My original name actually meant boy in a foreign language. My mother's name was Varona, removing the a from the end gives me my original name, Varon. Varon is the Spanish word for boy. It is pronounced the same as Varona, but without the a. One grandma even spelled it Varone. My other grandma,(maternal) expanded the name to Varonica.
My niece ended up with the name Varonica. While in the hospital with broken wrists, after a conversation with my sisters, it was decided that I could use Varonica for my Facebook page, as my niece did not use the name Varonica.
It gets very frustrating when other people tell me I'm pronouncing my name wrong, and it should be pronounced the same way as the Spanish word boy. Working with Mexicans, my name was a joke to them. They could call me boy. My dad knew a little bit of Spanish, and I wonder if he knew he was calling me boy.
It was a few years after my dad died that I changed my legal name to Michael. That was in 1984. The intention was to be Miss Michael. I needed two witnesses in court, and I didn't think they would approve of a female name. Michael is also pronounced Michelle.
My mother insisted that my birth name was Varon, and that was the name she would use. She also told others that they did not need to use the name Michael, as it was only for legal purposes.

About 20 years ago, I started coming out at work. At first it was making sure my shirt pockets were empty, and that reveled the fact that it was more that stuffed shirt pockets. I realized then that I was stuffing my shirt pockets to make me look more feminine. It shortly after that I started wearing a bra with breast forms. I was not hiding any of this from my mother. A rumor got started about me getting a sex change and my mother heard it. It was then that she had a talk with me about it. I was told that I had better think about for a very long time. I figured 40 or 50 years should be long enough.
 I later went downstairs to the kitchen, forgetting to remove the ring that I was wearing. My mother grabbed my hand, looked at the ring, and without saying a word slapped my face. Everything got put into storage.

Today is Aug. 23, 2024, Tomorrow is a family reunion for part of the family. I do plan on attending, and wearing a skirt.
Last year I was unable to go, due to being in the hospital, and I had not yet gone out in public wearing a skirt. At that time quite likely I would have gone wearing jeans and having breast forms to make me a 38D.

@Michelle_K
Dear Michelle:
Thank you for sharing more details regarding your transitioning life endeavors.

I am wishing you well tomorrow when you attend your family reunion.
All you can do is just be yourself and present yourself as you are.

Hopefully there will be other family members there that are aware of your
transition and that they are supportive and affirming. 

When going around and seeing everyone I would like to suggest that you have
one or two of the supportive family members with you.... safety in numbers!

Thank you for sharing and posting your photos... it is always nice to put
a face with a name here on the Forum.

HUGS and my best wishes,
Danielle  [Northern Star Girl]

While I was writing, I got interrupted by the clock. My schedule for today took me to Hutchinson, MN. This weekend they have a replica of the wall that heals. It was a long walk from one end to the other, even at 3/4 size.

Like I said a rumor went around and those old enough probably remember it, those not old enough have never met me.

Quote from: Michelle_K on August 23, 2024, 05:30:06 PMWhile I was writing, I got interrupted by the clock. My schedule for today took me to Hutchinson, MN. This weekend they have a replica of the wall that heals. It was a long walk from one end to the other, even at 3/4 size.

Like I said a rumor went around and those old enough probably remember it, those not old enough have never met me.

@Michelle_K
Dear Michelle:

    Click LINK -->https://www.vvmf.org/The-Wall-That-Heals/
On Veterans Day 1996, the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund (VVMF) unveiled a replica of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, D.C., designed to travel to communities throughout the United States. Since its dedication, The Wall That Heals has been displayed at nearly 700 communities throughout the nation, spreading the Memorial's healing legacy to millions.

Thank you for posting and sharing this important information, especially for those that are not
aware of what The Wall That Heals is all about.

Warmly,
Danielle  [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator
                      US AirForce Veteran... served right after college.
                                    1st Lt   First Lieutenant
                      Much of that time at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, Texas
                      staff at the Air Education and Training Command

Like I was trying to say before, There was already a rumor that went around about me getting a sex change. I don't know how many of my cousins heard the rumor. Not that it matters any. Other than bigger breasts and wearing a skirt, nothing about me has really changed. I still have the feminine figure that I had 20+ years ago. In fact, the picture of me in the blue dress with the white stripe is about 20 years old.
I got to the family reunion. Nobody asked any questions, and most of the people were strangers, even though related. My main concern was use of the rest room, but there were porta-potties there.
I am in the family photo that was taken of just the cousins.
It is kind of heartbreaking to see some that are younger than me using walkers or canes, and a couple in wheelchairs.

