I've been on hrt injections and fin for two years

I've pretty much seen as much muscle loss as I'm gonna see and what I thought was mostly muscle is mostly bone when it comes to shoulder width

I was afraid of this when I started because of how big I was pre transition

I started hitting the weights real young in my teens and a lot of the males in my family have broad shoulders so ofc my clavicle grew huge

I have a little bit of chub to loose but it's mostly a chunky gut and some fat on my arms probably from all the muscle atrophy but thats it

I'd say a good 20 to 30 lbs which isn't a whole lot so it won't take anything off my shoulders

I definitely see a difference in my delts and traps but my shoulders are still well in the male range of size so I'm screwed

I know some of its proportions and I could hit my lower body and midsection really hard with lifting but it would still look uncanny because I barely fit into even the biggest of Women's tops so I'll  look ridiculous either way

I don't think I'd even be able to fit into men's anymore if I got a large BA

There's way too many benefits I've gained from medical transition to stop HRT so I'm thinking about just living as a closeted trans woman permanently and having the Keanu Reeves affect

If anyone asks why I look so young or androgynous I'll just tell them I know Reeves secret

I won't be taken serious by some people as a feminine looking guy but I don't care what people think of me

 At some point it starts to affect your life especially career wise and financially

It sucks but I think I'm starting to come to terms with my body not being compatible with transition

my frame and skeleton are just too big
 
Does anyone else done something similar? Just live forever in the closet ?

Honey... this girl:



Is 6'1". She is happiest piledriving fenceposts into the land on her farm. She walks round in heels which makes her at least 6'4" and thinks nothing of it. She's the lead singer of a metal band. Her name is Floor Jansen.

Own yourself. You're not "That freak that sets us back 10 years". You're you, okay? And you have as much right to be you as anyone else does. Women come in all shapes and sizes. That's the truth. Be your own person, and own who you are. Don't ever feel like you can't be you because you don't look a certain way. If you're you, you're you. And the only person who gets to decide that... is you.

Sweetie, you don't have to be a woman, you have to be you. That's all any of us can be.

Quote from: Sephirah on September 05, 2024, 11:59:19 PMHoney... this girl:



Is 6'1". She is happiest piledriving fenceposts into the land on her farm. She walks round in heels which makes her at least 6'4" and thinks nothing of it. She's the lead singer of a metal band. Her name is Floor Jansen.

Own yourself. You're not "That freak that sets us back 10 years". You're you, okay? And you have as much right to be you as anyone else does. Women come in all shapes and sizes. That's the truth. Be your own person, and own who you are. Don't ever feel like you can't be you because you don't look a certain way. If you're you, you're you. And the only person who gets to decide that... is you.

Sweetie, you don't have to be a woman, you have to be you. That's all any of us can be.

Perspective is imporant

Her shoulders are within the female spectrum

Her proportions look great because she's cis

She looks like that because she obviously lifts and has a intense  routine





Btw I'm pretty sure mine are wider

I'm massive, 6'1 & 1/2", 250 lbs, square face, broad shoulders, a jelly belly & a voice like Lemmy. I don't pass but I somehow blend in & am accepted. I've worked with the public as a bus/tram driver & hotel worker for nearly 20 years, in Blackpool's roughest areas with very few problems.
Be yourself, try a few outings a good distance from hoome & see how you get on

https://scontent.fman2-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/458523120_122097308120516937_2199332181679578859_n.jpg?_nc_cat=106&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=127cfc&_nc_ohc=5AfJ-fB39q8Q7kNvgFNRlAt&_nc_ht=scontent.fman2-2.fna&_nc_gid=AqNiBdgpAsZih6P3KAQ1Gcc&oh=00_AYBr9xib0yYV6fHsRnP_QIlpJtuPJ6xtGbTCUA7H0ntT0w&oe=66E0EB2E

https://scontent.fman2-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/458423856_122097126476516937_7361686416441884207_n.jpg?_nc_cat=106&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=6ee11a&_nc_ohc=MmNbD9Xz4AoQ7kNvgEF4AEF&_nc_ht=scontent.fman2-2.fna&oh=00_AYB5nBTKf2cbT7PpIz0GVTUYsxJaJeNjxRXy5QwYU0jF3A&oe=66E0FAB1

Yes, woman of many sizes can be attractive in a visual way, an intellectual way, and in fun ways.  With that said, I would love to be about five foot two and proportional with a soft, sweet, appealing female voice.

