Well, I took the first step to more than just growing my hair, shaving, and female-dressing in private. My therapist advised me to talk to my primary care doc about getting electrolysis or laser hair removal as a first step. So I just changed doctors to a PCP who is trans experienced. First appointment is in early November (pickyness requires patience).

So I guess this is how it starts...

That is a good start. Laser will remove hair temporarily and eventually make it disappear. Electrolysis takes longer but is permanent. It is estimated a face has 30,000 hairs. My electrologist can remove between three and four hundred hairs in an hour. Or about 90 hours. HRT will help in thinning out hair. My PCP has been excellent in taking care of me but I can go no further than HRT. A few others that belong to the same insurance have received surgeries. Good luck in your journey.
Hugs

According to my therapist, and I agree with them, I'm more confident that "something's up" than I've been before, questioning your gender for 3 or 4 years is a pretty sure bet that you aren't cis-gender, and all those signs you keep pointing to are not simply pure coincidence. Beyond that, The beard is getting shorter, one step down the razor size thingy every few weeks, with any luck the slow change will work our well, at least in my head I think I'm being sneaky.

My therapist told me to imagine fully who I feel like I am on the inside. I've definitely done this while at the gym, seeing myself as female, or distinctly not male at the very minimum, but usually more female than male (had I been born female, I'd probably still be gender-queer though there's no way to know that for certain). But in the spirit of what they were asking for, I've started to try to really think about who I feel like I am, and who I wish I saw when I look in the mirror.

So I created an avatar for this site using an online avatar builder, I tried to be as honest to a picture of myself that a friend took a few months back, but with my desired female hairstyle which I'm getting very close to these days. The site I used even had my slightly sideways smirk .

What websites have you all used for this? Are there any good ones that my google-fu missed?

Congrats on the beginning. Electrolysis is a long process. About 90-120 hours. It's not cheap. Nanci is cheaper than  most by about $20 a session. If you get the ok and insurance is going to pay for it. Thumbs up. It can be painful but if you drink lots of water and give up the caffeine it is a lot easier. Ask your Doc for lidocaine / priylocaine cream to put on about an hour before the procedure and make sure to cover it with plastic wrap to keep it moist and let it do it's work. It will be a much nicer process if you do this.

Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk

This weekend I took what for me was a big step, I shaved my face! I got the best reviewed electric razor I could find and it did an ok job compared to a plain razor like I used in the past. It looked weird after having my beard for four years, and I'd never seen myself with a clean face and long hair, it's an adjustment to the reality of it. I do like it though.

I used Halloween as an excuse, because my freinds were having a gender nonconforming themed party, to also go out dressed up for the first time. I went dressed up and in makeup allong with other things to make the full costume. Thry all know I'm genderqueer by now so no big surprises for anyone. It went good, and I was definately happy with how it went. I also discovered that I hate heels, I'd like to know what satanic hellspawn came up with that idea.

Seeing myself fully dressed up, shaved, in very subtle makeup, I didn't cry only because I didnt want to have to redo it all.

@Sam1066
Dear Sam:  This is exciting news for you....  this is just the beginning for sure... after Halloween you will have to come up with other excuses to publicly get all dressed up, shaved clean, and makeup applied.   
Since you became a member here over 2 months ago I recall your several interesting and detailed postings describing your life up to this point of deciding to go ahead with transition plans.

When is your planned doctor appointment in November....    soon, like before Thanksgiving time?   
As you start your journey it will be an exciting time for you.   Do you have plans to tell any of your close and good friends? 
If you do, it will  be nice to have support from those that you come-out to and accept your life decision early on.

I will be following your progress as you feel free to share.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Awesome progress! Way to go!

Well, my doctors visit is this week, and with things solidifying in my head I think the timing is good. I can say with confidence I'm some degree or shape of genderqueer. I dont know how far it goes, what exactly will happen, and I'm trying not to guess too much. So far I've taken slow deliberate steps to see if I like what is happening, how I feel the 2nd and 3rd time, etc. I dont want to jump into a new step until I've reflected on it and the previous steps thus far.

I'm out to my partner and close friends. Family no, and probably not unless it becomes nessesary, same with work. I dont know yet what full time looks like for me, I think I would like to be seen as a queer woman, but I gotta be sure ya know?

I know my next steps are to get a diagnosis, maybe a 2nd opinion from another therapist if that's needed. And start hair removal and voice lessons.

I'm working on finding a good local group where I can discuss things in person, next week there is a discussion group for genderqueer folks where I live that I'm going to attend for the first time, hopefully that will pan out well.  Its been surprisingly difficult to find a local group...