At the reunion, I learned that the one in the wheelchair has prostate cancer. His family talked him into getting the estrogen treatments. I should send him the message that looking feminine for me is natural, as I have never taken estrogen, unless you count Saw Palmetto. If I remember right he was the one that got stomach surgery to help him loose weight.
My mind is wandering again, it has come up with another what if. In my case suppose the low testosterone has caused my prostate to shrink. Soy oil has given my prostate inflammation, and swelling, causing my prostate to appear normal size. I get a high PSA number, and a biopsy in 2005. The result of the biopsy is no cancer, but I have inflammation. This year even though I insist that I am false positive, my doctor sends me to a urologist. I get a pelvic MRI done. No cancer, evidence of inflammation, and normal size.
I see the list of this is what happens to the male body on estrogen. Quite likely testosterone blockers are also taken. What if it is not the estrogen, but the low testosterone that is causing the erectile dysfunction. In my case, I can go down the list and say that has already happened.
I need to be careful, just a bump going through a doorway, actually takes off skin of my legs, even while wearing jeans. Not to mention the skinned knuckles when the wrench slips. And all the other things. Thin skin means I get cold easier, and bothered less by the heat in the summer. I'm still trying to figure out if I don't sweat due to being dehydrated or if that is the way I'm built.
I've heard it stated that electrolysis hair removal should be done before taking estrogen, due to shrinkage of the pores. It gets rough trying to pull the hair out when the root is bigger than the pore. It is also a problem getting the needle into the pore to kill the root.
Michelle

I had to go shopping and get my Sunday paper. While in Walmart I walked past the jewelry section and saw the tiaras. I could resist and I bought one. I was reminded of a wedding long ago. I think I got up in the morning and was told that I had to go and get measured for a tux. My mother had volunteered me to be part of my cousin's wedding party. When I got measured for the tux, I bought me a tiara. The day before the wedding, I was at the county fair before going to the wedding practice. While I was there, the fire trucks all left the fairgrounds. There had been an explosion at the school. They had been redoing the floors in the big gym, and someone turned on the exhaust fans to clear the fumes.
There was another time when I planned to go to the races at the fair. I got up in the morning and was told "Grandma is going to a wedding today, and you're driving." Did I ever mention that I felt like I was her personal chauffeur. I was permanent Designated Driver, which meant I could not drink at any of the parties. She was very much against drinking, but I saw her making sure the wine bottles at the tables were empty.
Michelle

Sometimes I could swear that I typed the words correctly, but they end up spelled wrong. Maybe it is the dyslexia. I once swapped a couple of numbers in my phone number around. I just could not get MyChart to verify my phone. It went several months until I read the numbers aloud, and realized what happened. I put in the correct number and my phone received the code to verify my phone. Spellchecker helps, but sometimes it seems to know the word is wrong, but doesn't know what the word should be. Then I type it into google and most times google will auto correct the spelling and give me the definition.

I think I mentioned that I have gotten my gender dysphoria diagnosis. It got a bit rough finding a clinic that had an endocrinologist. Now I am waiting for my referral. Then figure out what the next steps are.
I think I can manage up until I get the prescription. If I read the papers right, I take the prescription to the pharmacy at the veteran care center.

I have seen women wearing tops that allow the bra straps to be seen. I felt that was not proper, and should be avoided. Today I find myself wearing a tank top with straps, and my bra straps can be seen. I did go to my appointment with a short sleeve shirt over it. I should try my strapless bra. I don't worry about the bra sliding down. The bottom of my ribs flare outward, and that keeps the bra from sliding down.
I once heard one girl calling another girl "pirate's treasure" meaning sunken chest. I have the pectus excavatum. The ribs between my breasts go inward.

Putting my nylons on this morning, I was wondering who showed me how to put the nylons on. I mean grab the top of the stocking, put the thumbs inside, and gather it up until you get to the toe, then put your toes in and ungather as you work up the leg. Now, I am also wondering if someone showed me how to attach the garters.

