what do you call a camel with no hump, Humphry


I always wanted to be a plumber, bit of a pipe dream

Unfortunately  the sword swallower wont be performing tonight, he is sick with a sore throat

Warning!


If you are chased by crazy weapons bearing taxidermists, do not play dead.



#Jessica_Rose

A frog enters the bank to get a loan. He approaches the woman at the loan application desk and notes that her name tag reads: Patty Whack.

The Frog says, "Excuse me, I'd like to apply for a loan."

The woman says, "I guess we can help you with that... May I ask your name?"

The frog responds, "Kermit Jagger."

Patty recognizes the Jagger name and asks, "Really? Any relation to Mick Jagger?"

"Yes! He's my dad."

"Alright, what do you have for collateral?" Patty asks.

Kermit handed her a small pink ceramic elephant.

Confused, Patty states, "I'm not sure we can accept this as collateral..."

Immediately the frog replies, "Well, go speak to the manager about it. He and my dad are real tight."

She does so, and asks the manager, "Sir, there is a frog outside trying to get a loan from us. He says his name is Kermit Jagger, and believes that this weird elephant thing is enough to use as collateral."

The manager takes the figurine and explains, "Yes, what's the problem? It's a knick-knack, Patty-Whack, give the frog a loan! His old man is a Rolling Stone!"

A pilot flying over the polluted river Nean sees a whole picnic laid out , yes theres a whole meal by the stream smelly Nean

A doctor fell into a well
And broke his collarbone.
Doctors should attend the sick
And leave the well alone.

went to see the doc and said my throat is sore so he said open wide, ah a little raw so I went gggrrrrrrr.
 Tommy Cooper the funniest person that ever lived.

Do limericks count as bad jokes? 

Try to read this one aloud:

"There's a train at 4:04", said Miss Jenny,
"Four tickets I'll take. Have you any?"
Said the man at the door, "Not four for 4:04,
For four for 4:04 is too many!"

Quote from: Lori Dee on August 09, 2024, 05:34:36 PMThe manager takes the figurine and explains, "Yes, what's the problem? It's a knick-knack, Patty-Whack, give the frog a loan! His old man is a Rolling Stone!"

You have to be of a certain age to get the humor in this one.

This might help those that are scratching their heads:

Two cannibals eating a clown and one says to the other does this taste funny to you?

Why do they only eat one egg in France?
Because in France, one egg is un oeuf.

Sign at pub:

NO Free WiFi.
Talk to each other and enjoy our beverages.

Outdoor sign an at automobile oil change place:


Free oil changes for Teslas.

Sign at overseas retail establishment:

"SORRY, we cannot accept cash
because most of our employees
cannot do maths."

Sometimes I see a sidewalk and it obviously ends, with a sign that says, "Sidewalk Ends."

Seems odd to me but perhaps it keeps some people off of private or government property.

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on September 16, 2024, 01:15:38 PMSometimes I see a sidewalk and it obviously ends, with a sign that says, "Sidewalk Ends."

Some people can be traumatized by surprises. The horror of walking along and suddenly the sidewalk just ends without warning. At least with a warning sign, they have ample time to plan how to turn around and go in a different direction.  < lots of sarcasm here >

I would like to die quietly in my sleep like my dad did, the passengers in his car died screaming (Spike Milligan)

Look you can't just let any
Ton, dick and harry in here.


Hi tom hi dick hi Harry there are of course exceptions

Kermit the frog - Muppets show

Saw this one on social media:

Where do bad rainbows go?

To prism. It's a light sentence, but it gives them time to reflect.

Cannibals don't like clowns. They taste funny.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy!"