So I started HRT about 3 weeks ago. I am doing this under medical supervision for those of you who care. After like the first week my nipples were constantly erect and sore. I know its going to take some time (months even), but it does mean I'm getting ready to grow boobs.

Which is exciting but....

When they are there... There are there forever (unless they are surgically removed of course). It got me wondering again. Being attracted to women. What if I meet a hetrosexual female with which there is a mutual attraction and I lose out on an opportunity with her? What if I let all the changes happen and get a result I am unhappy with? How am I going to deal with how my family would react? Do I just hide this from them forever? what happens when they want to go swimming or something?

We were talking about going on a family cruise... where it would be hard to hide that I was different.

I know there aren't any easy answers to these. I know if I stopped hormones I would go back to being depressed all the time. I just don't have all the answers in life I wished I had.

Quote from: jackiefox5585 on January 26, 2019, 11:39:44 AM
So I started HRT about 3 weeks ago. I am doing this under medical supervision for those of you who care. After like the first week my nipples were constantly erect and sore. I know its going to take some time (months even), but it does mean I'm getting ready to grow boobs.

Which is exciting but....

When they are there... There are there forever (unless they are surgically removed of course). It got me wondering again. Being attracted to women. What if I meet a hetrosexual female with which there is a mutual attraction and I lose out on an opportunity with her? What if I let all the changes happen and get a result I am unhappy with? How am I going to deal with how my family would react? Do I just hide this from them forever? what happens when they want to go swimming or something?

We were talking about going on a family cruise... where it would be hard to hide that I was different.

I know there aren't any easy answers to these. I know if I stopped hormones I would go back to being depressed all the time. I just don't have all the answers in life I wished I had.

@jackiefox5585
Dear JackieFox:
I am so very happy for you regarding your starting your HRT several weeks ago.  Yes indeed, sore and erect niipples along with little lumps (breast buds) under the nipples are usually the very first physical body changes that many MTF transitioners experience... then weeks later those breast buds can be the start of breast growth.

Oh, and regarding you mentioning you are receiving medically supervised HRT...   all of us here on the forums do in fact do care a great deal....  doing HRT without proper blood test monitoring and physical checkups by a doctor can be quite dangerous.   Hormones and the other drugs in your HRT regimen can cause some terrible side effects if uncontrolled and monitored.    I am very pleased to read that you are under the care of a doctor.

All of the questions you are asking are questions that most transitioners have already asked in relation to themselves.   
Hmm, I am thinking that losing out on an opportunity with a female would be of a secondary concern to your commitment to transition journey.... and how is your family going to react  ... well, it would be best to be honest with them before they notice your body changes.   If your family cruise is not for several months you will most likely not be able to easily hide your secret and your changing body, particularly in swim-suits, shorts and thin material summer tops.

Have you been to a gender therapist to discuss your questions and your feelings???   If not, I would suggest that would be your very next task.

Thank you for sharing  your thoughts and questions.
I will be eagerly looking for your future updates around the various threads on the Forums.

Well wishes to you.
Danielle

@jackiefox5585
Dear JackieFox:
Oh, and please allow me to mention some more of my thoughts... certainly CONGRATULATIONS are in order for you... starting HRT is a big life changing event.

As has been stated over and over here on the Forums... and by me in many of my comments on various posts, HRT will work uniquely on your unique body.
What you read about other transitioning members experiences with HRT most likely will not be identical to your own experiences.

Some transitioners will experience more significant changes more quickly and then some will experience less significant changes more slowly....   it is all up to your genes and how your body reacts to the HRT.   During your scheduled visits with your HRT prescribing Doctor... they will be looking at your frequent blood test results to determine if any alterations in the HRT regimen are needed.
The adage that you have probably already heard regarding HRT and how it may work for various individuals  is "YMMV"  meaning that Your Mileage May Vary.
 
PATIENCE is definitely required because usually not much happens very quickly with HRT... but changes will happen.  Do some reading of other transitioners posts and look many of the posted HRT timelines and the before and after pictures. ....  they can give you a rough idea of what you MIGHT expect.

Again, JackieFox, all of this is very "EXCITING but can be SCARY all at the same time."   Hang on for an amazing ride.
We are here to rejoice with you in the good times and to support you in the not so good times.
One more time.... PATIENCE is required.   The attitude of many people today is "I want it all and I want it now" ... that will not apply to HRT.

Wishing you the best...
Danielle

Quote from: jackiefox5585 on January 26, 2019, 11:39:44 AM
So I started HRT about 3 weeks ago. I am doing this under medical supervision for those of you who care. After like the first week my nipples were constantly erect and sore. I know its going to take some time (months even), but it does mean I'm getting ready to grow boobs.

