I attended a local support group for almost a year and learned a lot.

From them, I learned that I am kind of Pollyanna and sheltered in my small West Michigan world.
From them, I learned about how oppressed I am as a trangender person.
From them, I learned how almost all life's cards are stacked against me.
From them, I learned how every different political, racial or gender group feels like they are singled out and subject to bias, discrimination and bad legislation.
From them, I learned how some in our community may never be able to trust new members.
From them, I learned that my feeling different and lonely may not change even though I am a year into HRT transitioning.
From them, I learned how some therapists use support sessions like the ones I attended to recruit and build their business.

I learned that it is most important that "I" finally love myself and with that, that I truly want to live to see another day.
I learned that now that I am fully "out" to almost all my family and friends and how every one of them truly accepted and loved me as I am, that I don't really need to search for new friends or love elsewhere.
I learned that even though living with PTSD from childhood traumas, ADD and other negative acronyms, events and people in my life and youth, I am a survivor and that is why I am still here and considered successful at 65 years of age.
I learned that being hormonally right (with the gender chemicals I need to be me) takes away most of the need to hurt myself.
I learned that I am now strong enough to understand the "why" of my reasons for doing it and will take care to no longer hurt myself anymore.
I learned that I am still very fragile, and this scares me a little, so I need to take care with where I go and who I let into my life.
I learned that I need to take time to enjoy the simple things in life, beaches, picnics, dinners, children, and lots of hugs.
I learned that when you find a good therapist you need to hang on to them and visit them often as they have your best interests in their heart.
I learned that my therapist, whose office is 70 miles away, is better than the one who is 15 miles away.

I knew going in, that this was going to be a difficult journey.
I knew going in, that this journey had to be taken or I would likely not be here a year from today.
I knew going in, that I still have many positive things to do, enjoy and love in life, so I need to continue to push and take charge of my life.
I knew going in, that I needed to keep building on top of the positive foundations and corner-stones of my past.
I knew going in, that when I go boldly in life towards a positive goal, all the forces of nature will come to my aid.
I knew going in, that "it is" my positive mindset that will lead me to my best life, loves and fulfillment.

That said,
I know that I will go back to that group someday after I have walked in more surety of my own life as I search for and find out who I really am.
I know that when I am sure of me, I will contribute positively, gently and lovingly towards their life's journey.
I know too that soon, I must come out to the world as the real me to show blinded or preconceived ideas and people how there are so many colors of the rainbow.
I know that my rainbow is different from the norm, it is solely mine and no trans person should be shoved into a category that is not their own choice.
I know and have seen true evidence that the children of today are going to lead us all over the rainbow if they can somehow avoid and keep adults from getting in their way.
AJ

I was part of a support group for about eighteen months, but I had to leave.

Group was useful to help me get out of the closet and gain confidence in public settings, but I kind of outgrew the need to go be part of a group every week.

I made some good friends there and I cherish their friendship, but other than them, that is one experience that needs to stay in the rear view mirror.

Hugs, Carly

I quit a local support group due to being told I wasn't a "real" TS as I don't pass, don't wear makeup, skirts or heels, like punk rock and metal, muscle cars and ride a Harley.

Quote from: AJ on December 02, 2018, 08:59:01 AM
I attended a local support group for almost a year and learned a lot.

From them, I learned that I am kind of Pollyanna and sheltered in my small West Michigan world.
From them, I learned about how oppressed I am as a trangender person.
From them, I learned how almost all life's cards are stacked against me.
From them, I learned how every different political, racial or gender group feels like they are singled out and subject to bias, discrimination and bad legislation.
From them, I learned how some in our community may never be able to trust new members.
From them, I learned that my feeling different and lonely may not change even though I am a year into HRT transitioning.
From them, I learned how some therapists use support sessions like the ones I attended to recruit and build their business.

I learned that it is most important that "I" finally love myself and with that, that I truly want to live to see another day.
I learned that now that I am fully "out" to almost all my family and friends and how every one of them truly accepted and loved me as I am, that I don't really need to search for new friends or love elsewhere.
I learned that even though living with PTSD from childhood traumas, ADD and other negative acronyms, events and people in my life and youth, I am a survivor and that is why I am still here and considered successful at 65 years of age.
I learned that being hormonally right (with the gender chemicals I need to be me) takes away most of the need to hurt myself.
I learned that I am now strong enough to understand the "why" of my reasons for doing it and will take care to no longer hurt myself anymore.
I learned that I am still very fragile, and this scares me a little, so I need to take care with where I go and who I let into my life.
I learned that I need to take time to enjoy the simple things in life, beaches, picnics, dinners, children, and lots of hugs.
I learned that when you find a good therapist you need to hang on to them and visit them often as they have your best interests in their heart.
I learned that my therapist, whose office is 70 miles away, is better than the one who is 15 miles away.

