Wow!  I didn't realize how little I've been posting recently, as in non existent.  In my defense, I've been working really hard on my current classes.  LOTS of writing.  As long as I pass these classes, I will receive my associates degree in psychology in March.  GGOOO MMMEEEEE!!!!

I've been having an increased rotation of visits with my psychologist and I also have been assigned to a psychiatrist.  The psychiatrist has started me on some antidepressants, a sleeping pill, and an antianxiety medication.  I still have the occasional "I'm not good enough" type of thought, but they are less frequent now.

I got a job working as a baker in Merrillville IN.  Close to my family.  I HATE my job, but no one is giving me the chance and restaurants are chasing me.  I REALLY don't like kitchens.  I did apply for a position that requires an associates degree in psychology, I hope they call me back.  To make matters worse, my job isn't giving me the promised hours.

I have asthma, and have had coughing spells due to my body's response.  One such spell caused me to "brown out" where I was mostly conscious but couldn't see and my arms and legs got very heavy and twitchy.  It caused me to have a car accident, and the doctors won't allow me to drive until I get some tests completed.  It was, thankfully, a low speed accident, and aside from a scratch on the van I sideswiped and my cars damage, no one was hurt.

My fiancé contacted me on Christmas eve.  She explained her reasoning for running, and she wants us to get back together.  I want to get back together with her as well.  I love her like I've never loved anyone else.  She is literally the only person I tried to get back with, and that's coming from someone who didn't chase after her wife of 16 years when she left. 

We've been talking daily since then.  I promised I wouldn't tell everything, but her psychological issues were the cause, along with her being afraid of how close we had gotten.  Then the stress of our daughter going to jail hit a breaking point.  She has offered to help pay off my bills that we had accrued together.  We are going to go slower with things this time, I'm going to have a full time job before I move in with her.  She is going to cut back on the hours she works so we have more time together.  Her daughter apologized to me, she explained it as her venting her frustrations on me and trying to protect her mother.  We don't talk much, but she is more respectful and said she always liked me.  We'll see how that goes.

One of my cousins told me something interesting on Christmas eve.  Apparently, my grandmother used to tell her that I was born both sexes.  I found this out while we were talking about my, and her friends, transition.  She just said "they just chose the wrong one for you."  I of course asked her what she meant, and that's when she told me.  Grandma's been gone for several years, so I can't go ask her.  I know in the early 70's, when I was born, it was still common practice for the doctors to choose and the parents to not know what was going on.  My dad was in the navy at the time, and Grandma was in the delivery room, so she had a perfect view of my entry into the world.  I still don't have any confirmation, but things make a little more sense.  One day, I'm going to have to pony up the money and have it checked out.

Congratulations on how well your studies are progressing.

You seem to be having ups and downs in other parts of your life but I hope that everything works out well and that you get a career that you like.

@Artesia
Yes indeed, I was wondering what happened to you.   Your previous post before these last 2 that you posted today was over 2 months ago on December 07.

I am very glad that you came back to give us an update regarding your latest life endeavors.
For certain... "GGGooo YYYou"  you will be receiving your associates degree in psychology in March.  I better be careful what I write as you may be tempted to psychoanalyze what I say. 

It is good to here that your therapy sessions are help with how you are dealing with your transition and with your life in general.

So sorry to hear about your job situation and your inadequate hours.  I hope and trust that you can get a position that relates to your new Associates degree, and then finally start doing something that you like doing.
   The old saying that is so very true:
                "If a man has a job he loves he will never work a day in his life."

OH NO.... asthma, coughing spells, almost passing out, causing car accident.  I am glad to hear that you and no one else were injured... yes indeed, your doctor is right, no driving until tests are completed so they can figure out the issues.

Wonderful to hear that your fiancé contacted you at Christmas time and wants to get back together with you.  That is a wonderful Christmas present for you.   I trust that things will progress well for you and for her.

Interesting story you told about your grandmother.... wow, long before those in her generation ever heard the word transgender, she somehow had an intuition about you.... and then choices were made in the delivery room when you were born............. WOW !!!

Personally, if I were in your situation,  I am not sure I would try research it and try to find things out. 
Today, your situations are what they are, and you now are making your own decisions about your life going forward.

Thank you so very much for sharing, and for updating us.   I am so very happy to hear about your studies and your future degree next month!!!!   Kudos to you.
Please don't make us wait another 2+ months for your next updates and postings around the forums.
You have followers that want to follow!!!!

Hugs and more Hugs, and please take care of yourself and your health. 
Danielle

Alaskan Danielle, I never really thought I was interesting enough to have anyone really care about what I do, much less follow me.  Thankfully, I'm on those antidepressants, the world is a lot different with them.  I don't instantly use self depreciating humor to deflect my insecurities.  I actually see myself as beautiful.  I may have a bald spot, but I love my hair.  It's just passed shoulder length now.  It's probably longer than I think because of my natural lazy curls.

I found out that I have this bad habit of putting all my happiness to how others see me and how they treat me, rather than from myself.  I'm working on fixing that.