Thank you Athena

You are welcome sweet.

Cloud 9... make that Cloud 99 all evening.

Amanda - I think that I'm the Anne that you referred to below.

Quote from: AlwaysAmanda on April 15, 2008, 12:10:20 AM
Anne posted in another topic about having a strong reaction the first time she saw herself...

I still remember that time when I fully dressed and looked at myself in the mirror and thought "this is me". Not that I was beautiful or anything, or perhaps even passable. It was just that who I saw in the mirror fit with me on the inside. As a teenager, many confusing thoughts followed because I didn't even realize that transition was possible until someone showed me an article in a magazine about transgendered individuals - they didn't know about me. I went through various thoughts including that maybe I could get pregnant (don't ask me how) so that people would realize that I was really female. I even hoped that my sisters would come home from college, and tell me that I really was a girl, that we could quite pretending otherwise, and it was time to take me to the beauty salon and get my hair done correctly. I see lots of discussion about the difficulty of coming out to family. I came out to one sister way before this stuff was as well documented as it now is and told her that I was a woman. I don't know why I thought she would understand.  That was quite a while ago, and there is a lot of water under the bridge since then.

Yes, I think you were Anne... your post reminded me of my reaction. Thanks for sharing

Amanda

Hmm, well when I was 12 I was as tall as my mother, and one day I took one of her simple and in-ornate blue dresses from her closet. To be honest I don't remember why that day but I did and tried it on. It didn't fit completely right and I didn't have any makeup on or my hair done. But it was like...

Well it was like going your whole life listening to a guitar being played, with one chord out of tune. No matter who you talk to its only you who hears it. Then suddenly its like someone tunes it and it suddenly stands out to you all the more because for once it is in its place.

But that wasn't when I saw myself as me.

Back in January of this year when I was getting ready for school that first morning I got dressed and ready. Right before going out the door I looked in my mirror and saw her. I saw me. If at the age of 12 wearing that dress had been like a chord, now it was like a symphony. It swelled in my chest and I just stood there staring at my reflection, afraid to move least I find it was an illusion or a dream. If I had not needed to get to class, I probably would have stood there staring at that mirror all morning.

Only recently I've started to think....'yes that looks right'

Quote
Back in January of this year when I was getting ready for school that first morning I got dressed and ready. Right before going out the door I looked in my mirror and saw her. I saw me. If at the age of 12 wearing that dress had been like a chord, now it was like a symphony. It swelled in my chest and I just stood there staring at my reflection, afraid to move least I find it was an illusion or a dream. If I had not needed to get to class, I probably would have stood there staring at that mirror all morning.

Sounds about like me Angel.

I dressed on and off thru teenage years etc....  I definitely saw the girl but that was it, as it never seemed it would be obtainable.   Recently I acquired a bit of a wardrobe and breast form and wig.   Well on one weekend when my wife was out of town -- Daisy decided it was her night.   While I hated my wig, when I was finished I saw the girl within.   But even more so, just going out just to a movie opened the prison and definitely set a precedent that Daisy is a part of me to be reckoned with.  Not sure I pass at all, but I though I looked pretty.

While not trying to instigate controversy, being at home and dressing, but not going out is a prison, and really not worth the effort.  So open those doors and be the girl ( or guy -- not trying to leave anyone out ) you truly want to be.   I completely understand 24/7 may not be possible, but 1 hour, 2 hours, or a whole day will change your life.

Just a thought


Daisy

Well I see myself wanting to look female but it won't happen to the degree I would like. I need to work on my manners and acting more fem. My voice is awful. I am depressed at the moment due to someone telling me I didn't look female and had a long ways to go. They wasn't mean about it. I have been part time now about 3 months. But I think she wants me to be like her. She isn't the most feminine woman I know but I would be happy just to be her.  I was going to make a topic but it seems I just wanted to rant and this topic is close to what I would have posted. But I am beautiful no matter what they say

Many, many moons ago I got the courage to video myself all dressed.  It was the first night I actually had the courage to get out and drive around.  Then I felt so elated, later followed by such guilt and shame.  I repressed again for a long time until a couple of years ago (except for regular periods of "relapse").   There were a lot of first times, it seems.  But when I did my first makeover I was just stunned.  Each significant time I remember thinking that I never, ever, ever wanted to go back to guy mode.

Kristi

QuoteSo open those doors and be the girl ( or guy -- not trying to leave anyone out ) you truly want to be.   I completely understand 24/7 may not be possible, but 1 hour, 2 hours, or a whole day will change your life.

Yes it will change your life, and it gets harder and harder to go back to being the guy.

QuoteBut I am beautiful no matter what they say

Kimberly, your avatar looks great... don't let anyone tell you your not beautiful.

QuoteEach significant time I remember thinking that I never, ever, ever wanted to go back to guy mode.

That's been the hardest thing for me too Kristi... to go back to guy mode... I hate it and it is so very depressing
but then I start to look forward to the next time I can be Amanda. Someday I'll get to be 24/7 but until then it's
baby steps. The stories in your blog about your outings really helped me to move forward, thanks for sharing them

Amanda

Re: What was your reaction the first time you saw yourself as a female?

I was 13 and it really worked well ....I had a blitz through my sisters clothes and I looked amazing.......after that it was all downhill ......

Only a couple of times quite recently did I think I looked ok...

Quote from: Berliegh on April 22, 2008, 05:19:59 PM
Re: What was your reaction the first time you saw yourself as a female?

I was 13 and it really worked well ....I had a blitz through my sisters clothes and I looked amazing.......after that it was all downhill ......

Only a couple of times quite recently did I think I looked ok...

So true Berliegh ...

Really thought I'd never again experience the way I looked and felt when I "dressed and made-up" in those innocent years before puberty hit so cruelly at around 16 ....

I'm way older than you but really feel its coming right for me again ....  ....

.....

Laura x

I didnt want to change. I went to bed like that and woke up still totally femmed out. I was hot lol. I didn't want to lose that how I looked and the way it made me feel. I felt so good, warm, sexy, pretty, happy.....every thing was like bliss. It was such a drag (no pun intended) to revert back.

Quote from: Beyond on April 15, 2008, 07:21:40 AM
Not to be offensive or elitist or anything, but I see "fem" and "femme" as either a type of lesbian or as a crossdessing term. 

Life is good.

Yes, life is good for we 'femme' lesbians

I'm a much, much prettier lesbian after years of hrt.


Bev