Just a little update:  I'm an IT professional and work for one of the major Government contracting companies in the DC Metro Area and I began working for this company in 2004 after retiring from the US Navy.  The first week of Feb I came out to my Area Manager about being Trans.  He was great, he told me that he had suspected that it all along because when he was in the US Air Force he had two people that he worked with that transitioned and I displayed a lot of the same characteristics as they did.  I have worked for him is some capacity since coming to work for the company.  Well needless to say the meeting went very well; he asked that I not speak to anyone until he gets with the HR Manager with regards to my transition.  Well today I had another meeting my Area Manager & HR Manager.  For the most part the meeting went fairly well HR told me that I could take things at my speed that the company has gone through this with a few other employees in the past. 

     I was told that the company has no standard or guideline to transition on the job and that it would be at my time table and my discretion.  The only thing the company can and will do is 100% support and if I have any problems arise from any of the companies employees will be dealt with in the most expedient matter.  And since that we are government contractors and the building that we occupy is a government leased building I would have to use the men's restroom.  Now we have a problem, I advised both Area & HR Mangers that I have for so time been getting strange looks and few times even asked what was I doing using the men's room and told that I should be using the Ladies room.  But HR once again stated that until my SRS is complete and I have the documentation to support it they could not and would not approach the government customer and insist that I use the Ladies room.  Now if the company owned the building that would be a different story.  I know that in any negations there is give and take, what HR offered in replacement was once my name change is legal that if I would like to move to another site and begin work from day one as Ericka then there would most likely not be a restroom issue, but what they are concerned with is the women at work who have known me for 11 months as my male self and they may have a problem with me coming to work one day as me and the company has ran into this in the past.  So I don't see any other options it looks like it might be the corner gas station because I don't see me going into the men's room once I go full time at work that is just asking for an ass kicking.  And it's been many years since I've had one of them and to the best of my memory I didn't like the last ass kicking I got, lol.

     On Friday my Area Manager & I have a meeting the Director of the project (government customer) that I work on & he can set an entire different tone to the entire transition, he can even make a different policy with regards to the bathroom issue or tell my Area manager to remove me from the project.   But HR has ensured me if that does happen they would place me in another position with no negative refection on my record.  Well I'll see how Friday goes before I make any further decision.

I think once someone begins RLT expecting them to use the men's room is problematic at best; I don't if people really stop to think before the open their mouths and let something so asinine roll out of it.  Where I work I am a Civilian but work with lot of military personnel and there is a lot more in our building.  To paint a picture I am talking about the Pentagon area of Northern Virginia, not the most compassionate people in the world.  Like I said if I must leave the building to use the restroom then I will do that, But think of the lost man hours in work just going and locating a restroom.

I hate to play devil's advocate, but I read this and tried to think about it from the company's perspective.  As unfortunate as it is, legality is the government's priority, trans issues tend not to be. 

I know that having to use the men's room undermines the real life test.  The way I see it, the restroom is simply a place to relieve oneself (for lack of a better expression).  The are separated by sex because the women's room happens to require more stalls (which is why there is usually a line outside).  We can't make everyone see things our way.  If everyone is going to make a big deal out of it, then the corner gas station might not be a bad way to go. 

I too would opt for the gas station rather than the men's room.  It'd be way too dangerous and really sets the wrong tone to your workmates about the status of your transition.  "Why does *he* use the men's room if *he* is wanting to be a *she*?"  You can't be expected to have to explain RLE and WPATH and Government and Company rules to every jerk who asks why your wearing a dress in the men's room.

I know that just before I went full time, I was so revolted about using the guy's that I nearly puked every time I had to go in there.  It was so alien to me by that time.

Have you explored the idea of a uni-sex bathroom?  Many places have uni's for women who nurse as well and where they can have some privacy.

-Sandy

Thanks y'all, I meet with the government (gov.) project director on Friday morning and the meeting went well.  I informed the gov. of what my company had said with regards to the rest room and he agreed that would not do.  He said that using the corner gas station would not be the answer either; if I was a government employee there are regulations that set policy dealing with transition.  But since I am a contractor he would have to with the building management and see how to make rest room accommodations.   He is aware of the remodeling job that is providing executive restrooms for the build and it is a key locked door and that might be the answer.  So now I'm waiting for an update on that possibility, everything else was not an issue.  He did say that everyone on the project is a professional and if they have a problem with me transitioning on the job then they will have to keep it to themselves and deal with it in their own time. I know that this is easier said than done, but I don't really see any major problems for my co-workers most of us are retired military or still in the reserves and it isn't them that I am really concerned with but the folks that we share the floor with.  They don't know me and I don't know how they will react so I'll just have to see what the building management comes up with.

Erika,

It sounds like you are doing your best to accommodate their requirements.  Make sure you write down (and date it)  everything that happens and take it home with you each day. Keep your folder of notes at home and not at work.  Make your requests concerning your transition in writing and copy to more than one person.  Attempt to get responses in writing if you can.  Verbal conversations are always remembered in a different light by each party.  This record is primarily to help you satisfy their requirements and help you keep on track with yours. Sometimes our mind wanders when all of this is going on and it is very difficult to get through emotional moments.  Keeping a written record will help keep your feet on the ground.  If you ever do need legal evidence, it will also be a vital resource.

