On my third day of serious down time ... hmm, let me back up a bit ....

Monday: by 8 am I had cleaned off all my makeup, tied my hair back, and stuffed it into the collar of my shirt. Walk fast and no one will stop you to talk
Tuesday: I didn't bother with makeup at all, I didn't shave, I kept my baggy overshirt on all day
Wednesday, today: Still no make-up, still didn't shave. My face is a brillo pad.

... to continue ... today started like the other two. Then, a difference. As I was walking towards a stairwell, one of the gals stopped me and asked, "How are you doing, are you OK?" My normal reply is a one of, "OK","I'm Fine", "Great". I started to say, "I'm good" and stopped mid word, looked at her and said, "Not so good".

Immediate commiseration and a big hug (had to pull back lest I break down, and I told her so). She asked a few questions about why, what's wrong etc. Which led up to her asking, "Want to do lunch? We can sit and chat". At first I stumbled a bit with .. No, I'm not sure, etc. then I realized, I really wanted to do it. She was reaching out. Old me would not have considered it at all. I knew I had to.

Well, we ended up sitting outside at a picnic table, just the two of us, chatting a bit about different things, some (ok, a lot) about me and what I'm going through, not all of it though. Some was just general chat. More hugs as we separated to get back to work.

I realized as I went back to my desk that I no longer felt down. I felt pretty good.

I have a great family, a great wife, I have no complaints. Sometimes, though, you need someone outside to acknowledge you, to see you. Someone with no vested interest anything else other than you being you.

Part of my down was feeling alone. Yes this is self-inflicted. there are several gals here at work that care. All I have to do is reach out even if it's just to say, "Hi".

It was a good lunch

Faith
Happy to hear you had a nice lunch with a friend.
It's good to open up to people you can trust.
You should invite her to sit and have lunch with you one afternoon.
AJ

One thing I've learned in the nine months since fully coming out is, the best part of being a girl is girl talk.

I'm weathering a few downers myself (can't get FFS due to a long running sinus infection, and my endo cut my estrogen dosage) but any day I get to work at my favorite courthouse and spend a break talking to my girls over there is a good one.

I hope you feel better.

Hugs, Carly

Faith, I'm so glad that you discovered what you were looking for, and discovered what you were looking for. Such great progress! May you savor it!

Thanks for the replies. I am feeling much better. I'm on the high side of the mood pendulum. Does anyone know how to make it stay there?

I've woken up and realized that I have several girl friends (not girlfriends). Accepted and welcomed, it's very nice and fills a void that I wasn't aware of. Now I have to learn how to interact. Based on their responses, I'm not doing too badly

Finally had a chance to read this thread.  Sounds like a great lunch. 

How to keep the good days going? Keep interacting with your friends at work. Reach out to them if needed, like when you said you weren't doing too well. 

You're doing fine lady.





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Quote from: Faith on December 15, 2018, 08:17:41 AM
Thanks for the replies. I am feeling much better. I'm on the high side of the mood pendulum. Does anyone know how to make it stay there?

There is no sure way of always being on the high side but two things can help. Figure out where the downers are in your life and then do one of two things. If it's something not important in your life and it can be avoided, then do so. If it's something that needs to be in your life, you need to understand that the trouble it causes you will pass so deal with it and move on in your life. Nobody has a perfect life but it's a matter of putting the bad times in perspective.

A good lunch indeed dear sister... 😃👍

Hugs and Lotsa Love,

A 🙋‍♀️💕🌸

An excellent lunch

Stay on the high side? yeah, kind of a rhetorical question. I'd at least like to reduce how severe the swings are

My deep depressions are caused ... by me. My self-esteem, my self-image, my confidence, my doubts. I am slowly gathering people around me that not only know this, they accept me and reach out to help.

I think my depression days are numbered, it can't come any too soon and I was impatiently waiting. Now I realize that I need to layout and execute a battle plan ..... riiiiight

Quote from: Faith on December 15, 2018, 10:56:43 AM

Stay on the high side? yeah, kind of a rhetorical question. I'd at least like to reduce how severe the swings are

My deep depressions are caused ... by me. My self-esteem, my self-image, my confidence, my doubts.

What great insight, Faith! What a load! I wonder what provokes such thoughts and feelings of low self esteem, etc. Any ideas?

Quote
I am slowly gathering people around me that not only know this, they accept me and reach out to help.

This sounds like the very best preventive medicine!

Quote
I think my depression days are numbered, it can't come any too soon and I was impatiently waiting. Now I realize that I need to layout and execute a battle plan ..... riiiiight

Sounds like you've already laid out and started executing your battle plan. Yay!