What did you aspire to when you began your transition?

Sorry Ladies!  I know I keep coming up with some off the wall questions.

I think it's the result of my St. Louis Cardinals baseball team not going to the playoffs, and the fact that my male side has agreed to free me - so now I don't know what to do with myself!

(Therapy appointment is this coming Tuesday.)

My vision of a complete transition is that of a stately and elegant older woman with just a tad bit of sexiness about her.

Call this crazy, but the model that comes to my mind is that of Dame Maggie Smith that played Professor McGonigle in the Harry Potter Movies and was the matron in the Downton Abby Series.

Yeah, kinda wild coming from a midwestern American....

So how about it ladies?  When you started your transition did you have a model in mind that you sorta aspired to?

Kate


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Pam Poovey without the raging alcoholism.

@jkredman
Dear Kate:
My reply to your question is vert short and to the point.

When I decided to transition (and even prior to that) I aspired to become convincingly full-time and pass 100% as a woman.... 
I was able to achieve that goal in about 1 1/2 years... but do know that every body reacts to HRT differently so your results will be different than others results that you read about here on the various forum threads...   

Some transitioners experience more significant body change more quickly and others will see less significant changes more slowly....  it's all up to your genes....  and also your appearance prior to starting HRT.   

Please realize that passing convincingly is a result of more than just HRT...  voice, hair, body movements, mannerisms, etc are all also a big part of successfully transitoning.

Best wishes to you,
Danielle  

In terms of appearance, my goal was casual elegance.  My transition goal was to be seen and treated as a woman, without having to keep any more secrets, and to feel good about myself.

Back in my transition I at first had like a young David Bowie as my inspiration, then more like Jason Momoa.

Now in my detransition I definitely feel inspired by Helena Bonham Carter (especially as Marla in Fight Club, but also as Bellatrix in Harry Potter) and I also wouldn't mind some Dita von Tease vibes about me. Also some Cher. So, a dark feminine kinda trashy unkempt style, but on some days slightly more classy sexy vibes, and a bit of glam. I do have a rather hourglass body shape (except my flat chest) which I finally like about myself and like showing off my curves. I am rather young still (29) but even if I wasn't, modesty has never been my thing, and I doubt it ever will be.

Quote from: KathyLauren on September 30, 2018, 06:57:23 PM
In terms of appearance, my goal was casual elegance.  My transition goal was to be seen and treated as a woman, without having to keep any more secrets, and to feel good about myself.

@KathyLauren
Dear Kathy:
In my opinion from following your thread and your various posts and pictures all around the various threads, you have most certainly and very convincingly achieved your goal....   
... and not keeping secrets any longer is most liberating and allows you to freely and happily live your life as you have chosen.
          You have every right to feel good about yourself.!!!!

Thanks for sharing your thoughts,
Hugs and wishing you well,
Danielle

In my early days I wanted to look like Diane Lane.  Other than that I wasn't sure what I wanted.  I wanted to be a badass on the job during the day, and I wanted  to be graceful, poised and elegant in the evening.

I'm pretty happy now but I still occasionally have those days where I feel more like Nathan Lane than Diane Lane.

Really now, with FFS looming I want to look like Sarah Michelle Gellar.  Looks aside, I'm me.  There are no issues of passability because everybody knows I'm trans.

So I'm me —a badass trans girl lawyer who takes on the toughest cases and goes to the toughest places.  I have a preference for slinky, feminine blouses under blazers, miniskirts, and walkable heels.  At home I'm a T shirt and jeans girl and for evenings out I like cocktail dresses.

Just me and happy to be here.

I wanted to be me. I describe that often as the girl next door. I am not into doing someone else's standard of femininity, just mine. I like dresses and leggings, don't like earrings. I am not ready for grey hair. I will work on cars and also enjoy shopping for clothes. I love it when guys open doors for me, but I love it even more if I can open a door for a trans sister seeking answers. I have come a long way, but am still learning about me. I don't think I will be close to my destination until I get up and dance with anyone on the dance floor. That's my measure of "me." I can be the life of the party or be totally shy. So far, my dancing shoes are a little dusty.