All really exciting steps.
Good for you

First visit to a GP

Nothing quite prepares one for this experience I guess. I picked out a doctor based on a list of queer freindly doctors on my plan, and the ally badge in their photo on the search site. The past few weeks leading up to this were very hectic, so I didnt give much thought to what I was going to say until I was about to walk in the door.

My therapist told me to go to get hair removal and voice therapy, so i had a mission.

As soon as the visit started I was nervous, I'd have to tell them what's up at some point, no way around it, and then what about feeling like I'd have to justify it all?

Well, after they were cool about other aspects of my medical history, I told them why I was there, to start some early gender transition stuff, that I'm nonbinary and figuring it out. They asked me to explain a bit about my experience and background with gender stuff, and that they had several trans clients. I imidiately felt the need to defend myself, which from outside my head is ridiculous, it's like I was primed to feel like I would have to.

I gave the short version, they asked some questions that I dont fully have answers to myself about dysphoria and my experiences, I was honest about not really knowing a lot of it yet, but there are some things i do know. All the while feeling very uncomfortable divulging all of this to a total stranger.

They then told me that it sounds to them without needing more info that I have dysphoria, that they would give me a diagnosis but that it's only a tool for insurance purposes, and then we talked a bit about my plans for the future.

Whew, that was stressful, difficult, but now my medical files officially say I'm nonbinary, and my pronouns are they/them. Taking a second to process that before I get back to my insane (lately) job... that feels pretty d*** good.

A few things happened since last update.

I got in touch with insurance and some providers to start getting lined up for a 2nd opinion about my gender dysphoria, primarily because my insurance requires two letters to cover literally ANYTHING at all related to transition, but once those letters are in it covers EVERYTHING. I'm fine with getting a 2nd opinion, gives me a reason to see a psychologist and get another perspective.

I also found some in person groups to talk to, and meeting a group of transwomen in person was, and I don't mean this with any ill will about this site whatsoever, worth 6 months of browsing forums and sub->-bleeped-<-s online condensed into two hours. After speaking with people in person, seeing who they are and how they present with where they are at, and how similar they are to myself, I'm much more certain about myself. The gamer / tomboy / power lesbian self image really is who I am.

After a long conversation with a close friend who is slowly coming out to themselves as nonbinary, I struck up a coffee date with another good friend who is a transman, came out to them and asked a bunch of questions. After that, even more so I feel sure that I'm going down the right path.

It's late so I can't really put it all into lengthy words like it probably deserves, but my journey has started a pivot from questioning to planning, I know male isn't me, some degree of female is, and I feel much more at home in that mode, presenting that way with the people closest to me. I'm going to start going for speech therapy and hair removal. After some amount of social transition I want to feel out starting hormones, and I know now that if that ends up feeling right for me, I'm going to start working towards a full time transition to female.

This really does need a lot more words to go into it in depth, but, this is where I'm at right now.

Hey Sam, have you appeared in front of anyone dressed in female presentation? I remember this being very important to me figuring out if I really was going in the right direction. I set aside my feeling of nervousness as I accessed how I felt because sure you are nervous. I really loved the idea that people perceived me as female. Hated if that didn't happen. This told me a lot.

@HappyMoni yes I have, about 3 times. Every time it has been very rewarding, and while it doesnt fix all of my social anxiety it does help me feel more OK, I think for me to really get the most out of it I will need to live it part time. I have a lot of built up anxiety around not wanting to be one of the guys but rather one of the girls in a group, but feeling like that is a sacred space that I should never occupy for so many years has left a mark, but with my chosen group of freinds I can see this changing. One small example a while back for me was being invited to girls night, before I even came out, that made me very happy.

Sam,
   I don't really know your personal situation with anxiety. The first period of being out can be an anxious time. The more you do it, the easier it gets. Once I set my mind on being out in public, there was a bit of anxiety and nervousness, sure. Because I wanted to be out so bad though, I found that if for some reason I gave into my fears and bailed on being out, (presenting female), my anxiety really spiked. Not only had I let my fear control me, but I was anxious because I did. Life is weird, right? The best thing I found to do was to do what I wanted/needed to do and take the fear along as a traveling companion. One day, when you look back, you will probably wonder why you stressed about so much. I do.
Moni

I think you're right, I will look back and wo der why I stressed and why i took things way to seriously. I guess though that this is all part of the process of becoming comfortable enough to be in your own skin, I'll get there , thank you!