It was late and I needed to get some sleep. Now that I am up for the day, I can continue. This was not the first time. I now understand the commercial. It was a pain when I inhaled, like a weight on my chest. I think the commercial showed an elephant.

Like being told by my dad, he does everything that is lawfully required, and not to expect anything more. Then tells me I am much better off than my cousin. Without any proof he tells me that my cousin's father takes all the money that my cousin earns.
Any health complaint by me is treated as an excuse to get out of work. My complaint about my back is met with a statement that he is not feeling any pain, and to get back to work. Years later at a chiropractor, an x-ray shows that my back has been out of place for so long that I now have arthritis.
I remember being on the top of a hay stack, getting hay for the cows. I had trouble getting a bale loose. When I finally got the bale loose, it went over the edge, and I went with it. It was a short ride, and I ended up sitting on the bale when it hit the ground.

Get to the point. The point is my dad would ignore any of my complaints, with me learning that it did no good to complain about any aches or pains that I had. On the other hand he would use the excuse of once getting his fingers smashed to get out of work. Since my dad would ignore my pains, I would have to learn how to ignore my pains.

Was my sister treated differently? I don't know, but I do know that she had an operation to fix a weak muscle in her eye.

Even though I wrote about my chest pain in MyChart, the subject has never come up in the Doctor's office, so I have never asked for any medication. They don't know that when I talk, the pain will get so severe that I can no longer talk. I don't know if it might be because I got hit in the throat on a school bus, hard enough to cause pain.
Michelle

I once wrote that when the parents have no respect for a child, then the siblings have no respect. I once made a trailer out of an old pickup truck. I was working on the lights and quit for the night. When I got up in the morning my trailer was gone. I found out that my mother had loaned it to my cousin's husband. I did not see that trailer for the rest of the summer. He was driving a 100 miles a day with my trailer behind his pickup. I can say there were thousands of miles put on that trailer, and not one behind any of my vehicles.
When it finally returns, some time later, my brother borrows it to move his belongings to a farm he just bought. He never asked my permission and he parked it in front of his shed. The trailer finally returned after the bank foreclosed on the farm. Granted he did ask permission to borrow the trailer to go get a pickup camper. The camper was to be removed when they got back. After a few years I got told that the camper would fall apart if they tried to remove it. I don't know how long it was before the camper got removed in pieces from my trailer.
I had another trailer made to haul a motorcycle. My brother also borrowed that one without my permission. I don't know if my mother gave him permission or if he just grabbed it. any way it sat in front of his house trailer with a stock tank filled with water on it, for the rest of the summer. The kids could cool off in the water on hot days.

I heard it in a Disney cartoon, "The world owes me a living." I actually heard my mother make the remark about my younger brother, when my dad said he was to do something, "He didn't ask to be born."
Put it together, "I didn't ask to be born, so the world owes me a living." I think I actually heard my brother say that. I was tired of the attitude why buy it if you can borrow it. Just think, I actually built an engine stand so I could work on engines for my vehicles. I don't know how many years the engine stand sat with my brother's engine on it. My engine sits on a stand that I bought at a store, well not quite. It is still on the engine hoist that I bought.

One sister married the husband of my cousin, after being the live in baby sitter. My dad cosigned a loan for them to buy a farm.
Another married a guy and my dad again cosigned a loan, to buy a house.
Another sister married the guys brother.
My younger brother married their half sister.
My other brother married a girl he met at a camp, they were both counselors. One of his daughters was given puberty blockers as she was deemed to be too short. They wanted her to get taller.

Some weird thoughts. Occasionally, I think about things such as I live alone, I have no visitors, I live 40 miles from the rest of the family. In the past 3 months or more, the only contact I have had is a post card from one sister. At times I wonder, if I died how many months would it be before they found my body. Put another way, how long before anybody checked to see if I was still around.
Michelle

Quote from: Michelle_K on January 11, 2025, 01:54:41 PMOccasionally, I think about things such as I live alone, I have no visitors, I live 40 miles from the rest of the family. In the past 3 months or more, the only contact I have had is a post card from one sister. At times I wonder, if I died how many months would it be before they found my body. Put another way, how long before anybody checked to see if I was still around.

I live alone and seldom have any visitors. I prefer it that way. My family all live out of state. I prefer it that way. I talk to my dad on the phone every couple of weeks and holidays. But I have good neighbors here. We check on each other if no one has seen us in a day or two.

Somebody knows you are there. It might be property management, maintenance, or a neighbor. There are always nosey neighbors who would notice if you went missing.

Put that thought out of your head. It serves no purpose and is a waste of brainpower.

Quote from: Lori Dee on January 11, 2025, 03:12:17 PMI live alone and seldom have any visitors. I prefer it that way. My family all live out of state. I prefer it that way. I talk to my dad on the phone every couple of weeks and holidays.

