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My life-long journey

Started by CaringWhisper, September 18, 2024, 12:00:07 PM

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TanyaG

The thing that makes me feel your daughter will do well is the determination of your fight to help her be who she wants to be and that you are prepared for it not to be an easy one. She will learn that strength and it will help to carry her through the rest of her life.

CaringWhisper

Quote from: TanyaG on September 30, 2024, 04:25:03 AMThe thing that makes me feel your daughter will do well is the determination of your fight to help her be who she wants to be and that you are prepared for it not to be an easy one. She will learn that strength and it will help to carry her through the rest of her life.
Thank you for believing in me, but I wouldn't repeat the word "strength" too often. By repeating emotional words you burn out early, and at the right moment you may not have the energy to do the important thing. I don't know if I'll be able to self-sacrifice, or if I'll fall to my knees and cry silently in helplessness. No one knows, heroism comes out unexpectedly when people find a force which was unknown to them before.
Just a cis, hetero female who supports LGBTQIA+
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Sephirah

Quote from: CaringWhisper on September 30, 2024, 04:52:12 AMThank you for believing in me, but I wouldn't repeat the word "strength" too often. By repeating emotional words you burn out early, and at the right moment you may not have the energy to do the important thing. I don't know if I'll be able to self-sacrifice, or if I'll fall to my knees and cry silently in helplessness. No one knows, heroism comes out unexpectedly when people find a force which was unknown to them before.

To be fair, honey, you've already done this. I won't say any more than that.

Strength isn't one giant act of Herculean magnitude. It's a constant defiance against a world you want to avoid.

I know you find it hard to take praise or compliments from people. Because what you've told me privately, I might be the same. You're wrong that no one knows, sweetie. Your life feels two halves of a normal life. What you've told me... I won't use your name unless you say it's okay... Whisper... you are a far stronger person than most other people. I know some things tear you up inside. But you're still here. You're still you. You still want the best. That is rare. Giving up is easy. Not giving up is hard. So much harder.

A mother's love is the most powerful force in the universe. :)
Natura nihil frustra facit.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." ~ Buddha.

If you're dealing with self esteem issues, maybe click here. There may be something you find useful. :)
Above all... remember: you are beautiful, you are valuable, and you have a shining spark of magnificence within you. Don't let anyone take that from you. Embrace who you are. <3

Sephirah

PS... Give Kat a giant, massive, squeezy hug from me okay? And tell her she's awesome. More than you probably already do. :) If she gets weird, just say she is loved. :P
Natura nihil frustra facit.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." ~ Buddha.

If you're dealing with self esteem issues, maybe click here. There may be something you find useful. :)
Above all... remember: you are beautiful, you are valuable, and you have a shining spark of magnificence within you. Don't let anyone take that from you. Embrace who you are. <3

CaringWhisper

October. Leaves rustling at my feet.
The light of the lamps in a cozy little coffee shop:
- What can I get you?
- Apple pie
Evening rain and the quiet blues of autumn.

The work week has come to an end. I left my daughter at home and just walk alone in the night park. I have a strange feeling, I'm losing touch with reality in a good way, I'm more immersed in the world of dreams. I keep thinking about the white rabbit in my favorite candy store. I feel like I'm being watched on the other side of the rabbit hole. I dreamt of a moth yesterday and tonight I found it above my window. For the ancient greeks, the moth was a symbol of the soul and resurrection. Sometimes I write poems, I will try to translate my poem, but after translation the rhyme will be lost:

Look, miracles are people with an open and kind hearts,
Not tricks and glitter and bright lights,
And if there's no escaping the meanness in life,
Let there be some sincerity and justice.

They come to us when we believe in nothing at all,
When we're one step away from falling into a terrible abyss,
They're the ones who light up the grayness,
They're the ones who keep the brightest dreams from fading away forever.

Quote from: Sephirah on October 03, 2024, 06:45:24 PMI know you find it hard to take praise or compliments from people. Because what you've told me privately, I might be the same. You're wrong that no one knows, sweetie. Your life feels two halves of a normal life. What you've told me... I won't use your name unless you say it's okay... Whisper... you are a far stronger person than most other people. I know some things tear you up inside. But you're still here. You're still you. You still want the best. That is rare. Giving up is easy. Not giving up is hard. So much harder.

A mother's love is the most powerful force in the universe. :)
I may be coping with the daily challenges, but the toughest challenges waiting me in the future. The site helps me to face it, I feel that I am not alone. It's best not to use my real name.
Unfortunately, friends around will never meet me in person, will never touch my hand. My real name is too common, too ordinary, and to remain in their memories, the way I will just be the Whisper. Love always wins, any love, no matter what form it takes, but among all this love, the strongest is maternal.

