Quote from: Allie Jayne on August 08, 2024, 08:20:48 PMSephira, many people have told me I am courageous, but I really don't feel it. My choice was to ignore my incongruence, and this was ultimately unsuccessful, putting my life in danger. So, to survive, I relented and did what I had to do. Initially, I actually chose to risk death not to transition, but my doctor said my loved ones would carry guilt for my demise when they learned I chose to protect them. It put me in a no win situation. Courage is choosing to do something you fear, but I had no choice. I relinquished control and just did whatever my doctors said. I don't see courage in this.

Hugs,

Allie

Allie, everything we do is a choice. Everyone, everywhere. Whenever you have a choice to do something, or not do something.

You always have a choice, Allie. That's what separates us from all the other higher animals. We understand our own existence. We have that spark of sentience.

Choosing to not do what you did is still a choice.

No one in this world has no choice. You made the right one. After a lot of soul searching.

It was at age 20, realized I bottled it up for a long time realizing I was hurting inside keeping it in the closet. Knew I was endangering myself making it worse. Then the soul searching happened, knew I had to come out knowing the bottling it up was too much. It was not easy coming out to my family at first. Thought I would lose my family over and they surprised me. I gave them time and space wondering why I was hurting inside unhappy. It was 2 weeks later they accepted and came to terms I was transgender now happy as a pre op mtf transsexual.

Hello Nikki,

We can never underestimate the value of being accepted by family. I think that the best we can do is show them how happy we are now vs how we were before, just like you did.

Welcome to Susan's Place.

Quote from: NikkiM on August 08, 2024, 10:37:06 PMIt was at age 20,realized I bottled it up for a long time realizing I was hurting inside keeping it in the closet.Knew I was endangering myself making it worse.Then the soul searching happened,knew I had to come out knowing the bottling it up was too much.It was not easy coming out to my family at first.Thought I would lose my family over and they surprised me.I gave them time and space wondering why I was hurting inside unhappy.It was 2 weeks later they accepted and came to terms I was transgender now happy as a pre op mtf transsexual.

That's awesome, Nikki.

Like Lori says... you really can't put a price on that. That you're healthy, and in a better place is all anyone can ask... <3

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 08, 2024, 10:57:22 PMHello Nikki,

We can never underestimate the value of being accepted by family. I think that the best we can do is show them how happy we are now vs how we were before, just like you did.

Welcome to Susan's Place.

I was a mess before heading in the wrong direction before coming out. Now, loved and accepted in as a daughter and sister

In my case, it was a gradual change, and change still happens every day. Sometimes I went back a little bit, but came back again. One memorable moment was when I purchased my own skirt for the first time about 20 years ago. Before that, I wore the miniskirt my spouse wore when she was in her 20s. The next moment will be the upcoming November when an independent movie featuring me will be completed and shown to the public at some theaters.

Cheers,

barbie~~

I was always wanting to transition But my parents were very against it. My father died young in 1991. My Mom died in October 2011. November 2011 I had to start transition. I self mediated and then hit the wall. I had an intake January 2012 at Mazzoni. They are my primary care.

In my case it was 11 years ago.  I had been following various feminist and similar blogs, including one by a trans woman.  Then, on Sept. 11, 2013, I ran across a post by Zinnia Jones, called That was dysphoria?" 8 signs and symptoms of indirect gender dysphoria.  Up until then, I'd assumed I wasn't trans because I had never had the feeling that I was "a woman trapped in a man's body,"  but so many of the signs she mentioned fit me that I reconsidered.  I knew I'd always felt alienated by what boys/men were supposed to be and was in fact alienated from them.  I'd been attracted to women's clothing, although I usually suppressed that.  The whole masculinity thing, especially the anxiety about losing it, seemed just stupid to me.

FWIW, there were signs before then.  After I divorced, and didn't need to worry about what my (ex-)wife thought, I noticed that some men at the contra dances I was going to liked to wear skirts, because they're so swirly, so I tried it myself.  The first time I saw myself in a mirror wearing a skirt, it was the first time I could look at any part of myself and not feel grossed out.  I gradually femmed things up, calling myself a "man in skirts" or perhaps a "man with an unusual fashion sense" and participated in a few online groups for "men in skirts," but I found most of the people there were too hung up on their masculinity.  It was that article that gave me the impetus to look up what being trans and transitioning were all about.  Three years later I was in the process of transitioning, and went full time in January 2017.  (It took 6 years before I could get SRS, but that's another story,  mainly a saga of the messed up medical system in the USA.)

@Asche

Thank you for this! This article really hit home.

In my own story, I had no clue that any of my issues might be gender-related. I sought therapy to finally figure out what was wrong with me. It was my psychologist who put the pieces together and came up with Gender Dysphoria. I had no clue what that meant. He said it indicates I may be transgender. I said there is no way that is accurate because I'm not gay! I spent the next two years in therapy learning what that really meant. Learning the difference between biological sex, gender identity, and sexual preference. Then, and only then did I see what he saw. We connected the dots and everything made sense. Hindsight is 20/20.

