This bloke was lost so he asked a vicar the way, turn left at St Mary's and when you can see the spire at St Thomas turn right and follow the road till you come to St Peters. Well he got lost again so sees this old fella and asks the way, keep driving down this road till you get to the Dog and Trumpet, turn right and pass the Plough and Harrow  then left till you come to the Royal Oak!!!

Pun

"E" is going to be the end of ME..

I call my horse Mayo and sometimes Mayo neighs!

MsLeigh

Stand up time.  So i went on this blind date, asked my pal about her and he texted me she is a bit of a mouse. Great I thought a nice quiet evening with a gentle lady, turns out I was wrong as the text should have said a bit of a moose. Damn auto correct!!

Forklift operators hate our puns, they find them unpalletable.


MsLeigh

New one for today...

A bike in town keeps running me over, it's a vicious cycle.
  

Leigh

Quote from: MsLeigh on November 23, 2024, 10:58:38 AMNew one for today...

A bike in town keeps running me over, it's a vicious cycle.
  

Leigh

Yikes! Stay away from that cycle!

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on November 23, 2024, 04:02:26 PMYikes! Stay away from that cycle!

Chrissy

It keeps coming back 'round.

Quote from: MsLeigh on November 23, 2024, 10:58:38 AMNew one for today...

A bike in town keeps running me over, it's a vicious cycle.
  

Leigh

It reminds me of Little Willy poems we used to tell. Does anyone remember Little Willy?

Little Willy on his bike,
Through the village, took a hike.
Mrs. Thompson blocked the walk.
She will live, but still can't talk.

Quote from: Lori Dee on November 23, 2024, 04:47:06 PMIt reminds me of Little Willy poems we used to tell. Does anyone remember Little Willy?

Little Willy on his bike,
Through the village, took a hike.
Mrs. Thompson blocked the walk.
She will live, but still can't talk.

Not me. 

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on November 23, 2024, 09:58:34 PMNot me. 

Little Willy was a terror in his neighborhood. He was so out of control, that adults feared him. He did whatever he wanted, sometimes to his own detriment.


Little Willy, home from school
Where he'd learned the Golden Rule
Said, "If I eat this whole cake,
Sis won't get a stomach ache."


Little Willy in the best of sashes
Fell in the fire and was burned to ashes.
By and by, the room grew chilly,
But no one dared to poke up Willy.


Little Willy found a mirror
And licked the mercury off,
Thinking that his childish error
Would cure the Whooping Cough.
At his funeral, Mrs. Smith
Said smartly to Mrs. Brown,
"'Twas a chilly day for Willy
When the mercury went down."


OK, I'll see myself out. 

Have you heard about the movie about constipation?

It has not come out.

Why did the roll of toilet paper roll down the hill?

To get to the bottom.

I heard two stories about a constipated old mathematician.

One says he worked it out with a pencil and the other claims he used a slide rule. 

Quote from: Lori Dee on November 24, 2024, 12:18:36 AMI heard two stories about a constipated old mathematician.

One says he worked it out with a pencil and the other claims he used a slide rule. 

What a crappy joke Lori!

What did the turd say to the fart?

You blow me away!

Okay one more.


What is the big problem with constipated accountants?

They cannot budget.

nail bar workers waiting to get in, they were all in single file.

You can't plant flowers if you haven't botany.

Quote from: davina61 on November 24, 2024, 03:41:03 AMnail bar workers waiting to get in, they were all in single file.

I had to look up Nail Bar.  I've never heard one called that before.