This is similar for me as well.

Quote from: Lori Dee on January 11, 2025, 03:12:17 PMPut that thought out of your head. It serves no purpose and is a waste of brainpower.

Yes, exactly this. I had the same thought when I read Michelle's post. I went through a phase where I was overwhelmed by "perceived danger" and couldn't shake the fear of dying for months, even though all my doctors reassured me I was in perfect health. Thankfully, with therapy, I was able to break free from its grip. It's such a relief to be in a better place now.

My asthma has not been medically diagnosed. I forget to mention it at the doctor's office. The pain can get intense. I question if I made a mistake. I'm 75 years old, I see those ads for heart attacks and strokes. Less than a year ago I had a ECG(EKG). I was certified healthy enough for eye surgery. If I do a leisurely walk, I can walk over a mile without pain. If I walk too fast, I will be in pain before I get to the end of the block. When I get into such pain I wonder if I should be calling an ambulance.

A normal heartbeat would be 1-2, 1-2, 1-2, mine is 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3.
The other day I was at the computer and suddenly I could not see very well. It was as if I had looked at a light bulb and temporally blinded. This has not been the first time. I guess it lasts about 30 minutes and is called a visual migraine.
Last night I took some antihistamine and acetaminophen. I have some baby aspirin left over from when I had the broken wrists. I was wondering if that might help.
Michelle

Found it. I took a couple swallows of pickle juice last night. It has potassium metabisulfite (preservative). Sulfite aggravates asthma. I would have to check labels to see if I could find a good brand without the preservative. Quite likely it is in the pickled eggs, pickled beets, and any other pickled vegetables. Just thinking it might even be in the pickled herring.


potassium metabisulfite (preservative) is also in the frozen shrimp in my freezer.
Michelle

Quote from: Michelle_K on January 11, 2025, 08:52:01 PMFound it.

Nice to hear you've identified the cause, wishing you good health moving forward.

I'll see if I can make this quick. It's Sunday, and I want to go get a Sunday paper. It snowed yesterday, and depending on how much, I will decide if I want to shovel the snow. I also have the option of walking the half mile to the store to get my paper. While shoveling snow I may think about the warning of over exertion. I may stop shoveling several times and just lean on my shovel until I catch my breath.

It doesn't help either that Google knows my age, (through G-mail). I get targeted with ads for medications that an elderly person might need. How about heart attack and stroke medication.

I mentioned that I wouldn't get very far after eating a hot dog. I would put sauerkraut on my hotdog, and now I find out sulfite occurs naturally in cabbage. I still eat hot dogs, but they have to be beef, no pork or chicken, and no bun or sauerkraut.
As for the pickles, I don't have any craving. I just added 3 baby pickles to my evening meal. If I reduce it to 1 baby pickle I should be fine, and maybe better if I rinse it in water before putting it on the plate. No more drinking pickle juice. Homemade pickles should be fine, just check the ingredients in the pickling vinegar. I can continue my liver cleansing with the apple cider vinegar.

I'm thinking about being up in our haymow in the barn while chopped haw was blown in. I was in charge of the spout, directing the direction the hay went. I had no idea what a filter mask was, and afterwards would cough up green gunk.
Michelle

Why does it have to be so complicated? Just now reading that most doctors do no consider Klinefelter syndrome (KS) to be intersex. Most cases of Klinefelter syndrome are caught at puberty. Therefore if it was not caught at puberty then you do not have it. That contradicts the cases that are caught investigating infertility.

Unless I misunderstood, the doctor stated that intersex is caught at birth. Tests are done to determine the extent, and all this is put into the medical records. Since there is nothing about intersex in my medical records, then I am not intersex.

I tried to explain, all my medical records older than 20 years are missing. The clinic I went to back in 2013 is permanently closed. The only records I could get from there  was the 2013 records on the hospital computer. The only records for 2005 from that clinic is what was forwarded to the hospital for my nutrition education.

That would be a good trick. Do an ultrasound on a baby born 7 years before ultrasound is invented.
MIchelle

Edit: since it would have been caught earlier and is not in your records, any tests would not change anything.

Quote from: Michelle_K on January 12, 2025, 06:04:25 PMUnless I misunderstood, the doctor stated that intersex is caught at birth.

Michelle, based on my high level research, I thought many intersex traits aren't discovered until later in life, such as during puberty, adulthood, or while investigating health issues. I don't know, maybe you are correct.

I didn't say the doctor was correct. What I was getting at was This doctor would not give me any test because she believed it would already be in my records if I was intersex or had Klinefelter. Even if it had been, 50 years of my medical records are missing.

When a hospital website states that some people don't find out they are intersex until later in life, I tend to believe it.

