1. I knew I was not like the other kids when I was young, but I didn't know why or the terms of for transgender people until after I learned I was asexual, which came in high school. Resources for the LGBT community in rural Texas during the early 2000's meant I learned what asexual was before transgender.

2. Unrelated. Sexual orientation does not affect identity. We are as likely to be sexual or asexual as most. Some don't engage in sex as a choice because of their dysphoria, which is not the same as having a non-sexual orientation. The behaviors derived of need or circumstance do not an identity make.

I am demisexual (that's asexual where we can develop sexual attraction to some we have a deep emotional connection with) and nonbinary transgender. I find both to have been mutually exclusive and one never informed the other.

Like @Artistic_Gene I am demisexual, essentially no sexual interest until a strong romantic/emotional connection is formed.  Then things change.

My transition, accepting that I can violate cultural taboos, led me to evaluate my sexuality much more honestly than when I tried to regard it through my assigned gender role, and I have been able to recognize the interesting variations that make up, wel... ME.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 25, 2018, 09:05:18 AM
Does being asexual include no self-pleasuring when alone to an orgasm?
I do not think being asexual includes abstaining or celibacy.

If I understand the concept of asexual, that means you have no interest in having sex with anyone.  I wonder then if that means you will not be sexually attracted to anyone and that you will have no sexual fantasies.

Chrissy

I am attracted to other females that fit my scheme of desire.  I judge their bodily features, their faces etc., but I have not the desire to have sex with them.  The thought about sex may cross my mind for a second, but goes away as fast.  I never had sex with a woman as a woman, but only as a male.  Later on in life, it felt more like a duty than a pleasure, an I tried to avoid it as good as I could.  After my wife and I split up, I never had a sexual encounter with any other person, and the libido wen away pretty much. 
Once in a while i think I should test myself (my libido or whatever you want to call it), and try to masturbate, I even bought a vibrator for his, because my penis has shrunk down to less than 2", and while thinking about setting up, I get diverted and forget absolutely about masturbation.  I might com back to the idea a month later or so, and will not do it because of some trivial reason that seems to be more important at the moment.  I own this vibrator now for more than 1/2 year, and ist is still in it's original packaging.
I think my libido is not even strong enough for any self pleasuring, and no, I also do not have sexual fantasies anymore.
I don't know if that would change when I would have had SRS.   MY brain might have decided to turn my libido off, because I have noting anymore, which could use for sexual pleasure, even with a partner not. 
My sexual orientation is still absolutely directed toward females only, and even with the best effort a partner would not be able to stimulate me sexually anymore.  One cannot do anything with nothing!

I  didn't know I was trans til I was 21. My life was like a jigsaw puzzle where I was given a piece every so often and it was only in 1978 that I was able to fit them all together. The clues were there, I hated boy's haircuts but by the time of my 13th birthday I got away with longer hair (1970). Wondered why the boys were terrified of being made to play a boys part in the school play, I often daydreamed of starting a new school as a girl or faking my own death and living the rest of my life as a woman. I had little enthusiasm for sport though I liked fishing, cars & motorbikes. When I was 14 & 1/2 Bobby, one of the older boys at school rode past my friend & I on his BSA motorbike with Dianne his girlfriend on the back, hair streaming out beneath her helmet, arms round his waste. My friend wished he was Bobby, I wanted to be Dianne. I'd been dressing and using cosmetics in secret for a year by then. I had a few girlfriends at school but it never got past kissing, I liked boys as well but I was 19 before I had a fling with a guy. Girls usually ditched me after a few months, I was 18 when I lost my virginity in the interval of the Sweeney. I was wild after that and had many flings with men & women but by my late 20s hmy libido had fallen off considerably.
I was 5 & 1/2 years post op before losing my virginity then again I went wild with a string of girlfriends & boyfriends til my late 40s when I kind of lost interest again.Had the occasional fling with guys mainly but me under retired though I could be coaxed out of retirement if the right guy or girl came along!

1. If you are trans and mainly asexual (including "retired"), which did you discover first - that you are trans or that you are asexual. I knew I was trans in childhood so it is the former for me.