Which is exciting but....

When they are there... There are there forever (unless they are surgically removed of course). It got me wondering again. Being attracted to women. What if I meet a hetrosexual female with which there is a mutual attraction and I lose out on an opportunity with her? What if I let all the changes happen and get a result I am unhappy with? How am I going to deal with how my family would react? Do I just hide this from them forever? what happens when they want to go swimming or something?

We were talking about going on a family cruise... where it would be hard to hide that I was different.

I know there aren't any easy answers to these. I know if I stopped hormones I would go back to being depressed all the time. I just don't have all the answers in life I wished I had.

Doubts are totally normal. For me, I'm very excited about the potential physical changes and really my concerns are around the social aspect. My therapist and I have compartmentalized my doubts around three general areas:

1) "I may lose some good things about my current life." For instance, there is the fear of losing relationships with friends and family members. There is the fear about losing career opportunities.

2) "I may not live a wholesome life as a woman." Will I pass? Can I be accepted as a woman? Can I have romantic relationships as a women? Will other women accept me as a woman?

3) "Transitioning will cause people to be disappointed in me." This is a totally personal thing. Some transitioners don't really care what others think about their transitioning (I envy this!). But I am very socially conscious, and I don't want to be viewed negatively by others I care about.

After going through this list, the question for me was then...now you know the downsides...let's say your transition doesn't turn out perfect. Would you still want to transition? For me, at least, the clear answer was yes (ie, no doubt about wanting to transition, despite the unknowns on the outcomes). I have known that I am trans for over three decades, and I was ready to accept a less than ideal outcome for the upside of being able to live as myself.

As Danielle notes, these are complicated issues, and I do hope you have a therapist to work through these questions.

Congrats on the HRT Best antidepressant ever.

Medical supervision is very important: you are adjusting the chemistry in your body. As a person who has Hashimoto's syndrome, I can speak to how that can adversely effect you if it gets too out of sorts.

Counseling is also important in my, non medical trained, opinion. Only you can decide what is right for you. That does not mean you have to make that decision by yourself. Changes do not happen overnight, and in this case that works to your advantage as you can seek assistance.

The questions I have for you revolve around your stated concern involving the interest from a het fem and missed opportunity. Is that the relationship you still really want? Would you be willing to stop your transition to live that life?

It appears that you are at a crossroads. I would suggest getting some directions and chose what path is for you. You already know what your life was like before and after hormones so you have some perspective on that front. There are lots of people here who have answered questions about this, that, or the other path. People have spent years in school and are waiting to assist you with this as well if you ask. You are not alone.

Failure to plan is a plan for failure. Create your plan, and please include what your contingencies are if things go a little wonky with the initial plan.

Ricki

I too am about 3 weeks in an am really struggling with my decisions lately I hope they are the right ones I hope you can decided on what's best for you but remember live for today because tomorrow may never come

After going through this list, the question for me was then...now you know the downsides...let's say your transition doesn't turn out perfect. Would you still want to transition? For me, at least, the clear answer was yes (ie, no doubt about wanting to transition, despite the unknowns on the outcomes). I have known that I am trans for over three decades, and I was ready to accept a less than ideal outcome for the upside of being able to live as myself.

[/quote]

f you are not so sure of doing something then why do you do it?

It shows that you want to do it, then accept the things that will happen or they can happen to be yourself, and get used to that because it is something that you chose, so be brave.

Quote from: jackiefox5585 on January 26, 2019, 11:39:44 AM
So I started HRT about 3 weeks ago. I am doing this under medical supervision for those of you who care. After like the first week my nipples were constantly erect and sore. I know its going to take some time (months even), but it does mean I'm getting ready to grow boobs.

Welcome here!  As the saying goes here, your mileage on HRT may vary, and does it vary!
I am almost three months on HRT, and do not see any real results, besides swollen feet!  This means, nobody can predict how your body will react on the stuff. I am going into it with pretty well developed breasts already, and have sore and erect nipples for the last 3 to 4 years now.  One gets used to it and learns how to avoid anything that could make them hurt!
I was hoping HRT would finish my growing process a little faster, but as I said, nothing happened at all!  This is out of our control, and we just have to go with the flow!