I have heard from some that the medical records are falsified to expescally not state anything about intersex, Record an operation as something other than what it was.
Michelle

Quote from: Michelle_K on January 12, 2025, 07:07:13 PMI didn't say the doctor was correct. What I was getting at was This doctor would not give me any test because she believed it would already be in my records if I was intersex or had Klinefelter. Even if it had been, 50 years of my medical records are missing.

Got it, thanks for the clarification.

Back in 1968, I was in a car that got hit in the rear by a drunk driver. I was in the back seat. My dad's response was that it was my fault that I was in an accident. The logic being, if you had not been there, then you would not have been in an accident.
I think I can say that I suffered whiplash, and again no treatment. Because any pain you claim to have does not affect me, I don't believe you have any pain. I wonder if the neck pain I have now is related to the accident.

Wondering if any of this affected my lungs:
Being in the barn when chopped hay is blown in. As a teenager.
Being out in the woods at below 0 F temperatures. If you want to get warmer, work harder. again a teenager.
about 1964, a house moved onto the property. In the crawl spaces pouring vermiculite insulation down the walls. Again, no idea what a filter mask is, and a very high probability that there is asbestos in the dust. I'm guessing I was about 15.
I guess that I can't leave out the fact that I was a smoker for 56 years.
All those little bonfires on the lawn every spring. My mother would rake the leaves into piles and then burn them. There would be burn marks all over the lawn. not to mention the smoke from the fires irritating the lungs.
Then there is the fact that my maternal grandfather died from emphysema. At the time (1960s) there was not much for medication. My mother apparently also had emphysema. My mother was on medication and also had an inhaler.
I wonder if the doctor sees the history of smoking, and looks no further, missing the possibility that I inherited the emphysema.
A coworker who smoked once said to me that he knew that I smoked, But he was wondering why I did not have the smoker's cough. Another thing was that I quit smoking because when I tried to light a cigarette, I would have a coughing spell before I could get it lit.

Again, something that is usually found out as a child. They don't realize that when I was a child, Medicine was also in its infancy.
Michelle

My intention was to relate what happened this morning. I got a message that I needed to reschedule my appointment in Minneapolis. Now I will need to get up earlier to get to my appointment. But that is not the problem.

The problem is before I could get my appointment rescheduled, my throat was getting irritated and getting to the point where I could barely talk. A sip of coffee did not help. I could try to list possibilities.

My mother said that I had a high pitched squeaky voice, so a nickname of squeaks. That leads to a possibility of changing my voice to suit her without proper voice training, resulting in hoarseness. Which may mean I didn't talk much because it would be painful. I'm wondering if I defaulted to a male voice because it was a woman on the phone. I think my mother had selective hearing, If I had a high pitch voice, my mother couldn't hear me, but she had no problems hearing my sisters.
There was someone fooling off on the school bus and I got hit in the throat. Either the driver didn't see it or just didn't care. I heard the stories of how my grandfather got rich by cheating the farmers. Just because I have the same last name, doesn't mean that I should be treated less than the other students.
Anyway, since I was already a quiet person, there was no way to tell that there might be something wrong. Not that I would even have the chance to tell anybody anything. Too busy hearing about how my sister's day went.
Here we go again, the necessity of saying that I am a former smoker.

I would like to think that it was forced voice change, hopefully not through punishment. Then it would take a bit of therapy to stop reverting to a male voice, or is it an androgynous voice like the analyzer shows.
There still is the possibility that something got broke when I got hit in the throat.
 Like I was saying before, I was at the doctor to see about getting my hormones, and I got to the point where it was too painful to talk. I couldn't answer her questions.
I've been thinking about a device where I could type the words and it would talk for me.

Almost forgot to mention that I will start coughing when I talk. I did a lot of coughing while in the VA therapist's office. I can't think of his title at the moment.
Michelle

My mother made the perfect child. A slap across the face cures everything. It cured being left handed. The cure caused stuttering, another slap cures stuttering. That causes silence, which is perfect.
I often wondered if shyness could be beaten into a child. Afraid to do anything for fear of being punished, and mothers excuse is he is just shy.
I remember my mother saying that I was a slow learner. I kept getting accidentally knocked down every time I tried standing up. There is a photo of me standing on my own for the first time on my first birthday. I see something else in the photo. I am standing next to a car bumper, and my hand is not seen. That means there is a possibility the photo is staged. I may have been placed next to the bumper in a standing position, supported by my hand on the bumper. Slow learner or delayed development indicating the possibility of autism or Klinefelter syndrome.

Quote: AncestryDNA test would not typically detect extra chromosomes.

Are we looking at an extreme case and deciding that all are like that. It shows a person with Klinefelter is six foot, so if you are under, you don't have it. money saved by not testing.

