Happy Thanksgiving. Please forgive I am a few days early.
The frenetic pace of my life has not abated one bit. I am pretty clueless about how to get an updated done here with a linear narrative. If I am disjointed it's because life feels like a lot of threads are active.
hmmm
I started my new job about six weeks ago. I am really impressed with the company. We're dedicated to doing right by customers, which I love. There is a lot of energy in the office. I outed myself because it's easier for me to be open about who I am. Truth be told, no one cares which leaves me happy. I am customer-facing by the way. Which reinforces the 'no one cares' narrative. When I consider how my layoff over the summer played out, this is a pretty good deal. The lower salary is offset by the acceptance. I realized that at my old job I was never going to be anything more than the 'brave transitioner'. Here, I am measured by how I contribute. Perfect for me.
I was at a training class in Germany last week. Training was intense. I work with and for very smart people. I was the only woman in a room if 15. My imposter syndrome way way way kicked in. Altho I feel it was more about training as a novice in a room of experienced engineers who've used the product in detail. Germany was pretty cool. No one cared. The only shade thrown at me was in the airport, checking in on the return flight. A few americans said some nasty shiz. We live in a messed up world. Europeans don't care; it takes americans (purposeful small a) to do hate. I quietly reminded the perps we were still not in america and the rules are different in Europe, that maybe threats get processed differently. They shut up, sensibly.
Oh hey-- if this helps anyone, I travelled with dilators in my carry on. because of the size and shape security is always going to want to look at them. Not a big deal for me. "I am trans, they are called dilators, they keep my nice down there after bottom surgery." I get it-- not all will feel that comfort level. Me? I am proud of who I am. I figure if I don't show that proud confidence it plays into the narrative of hate and shame. I am not shamed by who I am.
I've been to a few protests against my local rep in congress. He crossed a few lines. Yes fellow Bostonian's you have seen me quoted on the news and NPR. Someone asked me to run for congress btw-- Kidding on the square stuff. Hard Pass. I mean why would anyone want a job that includes long hours with red hatted a@@hats?
hmmmm
I am pretty well recovered from GCS. I have more post ops, but things seem to be going well. I have the rhythm of dilation down. Fear of dilation is overblown to me. Me and 'her' are getting a long well so far. Bottom surgery is a kind of modern miracle. I love her.
and yesterday?
My friends called it "insta-boob Monday'. So yeah. I think I have D cups now. Ish. I am sore but next to bottom surgery top surgery is not so bad. I am trying on tops that now fit right and I love it. I can even get real big girl bras in a few weeks...
hmmmm
After the election about 30 friends and family checked in on me. The commonality in the check ins was and is my personal safety. I am ok for now. Eyes wide open though. My kids are especially worried, even the two not on board with transition. I can't say I blame them. Eyes wide open on what's going to happen in the future. I'll leave it there.
Happy Thanksgiving to those celebrating.
~Jenn