I am just beginning my transition and have a very rough canvas to begin with. I don't really have any false hopes for some kind of perfect butterfly transformation. My wildest hope is to appear naturally feminine to the casual person on the street. I am pretty overweight to begin with so that's a big focus to shrink down to an average female size frame. I very much want to look nice in a dress. I want to be a lady not a tramp. I'm trying to curb my use of profanity. It's my least ladylike quality.

I believe my biggest challenge will be finding a feminine voice that I feel confident using even when I'm with my wife and family. My voice is very deep and my first attempts to sound feminine have been pretty bad. Certainly nothing that builds any confidence in me.

Above everything else I truly want to live openly and honestly as my true self. If I can't do that then I don't even see the point of transitioning. I know that things are not going to be easy on this journey but I pray that it will be worth the pain that I am certainly going to endure. Love and faith.

Gabrielle

My vision of an idealized me is a mild-mannered, middle-aged professional woman who occasionally likes to get dressed up but mostly likes to spend weekends doing yoga, hiking and outdoors stuff in Patagonia clothing.

I realized time was running out and if I ever had hopes of keeping the dream alive I had to do something and quickly. When I was young I thought I would make a very good looking girl. Every time I looked at Cosmo and Glamor I wished I was on the cover. I used to go shopping with my Mom and Sister at Lerners and I would play under the racks. But I wondered what it would be like to wear the bra's. panties and girdles I saw on display. By the time I was 18 I had a pretty good idea and I have been doing it ever since. But I never believed I was a crossdresser or ->-bleeped-<-. I had desires to have children. Yes unreasonable at the time. The first time I went to therapy was in 1984. My second wife and I had just gotten married. My mother was killed the year before and my Dad would die later that year. I was crushed. In a very short timeframe where I lost my first wife to crossdressing, my mother and father. I was rudderless because I began a long spiral into alcoholism and drug abuse. I wanted to know why and how I could stop and oh by the way. I think I'm a girl. At the time that was it was a crazy idea and I was poo pooed. At the time no medical plans had transgender services so off to stress prevention I went. This would happen six other times. In the mean time we had a son and I realized my higher power and quit smoking, drinking and drugs and have been on the straight and narrow for the last thirty years. The therapists of the time thought we were mental cases. They didn't even have a title for our affliction until the late eighties early ninties. I moved to Seattle in 1997 and when the kids and wife moved with me I decided to stop and I was successful for thirteen years. I don't know what triggered it, but when it came up again it came with a vengeance. I started slowly getting a corset and nylons. Then a few lipsticks then bam about five hundred more in cosmetics and at least that amount in outfits. I paid Two hundred dollars for a pair of shoes that fit. I still had never met a transgender person until about three months before I started transition and I met Chris Deee. She was so sweet to me but I was very scared, what if someone sees us. Of course today it would not bother me at all. A little over two years ago I came out to my wife and kids. Jo knew I crossdressed before we were married. We went on a vacation in Colorado at my sisters house and as luck would have it my ex lived about a hundred miles down the road. I was tempted because I wasn't sure why we had divorced other than she had an affair. Anyway, I had a breakdown and spent a couple days yelling and cussing at everybody. So when I finally calmed down I promised my Sister that I would seek therapy. It was the break I needed as I came home and sought out a gender therapist. Two visits with her and I started HRT and the rest is history. I feel I am the luckiest person on earth. Two years and I have never felt better. No depression, no anger, I go to support meetings and feel I did the right thing. Through it all I have made some new friends, become nicer to my wife, and am working through the 6o years of isolation.

I just wanted to feel happy in my skin and I do.

The lovely Anna Nicole Smith as her measurements.
Bust: 36DD (91DD cm)
Waist: 26 in (66 cm)
Hips: 38 in (97 cm)

Dawn, thank you for your openness.

I can empathize to an extent. I am on my second marriage, and have struggled with alcohol because it is the only coping mechanism that works to control my GD.  All I've ever gotten out of the SSRI antidepressants is the side effects.

I knew I was different from about age 3. It started as envy.  When puberty hit, I was a male fail until I went to college.  I probably was still a male fail but I fell into an LBQIT community where I received some acceptance.