I think I need to write a letter to my doctor and explain that none of my feminine appearance is due to me taking hormones. I have never knowingly taken any hormones, male or female. The fact that a baby born now may go through all kinds of tests does not mean the the tests were available 60 years ago. I can go down the checklist for Klinefelter syndrome and check off one after another. After what I just read, I can add my pectus excavatum and asthma to the list. I am wondering now if 30 years ago a physical exam showed I have it. If it was noted in my records, the records are lost.
It surprised me that when I got my medicare welcome, I got a ct lung exam., blood tests, and blood pressure checked. Listen to my heart and lungs, check my ears (no mention of the scar tissue) and eyes. Nothing more. The last time anyone saw me without a shirt was in the emergency room with two broken wrists. The bikinis don't count. I forgot about the nipple slip after the pelvic MRI. I was also wearing a bra and panties. Being a new patient, I got listed as transgender female without even asking me.
Michelle

There I go again, going off on some random subject. One thing leads to another and I forget that I wanted to write about trying to get some voice therapy to see if I could learn to talk without any pain. Plus I would need some mental therapy to stop the ...To keep me from defaulting to male voice through fear. That is providing the pain is only the result of stressing my vocal cords with a false pitch. And if the pain is due to damage to the vocal cords, a softer voice may cause less pain. Either way, I need to change things and get this information into my medical records and get whatever tests are required.
Michelle

I've been doing some research. Unlike what some old tv ads might say, or was it the other way around. Just because it is on the internet, doesn't make it true. It gets difficult to separate fact from fiction. The same with You Tube videos. Some are called click bait for a reason. There might be something in the title, and it is nowhere in the video. It seems that every transgender person on You Tube has some kind of voice training video. I have no way of telling if it is true that they are a licensed vocal coach. Most do not make any claim.
Michelle

Quote from: Michelle_K on January 14, 2025, 06:45:58 PMI have no way of telling if it is true that they are a licensed vocal coach. Most do not make any claim.

I recommend TransVoiceLessons on YouTube. She has degrees in music and stuff. She shows you what to do to exercise your voice and explains why, and what is happening in your throat when you do the exercises.

https://www.youtube.com/@TransVoiceLessons

I learned a lot from her videos, but I didn't know how to use the knowledge I had received. The Voice Coach began explaining and because I already understood the concept, it was easy to jump right in and do the exercises. The problem with YouTube is the coaches cannot hear your voice, so you don't know if you are doing it correctly. A face-to-face Voice Coach (mine was thru the VA via a video link), can hear your voice and watch your throat for key signs. She was then able to explain what I was doing wrong and how to correct it.

The VA LGBTQ Care Coordinator can submit the consult through the GAPP program. They even sent me a loaner Apple iPad because my PC does not have a camera or microphone. As a veteran, you have access to this training and I highly recommend it.

My paternal grandfather was born in Germany. He immigrated to the U.S. at the age of 15. That means he was fluent in that language. Being in the U.S. he learned English. He married a woman whose parents were born in Germany. Quite likely she learned German as well as English. Being a farmer and working with Spanish speaking migrant workers, my grandfather likely learned Spanish. My dad had both parents being German, and likely grew up hearing German spoken in the house. He too, would have worked with Spanish speaking migrants, and learned the language.

My dad was too young to join the military during WW2, I heard him talk about the POW camp at the county fairgrounds. He would talk to the German prisoners. The prisoners stated that corn was only for cows in Germany, and surprised that people ate it in the U.S.
My dad also stated that his dad was afraid to talk to the prisoners, fearful that he might get locked up with the prisoners.
It was not intended, or my mother did not know that naming me by removing one letter from her name, was the Spanish word for boy. Seeing that my dad knew Spanish, he would have known. I wonder if it could be a private joke to him. He could call me boy without me knowing he was calling me boy.

During grade school in the 1950s, they would wheel a tv into the classroom, and we would watch Spanish lessons on tv. They were transmitted from PBS. I guess the joke was on him. I knew my name meant boy in Spanish.
In 6th grade the teacher started teaching German to the class. The lessons were to be continued in 7th grade but I was transferred to the church school.
While in the army, I got transferred to Germany. I knew enough German to get by.

I, too, know English, German, and Spanish. Maybe not fluently in all, but enough to get by.
Michelle

Quote from: Michelle_K on January 14, 2025, 07:28:35 PMThe prisoners stated that corn was only for cows in Germany, and surprised that people ate it in the U.S.

Interesting, is it still like this today in Germany?

QuoteI, too, know English, German, and Spanish. Maybe not fluently in all, but enough to get by.

Michelle, that's impressive. I just know English and Spanish, and I can get by with a little Mandarin.