I think that early in the transition process, we don't have confidence in our 'new' selves. Before we get more confidence, it often happens that the old guilt and shame does a number on our head. We wonder if we are doing the right thing. Will people hate us or hurt us? We want to be our true selves, but in the process of getting there we want to keep our dignity. It is a very fearful and unsettled time. Logically, those four guys can't see what is in our head, but we might wonder, "Do they know?" You are stepping into new emotionally vulnerable territory and here come these four potential threats. Your mind is probably stuck between two worlds at that moment. Okay, this might not be you specifically, but in general, I think this is pausable. I used to get this way when just starting to present female. Four guys would make me real nervous. You were still dressed male, but maybe it is a sign of your mental change that you paused. The good news is that once transition happens this can get easier. The more confidence you have in presenting to the world as yourself, the more you are just a woman passing by four men. Of course if those men act suspicious, we are more vulnerable as is any woman alone in that spot. I would say that during the early stages of a transition, a lot of thoughts and emotions have to be gotten through to get to where you want to be. Keep in mind, they are transition thoughts many times, and not thoughts that will stay with you forever.