I knew going in, that this was going to be a difficult journey.
I knew going in, that this journey had to be taken or I would likely not be here a year from today.
I knew going in, that I still have many positive things to do, enjoy and love in life, so I need to continue to push and take charge of my life.
I knew going in, that I needed to keep building on top of the positive foundations and corner-stones of my past.
I knew going in, that when I go boldly in life towards a positive goal, all the forces of nature will come to my aid.
I knew going in, that "it is" my positive mindset that will lead me to my best life, loves and fulfillment.

That said,
I know that I will go back to that group someday after I have walked in more surety of my own life as I search for and find out who I really am.
I know that when I am sure of me, I will contribute positively, gently and lovingly towards their life's journey.
I know too that soon, I must come out to the world as the real me to show blinded or preconceived ideas and people how there are so many colors of the rainbow.
I know that my rainbow is different from the norm, it is solely mine and no trans person should be shoved into a category that is not their own choice.
I know and have seen true evidence that the children of today are going to lead us all over the rainbow if they can somehow avoid and keep adults from getting in their way.
AJ

Took the words right out of my mouth! We see teenage trans activists, an eight year old trans girl on the cover of National Geographic, yet we go on trying to scare them back into the closet. We're dying soon, kids, the world is yours. Take it, and enjoy it. Be you.

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: AJ on December 02, 2018, 08:59:01 AM
...
I know that my rainbow is different from the norm, it is solely mine and no trans person should be shoved into a category that is not their own choice.
...
AJ

AJ, loved reading all of this, but wanted to highlight one line.

Quote from: big kim on December 03, 2018, 01:47:43 AM
I quit a local support group due to being told I wasn't a "real" TS as I don't pass, don't wear makeup, skirts or heels, like punk rock and metal, muscle cars and ride a Harley.

Kim, pretty sad such attitudes exists. If they think like that, you don't need them.

~Dee,

Thank you all for your kind thoughts.
I had my wife of 30+ years read this, and she liked it very much.
Sometimes written words explain more than verbal words.
I needed to back away for the same reasons 'Big Kim' talked of as similar rants were cluttering up and taking time from the sessions.
I didn't understand half of what they were talking about when it came to the significance of todays (seemingly angry) music.
And, I needed to get away from being influenced by their journey(s), so I could fully "own" my fairly new journey.
This was even though I felt my "older, more mature voice" may have been a help to them.
Still, I love every one of them and that is why I might return some day or maybe just decide to "pop in" once or twice a year.
AJ.

Quote from: AJ on December 02, 2018, 08:59:01 AM
I know too that soon, I must come out to the world as the real me to show blinded or preconceived ideas and people how there are so many colors of the rainbow.
I know that my rainbow is different from the norm, it is solely mine and no trans person should be shoved into a category that is not their own choice.
I know and have seen true evidence that the children of today are going to lead us all over the rainbow if they can somehow avoid and keep adults from getting in their way.
AJ

Hello AJ

I wish you every success both in coming out (whenever you chose to do so) and countering those with misplaced views accordingly with evidence and education.

I agree wholeheartedly about the attitude of the younger generation. They understand and accept us. Times are changing. Let us all be ourselves!

Hugs

Pamela

I was waffling over whether or not to try going to a support group, and now I'm wondering if one just might make me feel worse? For those of you who stopped going, did you encounter a lot of negativity from other people? This is part of the reason I've hesitated to go.

I think it really depends on the group.  The group here is very welcoming and supportive.  The first few meetings I went in male mode, and nobody had a problem with this.  They are all cool and there is no pressure at all.

If you encounter negativity, you're not at a support group, you're at a club.

I started going to a weekly support group that is ran by the Dr. that was/did my assessment for HRT.  I went to it for three weeks before my HRT assessment appointment.  Truthfully I have not gained very much information in the group as it a LGBT all inclusive group and there is no real direction. Its like an hour long BS session with no one in charge. Honestly I started going to the group in hopes that it would increase my odds of being placed on HRT. I guess it worked....once I start HRT is a few weeks I am not sure I will be going back.