I do the next best thing:  Forget about such a fantasy and do what I can to be out and about with the natural features I do have.  Beauty is fleeting too, plus it is whatever appeals to a person, and that can vary a lot.  I guess I prefer to look how I would like to appear, but that is not reality.

Chrissy

Own it.  Dress feminine or masculine but not in the middle.
In the middle can be really sexy because you fall in the "uncanny valley" which sets of people's red flags. But, no, androgeny is not a good idea for blending in.  Folks can see when someone is hiding.

First step is accepting yourself.
Then finding a look that makes you look feminine.

DG619, don't get discouraged. Hormones can do miraculous things over time. I know a 6'2" trans woman with a big build, and she is amazing! She transitioned more than a decade ago, and now is a motivational speaker, acclaimed by women's and business groups.

Read her story here https://mishsheppard.com and give yourself more time, you may well be amazed!

I also thought I was just too big in the upper body to ever pass, but recently I have been approached by men for dates, and they were surprised when I told them I was trans. We are simply too hard on ourselves because we are super self conscious. Give it time!

Hugs,

Allie

Hugs,

Allie

Quote from: DG619 on September 05, 2024, 11:38:19 PMI was afraid of this when I started because of how big I was pre transition

I resemble your condition... I went full time and had SRS over 20 years ago...

I am doing better than I thought I could in the passing department, but not as well as I wanted... I still do get read even now and it does affect my life and I wish it did not.

But I don't think I could have survived without transitioning and by other measures I have a good life.

- Karen

Quote from: Karen_A on September 06, 2024, 07:23:58 AMI resemble your condition... I went fill time and had SRS over 20 years ago...

I doing better than I thought I could in the passing department, but not as well as I wanted... I still do get read even now and i does affect my life and I wish it did not.

But I don't think I could have survived without transiting and by other measures I have a good life.

- Karen



I appreciate your feelings. I am glad you have had a good life too.  Being read is not affirming that is for sure.

Thanks you for sharing out.

Hugs,

Chrissy

My body frame is too a major concern of mine, one of the things holding me back to transition. I have issues seeing my male self in mirrors. Mother Nature was kind enough to give me a real "hunk' frame, large rib cage, wide shoulders, but had that weird sense of humor of putting a female to inhabit it. I often saw nice looking ladies on pics, passing well until seeing another pic of them posing with genuine girls, and not passing due to their bone structures and big heads (Yes, I have a big head too). I can't imagine me being seen as a man in dress, seeing already one in the mirror when I'm dressing, and suffering from it. I need to lose lot of weight, and struggling with it, almost starving to lose some pounds. I'm conscious some are so determined to live as themself, or not giving a s..t to what other may say, or wise enough to assume being not gg means having to do with what we have and do the best to look the closest to one. I don't want to hurt anyone saying this. It's just the way I feel with my issues. Like if being able to live as the woman I am one day will never happen, as seeing my reflection will still hurt me, and it's not worse it to transition to reach this point. I'm sorry, it's hard for me to really make it clear to understand as English is not my natal language...

Perhaps some styling advice and tips:

It is all about learning what clothes look good on you versus what looks good when a model wears them!

 I kind of get the point but really... the whole "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can change, and the wisdom to know the difference" Applies.

I get where she is coming from, though. And yeah, maybe you don't want to be given hugs and platitudes. But then... what do you want? Complaining about something doesn't change it. Only you can do that. And, it's been my experience that the best way to do that is to feel good enough about yourself that you want to. So yeah... people here are pre-disposed to make those coming here try to feel good about themselves. To lift folks up who may feel down. That's always been the Susan's way. I never knew there was a term for it, lol.

Change comes from inside. And being in a position to want to change also comes from inside. I am sorry if I did not give you pity or whatever you wanted, but that's because I think you can be who you want to be. We all can. Just have to read what a bunch of folks here have been through to see that. The only limitation on what your life can be... is you.

Honestly, I feel that this is an excuse. And I don't mean to be rude or hurtful or anything like that. I'm just being honest and I would hope you want honesty from us.

I go through this all the time. I spent 10+ years using steroids to get as massive as I humanly can, and now I'm finally coming to terms that I am trans. And now I see all that damage I did. I fear I'll never be able to pass, that I'll never be able to lose enough muscle, or have those feminine features without a ton surgery.  Just yesterday I started to have doubts and second guessing myself.

