Quote from: imallie on May 24, 2024, 08:34:41 PMJust tonight I happened to notice my wife's phone, and while she was texting my son and in our group chat, I noticed that she'd changed my name to my new name in it. That's something that I wouldn't ever really see. It's just for her.. but seeing it, made me smile.

I don't want to miss a single opportunity to have that kind of effect.

You, your wife, my wife, and I have such important stories to share. When I began learning about trans, I was overwhelmed by the warnings that most trans people lose significant others.

I couldn't see any reason why I would disconnect from her in any way. She's such an important, valuable part of my life! Her public self expression is so thrilling and means so much to me! As she said the other day, people are responding to her so much more kindly than they did to "him".

Quote from: imallie on May 24, 2024, 08:34:41 PMCongrats on the first steps in the name change process! Just started looking at that and it seems like a long road!!!

Just now, I started putting together a checklist to help her manage it:
First, social security, then driver's license, then birth certificate.
Citizenship and immigration documentation, such as a passport or visa.
Voter registration.
Workplace and school records.
Military/veteran records.
Licensing boards and professional associations.
Financial institutions including banks, lenders, credit unions, credit cards, investment companies/brokerages, and retirement or pension accounts.
Credit bureaus.
Legal documentation and accounts for real estate and personal property (vehicles), including deeds, mortgages or lease agreements.
Legal documents including those where listed as an agent, beneficiary, or trustee, such as a Deed, Last Will and Testament, Living Trust or Power of Attorney.
Insurance documents including health, auto, home, renters, umbrella, and life.
Bills, including electric, water, sewer, fuel, internet, phone, cable, memberships, medical, shopping, and subscriptions.
Social media and email accounts.
Health care proxies.

Do any others come to mind? We can post this list on another board where others are more likely to find it.

That seems excellent. It seems to me... at the onset (just printed out the name change paperwork for my state) that the whole process is a bit like whack-a-mole. You just keep knocking down each thing when it pops up until, hopefully, eventually you "win". 😂

I also sent a certified copy of the name change to each of the three credit bureaus, TransUnion, Experian, and EquiFax. That helps speed things along because then their information matches what the banks and credit cards are reporting.

Quote from: LoriDee on May 25, 2024, 08:14:53 AMI also sent a certified copy of the name change to each of the three credit bureaus, TransUnion, Experian, and EquiFax. That helps speed things along because then their information matches what the banks and credit cards are reporting.

Great! I added that to the list.

@Moonflower  @imallie  @LoriDee  @Sarah B
Dear Ladies:  
I am very much appreciative of all of your contributions in this useful
and informative conversation regarding the name change processes and procedures
that can apply to our members that are in their transition journey. 

Thank you for sharing and posting and please continue on with more of your
thoughts, comments and followup information.

Note: As you can see, I have included quotes of a of your posts here on my
reply comment which can be referred to anyone that is having name change
questions and/or problems.

Many Hugs,
Danielle   [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Administrator
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Quote from: LoriDee on May 25, 2024, 08:14:53 AMI also sent a certified copy of the name change to each of the three credit bureaus, TransUnion, Experian, and EquiFax. That helps speed things along because then their information matches what the banks and credit cards are reporting.

Quote from: imallie on May 25, 2024, 06:13:50 AMThat seems excellent. It seems to me... at the onset (just printed out the name change paperwork for my state) that the whole process is a bit like whack-a-mole. You just keep knocking down each thing when it pops up until, hopefully, eventually you "win". 😂

Quote from: Moonflower on May 25, 2024, 04:05:09 AMJust now, I started putting together a checklist to help her manage it:
First, social security, then driver's license, then birth certificate.
Citizenship and immigration documentation, such as a passport or visa.
Voter registration.
Workplace and school records.
Military/veteran records.
Licensing boards and professional associations.
Financial institutions including banks, lenders, credit unions, credit cards, investment companies/brokerages, and retirement or pension accounts.
Legal documentation and accounts for real estate and personal property (vehicles), including deeds, mortgages or lease agreements.
Legal documents including those where listed as an agent, beneficiary, or trustee, such as a Deed, Last Will and Testament, Living Trust or Power of Attorney.
Insurance documents including health, auto, home, renters, umbrella, and life.
Bills, including electric, water, sewer, fuel, internet, cellphone, memberships, medical, shopping, and subscriptions.
Social media and email accounts.
Health care proxies.