I think I saw something about the first time buying feminine clothing. I actually got catalogs in the mail. I have a pair of shoes from Fredrick's of Hollywood. They are white size 12, with a 3.5 inch stiletto heel. My first time wearing them was no trouble. I don't know if they have shrunk any in the past 20 years, as they feel a little bit tight. Not painful, but I did take them off after a half hour. I think a shoe stretcher would help.
I wonder why she would do that. I remember as a teenager my mother went to a store. She sent me inside to buy a box of Kotex feminine napkins.
Michelle

I didn't realize it was after midnight when I posted. Sometimes I intend to post something, and so much other stuff gets posted instead of what I wanted to post. It used to happen a lot when I was younger. I mean talking, when my chance to talk arrived, I had forgotten what I was going to say. Someone else would say it must not have been important.
Now if I could remember what I was going to post. Or should I gust go with forgetfulness. Like when I go shopping, and I forget I have my shopping list in my purse, and I forget to buy something I need. I even go into the kitchen in the morning, and my vitamins are still sitting on the table because I forgot to take them the day before. I sure hope that estrogen will improve my memory.
I'm fairly certain that I have ADHD and autism. My social worker is trying to improve my anxiety by using relaxation methods and using my stress ball and other fidget toys. I wonder if he realizes that by using the toys, I am stimming. Even my finger exercises are a form of stimming. My daily walking can be classed as meditation. It was a surprise to me that curling my toes in my shoes in the dentists office is also stimming.
Michelle

I wanted to say that I did a video connect test today, and tomorrow I will use the video connect for group therapy at the veteran's care. Prior to that, I have an appointment with the audiologist to get my hearing checked. I may have stated elsewhere that I have scars on my eardrums. I don't remember when it happened, but I remember having difficulty in school. During a spelling test, I am several words behind as I try to figure out what word I am trying to spell. And then the teacher called me stupid for doing so poorly on the spelling test.
Michelle

I got called stupid by my teacher as I can never memorise times tables, my 3 kids all got told they were stupid by their teachers. Well the only stupid ones are the teachers that dont know dyslexia.

Ah, yes mathematics. I actually made a multiplication chart. I took algebra in high school, even though I counted on my fingers.
In sixth grade it appeared the teacher was more interested in the students who were doing extra credit than the ones who really needed help.

I went to Walmart and picked up a light for recording, and a pair of headphones. For some reason the sound and video from the web camera are delayed in my recording program. It confuses me a little, but at least I can hear myself. I also downloaded a voice pitch analyzer for my iPhone. It looks like my pitch is androgynous.
Michelle

Platonic Intimacy. I just watched a video by Icky talking about it. The shower in the house has 2 shower heads. As a trans female she showered with a cis woman friend. Another was changing outfits in front of the cameraman.
As a child, I became best friends with my cousin. We became so close that we would change into our swimsuits together. She would sleep in my bed during sleepovers. Our last day together was spent skinny dipping in the river. When we returned from our pasture, she got sent home. My dad told me he knew what we were doing and told her father. I suspect that he came to one conclusion about why a boy and a girl were alone together. At a family party, her brother along with 3 other boy cousins decided to punish me by sexually molesting me. The whole time he had a grin on his face. Later my dad told me that since she was under age, I was guilty of statutory rape. We were both about 10 years old and were not sexually involved.

There is a wedding dance coming up, and I am a bit scared of sharing the restroom with the other girls, especially since I am related to the bride.
Did I mention that my dad, after watching a peeping tom movie, suggested that I should dress up as a woman to go into the restroom to spy.   
Michelle

I got a new email address, and updating the address where necessary.

I finally got my appointment with an endocrinologist. I far as I know the first appointment will be a 2 hour drive each way. I may later see him at a closer clinic. Being a new patient, my appointment will be November 4.
Michelle

Hi, Michelle.

Glad to see you are still making progress. Is the Endocrinologist through the VA? I was just wondering if they had one closer to you that might be more available.

Yes, my appointment is after a VA referral. I think it is a shortage of endocrinologists willing to take on new patients, or even trans patients. The main Minnesota Avera clinic is a 2 hour drive. The doctor is also connected to an Avera clinic that is a hours drive each way.