I discovered I was trans at 20 (even though subtle signs were in the past) and went to my first ace meetup a few months after bottom surgery before going on estrogen (see signature). About a year later I admitted I am demiseuxal/heteromantic and took a while to truly understand this is why I get bored of sex sometimes even though
the idea excites me and kink is fine.

2. If you are trans and mainly asexual (including "retired"), is there a connection - a direct one or a remote one - please? Is/was your libido low due to being trans or is it coincidental? Obviously I have the misalignment of body to mind but I don't know if that resulted in me being asexual. Has I been born cis, would I have still been asexual? I don't know. Perhaps many of us trans or cis choose to be celibate as we simply never meet the "right one" and that I can relate to.

I'm demisexual so the emotional connection must be there. Also I know after I get a vagina my sex drive will temporarily sky rocket then decline after the novelty wears off just like it did this year due to sheltering myself from sex all my life for 25 years.

Quote from: HappyMoni on December 25, 2018, 08:33:51 AM
Pamela,
   I am glad you started this thread. It is good for folks to have a place to discuss this thing you have in common.

  As for being asexual, I am not ready for that. Maybe one day. Although I had sex for many years, mentally it was painful to be in the wrong body. Very often I guess I was asexual when having sex because I was fighting the whole situation in my head. Now I have my body right, I am not satisfied with no sex. It's like I waged a war to get to this point, why would I not want to go forward. I see asexuality is a fallback that would be okay if I had to. I'm not sure you all see it that way. I hope that is not regarded as insulting.
Moni

Thank you Moni. I understand your feelings. I assure you I do not regard any of your comments here or elsewhere as insulting.

Hugs

Pamela

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on December 25, 2018, 09:05:18 AM
Does being asexual include no self-pleasuring when alone to an orgasm?
I do not think being asexual includes abstaining or celibacy.

If I understand the concept of asexual, that means you have no interest in having sex with anyone.  I wonder then if that means you will not be sexually attracted to anyone and that you will have no sexual fantasies.

Chrissy

Chrissy

Yes I agree with Kylo. Asexuality means no desire to participate in sex with others or on your own or to have sexual fantasies or to think about having sex. Celibacy means giving it up or restraining oneself.

Just to clarify:
I am not 100% asexual; I am asexual with minor lesbian tendencies.

Hugs

Pamela

Quote from: Zoey421 on December 24, 2018, 11:21:16 AM
I found an earlier comment by @kirsteneklund7 in this thread interesting where she mentions a girlfriend telling her "you like my body because deep down you want to be a woman don't you." This resonates with me. I have always found the female body fascinating and beautiful. Deep down I think my attraction to females was because I wanted to be one and came to accept this in my 50s.

Thank you for starting this thread, Pamela.

Hugs Zoey

Thank you Zoey for your kind words and I completely agree with the comment from Kirsten to which you refer.

I find the female body so beautiful and like both of you, this is because I have always wished to have a female body - not since 50 in my case but all my life!

Hugs

Pamela

Thank you Zoey

Quote from: Artistic_Gene on December 25, 2018, 01:47:23 PM
1. I knew I was not like the other kids when I was young, but I didn't know why or the terms of for transgender people until after I learned I was asexual, which came in high school. Resources for the LGBT community in rural Texas during the early 2000's meant I learned what asexual was before transgender.

2. Unrelated. Sexual orientation does not affect identity. We are as likely to be sexual or asexual as most. Some don't engage in sex as a choice because of their dysphoria, which is not the same as having a non-sexual orientation. The behaviors derived of need or circumstance do not an identity make.

I am demisexual (that's asexual where we can develop sexual attraction to some we have a deep emotional connection with) and nonbinary transgender. I find both to have been mutually exclusive and one never informed the other.

Hello ArtisticGene

Thank you for your comments which I truly appreciate.

1. I note asexual before trans for you.

2. I agree entirely that gender identity and sexual orientation are unrelated and separate; however I respect the views of the others members who consider them to be connected.

3. I have already described myself as asexual with minor lesbian tendencies. However I now see myself as also having minor demisexual tendencies as I could only be sexually involved if there were to be a romantic and emotional connection beforehand.