Quote from: Chris39 on January 26, 2019, 02:36:18 PM
I too am about 3 weeks in an am really struggling with my decisions lately I hope they are the right ones I hope you can decided on what's best for you but remember live for today because tomorrow may never come

I am not so sure this is the most prudent course of endeavor. Living for today requires a fair amount of planning and wherewithall. Not considering the consequences of your decisions can result in some less than han desirable outcomes.
There is a lot of noise on the web about trying hormones and see how you like the results; after all, the effects are reversible. Well....as many have learned to their dismay, this is just another example of what is wrong with just listening to heresay. Hope is not a strategy.😎

Hello Jackie

Congratulations on starting HRT at the beginning of January; I'm sure you'll remember taking the first tablets and/or applying the first patch forever!

Most of us have some doubts at the start of HRT and may be deemed to be "exploring" at the start. I was soon absolutely sure HRT was the lifelong route for me as I felt so much peace and relief and my mind cleared such that I could think better. I knew I was on "the right fuel".

My advice is to proceed with HRT for at least 3 months taking you to early April and see how you feel then.

After the exploration period, you need to be committed to HRT.

I am now 11 months HRT and will publicly transition later this year.

I wish you every success whichever decisions you take.

Hugs

Pamela 

First off, congratulations on starting HRT and feeling your breasts wake up!!

Quote from: jackiefox5585 on January 26, 2019, 11:39:44 AM
When they are there... There are there forever (unless they are surgically removed of course). It got me wondering again. Being attracted to women. What if I meet a hetrosexual female with which there is a mutual attraction and I lose out on an opportunity with her? What if I let all the changes happen and get a result I am unhappy with? How am I going to deal with how my family would react? Do I just hide this from them forever? what happens when they want to go swimming or something?

Doubts about the future are inevitable.  It's the future: none of us knows what is going to happen next.  Maybe you get hit by a truck tomorrow; maybe you win a million dollars; maybe some nut with an AK-47 goes on a rampage; maybe you meet the perfect partner; maybe, maybe, maybe.  All we can to is to take our best shot, plan for some more likely possibilities, and then trust that we will be able to muddle our way out of whatever happens.  That is not specific to transition: it applies to everyday life.

When I was younger, I had people ask me, How can you get married; what if, after you are married, you meet someone else that you like better?  And my answer was that I choose to commit myself to this process and this person.  If I am unable to keep that committment, then there are other courses of action available (divorce, for example), but in the meantime, I make a committment that I take seriously.  And I will deal with whatever comes up, "for better and for worse".

You don't have to be trans to lose out on an opportunity to be with a particular prospective partner.  That happens all the time to cis people.  That is the nature of romance.  Transitioning doesn't change that, though it might affect the odds a bit.

You have a good idea by now what changes to expect, and you were okay with that.  (You likely had to sign a consent to that effect.)  So, if that changes in the future, you start over, planning what to do about the situation, just as you did when you first thought about transitioning.

Dealing with family... Well, that is somewhat out of your control.  They are going to say and do whatever they do.  That is going to happen whatever you do or don't do.  You probably can't hide from them forever.

Quote
I know there aren't any easy answers to these. I know if I stopped hormones I would go back to being depressed all the time.

This is the bottom line.  You know you have to do this for your own survival.

Travelling into the future (which is something we all do at the rate of 24 hours every day) is for explorers.  Imagine Magellan or Columbus, sailing over the ocean with no idea what they would find, or what might befall them.  That is what we all do, every day.  Those of us on a journey of transition will simply have a more interesting tale to recount when we are all done.

With regards to missing out on female relationships. Are you kidding me? Since I started transitioning women have been throwing themselves at me way more often than before and usually their straight or bi women. Imagine being able to be yourself fully and authentically and then attracting beautiful women. You don't want women that were attracted to your past anyways. Just keep moving forward and the doubts will lessen. Good luck on your journey it's an exciting one.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

oh, this is funny....I was just on a pilots forum (I'm a pilot) where one of the posters was expressing fear of his first solo flight, which was coming up....My immediate thoughts for him, as were also expressed by other pilots, and are the same for you is, "if you're not scared, you're not paying attention. It's completely normal and is a way for us to pay better attention to what's going on."

Hang on for a wild ride.

Laura

Are you seeing a gender therapist? Starting HRT before spending time sorting things out with a therapist isn't a recommended course of action. Physicians following WPATH protocols for safety require that a patient be receiving professional counseling before starting HRT. It seems you may have jumped the gun on medical transition, but only a professional can help you sort that out. Best wishes!

Quote from: lauraelliott1951 on January 29, 2019, 10:36:49 PM
oh, this is funny....I was just on a pilots forum (I'm a pilot) where one of the posters was expressing fear of his first solo flight, which was coming up....My immediate thoughts for him, as were also expressed by other pilots, and are the same for you is, "if you're not scared, you're not paying attention. It's completely normal and is a way for us to pay better attention to what's going on."

