I guess the universe decided I needed to become a woman this year.  I have known I was transgender since Kindergarten.  Throughout the years I cross dressed in private, played with makeup since very young, but always felt it was weird, shameful, and against the religion of the church my family attended.  I told a few girlfriends though the years when I was close enough to trust them, which usually ended the relationship as they were looking for a man, and I don't blame them.  The heart wants what the heart wants. 

I always worried about losing family, friends, my career, eternal damnation from the religious teaching of my youth. etc.   I retired early, so that isn't a fear any longer.  I finished my military career years ago, not a worry.  Our creator made us as we are, I can't imagine he would sentence punish me for something I have no control over.  So my fears of transitioning are much less. 

Forward to recent events, I am going through some stressful times, and they stressed me to the point of not being able to deny my true self.  The stressful event is about over, but I am not letting go of wanting to find my true self.

I searched for a Dr in my area that specialized in Transgender patients, then found the local one recommended was my doctor already.  He always wore the rainbow bracelet, it should have been a hint.  I had an appointment for annual check up, so I pondered if I should tell him and see about getting some relief. 

Dr appointment day came, and I thought I could always tell him next time, can't put that back in the bottle once on your medical records.  I was driving to the appointment and just when I decided to chicken out and not tell him at my appointment, I got stopped by a stoplight.  A very attractive woman walked across the crosswalk and she was dressed very nice yet professional.  I asked myself why is it such a sin for me to want to be able to just exist the way she does?  Then I said to myself, it isn't, and I AM going to tell the doctor today and see about trying to move in that direction.   

At the end of the checkup, he asked if there were any questions.  I said yes, do you do gender affirmation? (as if I hadn't already read it in his bio online)  I told him I have always felt more like a woman, and believe I have Gender Dysphoria.  I told him it isn't new, I have been this way since Kindergarten and it isn't going away.  I gave him a short transgender summery of my life.   He said normally if someone transitions, they go on HRT.  I asked if that would help relieve my gender dysphoria?  He said most people who go on HRT that are transgender usually find the depression goes away, the Gender Dysphoria goes away, and they just become much happier.   If I wanted to talk about it, he would set up another appointment as he was booked that day and it would take a bit of time. 

I researched online including this site for a long time.  I was honest with myself, I have been recalling numerous facts and situations that tell me there should be no doubt.   I emailed him over our healthcare app and also told him I was certain I was a Transwoman, and wanted to try HRT to see if I get relief from the Gender Dysphoria and the depression.   He didn't have an opening until Jun, but a cancellation happened and I am going in on Monday the 11th Feb. to discuss options.  I understand that if I begin HRT I should see if it relieves my Gender Dysphoria before any permanent bodily changes happen.  I can live with small breasts if I decided to detransition, but the way I am feeling I am pretty sure I will not quit.  So I guess my journey begins Monday, and if I am right about who I am, I will be at peace with myself for the first time in a very long time. 

And the way to happiness begins , if you are new here then I am sure the greeters will be along soon, so welcome to  the club.

Welcome to the biggest adventure of your life!  Yes it is a journey, sometimes it seems to be a scary journey.  But for me, once decided to officially hop onto the bandwagon, it has been a fun and exhilarating journey!

I hope your journey will be similar great!

Quote from: Jennifer300 on February 09, 2019, 02:31:55 PM
I guess the universe decided I needed to become a woman this year.  I have known I was transgender since Kindergarten.  Throughout the years I cross dressed in private, played with makeup since very young, but always felt it was weird, shameful, and against the religion of the church my family attended.  I told a few girlfriends though the years when I was close enough to trust them, which usually ended the relationship as they were looking for a man, and I don't blame them.  The heart wants what the heart wants. 

I always worried about losing family, friends, my career, eternal damnation from the religious teaching of my youth. etc.   I retired early, so that isn't a fear any longer.  I finished my military career years ago, not a worry.  Our creator made us as we are, I can't imagine he would sentence punish me for something I have no control over.  So my fears of transitioning are much less. 