Quote from: Sephirah on October 04, 2024, 01:10:05 AMPS... Give Kat a giant, massive, squeezy hug from me okay? And tell her she's awesome. More than you probably already do. :) If she gets weird, just say she is loved. :P
I've already done it, she's asleep at the moment.

For today's song of the day, I've chosen:
Just a cis, hetero female who supports LGBTQIA+

Sephirah

Quote from: CaringWhisper on October 04, 2024, 02:43:56 PMLook, miracles are people with an open and kind heart,
Not tricks and glitter and bright lights,
And if there's no escaping the meanness in life,
Let there be some sincerity and justice in life.

They come to us when we believe in nothing at all,
When we're one step away from falling into a terrible abyss,
They're the ones who light up the grayness,
They're the ones who keep the brightest dreams from fading away forever.

This is beautiful. Doesn't matter if it doesn't rhyme. Most of the best poems don't. They just come from the heart. <3'

There's nothing ordinary about you, honey. And sometimes, that one whisper among the screaming of the world is the one you need to listen to the most. :)
Natura nihil frustra facit.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." ~ Buddha.

If you're dealing with self esteem issues, maybe click here. There may be something you find useful. :)
Above all... remember: you are beautiful, you are valuable, and you have a shining spark of magnificence within you. Don't let anyone take that from you. Embrace who you are. <3

CaringWhisper

Quote from: Sephirah on October 04, 2024, 04:11:10 PMAnd sometimes, that one whisper among the screaming of the world is the one you need to listen to the most. :)
- You must evacuate the school immediately.
- Are you serious?
- If I wasn't serious, would I be saying that?
- Like what?
- Like this, in a loud whisper for dramatic effect.
(c) Eric Cartman from South Park cartoon ) I don't know why, but it reminded me of a scene I watched a long time ago )

The whisper of a loved one just takes us to heaven. And besides the whisper, the sound of breathing, and the beating of the heart. Wish you hear these sounds all the time my friend.
Just a cis, hetero female who supports LGBTQIA+
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CaringWhisper

It was a strong wind with rain. I went for a walk alone, to an old soviet park. Not a single person around, in such moments you feel your soul, your inner self. Fear is completely gone. I fed a pigeon on the way. After the storm, I saw more of life than before it. No storm can defeat the triumph of life.
Just a cis, hetero female who supports LGBTQIA+

Lori Dee

Quote from: CaringWhisper on October 07, 2024, 04:06:20 PMI went for a walk alone, to an old soviet park. Not a single person around, in such moments you feel your soul, your inner self. Fear is completely gone.

This truly hits home for me. Last night I was reading an extract from a book written by a fellow mystic:

A study conducted by researchers at MIT in Cambridge, Massachusetts, has shown that young people are not able to remain silent for more than a few seconds, returning as soon as possible to the use of a smartphone, tablet, or computer. This study, published in 2017 in the science magazine Le Scienze (Italian edition of Scientific American), has shown that while in the past people who were by themselves tended to start thinking about their lives, various projects they were undertaking, their life situations or visualizing the future, today their attention is immediately drawn to communicating with others on Facebook, WhatsApp, and so on.

People are gradually losing the ability to be solitary and this is not good for many reasons. While the usefulness of the communication facilitated by this technology is undeniable, it is also true that such use of technology is slowly eroding our ability to live an inner life: it speeds up time, is too
distracting, and reduces our ability to listen. ... But we also know how hard it is for many people to stay away from their phones and how this symbiosis with technology tends to reduce our capacity to listen to ourselves.


You said in just a few words, what took two paragraphs to explain.  :)

Thank you for sharing, and I love your photos!
My Life is Based on a True Story
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/ 2024 - Voice Training / 2025 - Passport & IDs complete
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CaringWhisper

Quote from: Lori Dee on October 07, 2024, 04:38:00 PMA study conducted by researchers at MIT in Cambridge, Massachusetts
I've always wondered how such research is done. You are sitting on a bench with a smartphone, and a representative of a research institute is hiding in the bushes nearby, writing in his notebook. Just imagine this picture. *smiling*

Yes, I understand that there is a select group of people who study their own behavior, but if you know, realize a experiment, the accuracy of the results is lost. It's hard to really dive into yourself when you know you're part of a scientific research.

