom then back to baggage claim. From there we went to Olive Garden for dinner. While there it became obvious my buddy was in distress and appeared to be having a stroke. We left OG and to my car. I asked her if she wanted me to take him to the hospital, which was right across the highway from OG. She said: "No. if they keep him who's going to feed the horses in the morning." I told Ms. Dingy that time was of the essence; he needs to go there now. Her response was that she would take him Monday (it's Saturday, Monday is two days away).

Long story short, he was worse Sunday so she took him to the hospital that day. She has reconfigured the story relative to the sequence of events to suite her guilty conscience. This is the same dumb bag lecturing me. I wrote them off Yesterday.

So I would alter # 10 this way:

10.  The most important lesson I've learned is that ALMOST NO ONE (outside my immediate family) CARES that I'm transitioning.

These folks are the second rejection I have had. The first WAS a long time friend with a gay daughter, the last person I would have thought would reject me.

My feelings are that I don't care what anyone thinks about me. As long as I'm not harming another living soul, they have no say in my life and or my choices. I do what makes me happy, and being Trans has made me very happy. I will say that most folks are very supportive; there just happens to be a few nuts that have strayed too far from the tree.

Best to you Denise; you do look fantastic.

Best Always, Love
Christine

Awesome thread Denise. Can't wait to see you tonight!!

Hi Denise
Thank you for your post. I am still pre-transition yet feel as though I can relate to many of the points you mention as I embark on this journey.

I've found keeping a journal to be an invaluable tool in working through my thoughts as I get closer to my various appointments. Fingers crossed I can maintain it as I continue.

Hugs
Amber

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on August 17, 2018, 03:38:50 PM
Awesome thread Denise. Can't wait to see you tonight!!

Y'all have fun! Wish I could have joined you, but there are too many transitioning expenses staring me in the face.

Stephanie

Quote from: Steph2.0 on August 17, 2018, 04:06:32 PM
Y'all have fun! Wish I could have joined you, but there are too many transitioning expenses staring me in the face.

Stephanie

You're always welcome here Steph! Maybe next time

Quote from: christinej78 on August 17, 2018, 03:16:37 PM
...
Until yesterday I agreed with everything you wrote. Yesterday, one exception occurred while talking with the wife of a long time friend. Just to make this understandable, she is a a nice person but dingy and never shuts up. NO ONE ever gets a word in when she is present.

She went into a speech about how I should change back. I told her that was impossible, there are things missing now so I couldn't go back even if I wanted to, which I don't. Next she told me about some TV preacher (my favorite kind. Follow the money) that could help save me. This went on for awhile until I terminated the conversation as politely as I could.
...

Best Always, Love
Christine

Christine -

I, personally, would consider Ms Dingy to be "no one".  Like I said "NO ONE cares."

- Denise

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on August 17, 2018, 07:03:36 PM
You're always welcome here Steph! Maybe next time

Thank you, some day! In the meantime how about occasional reports on what you are all up to so we can enjoy it vicariously? I know Kendra went shopping especially to buy clothes for clubbing, so it sounds like one big party!

Stephanie

Hi Denise,

I am glad you are well and transitioning is done for you.

I think about the boobs to see how I look in a top. Too tight, too loose or just right. Other than that they pretty much are just there. Unless, like you said, you bump them.

Quote from: Rachel on August 17, 2018, 09:32:50 PM
Hi Denise,

I am glad you are well and transitioning is done for you.

I think about the boobs to see how I look in a top. Too tight, too loose or just right. Other than that they pretty much are just there. Unless, like you said, you bump them.

@Rachel
Dear Rachel:  Early on during the first year of HRT, like many others also report, my boobs were very sensitive ... then a little less so during my 2nd  year, I am now 3 1/2 years into my HRT and there are still times that they are sensitive... I am figuring this is a normal thing since I have talked to my cis-girlfriends who confirm their breast sensitivity that comes and goes, but they say that it is usually related to their monthly period....   hmmmmmmm
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: Rachel on August 17, 2018, 09:32:50 PM
Hi Denise,

I am glad you are well and transitioning is done for you. ...

Done? No. It's never going to be done. 

Two months ago I was interviewed for a podcast.  At the end I was asked their standard question "how do you identify yourself."
My response surprised me because I didn't realize what it meant until weeks later. "I definitely do not identify male or female.  Maybe transgender but to be honest I identify as Denise.  Just Denise."

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Continuing... FFS is scheduled for September 25 and SRS December 13.  There may be FFS part 2 in 2019 but we'll see.

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Cute dresses Denise! [emoji4]
Yes, I feel like a variation from the norm as a person. It bothers me there are things I've never experienced and never will so coming to terms with this is important to me right now.

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Quote from: Denise on August 18, 2018, 12:05:45 AM
Continuing... FFS is scheduled for September 25 and SRS December 13.  There may be FFS part 2 in 2019 but we'll see.

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Hi Denise,                       18 Aug 2018

You're looking mighty fine; especially love that hour-glass figure. Best of luck on your adventure tour.

Best Always, Love
Christine

Quote from: Allison S on August 18, 2018, 03:27:20 AM
Cute dresses Denise! [emoji4]
Yes, I feel like a variation from the norm as a person. It bothers me there are things I've never experienced and never will so coming to terms with this is important to me right now.

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Thanks!

There are lots of things only a small percentage of the population experiences. For example, I would like to run a marathon or participate in an Ironman competition. Alas, my knees won't let me. But I don't that hold me back from riding my bike 500 miles (800km).  They are completeness different but also the same.


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If people are still reading this thread, thank you.  I forgot one of the biggest things I've learned and it should be near the top of the list.

Be positive! I've removed all negativity from my life.  If I'm in a situation where someone is being negative I'll try first to turn the situation positive (humor helps and looking "from the other side" helps).  If that falls, I'll excuse myself.

That one life hack has been one of the biggest game changes.  It's become so natural and normal I don't even notice I do it.

Chin up, look around the next corner.

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