Forward to recent events, I am going through some stressful times, and they stressed me to the point of not being able to deny my true self.  The stressful event is about over, but I am not letting go of wanting to find my true self.

I searched for a Dr in my area that specialized in Transgender patients, then found the local one recommended was my doctor already.  He always wore the rainbow bracelet, it should have been a hint.  I had an appointment for annual check up, so I pondered if I should tell him and see about getting some relief. 

Dr appointment day came, and I thought I could always tell him next time, can't put that back in the bottle once on your medical records.  I was driving to the appointment and just when I decided to chicken out and not tell him at my appointment, I got stopped by a stoplight.  A very attractive woman walked across the crosswalk and she was dressed very nice yet professional.  I asked myself why is it such a sin for me to want to be able to just exist the way she does?  Then I said to myself, it isn't, and I AM going to tell the doctor today and see about trying to move in that direction.   

At the end of the checkup, he asked if there were any questions.  I said yes, do you do gender affirmation? (as if I hadn't already read it in his bio online)  I told him I have always felt more like a woman, and believe I have Gender Dysphoria.  I told him it isn't new, I have been this way since Kindergarten and it isn't going away.  I gave him a short transgender summery of my life.   He said normally if someone transitions, they go on HRT.  I asked if that would help relieve my gender dysphoria?  He said most people who go on HRT that are transgender usually find the depression goes away, the Gender Dysphoria goes away, and they just become much happier.   If I wanted to talk about it, he would set up another appointment as he was booked that day and it would take a bit of time. 

I researched online including this site for a long time.  I was honest with myself, I have been recalling numerous facts and situations that tell me there should be no doubt.   I emailed him over our healthcare app and also told him I was certain I was a Transwoman, and wanted to try HRT to see if I get relief from the Gender Dysphoria and the depression.   He didn't have an opening until Jun, but a cancellation happened and I am going in on Monday the 11th Feb. to discuss options.  I understand that if I begin HRT I should see if it relieves my Gender Dysphoria before any permanent bodily changes happen.  I can live with small breasts if I decided to detransition, but the way I am feeling I am pretty sure I will not quit.  So I guess my journey begins Monday, and if I am right about who I am, I will be at peace with myself for the first time in a very long time.

Hi Jennifer,
                    sounds like you are approaching things with a critical mind. I think that is a great idea! You will learn a lot from HRT. Please pass on the experience as you go.
I also knew I wanted to be a girl from kindergarten now HRT and spending spare time as a woman is helping realise the dream.
      Kind regards, Kirsten.


Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

@Jennifer300
Dear Jennifer:
Earlier today on the Introductions Forum where you just introduced yourself...  I have given you my Welcome Message with important and informational LINKS that will tell you how to get the most out of the Susan's Place and to safely navigate around the Forums.
      https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,244533.0.html

I am happy to see that you are continuing to post here on the Forums and have now started your new personal thread regarding your transition journey and your thoughts about considering starting your HRT.

Certainly important life changing decisions like this require a lot of careful thought on your part, and even though you have a "transgender-friendly" doctor it would also benefit you greatly to have some sessions with a gender therapist or other qualified therapist that will help you to understand your transition process and to solidify your decisions going forward.

I am very glad that you have started your own transition thread.  This will allow you to "journal" your decisions and your progress.   In addition it will provide help for you, it will be available for other members here to chime in with their thoughts and comments.   

We are your biggest fans and are always rooting for your success.   The transition journey can be a bumpy road with a few potholes along the way, but it is indeed very exciting.
When you share your successes and happy moments we will rejoice with you and be very happy for you.   When you share not-so-good news we are here with an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on.