My first wife was Bi. I knew that when we were dating.  We married, lived monogamously for 9 years, and brought 3 wonderful daughters into the world. 

She then felt the calling to her true Bi self and after 9 years of a commitment, I couldn't bring myself to share.  It ended in a rather ugly fashion.

I went to therapy at that time, and was diagnosed GD.  I knew it was true!

The problem I had was this:

I had been left for another woman.   The legal system at that time saw that as a reason that my ex was not a capable parent.  Our girls were awarded to me as custodial parent. (No judgment on right or wrong.)

Had I come out as trans, the girls could have very well ended up in foster care.

I couldn't take that risk.  So I stuffed my GD and developed 'coping mechanisms.'

At 58, my daughters have their own families, and I'm now dealing with the long term medical effects of my 'coping mechanisms.

I got caught having to admit to cross dressing, on a business trip, not to long ago, to my current wife of 22 years.  I think the only thing that saved my a?? was that it was with her intimate wear.  We both cross dressed a little with each other during romantic play.  I just had taken it to a whole new level.

I've reached the point where I have to make a choice; transition, or make an early exit from planet earth.

I'm hoping to start HRT very soon.

Kate


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Quote from: jkredman on September 30, 2018, 11:15:16 PM
Dawn, thank you for your openness.

I can empathize to an extent. I am on my second marriage, and have struggled with alcohol because it is the only coping mechanism that works to control my GD.  All I've ever gotten out of the SSRI antidepressants is the side effects.

I knew I was different from about age 3. It started as envy.  When puberty hit, I was a male fail until I went to college.  I probably was still a male fail but I fell into an LBQIT community where I received some acceptance.

My first wife was Bi. I knew that when we were dating.  We married, lived monogamously for 9 years, and brought 3 wonderful daughters into the world. 

She then felt the calling to her true Bi self and after 9 years of a commitment, I couldn't bring myself to share.  It ended in a rather ugly fashion.

I went to therapy at that time, and was diagnosed GD.  I knew it was true!

The problem I had was this:

I had been left for another woman.   The legal system at that time saw that as a reason that my ex was not a capable parent.  Our girls were awarded to me as custodial parent. (No judgment on right or wrong.)

Had I come out as trans, the girls could have very well ended up in foster care.

I couldn't take that risk.  So I stuffed my GD and developed 'coping mechanisms.'

At 58, my daughters have their own families, and I'm now dealing with the long term medical effects of my 'coping mechanisms.

I got caught having to admit to cross dressing, on a business trip, not to long ago, to my current wife of 22 years.  I think the only thing that saved my a?? was that it was with her intimate wear.  We both cross dressed a little with each other during romantic play.  I just had taken it to a whole new level.

I've reached the point where I have to make a choice; transition, or make an early exit from planet earth.

I'm hoping to start HRT very soon.

Kate


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Kate,

I truly feel your pain. You are just a bit older than me but we share a similar path. I'm hoping to be able to begin HRT soon as well. We are sisters in waiting Kate. Here's to a brighter future where we can live as ourselves. Love and faith.

Gabrielle

I don't know if I count as I've only just booked the appointment to see the therapist... I've just changed my original answer. I gave it a bit more thought... sure I had an image of the kind of woman I would like to be... but thinking of the question a bit more... as I said I am not sure if figuring this out counts as beginning transition...

So thinking more clearly about the question, and after catching back up on Isabella Bunny Bennett's transition videos... I would say I aspire to be happy. The last video she posted on YouTube, and seeing the happiness she was feeling... that's what I want. To be happy in being me. To not feel empty and resigned in life anymore.

I aspired to be happy, as I always have. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Hello again Kate

I aspired and still do to being perceived as a woman, treated as a woman and permitted to join their social discussions.

Passing perfectly is not going to happen but blending in will be acceptable. As much as possible "to live the other life as I know the female life is my true nature".

Hugs

Pamela

Devlyn...Isn't Happy one of the Seven Dwarfs?   

Simple contentment and authenticity without the depression of the past. Looks wise, I really didn't have a lot in mind other than decent enough looking to be loved.

I still face depression but of a different sort. Femininity and physical attributes wise I am generally pleased most days. Social integration with cisgender women has been a big success.