Do any others come to mind? We can post this list on another board where others are more likely to find it.

Quote from: Sarah B on May 24, 2024, 09:40:30 PMHi Moonflower

You mentioned in this post:

Such a wondrous occasion, I'm happy you are enjoying that moment and the future ones, that are to come.  You should celebrate with a party or something similar, write it down in a diary.  So you will always remember these occasions more vividly than I can.  I hope you do not have lots of those documents to change.

I believe I only had the following to changed, when I changed my life around.  My driving licence, Medicare card, my Medibank card (health insurance) and my scuba diving cards.  As far as I know I never jumped for joy or had a party to remember those occasions by.  It was a case of I got one done, lets move on to the next one.  I also had only two sets of transcripts to be changed over.

As for the  Velveteen Rabbit, I will get a copy and I will be reading it shortly.

The love you both have for each other shows no bounds and the sharing of your journey to the members of Susan's is priceless and shows what is possible.  Maybe you should write a book about that journey.

Take care and as always best wishes for the future.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Moonflower

Quote from: imallie on May 25, 2024, 06:13:50 AMjust printed out the name change paperwork for my state

We really lucked out. We stumbled upon a nonprofit organization of Cornell University law students who helped my wife change her name and gender. No charge for their services. We paid the court fee (>$200!), which is discounted for people who qualify, and provided a photocopy of her birth certificate. They got it all done in just a month, and the necessary court typo correction was done overnight! They arranged for the court record to be sealed. We provided all of the info that they needed to file, and they answered all of our concerns in less than an hour.

Their URL
https://vlpcny.org/
They might connect you with a similar service where you are.

I found some awful stories here at Susan's of long, drawn-out procedures in other states, and some much better ones in other countries 15 or so years ago. Let us know if we can help you in any way.

@Northern Star Girl
Another piece for your list. I also started a new Name Change Procedures thread on the Transgender talk board.

Here in South Dakota, I got the paperwork from the Court Clerk. The cost was $25 and included the filing fee.

Once filed, they gave me a court date (offered three for me to choose from). Then that paperwork must be filed with the Clerk.

A copy of that Notice of Hearing then must be published in a local newspaper at least once a week for four weeks. The newspaper charged $175 but gave me a notarized affidavit that the notice was published as required which also gets filed at no charge.

At the court hearing the judge reviewed all of the paperwork, including the Petition for Adult Name Change and supporting documents, Notice of Hearing, Affidavit of Publication, and asked if there were any challenges present in court. Nothing heard and the judge signed the Order for Legal Adult Name Change.

That goes down to the Clerk and it too is filed. The Clerk then told me I could get an unlimited number of Certified Copies of the Order. There is no charge because it is my case. I asked for 25 copies.

Done and done. After that, I began my mailing campaign. For local businesses (utility companies, credit union, cell phone, internet, landlord, etc.) I walked in and presented them with a copy of the Order. Most of them made a copy and returned my certified copy, so I have spares.

My wife changed her name and gender marker on her driver's license today! She was so adorable, the cranky clerk wound up giggling with us by the time we left.

Yesterday, when she changed her name at our doctor's office, the registrar had just changed their own name, and shared our excitement about my wife's name change. That was such enormous fun! But when she finished the process with another clerk, and I had left her alone to get some blood drawn, that clerk wasn't so pleasant. I wish I had been there to support her. Such interactions really stress her out. I might have been able to call out the clerk or set the example.

Today she also changed her name at our credit union. It's in an extremely conservative tiny rural town, but the clerk was marvelous and congratulated my wife on her name change. That was a marvelous surprise!

Today we also got some prices at a local hardware store. When the clerk asked our names, my wife dead-named herself. Afterward, she explained that it felt right in such a masculine environment, but then realized that the guys there wouldn't be likely to recognize her as a man because her voice is so soft and high, and she has feminine features, but is more masculine than she'd like. I joked that she can't use the men's bathroom now because of her gender marker on her license. She pointed out that she can use her preferred bathroom in our state. I had to laugh: she has been afraid to use the women's bathrooms, afraid of getting in trouble. She is feistier as a woman than as a man!