I will be eagerly following your posts on your thread and on various other threads around the forums.
Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle

Hello Jennifer

Your history seems similar to mine. I have known I am transgender since aged 4 when I told my grandmother and I crossdressed and bodyshaved all my adult life but was concerned about family/friends/career/church aswell and was able to suppress and bury so many times. I retired to look after my elderly mother who sadly passed in 2015. Then my GD became so dominant that I could suppress no longer and was forced to take positive action with therapy in 2017 followed by HRT in Feb 2018. I was almost certain HRT would be right for me which it was/is. Now I intend to publicly transition in May 2019.

I am so glad you don't have to wait till June but have an appointment tomorrow Feb 11th. I hope all goes well with your appointment and that you start HRT at the appropriate time as agreed between you and your doctor.

Hugs

Pamela

As mentioned, I am seeing my Transgender supporting Dr tomorrow, and we are going to discuss me going on HRT.  As suggested in this thread, I will ask him if he can recommend a Gender Therapist, and I wold prefer a Female one.  I believe I could talk more openly to a woman than a man even though I know they are all probably qualified. 

  I did get a confidence booster today.  I decided not to shave my beard for a few days so I can determine how much of my black beard has turned gray and get an idea how much laser will do for me and how much electrolysis I will need to do.  I had 2 days of beard growth, ordered a snack wrap at McDonalds at the counter and still got a "Will that be all Mam?"  I wanted to tip the guy right then and there.  I didn't give him a chance to take it back or correct it, I just replied "Yes, that will be all". 

Any other suggestions for my appointment tomorrow is very welcome.  I am cautiously anxious to get this train moving in the right direction.  I figure I will go ahead and fast overnight since they may want a blood test before starting any HRT. 

I thought about dressing a bit more fem than I normally do out so he knows I am serious about this and able to handle a little critique.  Not a dress or anything, but some skinny jeans, small wide healed womens boots might be nice.  I doubt if he will be judging me by looks, but I have also been growing my hair out since our last appointment and my eyebrows are groomed ok now too.  Trying to make the impression I am ready to start down the path and that I have few doubts that I am ready to do this. 

Quote from: Jennifer300 on February 10, 2019, 02:57:42 PM
As mentioned, I am seeing my Transgender supporting Dr tomorrow, and we are going to discuss me going on HRT.  As suggested in this thread, I will ask him if he can recommend a Gender Therapist, and I wold prefer a Female one.  I believe I could talk more openly to a woman than a man even though I know they are all probably qualified. 

  I did get a confidence booster today.  I decided not to shave my beard for a few days so I can determine how much of my black beard has turned gray and get an idea how much laser will do for me and how much electrolysis I will need to do.  I had 2 days of beard growth, ordered a snack wrap at McDonalds at the counter and still got a "Will that be all Mam?"  I wanted to tip the guy right then and there.  I didn't give him a chance to take it back or correct it, I just replied "Yes, that will be all". 

Any other suggestions for my appointment tomorrow is very welcome.  I am cautiously anxious to get this train moving in the right direction.  I figure I will go ahead and fast overnight since they may want a blood test before starting any HRT. 

I thought about dressing a bit more fem than I normally do out so he knows I am serious about this and able to handle a little critique.  Not a dress or anything, but some skinny jeans, small wide healed womens boots might be nice.  I doubt if he will be judging me by looks, but I have also been growing my hair out since our last appointment and my eyebrows are groomed ok now too.  Trying to make the impression I am ready to start down the path and that I have few doubts that I am ready to do this.

I don' know where you are located, but most docs in the US do not do their own blood tests, but send you to a test lab.

You do not do fasting for testosterone or estrogen level determination.  Fasting is mostly required for blood sugar tests.
Good luck tomorrow, just be yourself and tell the doc your expectations!
And yes, I prefer a female therapist, an do have already the by far bestest female therapist in the world!
Hugs
Linde

@Jennifer300
Dear Jennifer:
Good news for me to read about you seeing your doctor regarding starting HRT... and getting a therapist lined up.   
I have had both a male therapist, and also a female therapist.....   and my Endo Doctors, one male and later on a female.   While it may seem that a female would be more understanding, remember that male doctors and therapists will have a personal understanding the male mind and body.... 
....so, it really doesn't really matter as long as they are well qualified and come with good recommendations.

