It's been awhile since I've been here, but I have begun HRT. The more time I'm on it and look in the mirror I wonder how this could have happened! This is not my body, it feels like a horrible joke has been played on me. I am male to female and am being patient with the process but needed to vent my frustration! Has anyone or everyone felt like this?!

I felt that way since I became self-aware about a year ago. Before that as well but it really took off once I had a target cause. I am just now getting to be able to look at mirrors and pictures for a short time. I can't look too long or my brain starts picking up the bad.

Quote from: Corrina on October 02, 2018, 09:55:59 AM
It's been awhile since I've been here, but I have begun HRT. The more time I'm on it and look in the mirror I wonder how this could have happened! This is not my body, it feels like a horrible joke has been played on me. I am male to female and am being patient with the process but needed to vent my frustration! Has anyone or everyone felt like this?!

I'm not sure I follow what you're saying. What are you having this reaction to? Are you distressed at the feminization? Or are you distressed at the masculinity that's still there. I also have to say for me at least physical changes didn't really become noticeable until the 3 month mark. Also, while my face has feminized far more than I could have hoped, it has happened in ways I didn't really expect, so that was a little hard to get used to.

I hope you feel better.

Quote from: Corrina on October 02, 2018, 09:55:59 AM
It's been awhile since I've been here, but I have begun HRT. The more time I'm on it and look in the mirror I wonder how this could have happened! This is not my body, it feels like a horrible joke has been played on me. I am male to female and am being patient with the process but needed to vent my frustration! Has anyone or everyone felt like this?!

@Corrina
Dear Corrina:   
    I hear you loud and clear and what you are feeling is something than many of us deal with when in the early stages of our HRT regimen and transition journey.   
    Be certain to read the reply below by our beautiful member @Faith  ... she knows exactly with what you are feeling and she has seen the light at the end of the tunnel...  use her testimony in her various postings around the Forums as encouragement.

    Please allow me to share some of my thoughts with you as your HRT journey continues.
First and foremost, you should indeed feel happy....  for what is happening can be quite normal.

    The transition journey is indeed exciting but the road can also be full of potholes and frustration... that is where this Forum can be helpful as you share your experiences with us.  In your good times we will rejoice with you and in your not so good times we will be there to support you with our thoughts and words... and our virtual hugs.
    As has been stated over and over here on the Forums on various posts, HRT will work uniquely in your own unique body. What you read about other transitioning members experiences with HRT most likely will not be identical to your own experiences.
    Some will experience more significant changes more quickly and then some will experience less significant changes more slowly....   it is all up to your genes and how your body reacts to the HRT.   Your doctor will  undoubtedly be looking at your frequent blood test results during your journey to determine if any alterations in the HRT regimen are needed.
    The adage that you should know about regarding HRT and how it may work for various individuals  is "YMMV"  meaning that Your Mileage May Vary.
   
    PATIENCE is definitely required.... usually not much happens very quickly with HRT... but changes will happen.  Do some reading of other transitioners posts and look at many of the posted HRT timelines and the before and after pictures. ....  they can give you a rough idea of what you MIGHT expect.
Many times the very first noticeable changes can be felt and seen within the first 1 to 3 months...
For the MTF,  breast tenderness, breast bud lumps forming under the nipples and possibly changes in body hair growth, your own body and urine smell, changes in erections becoming less intense, libido, etc.

    Without a doubt this can be very "EXCITING and SCARY all at the same time."   One needs to hang on for an amazing ride.  Some of my best and most appreciated and dramatic body changes happened at about the 5 month point through the start of year #2 of my HRT journey.   
Even though I was able to very successfully pass before I went full-time... when I did go full-time at the 1 1/2 year mark I have been passing 100% of the time.  Of course that is just my own personal experience, I suppose I can thank my unique body makeup and my genes for all that.

    One more time.... PATIENCE is required.   The attitude of many people today is "I want it all and I want it now" ... that will not apply to HRT.   You might want to re-read what I just wrote so you can get a good grasp of the details that I mentioned.

I will be looking forward to your continued updates as you feel free to post them.   
Wishing you well,
Danielle

I can't write from personal experience with HRT, only the experience of reading so many cries of frustration over the years.  It is easy to write but much harder to do, be patient.  Don't allow frustration to cloud your thinking.  You are unique.  Everybody and every body is different and therefore the timing of change, the rate of change, and the amount of change will vary widely from person to person.  It is likely that your body is changing on the inside and these changes simply haven't manifested themselves.  Yet!  You may wish to share your frustration with your care provider.  It could be that the dosage needs to be adjusted. 

Hang in there, Corinna!

Best wishes,

Katy

Dearest Corrina,

  Journeys and Changes.  They occur in the time they are suppose to occur.  We can try to hurry them up or slow them down, but it really doesn't work too well.  As all of the wise women have said:  "Patience".  (And isn't patience a most difficult thing?)

  But try and remember that your Journey has begun and the Changes have started.  And that we at Susan's love and care for you and are supportive of you.  And are looking forward to your becoming what you will become.  Even if it does take awhile.

    Caroline 

I get it.  I had more body dysphoria starting after about year on hormones that I ever did before.  Part of it is probably due to impatience and hoping for better results.

I've never had second thoughts about transitioning, but I'm taking this mostly as a sign that I absolutely made the right choice. Its like with testosterone out of the way and estrogen in control now, it can be more depressing at the times I see too much male in the mirror.

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When I think all the way back to when I started HRT, I felt like a square peg stuck halfway into a round hole. My voice sucked. Being flat chested sucked. Having an Adams Apple sucked. Trying to tuck my gonads sucked. I just knew everyone saw me as some sort of freak.

Fast forward a quarter of a century, and all the stuff that sucked is fixed. Well, except for the last remaining bit of male anatomy, but it's small enough that it ain't a big bother. And best of all, nobody can tell what I used to be.

I'm a "glass is half full kind of person."  I couldn't stop smiling and giggling at every new bit of femininity that showed itself when I looked in the mirror.

Really, it has taken about 2.5 years of HRT for me to develop a really feminine body, and a semi pretty face.

You have to be patient with HRT.  It took over 18 months before I even began to be passable.

Be patient and good things will happen. 

Hugs, Carly

I was on DIY HRT for almost 6 years, and only right near the end did I just barely begin to see HER in the mirror... can't wait to restart HRT and get back to that point.  But it will take mountains of patience, just as it did the first time.  The one thing that really helped me was the mental changes... the peace, the calm.  Whenever I had a bout of body dysphoria during that period, I meditated on those, and came back to my center.  You'll get there sister.  Feel HER inside you coming out... bit by bit.

Thank you everyone! I am trying to have patience, I will finish this I began this journey for a reason. To be who I was meant to be, me!

The biggest part of transition is ... waiting. Nothing good comes quickly in this process. The good news is you will find a day when you look in the mirror and see... her.

Transition has been the hardest and best thing ever. I look back at pictures from 3 years ago and think I look horrible but I still saw little changes happening and I was excited.  Changes happen slow and it takes time, but one day you discover that you pass and just accidentally outed yourself because you just assume everyone knows.
At 3 years I pretty much pass but it will only get better as the process nears it's conclusion.
Transition sucks but it's temporary
Hugs
Kitty

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