Quote from: Lori Dee on October 07, 2024, 04:38:00 PMThank you for sharing, and I love your photos!
I'm glad my work is useful to someone. Have a good day, my friend.
Just a cis, hetero female who supports LGBTQIA+

Lori Dee

Quote from: CaringWhisper on October 07, 2024, 05:00:17 PMI've always wondered how such research is done. You are sitting on a bench with a smartphone, and a representative of a research institute is hiding in the bushes nearby, writing in his notebook. Just imagine this picture. *smiling*

This made me laugh.  :icon_suspicious:
My Life is Based on a True Story
Veteran U.S. Army - SSG (Staff Sergeant) - M60A3 Tank Master Gunner
2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2019- 2nd Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - FFS & Legal Name Change
/ 2024 - Voice Training / 2025 - Passport & IDs complete
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Jessica_Rose

I've had a lot going on lately at work, and with my dad, and life in general, but I wanted to stop by and see how you were doing. Thanks for sharing a part your life with us.

Love always -- Jess
Journal thread - Jessica's Rose Garden
National Coming Out Day video - Coming Out
GCS - GCS and BA w/Dr. Ley
GCS II - GCS II and FFS w/Dr. Ley
FFS II - Jaw and chin surgery w/Dr. Ley
Hair - Hair Restoration
23Mar2017 - HRT / 16Feb2018 - Full Time! / 21Feb2019 - GCS / 26July2019 - GCS II / 13Oct2020 - FFS II
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot

Sephirah

Quote from: CaringWhisper on October 07, 2024, 04:06:20 PMIt was a strong wind with rain. I went for a walk alone, to an old soviet park. Not a single person around, in such moments you feel your soul, your inner self. Fear is completely gone. I fed a pigeon on the way. After the storm, I saw more of life than before it. No storm can defeat the triumph of life.

Where was this, Whisper? That first picture? Roughly I mean. It looks like Pripyat. Which... I'll be honest, I wish I could visit one time in my life. It has a hauntingly beautiful desolation about it. Which I am kind of a sucker for. I think your part of the world and parts of America are the same. In places so vast... you can literally leave whole towns to wither and die and no one would even know.

Such haunting solitude... I find extremely attractive. We don't have that in the UK. Everyone is like sardines in a can. Somewhere is vacant for more than 5 minutes, it gets jumped on. Our whole country is like Central Park in New York, lol. It's only green because it's been decided no one is allowed to build shopping malls on it, lol. Not for lack of trying.
Natura nihil frustra facit.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." ~ Buddha.

If you're dealing with self esteem issues, maybe click here. There may be something you find useful. :)
Above all... remember: you are beautiful, you are valuable, and you have a shining spark of magnificence within you. Don't let anyone take that from you. Embrace who you are. <3

CaringWhisper

Quote from: Sephirah on October 12, 2024, 03:30:31 PMWhere was this, Whisper? That first picture? Roughly I mean. It looks like Pripyat. Which... I'll be honest, I wish I could visit one time in my life. It has a hauntingly beautiful desolation about it. Which I am kind of a sucker for. I think your part of the world and parts of America are the same. In places so vast... you can literally leave whole towns to wither and die and no one would even know.

Such haunting solitude... I find extremely attractive. We don't have that in the UK. Everyone is like sardines in a can. Somewhere is vacant for more than 5 minutes, it gets jumped on. Our whole country is like Central Park in New York, lol. It's only green because it's been decided no one is allowed to build shopping malls on it, lol. Not for lack of trying.
Maybe such places are like people and human souls, just as faded places in different countries have similar energy, and people recognize each other without ever meeting being not just far away, but in different worlds, different cultures.

I wish you was here my friend.

If anyone wants to know where I'm surviving: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Segezha

The human soul is a burning light, don't let your soul to fade. As the flame of a candle drives out darkness, so your light enters into other souls and drives away spiritual darkness and ignorance. The candle flame is a reminder of how the light of truth transforms a person's life and leads him/her to a spiritual freedom.

Just a cis, hetero female who supports LGBTQIA+

Lori Dee

Quote from: CaringWhisper on October 13, 2024, 08:53:36 AMThe human soul is a burning light, don't let your soul to fade. As the flame of a candle drives out darkness, so your light enters into other souls and drives away spiritual darkness and ignorance. The candle flame is a reminder of how the light of truth transforms a person's life and leads him/her to a spiritual freedom.

I love this.

I would also add:

If you use a candle to light another candle, you gain twice the light and warmth. But nothing is lost from the first candle. We lose nothing of ourselves when we help others illuminate their path.
My Life is Based on a True Story
Veteran U.S. Army - SSG (Staff Sergeant) - M60A3 Tank Master Gunner
2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2019- 2nd Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - FFS & Legal Name Change
/ 2024 - Voice Training / 2025 - Passport & IDs complete
  • skype:.?call
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CaringWhisper

Quote from: Lori Dee on October 13, 2024, 08:59:29 AMI love this.