So great to hear about your confidence booster at McDonalds. 
That is a moment that you will always remember.

Your appointment for tomorrow...  the comment reply from our member  @Dietlind  is correct about not needing to fast for just estrogen and testosterone tests.... 
....but if you doctor told you to fast then you better do that. 
Perhaps your doctor has other blood tests ordered for cholesterol, liver and kidney functions which do require fasting.   Certainly you should follow your doctors orders.   
My doctor's office draws the blood and sends it to the lab in a bigger city.

Regarding how you will be dressing for your doctor appointment and eventually your therapists sessions.
Certainly, if you feel comfortable, casual women's clothes... skinny jeans, shoes/boots, and perhaps a feminine style top.

I will eagerly be looking for more of your updates as you feel so led to share them with us.
Thank you for posting your thoughts.

Hugs and well wishes as always,
Danielle

QuoteAs suggested in this thread, I will ask him if he can recommend a Gender Therapist, and I wold prefer a Female one.  I believe I could talk more openly to a woman than a man even though I know they are all probably qualified. 

I've had both male and female doctors and dentists over the years.  I also prefer female, as I don't care for the attitude some male doctors seem to have.  They seem to have a need to make some unwarranted personal comment.

Quote from: AnneK on February 10, 2019, 04:00:47 PM
I've had both male and female doctors and dentists over the years.  I also prefer female, as I don't care for the attitude some male doctors seem to have.  They seem to have a need to make some unwarranted personal comment.

I just sacked a dentist.  I tried to explain to him, what my problem was, and what I think what the cause it is.  He barked back:  You don't have to explain this to me, after all, I am a doctor!  I got up and said, nice to meet you, after all I am a PhD, and I left!  The idiot had forgotten that half the stuff he used, was coming from our labs!

Jennifer,

The doctor I went to for HRT was not my PCP.  She needed to get some baseline info about me so I had to have some blood drawn for that as well as my T & E.   Your doctor should know what your general health is already.  You might even get a low dose prescription to get you on your way.

Best of luck,
Stevi

Quote from: Stevi on February 10, 2019, 07:07:36 PM
Jennifer,

The doctor I went to for HRT was not my PCP.  She needed to get some baseline info about me so I had to have some blood drawn for that as well as my T & E.   Your doctor should know what your general health is already.  You might even get a low dose prescription to get you on your way.

When I told my doctor I wanted hormones, I was given a referral to an endocrinologist.

Quote from: AnneK on February 11, 2019, 10:24:28 AM
When I told my doctor I wanted hormones, I was given a referral to an endocrinologist.

Same was with me.  My family doc is an internist, and he said he does not know enough about this stuff.  That should be the right way, because not everybody knows everything, just because on is an MD!

He asked me to explain the Gender Dysphoria better to him as this was out 2nd discussion about it.  I told him the whole story, different situations where I felt more like a woman, up to last week when I went to a retirement party and the men and women kind of separated into different cliques, and as usual I ended up in the womens clique and felt more comfortable there.  He asked if I had worn womens cloths, I said for decades.  He asked if I had ever gone out in public in womens cloths, and I smiled and said yes, including today and pointed to my womens skinny jeans and a cute set of heeled boots I was wearing for the occasion.  I had painted my nails clear but shiny, and wore a light color lipstick.  He smiled and said ok.    I told him I had researched the material he gave me about effects of HRT and he showed me a list of all the effects and asked if I were ok with these.  I told him yes, I need to find out who I really am and figured the effects on my brain would tell me before any permanent bodily changes happen other than a couple breasts, which I can live with.  He said ok, they you want to do this?  I said, yes, I definitely want to do this.  He said he would prescribe the spironolactone and estradiol for now, and consider the progestagen later as an add on.  My doctor is in a hospital, so I got my blood drawn there to check my T and E, and off I went with the knowledge that my journey has truly began.  My pharmacy was low on one and I was very busy yesterday and could not break away to go get them.