Hugs

Pamela

Michelle/Krone6

Thank you for your comments which I truly appreciate.

I note that there are now at least 4 of us - you and me and ArtisticGene that self classify as demisexual.

Most interesting.

Thank you to others who have also highlighted so many aspects to this debate.

Hugs to all

Pamela

Quote from: pamelatransuk on December 27, 2018, 10:37:39 AM
Michelle/Krone6

Thank you for your comments which I truly appreciate.

I note that there are now at least 4 of us - you and me and ArtisticGene that self classify as demisexual.

Most interesting.

Thank you to others who have also highlighted so many aspects to this debate.

Hugs to all

Pamela

The way you classified demisexual, I might belong to this group, too!  I never had sex just for the sake of sex, I could do it only if a emotional/romantic connection was present.
I am asexual, but i still like o see the naked female body, or a pretty female face, not for any sexual reasons, just for the beauty of it.
I have no desire to see  a naked male body, no matter how many muscles are packet on it, I do not feel it (the male body) to be a pleasurable sight!

Hmm, I've been thinking about this thread for a couple days. I would be classified as Asexual I guess since I have never had any desire to ever have sex with anyone. I only ever considered the idea once in the 9th grade and then figured out I'd rather be the girl and so tossed the idea. I've never even thought about the subject since all the years ago. Like many I "Play" with my self as a way to cope with my dysphoria induced stress and anxiety issues. The idea of sex and seeing ugly hairy male bodies actually grosses me out.

Lisa

Quote from: Dietlind on December 27, 2018, 08:56:31 PM
The way you classified demisexual, I might belong to this group, too!  I never had sex just for the sake of sex, I could do it only if a emotional/romantic connection was present.
I am asexual, but i still like o see the naked female body, or a pretty female face, not for any sexual reasons, just for the beauty of it.
I have no desire to see  a naked male body, no matter how many muscles are packet on it, I do not feel it (the male body) to be a pleasurable sight!

Hello again Linde

That makes 5 of us here. I wouldn't mind betting there are so many Susans' Members (who may or may not be mainly asexual) that are demisexual meaning sex absolutely out without romantic/emotional connection!

As you may expect, I confirm I agree precisely and I feel the same way as you describe.

Hugs

Pamela

Quote from: Lisa89125 on December 27, 2018, 09:18:34 PM
Hmm, I've been thinking about this thread for a couple days. I would be classified as Asexual I guess since I have never had any desire to ever have sex with anyone. I only ever considered the idea once in the 9th grade and then figured out I'd rather be the girl and so tossed the idea. I've never even thought about the subject since all the years ago.
The idea of sex and seeing ugly hairy male bodies actually grosses me out.

Lisa

Hello again Lisa

Welcome to asexuality!

Clearly you think the same way as Kirsten, Zoey, Linde and me in essentially dismissing sex and preferring the beauty of the female body both for the sake of it (without sex) and because we all wish to possess it and be female ourselves.

This thread is convincing me even more how wide the gender spectrum and the sexuality spectrum are.

The latest aspect I have determined from so many interesting comments is that there may be so many overlaps (as in Venn Diagrams) between MTF Transgender and Asexual and Minor Lesbian and Demisexual some of which may be latent which further complicates the situation.

Hugs

Pamela

Pamela, When this first came up I had to sit back and figure out what the terms meant. the spectrum's are very broad and I think there is a fair bit more at work here than most of us realized. I honestly hate even thinking about masturbating. Even that has gotten the point of grossing me out. Ick!

Lisa

Quote from: Lisa89125 on December 28, 2018, 03:11:52 PM
Pamela, When this first came up I had to sit back and figure out what the terms meant. the spectrum's are very broad and I think there is a fair bit more at work here than most of us realized. I honestly hate even thinking about masturbating. Even that has gotten the point of grossing me out. Ick!

