Hi I am a male to female something.
I don't know yet what I am.
All I know is that I like being a woman but at the same time I can accept being a man to.
I am now 31 years old but have felt that something is different from others sins my early teens.
I like to wear women's clothing and makeup and that makes me calm.
It's no sexual thing. I thought that before.
I am going to a gender therapist now.
I have two kids one boy(5) and one girl(3,5) my fiancee 34 with the third on the way this summer.
And they don't know anything about the way I feel.
I have been reading a lot of posts here sins I found Susan's this summer.
I will come back with more posts I hope so thanks In advance to all the people who read my posts.
I am grateful that I am able to vent my thoughts and feelings here and maybe get some feedback too.
Everything is so complicated and scary.

Hi Tj87 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

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Hugs

V M

Hi Tj87

I'm also a relative newbie poster here, but have been reading the forum for many many years.

Your story sounds similar to mine (& many others as you will probably find out).  In my early 30's I was confronted by the stress over my gender identity so much that I didn't know what to do, where to turn and felt like my world was ending.  At the time I had a similar family situation to yours and it was super hard being there fully for them.

Each persons situation is unique and ultimately you will need to work out what is best for you, and your family.  If I could go back in time and give myself some advice I would say to younger me: Most importantly focus on 1. looking after yourself with good diet & exercise.  It doesn't have to be a big thing, just a few easy minutes every day to remind yourself how important you are.  2. be upfront with your partner and keep loving your family with all your heart. 3. Yolo, honour all people & enjoy being a transwoman.  4. Get some professional support from a counsellor (& keep going), stop repressing yourself, listen to your heart, trust yourself, honour yourself, and be strong. You are a wonderful gift to the world, remember that everyday.

Lots of Hugs
Anna

Quote from: Tj87 on December 28, 2018, 04:01:07 AM
Hi I am a male to female something.
I don't know yet what I am.
All I know is that I like being a woman but at the same time I can accept being a man to.
I am now 31 years old but have felt that something is different from others sins my early teens.
I like to wear women's clothing and makeup and that makes me calm.
It's no sexual thing. I thought that before.
I am going to a gender therapist now.
I have two kids one boy(5) and one girl(3,5) my fiancee 34 with the third on the way this summer.
And they don't know anything about the way I feel.
I have been reading a lot of posts here sins I found Susan's this summer.
I will come back with more posts I hope so thanks In advance to all the people who read my posts.
I am grateful that I am able to vent my thoughts and feelings here and maybe get some feedback too.
Everything is so complicated and scary.

I know how that feels.In 2015 At age 46 with 2 young sons and a wife I love I couldnt hold it in any more and started gender therapy and HRT. That stabilised me . Now Im 49 years old.

I dont know if I will fully transition but expressing my feminine side after work and crossdressing most days relieves the pressure.

I still have my family and everyone knows I am trans. I have a masculine side & and a feminine side but I dont think Im non- binary. I think I am just me and these days try to express myself without suppression.

I would love to be a CIS woman but Im not- so I just do the best I can with the cards I got dealt.

I like my life.

I would love to hear more of your experience as it unfolds.

Kind regards, Kirsten.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Thank you so mutch for the feedback
Yes som days it's fine to just be a man but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think "what if I was a woman".
And i get this frustrating feeling incide my head that turns to anger and a short fuse.
I am not a violent person an I have never hurt anyone.
And never will physically but I can say stuff I don't really mean or want to say.

The worst thing is I get so stuck in my head that I forget to see my kids.
To be in the moment with them and play.
I try my best but i can get better.
Yesterday I was laying on the floor for three hours building with my son a Lego helicopter he got for Christmas. And we had a blast laying there.
He hugged me an thanked me after for helping him.
An this morning I played with my daughter and her peppa the pig house.
I don't want to miss stuff like that.

Quote from: Tj87 on December 30, 2018, 10:20:39 AM
Thank you so mutch for the feedback
Yes som days it's fine to just be a man but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think "what if I was a woman".
And i get this frustrating feeling incide my head that turns to anger and a short fuse.
I am not a violent person an I have never hurt anyone.
And never will physically but I can say stuff I don't really mean or want to say.

The worst thing is I get so stuck in my head that I forget to see my kids.
To be in the moment with them and play.
I try my best but i can get better.
Yesterday I was laying on the floor for three hours building with my son a Lego helicopter he got for Christmas. And we had a blast laying there.
He hugged me an thanked me after for helping him.
An this morning I played with my daughter and her peppa the pig house.
I don't want to miss stuff like that.

You are so right - the satisfaction that family brings is very important.

Do you think expressing yourself as a woman at home would cause damage to the family dynamic? I introduced my feminine side slowly and it has been mostly OK.

Kindest regards,Kirsten

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

I don't quite know Kirsten.
i have a rather big colection of leggings mostly nike cotton and thongs.
And she accepted it after I said I liked it better than jogging pants.
I try to use the eyelashes bender "don't quite know what it's called"
And once she understood that I had used it when we sat in the car and asked me straight out if I had used it.
I panicked and said something like that I had scratched my eye or something.
I dare not use macare in front of her.

She accepts some things but i don`t know how far i can take it.

Welcome to this wonderful community!

I understand that you have not come to terms with your feelings and thoughts yet and that is totally okay.

This is a journey that will take you closer to yourself and your thoughts.

Wish you all the best.
Hugs!

Quote from: Tj87 on December 30, 2018, 04:28:43 PM
I don't quite know Kirsten.
i have a rather big colection of leggings mostly nike cotton and thongs.
And she accepted it after I said I liked it better than jogging pants.
I try to use the eyelashes bender "don't quite know what it's called"
And once she understood that I had used it when we sat in the car and asked me straight out if I had used it.
I panicked and said something like that I had scratched my eye or something.
I dare not use macare in front of her.

She accepts some things but i don`t know how far i can take it.

I found gently pushing the boundary gently worked to a certain extent. Small incremental steps for instance -sarongs after swimming in the pool - then skirts instead of sarongs. Then womens tops. Then a t-shirt dress - then a sun dress ect. I think starting with the smallest or ambiguous things and working from there. Gently talking and trying new stuff will break ground. I still have issues wearing makeup in front of my wife though.

Kind regards,  Kirsten


Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Thank you all for the wonderful help
I would like to wish you all a happy New year
And look forwards to talk to you all in 2019

Hugs
Tiril

Hi Tiril,

I know the feeling, that expressing yourself will have a massive impact on your family, and the fear that you could lose it all.

There aren't simple answers and everyone is different and every situation is different, hopefully Susan's will help you find your path.

Izzy