   I am however headed to my YMCA workout this morning, followed by a stop by the pharmacy as soon as they open and a celebration breakfast.  The prescription does say take with food :-)

Congratulations on the start of your journey!!! 

I had no idea how HRT would affect me mentally. At my first appointment I was extremely nervous. At my four-month checkup I was all smiles, even my doctor was smiling! I knew then that I was on the right path. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

I went to YMCA today before picking up my first time HRT meds.  I couldn't find the coffee cup I usually carry in my bag, so I used one of the Styrofoam ones they keep in a stack.  Poured my coffee, dumped in my sugar and as I prepared to stir and it almost fell over.  It seems the one cup out of the whole stack was defective.  I checked the rest of the stack so if there was a bad batch others would not spill theirs and get burned.  It was the only one.  It had a large protruding nipple on the bottom and the bottom was actually rounded like a breast bud.  I thought nothing of it at the time, I just got another cup and poured the rest into it.  Then the irony struck me that my next stop was for my HRT meds and first dose.  I just laughed and thought the universe must be trying to tell me something.     I decided to keep the cup as a memento of the comedy, filled it with water, and used it to take my first meds after I picked them up from my pharmacy a bit later.  You were all right, I will likely always remember taking my meds for the first time.  Thanks for all the support.  Now, the patience game begins.  I am in no rush, it just feels good to be  moving in the right direction. 

Quote from: Jennifer300 on February 12, 2019, 06:08:51 AM
He asked me to explain the Gender Dysphoria better to him as this was out 2nd discussion about it.  I told him the whole story, different situations where I felt more like a woman, up to last week when I went to a retirement party and the men and women kind of separated into different cliques, and as usual I ended up in the womens clique and felt more comfortable there.  He asked if I had worn womens cloths, I said for decades.  He asked if I had ever gone out in public in womens cloths, and I smiled and said yes, including today and pointed to my womens skinny jeans and a cute set of heeled boots I was wearing for the occasion.  I had painted my nails clear but shiny, and wore a light color lipstick.  He smiled and said ok.    I told him I had researched the material he gave me about effects of HRT and he showed me a list of all the effects and asked if I were ok with these.  I told him yes, I need to find out who I really am and figured the effects on my brain would tell me before any permanent bodily changes happen other than a couple breasts, which I can live with.  He said ok, they you want to do this?  I said, yes, I definitely want to do this.  He said he would prescribe the spironolactone and estradiol for now, and consider the progestagen later as an add on.  My doctor is in a hospital, so I got my blood drawn there to check my T and E, and off I went with the knowledge that my journey has truly began.  My pharmacy was low on one and I was very busy yesterday and could not break away to go get them.

   I am however headed to my YMCA workout this morning, followed by a stop by the pharmacy as soon as they open and a celebration breakfast.  The prescription does say take with food :-)

I don't understand why the endocrinologist decided to b a gate keeper, an wanted to know bout your dysphoria, nd details about what you do as a woman?
he is not a psychologist or a psychotherapist, and he is not rained to judge those situations!
why do many of them feel that they are qualified to make judgements an psychological conditions!

The same would be as if I would want to make decisions an endo is generally doing!
My endo tried to educate me on surgical infection rates with SRS!  I really had to stop him (he was telling absolute bull), and tell him that I worked in that field for more than 36 years!

He is my primary care physician.  He also has a very high percentage of transgender patients, so he is very familiar with transgender issues.  He recommended several places I can go to get a good Gender Therapist, and recommended one several of his patients was happy with.  He recommended I find local support from transgender people as well as the road can get rocky.  I was fine with his questions, I would have been more concerned had he prescribed my meds without any questions.