Well, as this is an introduction I guess I should talk about me.
I'm getting on a little these days. I've always been female, but for the first 35 or so years of my life I had this problem that my outsides didn't match who I was. About 25 years ago now, I took some steps to solve that problem. I guess that I should now tell you a little about what happened, but before I do that, let me say that that I'm only talking of my own experience and I'm not here to offer any advice. I can see that there are already lots of people here who are already well equipped and happy to do that.
In solving my problem, I realised that the problem itself was that I didn't really like who I saw in the mirror. It didn't really matter that much to me what other people thought of me as long as they weren't rude. Because I've always been female, I wanted nothing more or less than to be a normal woman Also it was clear that being a woman was not what my life was all about but rather the canvas upon which my life is painted. Because I'm a fairly fussy person, all of this meant that I wanted to look at least look feminine to my standards. Looking attractive was always something to hope for but never guaranteed. By and large I think that I have been and am now where I want to be. But there are a few observations that I might share:
While I was solving my problem, all of the people that knew me or have since been told about me, developed a problem: They all developed a profound belief that I was a freak. This manifested in a few ways.. Some decided that their lives were better off in my absence. After some tears, I agreed. The remainder decided that they wanted something from me, be it money, help, something that I had, sex or the chance to practise their soul saving skills. This group could be so very nice and most often condescending until It became clear that they weren't getting what they wanted, at which point they would become increasingly rude before going away too. It took me a number of years to recognise this second group, but when they all finally went away, my life got better too.
The people whom I have met since I've solved my problem, have always treated me as just another woman. That is, they have been all shades of human, but none have assumed that I was a freak and the absence of overt condescension because of this was wonderful. I have had some lovers over the years and have even fallen in love once or twice. I have been proposed marriage three times (twice by guys who were very drunk at the time) but being as picky as I am, I am still single. While gentlemen occasionally still feel the need to grace me with their company, and I am happy to enjoy it, I am also happy to be single too.
I might also observe that solving my problem to the point where I was happy with what I saw in the mirror took a very long time. Years and years later and things are still now moving around... Luckily, the rest of the world at large was not nearly as fussy as I am and fairly quickly accepted me as the woman that I am. I will say though that one of the nicer things that happened to me was when I gently lost weight over a few years until my BMI is now about 22.
I will also pass on one bit of wisdom from my mother: she said "Don't try to act like a woman.. If you are truly a woman inside, then being who you are is more than sufficient." I have taken her words to heart and lived my life accordingly. So, I am an opinionated, sweet, sometimes snarky, sometimes less than rational, but always vulnerable woman, who is now getting old enough to realise it.