Lisa

Hi Lisa, I think self-pleasure, masturbating, for example, is a way to experience gratification without having to focus your sexuality on another person. I found an interesting website with FAQs at https://www.asexuality.org/?q=general.html#ex9 that was helpful. A person who masturbates could be asexual and they do so not because of an external sex drive but rather a need to fulfill personal libido, relieve stress, or because they find it pleasurable.

What I find interesting is the spectrum of people who are asexual or transgender. I think it is important to be open to a wider set of possibilities.

Hugs Zoey

Indeed so, Zoey.

I note and agree that one can have a romantic attraction to someone without any desire for a sexual relationship.

I agree for me the three separate names apply - romantic, sensual, sexual. As a mainly asexual (and as it happens trans) person, I experience romantic attraction towards a woman occasionally, sensual attraction towards the same woman possibly later and would consider sexual attraction to the same woman most unlikely but it could just about happen. Sexual attraction to anyone at all without romantic and/or sensual attraction absolutely no chance whatsoever for me.

This is further confirmation for me that I am (and perhaps others are?) transgender, mainly asexual with minor lesbian tendencies and demisexual.

As I stated at the start of this thread and I think few would dispute it: there is certainly a higher percentage of asexual people within the transgender community than in the population as a whole.

I suspect there may be a higher percentage of demisexual people in the transgender community than in the population as a whole.

My view is that gender identity and sexual interest are separate subjects but I respect those for whom they be intertwined. Needless to say, in terms of any form of participation I would by far prefer kissing, cuddling and hugging to a sexual act.

Hugs and Cuddles to all!

Pamela 

Quote from: pamelatransuk on December 29, 2018, 05:56:27 AM
Indeed so, Zoey.

I note and agree that one can have a romantic attraction to someone without any desire for a sexual relationship.

I agree for me the three separate names apply - romantic, sensual, sexual. As a mainly asexual (and as it happens trans) person, I experience romantic attraction towards a woman occasionally, sensual attraction towards the same woman possibly later and would consider sexual attraction to the same woman most unlikely but it could just about happen. Sexual attraction to anyone at all without romantic and/or sensual attraction absolutely no chance whatsoever for me.

This is further confirmation for me that I am (and perhaps others are?) transgender, mainly asexual with minor lesbian tendencies and demisexual.

Pamela

Are we identical twins, separated at birth?   

Quote from: pamelatransuk on December 29, 2018, 05:56:27 AM
Indeed so, Zoey.

I note and agree that one can have a romantic attraction to someone without any desire for a sexual relationship.

I agree for me the three separate names apply - romantic, sensual, sexual. As a mainly asexual (and as it happens trans) person, I experience romantic attraction towards a woman occasionally, sensual attraction towards the same woman possibly later and would consider sexual attraction to the same woman most unlikely but it could just about happen. Sexual attraction to anyone at all without romantic and/or sensual attraction absolutely no chance whatsoever for me.

This is further confirmation for me that I am (and perhaps others are?) transgender, mainly asexual with minor lesbian tendencies and demisexual.

As I stated at the start of this thread and I think few would dispute it: there is certainly a higher percentage of asexual people within the transgender community than in the population as a whole.

I suspect there may be a higher percentage of demisexual people in the transgender community than in the population as a whole.

My view is that gender identity and sexual interest are separate subjects but I respect those for whom they be intertwined. Needless to say, in terms of any form of participation I would by far prefer kissing, cuddling and hugging to a sexual act.

Hugs and Cuddles to all!

Pamela 

Hi Pamela, for me, right now, It is more about companionship than anything else, that includes kissing, hugging, and cuddles.

Hugs Zoey

Quote from: pamelatransuk on December 27, 2018, 10:31:11 AM
3. I have already described myself as asexual with minor lesbian tendencies. However I now see myself as also having minor demisexual tendencies as I could only be sexually involved if there were to be a romantic and emotional connection beforehand.

I'm glad to be able to bring the word and definition to your awareness. Most people are aware of asexuals (aces) but many who are aware of them aren't aware of gray-aces, or what's between sexual and non-sexual. Demi falls in that category. I remember I first identified as asexual, then when I met my husband I finally realized I could have sexual feelings. Outside of him though I'm perfectly disinterested in sex. I was never a usual sort, I suppose