A few years back I changed the hard drive in my computer. Installing windows on the hard drive I used a made up name. I think that after checking my email, my real name showed up on the login screen. I think the computer got my name from my Microsoft Live account, the same as my Xbox showing my name on the login screen.
I'm wondering if I change my name in my Microsoft Live profile, that my name will change on the login screens. I think I will try it.
I'm now wondering if the name is part of the reason I haven't been playing. The other part recovering from broken wrists. I should be recovered enough to handle the controllers.

Just thinking, I may not have shot my compound bow since the time I broke my left wrist the first time. It is a left handed bow, meaning I pull the string with my left hand. I tried pulling the string a couple of weeks ago, and it would not move. I have a second left handed compound bow that has weight markings. I adjusted the bow to 25 pounds. I can do 5 repartitions at that weight. I think for hunting, it needs to be 40 pounds. Never hunted, so if I can get to 30 pounds I can do target shooting
Michelle

Quote from: Michelle_K on August 29, 2024, 01:56:12 PMYes, my appointment is after a VA referral. I think it is a shortage of endocrinologists willing to take on new patients, or even trans patients. The main Minnesota Avera clinic is a 2 hour drive. The doctor is also connected to an Avera clinic that is a hours drive each way.

My VA Endocrinologist retired and then we had no Endocrinology Department, but a lot of vets with diabetes and other hormone issues. They sent us to a Care in the Community provider (at the local hospital), so that was convenient. Then the VA decided that MtF transgender persons should be treated in the VA Women's Health Center. So now I am pre-op but already have a Gynecologist. 

I think that since you are in Minnesota, you will be in good hands. I do not believe they don't want to treat you. Minnesota has some very pro-trans healthcare laws. I am more inclined to believe they are just short-staffed. There are a lot of trans people moving there for healthcare.

I once wondered what was with some of the women. I mean what they wear is color coordinated. Now I realize that I was doing the same thing with the men's leisure suits. I had a blue, a yellow, and a green. Only thing was men's shoes don't come in various colors. I think I took about 10 pair to the thrift shop.
Definitely female, a closet full of clothes and wondering what to wear to the wedding dance. If i go, I think I will be wearing the red jacket/skirt combo. I bought a red purse yesterday to go with the outfit. I ordered new red shoes. If they don't arrive in time, I have red shoes that are 20 years old. I have a red garter belt in my dresser. I might add a red bow tie with my white ruffled shirt.
Michelle

It was decades ago that I got a hold of some catalog with high heels to fit men's feet. If high heels are made special for men, then it would suggest that men's feet and women's feet are different. I put up with a lot of foot pain while wearing men's boots. The interesting thing was that the pain went away when I started wearing women's athletic shoes.
I got special shoes for pedaling my exercise bike, only to have the pain return. That is when I found out that Women's cycling shoes are relabeled men's shoes, or rather unisex shoes. I did come across a website explaining the difference between a man's foot and a woman's foot. Since I can wear women's high heels without any trouble, then I must have female feet. (likely that I had a hormone imbalance during puberty.)
I thought about what height of heel would be best for me. Since I am 5' 9.5" in stocking feet, then a 2.5 inch heel would make me 6 foot tall. Then I would be at the same level as a guy who is 6 foot tall.
Michelle

When I was younger, living on the farm, we would go ice skating on a pond out by our barn. It has been decades since I went ice skating. I used to think that my arches would ache because the ice was rough. Now I'm thinking it was because they were men's figure skates. Possibly hockey skates would have been more rigid and there would have been less pain.
I am really tempted, find my old roller skates, the ones with the black boots and get some pink laces. It is a 50 mile drive to a roller skating rink. Those skates are someplace in the storage trailer. First thing to do is weigh both pairs of skates, to see if the ones I fell with are really heaver than my black skates.
Just don't tell my brother-in-law, he thinks roller skating is too dangerous, especially at my age.
It is a 40 mile drive to a ice skating arena, and the weather has to be cold.
Michelle

Apparently, a woman's skate US size 12 and up are not made. I am aware that there are child size 12 skates. There is another alternative, and that is to find a boot that fits properly, and have a skate shop convert them to skates. I just weighed the roller skates that I was using, and compared the weight to normal boots. each skate is 3 pounds heavier than the normal boot. That would be an extra 3 pound per foot, making them hard to control, and more difficult to tip toe for braking.
Michelle