Hang on for a wild ride.

Laura

yeah that first solo. Anxiety inducing for sure. Post solo is elation. HRT journey equal anxiety levels, but is much more enjoyable. I love to fly but almost everything pales in comparison to HRT.

Quote from: jackiefox5585 on January 26, 2019, 11:39:44 AM
So I started HRT about 3 weeks ago. I am doing this under medical supervision for those of you who care. After like the first week my nipples were constantly erect and sore. I know its going to take some time (months even), but it does mean I'm getting ready to grow boobs.

Which is exciting but....

When they are there... There are there forever (unless they are surgically removed of course). It got me wondering again. Being attracted to women. What if I meet a hetrosexual female with which there is a mutual attraction and I lose out on an opportunity with her? What if I let all the changes happen and get a result I am unhappy with? How am I going to deal with how my family would react? Do I just hide this from them forever? what happens when they want to go swimming or something?

We were talking about going on a family cruise... where it would be hard to hide that I was different.

I know there aren't any easy answers to these. I know if I stopped hormones I would go back to being depressed all the time. I just don't have all the answers in life I wished I had.

Many of these same doubts about dating ran through my head today...

Although I think my sexual orientation is slowly flipping to dudes post-repression, I do wonder about all the missed romantic opportunities with women that I could have as a "wholesome man", even if attempting to have them was rather unnatural for me. I also worry that the feelings of dysphoria might somehow go away - will transition be something I regret? These questions have grown more real as my first appointment with a gender-capable therapist approaches and I start voice training. The power to transition is a great one, and one that should be taken wisely - the less abstract it grows, the more I really think about it.

On the flip side, we can also regret not transitioning years on. There are plenty of lesbians out there - many who don't mind trans women - that you could "missing out" on if you don't transition. And more fundamentally - advice for even "cishet" relationships - are you really loved if someone loves something other than your authentic self? The psychological cost of being the wrong gender probably won't go away with dating - coming out after being married to someone and especially after having kids can put more at stake than just yourself at that point. Life grows more complicated yet from this stage (assuming you're early 20s like me or younger), and this as well affects transition.

My advice - you do you - for yourself, and no one else. Whether it's to transition in whatever ways you may need or not.

I had the same fears about transitioning and still have doubts. Just wait for the hrt to start kicking in fully. Your feelings and emotions change. That damn testosterone used to have me thinking sexually about women constantly. The co-workers saying such hurtful things to each other while checking out women made me feel bad for the ladies and I had to pretend to go along with it. But the truth was I was checking those ladies out because of their nice outfit and noticing their accessories. Doesn't help that those damn yoga pants really try to bend the focus that way. Change your association. Get away from the guys that talk so sexually about women and then maybe you can realize you enjoy looking at women for other reasons.
Also you can't have true love until you love yourself 1st(I'm still working on that myself). Once you have that then love will find you. There are plenty pretty girls out there especially with a hint of that amazing makeup. It works wonders on Transwomen. I'm rambling because it's late. I have a lot on my mind on this it's late and not coming out the way I want it to.
Basically, look at your association first. Do you want to be near people that think in anyway that will not go with your transition. I'm still in the closet about my transition at work, I steer away from situation or try to guide it in to a better light. In a way slowly prepping those I work with.
OMG I need to stop. I have so much about this running though my head now, it'd be 10x longer.

One of the things I wanted to add and got distracted. I met this gal that I find interesting and she seems very friendly with me. Part of me thinks that that might be a missed opportunity but another part thinks maybe she might be interest in me because the way I act now. Had I not changed emotionally and the way I act/presented mood. She might have noticed the old me and not shown any interest toward me.
Basically focus on YOU, sounds selfish but get you down 1st and the rest will fall into place. That is what I am starting to notice after being on HRT for 7 months I think.

Thank you guys for your words of encouragement. I'll be sticking with it for now 

Quote from: Nikkimn on January 29, 2019, 02:06:22 AM
With regards to missing out on female relationships. Are you kidding me? Since I started transitioning women have been throwing themselves at me way more often than before and usually their straight or bi women. Imagine being able to be yourself fully and authentically and then attracting beautiful women. You don't want women that were attracted to your past anyways. Just keep moving forward and the doubts will lessen. Good luck on your journey it's an exciting one.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hello again Nikkimn

I just wish to say that I find your comment most uplifting and inspirational.

That is something that I (and I'm sure most other transitioners) wish to achieve - to meet be perceived and treated by other women as a woman and to be completely accepted socially and to form friendships from there. We do not seek women who may have been interested in our former selves but seek those who like/love our authentic selves.

Hugs

Pamela