Hi all
I'm not out anywhere except online so my work colleagues know nothing about it but I have been trying to test the waters so to speak by making 'jokes' about me wearing makeup etc.
They know I like to joke to the extreme so they assume I am just joking.
It brings the topic of transgender to the front of their mind so they'll talk about it.

Course there's the whole 'heshe' and they seem to think that we're disgusting gay men or something.
Now I can deal with the banter from me wearing makeup to work. But actually coming out would be like a massive deal.
I can't leave my job and whilst my bosses would I guess be respectful about it and tell people to be nice, they won't discipline people for it as they are too afraid their best workers will leave.

So how did you all come out to people at work? How did they react?
I should mention most people I work with are cis men between 25-45

Hi Miss Katie! I started growing my hair, which had always been a crew cut, and nails, which drew the "What's with the hair and nails?" questions. To which I replied "It turns out I'm a bit of a crossdresser." This was in a shop where we work on military equipment (drones) for the US and foreign governments. It was fairly well accepted, and besides, I was a guy too. Anyone getting hostile with me would have resulted in me getting hostile with them. Be you, and don't let anyone give you grief about it. People can't walk on you, unless you let them. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Hi Katie

Coming out to colleagues is very strongly dependent on your company's culture and the type of work performed in your part of the company.  For example, the experience of someone working in healthcare would be quite different from that of someone in an engineering company or a construction company.

If you have an in-house heath service or some similar group which is associated with your company for health reasons, you could start by discussing your situation with them.  They, in turn, may then open a door to the HR department, and that should help you drive an appropriate attitude down to the management layer and from there to your colleagues.

Above all, you need to control the process, the message and the timing.  For example, even in my very progressive company of 100,000 people, I was the first known person to transition, and they had no processes to support me.  I built it on behalf of HR and executed it.   You should aim to involve a very small group of sympathetic and supportive senior people to ensure that your direct work colleagues are appropriately involved when you are ready. 

When you are ready to come out, keep the message simple, and try to fit into your new gender role as quickly as possible. 

It would not hurt to consider exploring other job opportunities as an "insurance policy" before you go to your managers, unless labour and civil law in your country directly prohibit discrimination.

So, as you asked, how did we come out?  I started with our in-house medic, who opened the door to the head of HR.  Once I had HR support I had a quiet chat with my manager and a few other relevant managers.  I had prepared some photos of how I would look as a girl, ready to load onto Linkedin and our internal messaging tools.  I agreed the coming out date with my managers, and prepared a short email to the 100 or so people in my work ecosystem.  That went out on the Friday and they could go to Linkedin etc. to see how I would look when I arrived at work on the Monday.   On the Monday I was mobbed by people who came to wish me good luck.  I had no direct negative experiences, though I was aware of a few silly comments which my managers addressed very rapidly.

Hope this helps!
Julia

Quote from: MissKatie on September 25, 2018, 02:10:15 AM
...I have been trying to test the waters so to speak by making 'jokes' about me wearing makeup etc.
They know I like to joke to the extreme so they assume I am just joking.
It brings the topic of transgender to the front of their mind so they'll talk about it.

Yes I did this to the point that one guy pretty much guessed and eventually said to me: isn't it about time you came out! 

QuoteSo how did you all come out to people at work? How did they react?
I should mention most people I work with are cis men between 25-45

I came out to my manager when he TOLD me to go to my doctors and get help for my crushing depression which was starting to affect my work.  At the time, I was so low I didn't want to live so I thought I'd got nothing to lose.  I expected laughter and mockery but I got compassion instead.  I said I had gender issues and then answered some of his questions.

Pretty much EVERYONE I have told except my wife (giving me hell daily), her adult son (laughed) and her adult daughter (frequent horrible nasty comments) have been supportive.

At work about 4 people know that I have spoken to directly. Most were impressed that I had the guts to do it.

I have heard rumblings about me and a 'sex-change' so  I'm pretty sure most people know now.  If anyone confronts me directly I will not lie to them, I will tell them the truth, even though it's none of their business and I think that's the point.  YOU tell people what YOU want to when YOU are ready, it's no-one else's business.

One good thing that the general manager (CEO) said was that if anyone says anything transphobic to me they will be sacked immediately for gross misconduct.  I was amazed at that.

Fortunately I don't have to because I'm the boss and I work for myself, but how to come out and even whether to continue working a job depends on the sort of reception you will get, testing waters is a good idea

I came out to HR first. I told them that I just started HRT and was unsure how that might affect my behavior. (I told her I might start crying a lot.) She had no reaction, only saying that she'd inform the head of HR. But she seemed supportive.

Six months later I was waiting on my legal name change when I came out to my department manager. He also was supportive. He then said "I'm not surprised. You know why?" I was stumped, as I thought I had hid it well. He said "Someone came to me with their phone and showed me your Facebook and asked if I thought it was you." I had opened my Facebook to everyone to accept friend requests and someone at work had seen it. Outed by Facebook!

After my legal name change went through, I announced that I had changed my name and the reason for that is that I'm transgender. I got no immediate reaction at all. After a little while a few of the women asked about how far I was going to go. Just general questions. How did my family take it? Things like that.

Now, I live in a progressive "blue" state that has non discrimination laws that include transgender protections in employment, housing, and public accommodations (restaurants, stores, and other businesses open to the public). I knew that I couldn't be fired for being transgender, but I waited until after I had my annual review so they couldn't claim that I was a bad worker. I actually have seen that when I have done something wrong that they almost seem to be walking on eggshells. As if they're afraid to reprimand me, like I might hire a lawyer and sue them.

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