If you can't resolve the situation where you are currently located, take the new job somewhere else if they offer it.  Believe me, it will make a huge difference for you personally if your coworkers only know you as Erika.  They may find out about your past, but their experience will be only with the new you.  It is so much easier to deal with people when all the old stuff is left behind.

Keep in mind that they might very well be looking for a reason now to get rid of you.  Be the best employee that you can.  Eliminate all personal matters from your work day. Try to schedule medical appointments during lunch or after work.  Do not take or make personal calls at work.  Keep your conversations professional with your coworkers.  Do not discuss the details of your communications with the company casually with other employees.  Reduce any chit chat to a bare minimum.  Be cheerful and helpful.  Don't give them a reason to get rid of you.  Give them every reason to keep you.

My advice is free and worth every penny.

My best to you doll.  Chin up!

Cindi

Cindi,

Thanks, I have thought about taking another position at a different site and y HR and Area Manager said that they would do everything they could to accommodate.  But my supervisor and my network tech (it's just the 3 of use from my company working on this project) are both o with me transitioning and all the other employees are either from another contraction company or are government employees.  Several of them have already said that they don't have a problem as long as I keep doing the same job I've been doing & I don't foresee that changing. 
The keeping of records is a very good idea; I keep a journal that I write anything that I think is important to me with regards to my transition.  And I think that writing down all problems would help me if there is any problems with my company; but there too I don't see it being a problem my Area Manager is friend and on top of that he is gay and has had a couple of MtF transition while working for him when he was in the military so I think that he is going to be my greatest ally but I will still write everything down.

Erika, it is good to write down everything that is said concerning this special situation.  Everything.  If your coworkers are on board. Write it down.  Write down specifically to the best of  what you remember exactly what they have said.

As you know, opinions can change.  Special examples would be performance evaluations.  Keep copies.  I discovered in one company where I worked that my personnel file had been altered.  My performance evaluations had been changed to show that I was a poor employee.  I had them update my file with the correct versions from the copies that I had.  I ended up leaving that company but it was on my terms, not when they decided to let me go.  There was never a legal case filed. I just had them correct my records and I found another job. That worked out the best for me.  This is just one example where keeping records can be to your advantage.

Cindi

Quote from: ErickaM on March 11, 2008, 08:16:59 PM
Cindi,

Thanks, I have thought about taking another position at a different site and y HR and Area Manager said that they would do everything they could to accommodate.  But my supervisor and my network tech (it's just the 3 of use from my company working on this project) are both o with me transitioning and all the other employees are either from another contraction company or are government employees.  Several of them have already said that they don't have a problem as long as I keep doing the same job I've been doing & I don't foresee that changing. 
The keeping of records is a very good idea; I keep a journal that I write anything that I think is important to me with regards to my transition.  And I think that writing down all problems would help me if there is any problems with my company; but there too I don't see it being a problem my Area Manager is friend and on top of that he is gay and has had a couple of MtF transition while working for him when he was in the military so I think that he is going to be my greatest ally but I will still write everything down.

Quote from: Cindi Jones on March 11, 2008, 08:53:02 PM
Erika, it is good to write down everything that is said concerning this special situation.  Everything.  If your coworkers are on board. Write it down.  Write down specifically to the best of  what you remember exactly what they have said.

As you know, opinions can change.  Special examples would be performance evaluations.  Keep copies.  I discovered in one company where I worked that my personnel file had been altered.  My performance evaluations had been changed to show that I was a poor employee.  I had them update my file with the correct versions from the copies that I had.  I ended up leaving that company but it was on my terms, not when they decided to let me go.  There was never a legal case filed. I just had them correct my records and I found another job. That worked out the best for me.  This is just one example where keeping records can be to your advantage.

Cindi

Hi, Ericka,

Now hear this:  Stand by for heavy rolls as the ship of transition comes about!

The best gender lawyer on the Beltway is Mindy Farber.  She has an office in Rockville and practices in DC.  Another gender lawyer is Alyson Meiselman.  Last I heard she is with Scurti and Gulling in Baltimore.  She practices in the federal courts only.

Contractors will go through many motions to make it look good while looking to ease you to the door without firing you.  Have you ever been stationed anyplace that you wanted to leave real bad but couldn't because you were stuck there?  Imagine that happening to you again.

May I commend a book to your reading?  "Back Off!" by Martha Langelan.  It deals with sexual and gender harassment and *how to tell it's happening to you.*  It gives practical ways to deal with it.

Wing Walker
Know Your Game

Just one word, "weasels."