I would also add:

If you use a candle to light another candle, you gain twice the light and warmth. But nothing is lost from the first candle. We lose nothing of ourselves when we help others illuminate their path.
Exactly, that's why we are always looking for a second candle, warmer is always better, but the main thing is a sense of proportion, the main thing is that the candles do not ignite into a destructive fire. Lack of proportion is the main disaster of my people, lack of proportion in everything - in love, kindness, hatred, desire for change when in the bloody revolutions destroyed everything under the root. Lucifer was once an angel, but his soul ignited too brightly into the flames of hell. Don't make the same mistakes we did. I don't know why I am writing this, just because I don't hold myself back here. I love you all my friends.
Just a cis, hetero female who supports LGBTQIA+
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Lori Dee

Quote from: CaringWhisper on October 13, 2024, 09:09:21 AMExactly, that's why we are always looking for a second candle, warmer is always better, but the main thing is a sense of proportion, the main thing is that the candles do not ignite into a destructive fire. Lack of proportion is the main disaster of my people, lack of proportion in everything - in love, kindness, hatred, desire for change when in the bloody revolutions destroyed everything under the root. Lucifer was once an angel, but his soul ignited too brightly into the flames of hell. Don't make the same mistakes we did. I don't know why I am writing this, just because I don't hold myself back here. I love you all my friends.

Well said. I love it.
My Life is Based on a True Story
Veteran U.S. Army - SSG (Staff Sergeant) - M60A3 Tank Master Gunner
2017 - GD Diagnosis / 2019- 2nd Diagnosis / 2020 - HRT / 2022 - FFS & Legal Name Change
/ 2024 - Voice Training / 2025 - Passport & IDs complete
  • skype:.?call
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CaringWhisper

Time for some strange backwards cyrillic letters. Top line: "у ребенка больше данных за наличие диагноза: Дегенеративное заболевание нервной системы (G31.8 )" Which translates as: "the child is more likely to be diagnosed with a degenerative disease of the nervous system (G31. 8 )"

All I can do is delay the trial, because of her disease, I don't stand a chance otherway. I'm just living for today, with no hope for the future by buying some time. It's all grim.

All I had to do initially was hide my daughter. And I was proud to show her off to the world. I don't know what was going through my head. If we hid, no one would have reported us, and everything would have been fine. I was punished for my pride.
Just a cis, hetero female who supports LGBTQIA+

Sephirah

Quote from: CaringWhisper on October 14, 2024, 09:20:46 AMTime for some strange backwards cyrillic letters. Top line: "у ребенка больше данных за наличие диагноза: Дегенеративное заболевание нервной системы (G31.8 )" Which translates as: "the child is more likely to be diagnosed with a degenerative disease of the nervous system (G31. 8 )"

All I can do is delay the trial, because of her disease, I don't stand a chance otherway. I'm just living for today, with no hope for the future by buying some time. It's all grim.

All I had to do initially was hide my daughter. And I was proud to show her off to the world. I don't know what was going through my head. If we hid, no one would have reported us, and everything would have been fine. I was punished for my pride.

Hiding anything or anyone never works, Whisper. Not least because knowing Katya as I do now, she is not the kind of gal who wants to be hidden. <3

And yeah... Cyrillic is like to westerners like Kanji is. If you get it you get it, if you don't, you don't. Thankfully Skynet lets you do a fairly decent job of translating these days.

Where you are, it always remind me of the opening line of the miniseries "Chernobyl" One of my favourite shows ever, I might add. But the line is from the guy who basically stopped the world dying in a nuclear holocaust. Valeri Lagasov. The first line in the show is "What is the cost of lies?"

And that's really the thing. You can lie about something to the point that you refuse to believe the truth. Not because you don't know it to be the truth, but because you WANT something to be a lie. That's why the USSR took so long during that whole Chernobyl thing to admit anything had even happened. They were like a goth 14 year old when their dad caught them on their phone at 4 o clock in the morning.
Natura nihil frustra facit.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." ~ Buddha.

If you're dealing with self esteem issues, maybe click here. There may be something you find useful. :)
Above all... remember: you are beautiful, you are valuable, and you have a shining spark of magnificence within you. Don't let anyone take that from you. Embrace who you are. <3

Jessica_Rose

Sending a rose to a beautiful soul...

Love always -- Jess

Journal thread - Jessica's Rose Garden
National Coming Out Day video - Coming Out
GCS - GCS and BA w/Dr. Ley
GCS II - GCS II and FFS w/Dr. Ley
FFS II - Jaw and chin surgery w/Dr. Ley
Hair - Hair Restoration
23Mar2017 - HRT / 16Feb2018 - Full Time! / 21Feb2019 - GCS / 26July2019 - GCS II / 13Oct2020 - FFS II
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot