I ended up stepping away sooner than I thought. Things just became worse and the level of decline just seemed to not stop. I left home and I must say that it does feel lonesome. I brought my pets with me so that is a big help. However I notice that if I don't go to my classes then my mind begins to dwell on the bad experiences. I think I have noticed the thought of wanting to do things differently in terms of wanting to have left earlier if I had known things would end up this way. So all in all after I was told my breasts are tumors the relationship with my mom lasted 3 months and before that we were really close. I have come back to check on Mom twice this week and for whatever reason it turns into arguments at some point. Makes me feel unwanted but mother said I could come visit. I feel like I should only come around once week and the visit only last a few hours. Just feel so disconnected. On the very first few days I even thought of wanting to get a BF just because I felt so lonesome but then think it is not the time and it might just be the same situation eventually. Plus I am not exactly attracted to men so the thought is weird but without family I feel a void. Trying to find a balance between doing my classes and giving my self a little me time with out giving too much to either one. Also some pretty bad things happen and I am wondering why they must happen right now. These things are not family related or transgender but something else. This year is becoming one of the more difficult years I have had. I have also wondered if the classes I take are worth it which is weird because they have meant a lot to me until now. Financially it is not well and might get a little rough but we all have those issues. I do miss Mom but to be honest when I get close it gets bad and I am really afraid of her using other words like the tumor on me. It's bad so bad I left. If she were to say other things I don't know what I will do. I think that I need to limit my exposure to her because things just don't go well now. I started hrt at 21 but did not tell her until around 4 or 3 years ago. I'm starting to wonder if she possibly hates my mtf transgender side. Who knows. If I tell her I'm hurt about she responds cold with an iron fist or talks about something else ignoring it.. she has been like that for years What I do think I feel is that I am gone and I am not missed? If I had known things would turn out this way then I would have left much earlier. Thing is I would not have possibly known if things had not happened. I do want to find some peace but things are tough and some other bad things are rolling through. My trans support group is there but the subjects are mainly political and about the LGBT movement so I relate but not with what is happening to me. They do at times speak about family and I relate but I don't know. I also have not gone there that often.

Also I became heliophobic and have been sleeping through the day and cover up like crazy if I am out and the sun is out. Mainly because I notice some wrinkles

I'm sorry for the breakup with your mom, and for your other troubles. We do indeed have cycles of trouble and bliss, and I hope you get through this cycle as quickly as possible.

Keeping some distance from your mom sounds like a good idea.  The old saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" exists for a reason. It doesn't always work that way, but in family it will probably hold true eventually. You both may need some time and space to heal from the hurt.

Good luck as you negotiate your way forward! I'm sure you'll find a good way.

sorry your going through this