Cindy

Erika, this is completely offtopic and I couldn't email you about it.  Might have something to do with being too new a member here.  Could you please pm me?  I will give you my email address through PM.  I wanted to talk to you about the IT field.  Thanks, honey.  Samantha

Thanks, I'll order that book, today at work my supervisor told me that the Agency that my home office works for has 3 other Trans women working there and still in transition.  One is a government employee and the other two are sub-contractors (my company is the primary and we sub-contract some positions with other companies). 
I meet with my government customer again today and they have worked out the restroom issue, there is a single rest room on one of the floors that has a lock so that solves that.  He also asked that I be patent with the entire group for a little while they have to hold sexual harassment & sensitivity training, apparently here lately there has been three people fired over sexual harassment & the government wants to ensure that no one bothers me during my transition, they say it is to give me the best opportunity for a peaceful transition that I could hope for on the job.  The only thing that the Chief of Staff asked me to do is not to begin on April 1, he feels that it would be taken only as a joke if I do begin coming to work on April's Fouls Day dressed as a woman.  I agreed with him and said that I would begin the following Monday.  So 3 weeks and counting and then the next phase of transitions begins.

Giggles hon....

I'm a .gov employee. All last year i try to get transfer out of the base i have been at for the last 8 years. Oh well politics and stuff there stuck with me as i transition.

I am starting to get very uncomfortable with the bathroom arrangements. The people I work for are macho ego-maniac. I'm glad your having an interesting time please keep us posted. I'm like five months behind you.

www.eeoc.gov

Not for nothing as a goverment contractor working in a .gov leased building. You might be covered under the Federal Guidlines of EEO.

Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement, just an update on my transitioning, on 11 March my name was legally changed then on Friday 21 March I got my new retired military ID then on Saturday I got my driver's license.   On 27 March the gov is going to hold training on Sexual Harassment, Sensitivity to Others, & Diversity in the workplace.  On 7 April Ericka goes to work and that guy that was sitting at my desk is gone.  I'm look forward to getting on with my life.

Posted on: March 24, 2008, 06:50:44 PM

---

Just a little update on my transition:

On March 28 my government manager announced to the work group that one of their fellow employee was transgender and that everyone will give that person the utmost respect or there will be serious repercussion taken against that individual.  We thought that there was going to be some trouble with one person and as soon as the meeting was over he was done in his Project Managers office voicing a complaint.  Well my supervisor and the government manger's Executive Assistant had already had a meeting with this Project Manager and was advised what was coming with regard to this person.  So after about 3 hours of complaining his Project Manager simple said that the customer (US Government) was supporting Ericka and therefore so was this company (a different contracting company that the one I work for) and if you cannot understand that then they would have to let him go.  Well I took the following week off, allowing everyone the time to get adjusted the idea that I was Trans and was going to be coming to work on Aril 7th was the woman that I am. 

Upon leaving on the 28th I was under the impression that the entire bath room issue was resolve, it wasn't.  I received a call on Thursday from my supervisor that at present I would have to use the men's room.  And then today once I arrived at work that was still the case, Ericka would be using the men's room.  Well I told my supervisor that I would be going across the street because I was not about to get my as kicked in the rest room.  As the day progressed the 3 people from my office that has been working on the rest room issue told me that if I used one the women rest rooms on another floor where they don't know me that I would not have any problems from any of the other women.  Today was the first time anyone beside you all here & my wife as Ericka and everyone at work was saying that I looked very good.  That really threw me for a loop because I don't think I pass at all but guess I was wrong.

So today turnout very good as days go.

Hi Ericka, thank you for the update and progress report at work. First may I say congratulations on the progress you have made at work. But what kind of pi**ed me off is them trying to convince you to use the men's bathroom.  it appears to me like they are resiting on letting you use the ladies room. What kind of pettiness bull droppings is this.

Well I will send prayers that things will work out for you hon.

Cindy 

Congratulations Erica, that's a big, big step, as I'm sure you know. I'm sure in due time the bathroom issue will get straightened out. As soon as people realize it isn't a big deal, they'll go on with their lives and leave you to yours Congrats!

Quote from: cindybc on April 08, 2008, 03:10:18 AM
Hi Ericka, thank you for the update and progress report at work. First may I say congratulations on the progress you have made at work. But what kind of pi**ed me off is them trying to convince you to use the men's bathroom.  it appears to me like they are resiting on letting you use the ladies room. What kind of pettiness bull droppings is this.

Well I will send prayers that things will work out for you hon.

Cindy 

Yeah, I was rather peed myself about that but I still use the ladies room anyway and no one has said a thing about it.

^%$#@  Hi Ericka,  kiss a sucker fish why don't they. Well I would be doing the same thing as you are. actually I did at my work, when I was working.  No I was retired off my job, didn't get pushed out or anything. Well I am doing doing everything I can to start up my own support group for trans folks, just to make sure I don't get rusty. Hon it just might be that they are going to try using the bathroom thing a pry bar to slowly edge you out the door. Just be wary hon, and if you even just as much as the tiniest doubt, do seek legal advice,

I really do hope that this is not so. At any rate I will send prayers for you.

Cindy

Yeah, Cindy I have considered the point, but I have known my supervisor since 2005 and he is a man of God and I know that if anything like that would be going on he would let me know.  Plus my Area Manager I have worked for in some capacity since 2004, we are rather close both retired from the military about the same time the same age, we he's 3 weeks older than I (that old man), and there too I think he would also give me a heads up if something was going on.  Also someone here at Susan's has given the name of a great lawyer in the Metro area, so I am trying to cover my bases.