Quote from: Asche on August 16, 2024, 11:30:07 AMIn my case it was 11 years ago.  I had been following various feminist and similar blogs, including one by a trans woman.  Then, on Sept. 11, 2013, I ran across a post by Zinnia Jones, called That was dysphoria?" 8 signs and symptoms of indirect gender dysphoria.  Up until then, I'd assumed I wasn't trans because I had never had the feeling that I was "a woman trapped in a man's body,"  but so many of the signs she mentioned fit me that I reconsidered.  I knew I'd always felt alienated by what boys/men were supposed to be and was in fact alienated from them.  I'd been attracted to women's clothing, although I usually suppressed that.  The whole masculinity thing, especially the anxiety about losing it, seemed just stupid to me.

FWIW, there were signs before then.  After I divorced, and didn't need to worry about what my (ex-)wife thought, I noticed that some men at the contra dances I was going to liked to wear skirts, because they're so swirly, so I tried it myself.  The first time I saw myself in a mirror wearing a skirt, it was the first time I could look at any part of myself and not feel grossed out.  I gradually femmed things up, calling myself a "man in skirts" or perhaps a "man with an unusual fashion sense" and participated in a few online groups for "men in skirts," but I found most of the people there were too hung up on their masculinity.  It was that article that gave me the impetus to look up what being trans and transitioning were all about.  Three years later I was in the process of transitioning, and went full time in January 2017.  (It took 6 years before I could get SRS, but that's another story,  mainly a saga of the messed up medical system in the USA.)

@Asche Thank you for this article. I can appreciate much of what is written. And can relate. I was diagnosed (in hindsight, wrongly) with Clinical Depression when I was 14. Because a lot of the symptoms in that article are very similar. And the doctor didn't know any better. Mostly because I didn't know any better.

If I knew then what I know now, things would likely have turned out somewhat differently.

Quote from: Sephirah on August 08, 2024, 08:45:04 PMAllie, everything we do is a choice. Everyone, everywhere. Whenever you have a choice to do something, or not do something.

You always have a choice, Allie. That's what separates us from all the other higher animals. We understand our own existence. We have that spark of sentience.

Choosing to not do what you did is still a choice.

No one in this world has no choice. You made the right one. After a lot of soul searching.

Sephirah, I used to think that, but experience in the past 5 years has taught me differently. I was arrogant enough to believe everything I did was my decision, but I learned that, at times, we just don't have options. Circumstances are often beyond our control, and determine our direction. Believe me, I would not be trans if I had a choice!

Hugs,

Allie

Quote from: Allie Jayne on August 16, 2024, 05:27:49 PMSephirah, I used to think that, but experience in the past 5 years has taught me differently. I was arrogant enough to believe everything I did was my decision, but I learned that, at times, we just don't have options. Circumstances are often beyond our control, and determine our direction. Believe me, I would not be trans if I had a choice!

Hugs,

Allie

I think we will have to agree to disagree on this, Allie. Life and death is a choice. Pain and not-pain is a choice. But people tend to see the act of choosing as being something like "Well that just proves you could have chosen differenty!" And it gets weaponized against people. Every day we wake up, we make choices. Even if we don't think we do.

It isn't arrogant to say how you live your life is your decision. You're quite right, it is your decision. That's what separates us from the rest of the animals on this planet. We do things because we choose to. Because we know the consequences of going down path A or path B. We see both ends. And we choose to take one of those paths. That's part of being sentient. It's knowing the choices we make beyond just evolutionary instinct. Doing something because otherwise you wouldn't be alive is still a choice. You choose to live. That isn't a bad thing. It's just a thing.

I know that this isn't a very popular opinion because it insinuates that there's the possibility you did something just for selfish reasons and that you're basically saying... I didn't want to hurt. But that's exactly what it is. You live your life to not feel pain. Any sane person does. Whatever that takes. No one wants to feel awful every second they're awake. Pain is the ultimate cheerleader in pushing us to make choices to make it go away. It's still a choice.

I understand what you're saying, but I just don't agree. Because I feel that when you take the element of choice away from people, you take away the main thing which makes them people, and not just hairless monkeys.

Sephirah,

My turning point came 9 years ago when I fully recovered from cancer.  That is when I truly accepted that there would not always be a tomorrow.  My need to start transition took on a new sense of urgency.

I am still transitioning.  It is going slow for the reasons that you have highlighted.  I am married and I have children and grandchildren.  I don't believe my marriage will survive my transition, and I'm not certain my relationship with my siblings will either.  

I have to come to terms with that before I can go full time.  All the while I know tomorrow is not guaranteed.  This causes me anxiety and angst in my life.

Gwen

Nice profile pic, Gwen!



@gwenf369

@gwenf369
Dear Gwen:
I was very emotionally moved when I read your last post.
 
Transitioning is one of the most dramatic life changing things that we can do... and it a
affects every area of our relationships, family, marriage, friends, employment endeavors,
physical and mental health.... and just about everything else that we can imagine. 

You wrote of issues that many members here have dealt with, some report successes, and some
others report of frustrating and disappointing results.