Congratulations! Please tell your wife that there's nothing to be worried about in a ladies room, except using the facilities before making sure there is some toilet paper in the stall.

I wish both of you continued success.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

So many updates to share! Most significantly:

gender confirmation Surgery scheduled!

January 16, 2025

We were expecting it to be a couple weeks ago, like the surgeon suggested. But the scheduler said that the surgeon wasn't available until mid November. Then she called and said it was rescheduled for November 1. A few hours later, she called back to say it was cancelled because our insurance doesn't cover it.

She was afraid the surgeon wouldn't be paid because the Medicare website said that the criteria isn't standardized across the country. She said... Eventually I recognized the webpage that she was referring to. Restrictions COULD apply.

My wife and I talked with trans advocates and 4 Medicare claims supervisors. We persuaded the scheduler to call Medicare to ask for a decision. Eventually she got the reassurance that she needed.

Now, we're hoping for clear roads so her brother, my daughter, all the health care providers, and we can travel safely. Snow can be a problem then, but my dearest darlingest wife has been imagining this for almost 70 years, and we, who love her dearly, will do what we can to avoid any further delays!

Hi Beth

Just another day in the life of the one and only, Moonflower Family.
So let me be the first to say:

---

---

Dreams do come Ture

Love and Hugs Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Moonflower

Congratulations Beth, January will be here in the blink of an eye. I'm so happy for you.

@Moonflower
Dear Grace:  cc:  Beth
Please continue with frequent updates regarding
Beth's upcoming surgery date.

I will be eagerly looking for your next postings...

Many HUGS for both of you, ❤️❤️❤️
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

So nice to read about! 

Chrissy

Today we got our application forms and documents ready to apply for our first passports at the post office tomorrow. Last night, while I was tired, so not thinking clearly, I was scrambling trying to make sure that we're as prepared as reasonably possible for whatever is coming, politically. This morning, with clear heads, we pulled this part together.

Last night, I was afraid to look at the filing dates on our birth certificates. If they were later than 1 year after our births, then we'd need citizenship documentation that is ridiculous for senior citizens, like school records from before we were 5 years old, or an affidavit from someone who knew our parents (who were born over 100 years ago) when we were born. What a relief that the filing dates for both of us were right after our births, even though our certified copies are very recent.

We appreciate https://www.erininthemorning.com/ for alerting us to the need to have passports. They would be harder or less likely to be disputed than any other identity documents, and will help us seek asylum if necessary. We'd rather stay home, but we like knowing that we have choices.

Quote from: Moonflower on November 24, 2024, 10:07:19 AMthe need to have passports. They would be harder or less likely to be disputed than any other identity documents, and will help us seek asylum if necessary. We'd rather stay home, but we like knowing that we have choices.

Exactly this.

A passport takes only a few weeks to receive, whereas an amended birth certificate can take months. A passport does not require that your identity documents' gender matches what you want on your passport. So I can use my photo IDs, my original birth certificate, the court order for legal name change, and if necessary, the letter from my doctors that certifies my transition from male to female.

Then I will apply for the corrected birth certificate. If the birth certificate comes back indicating it is "corrected" or "amended", I won't use it. Every place that requires a birth certificate will accept a passport instead. If the birth certificate does not indicate that it was changed, it will support what the passport shows.

I have no intention of moving out of the country if I don't need to. But I am in the most dangerous state for LGBTQ and there are very limited services here. There are a few sanctuary states with plenty of services available and access to Mexico (since Canada will not grant asylum to anyone in the US).

It is better to be prepared and not need it...

Tonight as I tipped my bottle of tiny estrogen-blocking pills, I loved the tinkling sound of them. I was so happy to be taking them. Suddenly I realized the joy of them helping me to be me.

A week or so ago, my oncologist prescribed them to reduce my risk of cancer recurring. It's taken over 2 years for my cancer center to figure out what my course of treatment should be. I know now that we finally got it right.

My cancer made me aware of my own gender identity issues. When I was a kid, my androgyny was perfectly acceptable to all but my oldest, crankiest relatives because it was valued by women's libbers who inspired me. How strange that feminists now claim to own and define femininity and make it exclusive to them.