Jenny

My local group is AWESOME!  It is sad that other people don't have access to similar. For starters everyone who attends suffers or has suffered from gender dysphoria. Sure, sometimes someone says something inappropriate, or something happens that triggers me but those moments are rare compared to the feeling of just not being alone with this anymore.

I went in full 'guy mode' for the first two meetings and now I wear ambiguous clothing bought from the women's section. I've only had negativity about that from one person (that person was the only one there who was simply a crossdresser and not someone who suffers from dysphoria) and people came to my defense.

I love going to the meetings and I always come back on a high even when there have been negative moments. We are people not robots, so sometimes things are said or done that upset you but don't let it stop you getting extra support. My last meeting started awful but I just went and sat with some other people and enjoyed the rest of the evening chatting. Then the people who upset me at the start kind of apologised at the end, so they must've realised that they had upset me and offered an olive branch which I was happy to accept. We can't all be nice and perfect every single moment of the day... there will be times when people are anxious, depressed, tired etc. and as a result are slightly rude. You just got to let it slide.

Having a crossdresser questioning whether I am trans enough because I don't wear a dress to a meeting (when 95% of the group are in leggings or jeans and he is the only one there who doesn't suffer dysphoria), isn't going to phase me. I know who I am, I know what I suffer and the difference between me and him is that I crossdress every day in male clothing, wearing a dress is crossdressing for him because he's not a woman. So it is just different types of trans... he's a ->-bleeped-<-, I am likely to be transsexual. Doesn't bother me one bit what he says, we are on different pages. For me it is about matching my body and mind not playing dress up. 

So don't let petty things like that upset you and stop you getting support. If it is just one or two individuals then simply sit next to someone more supportive. Also don't limit yourself to the women (mtf) in the group. Some of the men (ftm) are very supportive and nice too. I know nothing about the LGBT scene but I had a very nice conversation the other night with Steve in our group who was able to fill me in on all the latest gossip etc.

As I said, I always leave on a high because simply knowing that I am not alone and I have the support of some wonderful people is an amazing feeling. And if you are not fortunate enough to have the same, think about setting your own group up and inviting just the people who you know suffer from dysphoria. I'm pretty sure that in the beginning my group probably splintered from a wider LGBT group that included crossdressers and drag queens.

Keep positive people and spread the love.

love
Alice

Having some support, acceptance, and affirmations is very helpful, regardless where it comes from.

Try support groups and see if any help you.  You will perhaps gradually "graduate" from support group helpfulness for you specifically but then you may stick around for awhile to warmly welcome and help newbies.  Then there may even be a more advanced support group, such as for full-timers only.

I am unsure about handling unaccepting people in a support group and what to do about their comments except to ignore them, or to attend a different group if possible.  If it occurs too much I would not stay for the abuse.  This assumes you go to a group that is supposed to be supportive for trans-women or trans-men, whichever applies to you, so you conform to the group's expectations for who should be attending that group.

Chrissy

@ Alice
You are so very right with your statement that clothing does not indicate who is more and who is less trans!
Because I do not have a clear gender identity, I can wear any style of clothing without having any sign of dysphoria.
My youngest female friend is very, very feminin (and big busted), and she prefers to run around in her husbands shorts and t-shirts, because they are so nice and large, which is a good thing here in southern Florida.  Nobody in the entire world would ever question her whether she is a woman or not, no matter how much male clothing she is wearing!
why should we not be able to dress like this, just because we are not cis women?

As with all things trans, this seems to be a very individual thing. A lot probably depends on the extent to which you are out.  If you are closeted or just coming out, they're probably a lot more useful in making friends and becoming part of the community. Ironically, people that are out likely have more issues to discuss, but they have more friends to talk to.

Quote from: Dietlind on December 04, 2018, 12:29:04 AM
I think it really depends on the group.  The group here is very welcoming and supportive.  The first few meetings I went in male mode, and nobody had a problem with this.  They are all cool and there is no pressure at all.

Yeah I had the same experience with my local support group.  Went in boy mode and I wasn't the only one either.  It has been mostly a positive experience for me and has given me more confidence.

Every person and group is different of course but I've been to 2 different groups and they were both very friendly.  People at all different stages of their transition and no one has ever made negative comments about anyone else other than themselves.

It's good just to talk with other people struggling with similar issues.  Plus you might make some new friends    They can help you find the right medical care too whether its HRT, surgeries, hair removal, or just general practitioners who aren't transphobic.