I have been off steroids since April and I was so close to starting back up again bc of all the fear and doubts I was creating so I could allow myself to have a reason to not follow through and be who I am ment to be.

As we all know. Transition is the hardest thing any of us can do, just so we can finally feel normal. And even after all those hurdles and hardships and loss of family friends etc, we still get treaded by society as somehow less than.

It is not for everyone. But it's completely natural to have doubts, and second thoughts. Transition is not for everyone, even those who have started and decide that it's not for them.

And even if we stay in the closet, how long can you do so before you end up doing something radical so that you feel better and over come dysphoria for a few days. And eventually to keep overcoming dysphoria you have to do more bigger things, until there is no hiding it anymore, and then are you still in the closet at that point?

I feel you are on the right path. There's a reason why you started and are doing what you are doing. You just have to re affirm the why to yourself again, and I feel you need re affirm who you are to yourself again.

I am sorry you are having a troublesome time right now. I really do hope you find an answer that makes sense to you as well as allow you to live a meaningful life, free of dysphoria, and most importantly free of regrets (either lack of action or regret of action).

I know with some time you will get past this.

Maybe speaking to a therapist can help with these thoughts of doubt if you are not already speaking with one.

Also for those wondering, I did not relapse and use any steroids, which is huge for me since that's one of my biggest issues I have to over come. Not being muscular, and strong anymore. Feeling as if I'm withering away and becoming weak, losing strength in the gym etc after spending 24 years trying to get as strong and as muscular as possible.

Again I hope I helped, and my intention was to never be little you or what youre going through. It will pass. I'm sure I'll be in a bad mental state in a few days and you'll be there to snap me back into reality as I hope everyone here is doing for you now.

Quote from: Robbyv213 on September 06, 2024, 05:35:13 PMAgain I hope I helped, and my intention was to never be little you or what youre going through. It will pass. I'm sure I'll be in a bad mental state in a few days and you'll be there to snap me back into reality as I hope everyone here is doing for you now.

You did. You helped me. And that's what it's all about. Thank you, hey you, lol. You affirm things most of us deal with. That's why people come, and stay here. Because we are a all facets of one beautiful diamond. Each catching the light differently.

Thank you for this post.

Robby, I don't think you have anything to fear on that front. Look at Chyna in the WWE. That girl owned everything. She was big into bodybuilding. No one saw her as anything other than all woman. As I say, the only limits on what you can do and who you can be. is you..

You are gorgeous, girl. Not least because of how you think, and feel. That's like 95% of who we are. <3

Quote from: Lori Dee on September 06, 2024, 12:17:10 PMPerhaps some styling advice and tips:

Way back when I bought a book about that..."Flatter Your Figure"

The problem is having brand shoulders, with no hips or backsides, big hands, arm length  etc ...

Then advice to solve all of them at once becomes contradictory or impractical ... You have to have a figure to flatter!

Physically overall proportions matter more in people's unconscious assignment of a person's sex than any single physical feature. The more one deviates from the expected overall proportions, the more the potential issues.

While it is not unusual for a genetic woman to have one or more typically male physical features, they have usually have others that are more typically female that counterbalance - particularly when dressed right.

One can be out of the expected female shape and still pass, if not too far from the expected proportions, and proper behavioral clues, voice etc can extend that range. But it's a matter of degree.

- Karen

Meaning, I have complained to her relentlessly about my massively broad male shoulders. She tried and tried to get me to hear the folly of my words, and the hurtfulness that I was spreading around about what is a male or female body. Anywho, one day she got fed up with my bull<i>>-bleeped-<</i> and she grabbed a tape measure and wrapped it around my shoulders. She measured me at 41" around. She then handed me the tape and had me measure her, 42". And I promptly shut up about my 'stupid extra large male shoulders.'

Yeah... no. Kelly, you are actually stunningly beautiful.

Your wife is clearly extremely smart and sees you for who you are.

My shoulders were 52 inches around last time I measured them. Which was back in April.

Quote from: Maid Marion on September 06, 2024, 05:45:43 AMIn the middle can be really sexy because you fall in the "uncanny valley" which sets of people's red flags. But, no, androgeny is not a good idea for blending in.  Folks can see when someone is hiding.

Androgyny isn't "hiding." If I'm in a room and Tilda Swinton enters, my eyes go to her. Same with Annie Lennox or David Bowie. Androgynous people are striking.

As far as DG619's concern, I'm 5' 11.5", androgynous, broad-shouldered, and fare well.