Transitioning  is our own unique journey with variables that only we can deal with.  You had
mentioned that you have anxiety and angst in your life for a variety of understandable reasons
and if you are not already doing so, perhaps this is the time to seek the help from an
experienced Gender Therapist.

My unsolicited advice is for you to try to stay positive...  negative thinking can many times
produce negative outcomes.

I am wishing you well as you continue on in your journey and I will be following your journey as
you feel comfortable sharing and posting.

Many HUGS, ❤️❤️❤️
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Quote from: gwenf369 on August 17, 2024, 08:44:54 PMSephirah,

My turning point came 9 years ago when I fully recovered from cancer.  That is when I truly accepted that there would not always be a tomorrow.  My need to start transition took on a new sense of urgency.

I am still transitioning.  It is going slow for the reasons that you have highlighted.  I am married and I have children and grandchildren.  I don't believe my marriage will survive my transition, and I'm not certain my relationship with my siblings will either. 

I have to come to terms with that before I can go full time.  All the while I know tomorrow is not guaranteed.  This causes me anxiety and angst in my life.

Gwen

Sephirah, while there are always choices in theory, when it comes down to the here and now, there's not always a choice.  In theory, Allie may have had multiple choices, but in the reality of her condition she had no choice.
 
I often run into situations where I have no choice, even if some might exist.  For instance, if I buy something at a shop and the clerk gives me back too much change, some would say I have 2 choices.  One, keep the extra cash, and the other, return the cash.  In reality I have no choice, I have to return the cash.  It's not a matter of the right choice, there is no other choice for me.   

While my example above is trivial compared to Allie's condition, I do understand when she says, she had no choice.

Warm Regards,

Paulie.

Hi Everyone

No the "straw did not break the camels back", because you are all in your own indomitable spirit are still here, in other words you survived and I and many others are extremely happy you are still here.

We always have a choice, regardless of the circumstances.  We actively make our own choices.  Regardless whether it is a small or big choice. Even if we let somebody else make a choice for us.  Paradoxically we have made a choice.

The decisions that you make in regards to what matters the most in your lives, will depend on those choices.  Every other decision is simply a by product of that choice.

In the case of Allie not having a choice, she did.  Her health was failing and could have continued, resulting in her death.  However Allie chose to transition and live.

So the apocryphal saying "The straw that broke the camel's back." is a fallacy.  Why?  The camels back is stronger than the straw and here on Susan's this 'indomitable spirit' shines through with the stories of Susan's members staring directly in our faces.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

The straw that broke the camels back for really was the passing of a dear good friend who stated I really should go see a therapist about it. It took her passing to get me to act and do something. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: Sarah B on August 18, 2024, 07:44:41 AMHi Everyone

No the "straw did not break the camels back", because you are all in your own indomitable spirit are still here, in other words you survived and I and many others are extremely happy you are still here.

We always have a choice, regardless of the circumstances.  We actively make our own choices.  Regardless whether it is a small or big choice. Even if we let somebody else make a choice for us.  Paradoxically we have made a choice.

The decisions that you make in regards to what matters the most in your lives, will depend on those choices.  Every other decision is simply a by product of that choice.

In the case of Allie not having a choice, she did.  Her health was failing and could have continued, resulting in her death.  However Allie chose to transition and live.

So the apocryphal saying "The straw that broke the camel's back." is a fallacy.  Why?  The camels back is stronger than the straw and here on Susan's this 'indomitable spirit' shines through with the stories of Susan's members staring directly in our faces.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter

I guess "Choices" are a topic on its own, but my point was that my choice was to protect my family, even if it meant my demise, but my doctor turned that choice around by arguing my protection could cause them more harm. The welfare of my family is programmed into me (and this was confirmed by psychologists).

We do make some choices, but when we are caught between the proverbial "rock and hard place" our base level programming makes the choice for us. It was hard for me to learn and accept that I didn't have the control over my life I thought I had, but it is a scientific fact as explained by this article by UNSW https://www.unsw.edu.au/newsroom/news/2019/03/our-brains-reveal-our-choices-before-were-even-aware-of-them--st#:~:text=A%20new%20UNSW%20study%20suggests,we%20are%20aware%20of%20them.

Hugs,

Allie

If choosing between living and dying is a choice - then I guess it is a choice - but in reality, if you have GD as bad as I felt it then there is no 'practical' choice. You can all get hung up on the semantics but I am with Allie - this is not a choice, for given a 'fair' choice, we would not of chosen to change our gender.

In fact, to tell me that I did have a choice is hurtful. I lost my home, family and career.. that was not because I was some selfish idiot that wanted to pursue my outlandish fetishes.. it was because if I did not do this, I would be dead.

On the eve of our divorce, I said to my (now ex) wife - 'What do you want?... a living, happy, vibrant wife or a dead husband?'.. she paused for a while.. looked me in the eyes and said 'preferably dead'.  After 30 years of loving that person - that is what I got. If you think for one friggin moment that I had a choice.......... !!!!!!