Two and a half years ago, when my breast cancer surgeon discussed my options with me, I clearly wanted a complete mastectomy. I was delighted when she said that this was an option, and insurance would cover it! I had mixed feelings, though. I mourned the loss of my kids being grown, and my never being able to breast feed again. When I met with an LGBTQ+ cancer group the night before the surgery, I found people who shared my appreciation for how cancer treatment would change my body. This meeting completely put my grief to rest. After being in many cancer meetings with women who were eager to recreate the breasts that meant so much to them, I was glad to have my flat chest back.

Then, when my gynecological oncology surgeon told me that she recommended removing my uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries, I felt excited. It wasn't just to reduce my risk of cancer, or to clean out the mess of tumors, fibroids, and cysts; it also revived the longing that I had when I was 17 and asked my gynecologist to remove them. She refused. After I mourned the loss of ever having any more children
and hosting someone so intimately (even though I was now past menopause), I was impatient for this surgery to occur.

I have no more desire for more surgeries. My body is now as non-binary as I.

WHY DO CANCER PATIENTS HAVE SUPPORT FOR THESE CHOICES BUT TRANS PEOPLE DON'T!

Cancer patients have full support for their all of their body dysphoria after their cancer treatment. They have limitless resources available. Why is that any different from trans people?

Why can cancer patients choose to have multiple surgeries costing insurance companies up to a million dollars to reconstruct breasts that look and feel better than "real"? But trans people are supposedly weird for having dysphoria. I need to call my senators before they vote on the bill that eliminates TriCare for trans kids health care...or worse.

My wife and I are responding to our overwhelming angst about what political changes might be coming. We're sending messages to our legislators. Here's one of hers:

"I am one of your transgender constituents. Having scanned through a great many news stories on this issue, it occurs to me that never before have I seen so many commenters spill so much ink on a topic they just don't understand. To shed some light on who we are, and what our lives are like, let me tell you my story.

"I grew up on a dairy farm in northern New York and was one of the first in my family to attend college; there I majored in atmospheric science and computer science, and minored in mathematics (which I continue to study to this day). I graduated with high honors.  After serving eight years in the Air Force, I worked nearly thirty years as a software engineer, much of that at the intersection of atmospheric and computer science.

"Twenty five years ago I fell in love with and married a divorcee from an abusive marriage, providing her and her children a home. Several years later she developed a severely painful, disabling disease. Through it all, I was her caregiver. I spent nights at the ER with her. At the same time I held down my job, paid off our home, and saved for retirement. It was a terrifying time for us both, but the worst is over. I don't claim to have been a hero; I only did what any responsible, loving person would have.

"Not long after retiring, and with my wife's full support, I began transitioning. That is to say, I took advantage of a freedom that had become available, after a lifetime of wishing that such a thing were possible, to live what, for me, is an authentic life. And it's been a fantastic experience; I don't regret a moment of it. Post-transition, I feel so happy to be alive, and eager to share something of my soul with the world around me.

"Despite all that, and only because I am transgender, I find myself being portrayed, in this new political climate, as undeserving... untrustworthy... out-of-bounds. Some think we're mentally ill; some, misogynists; some, even, monsters. I will say this: transitioning puts pressure on one's family and friends – all of society, in fact -- to transition a bit, too, by opening their minds and extending their hearts. Some can do it, some seemingly can't. Trans rights mustn't be at the mercy of those who can't.

"My gender dysphoria reaches back to my early childhood -- even before I started kindergarten -- and is my clearest memory from that time. I'm not deluded. This is no whim; no "lifestyle choice". Never in my life would I have even thought of denigrating someone else for their innermost identity, second-guessing or limiting the medical options available to them, resenting the cost of their care (even when the result of a lifestyle choice), or asking them to live what they felt was an inauthentic life. My heart has never been that small.

"With that in mind, I ask you to protect our dignity, human rights, safety, and access to public spaces. I ask you to defend the healthcare systems upon which we depend and the treatment options they provide us (including hormone replacement therapy and gender confirmation surgery). That is to say: I ask -- I implore you to safeguard New York state's trans-people from the kinds of harmful, discriminatory, and profoundly hurtful legislation gaining ground elsewhere, and I thank you for what you've accomplished so far in that regard."

Merry Christmas Moonflower!

Chrissy