Quote from: Lori Dee on January 19, 2025, 12:10:49 PMMyChart is not reliable

You mean like when I missed getting a urine sample for my provider when I had an appointment with a urologist. The urologist got the urine sample and the results are in MyChart. Months later it still says my urine sample is overdue.
MyChart shows my depression test is overdue. I inform the provider it was done at the VA. She thanks me, but it still shows my depression test is overdue.
 I guess I can click hide notification.
Michelle

Quote from: Michelle_K on January 19, 2025, 01:54:34 PMI guess I can click hide notification.

Exactly. That's what I did.
There is no way to tell the app that I do not require a pap smear. My doctor tells me what tests I need. I don't need an app to do it. She uses my medical records. 

Ouch, There was something in my head scan when I broke my wrists. I was trying to figure out what would cause damage to the bone of my left eyebrow. Certainly not as a child, suddenly going down and hitting my chin on the truck I was playing with.
How about in grade school, going down and hitting my head on the bleachers. Severe enough to be sent home, but not considered severe enough to go to the doctor. The question is if the records from the old school (1950s) have been transferred to the new school. Possibly still in the old school as the school is still used. Probably something else my mother denied when I filled out my draft form when it asked about head injury. My dad said put no for mental therapy.

I'm just looking at the possibility of a head injury affecting hormone levels. What is odd to me is the fact that a recent testosterone test is at the same level as a test done 20 years ago.
Michelle
Edit:
I knew I was missing something, Part of the questioning at doing something wrong was my dad would grab me by the shoulders and shake me as he asked the question.

Something happened in a grade school restroom. I remember the part where I was using the urinal and a boy behind me put his hands on my shoulders and spun me around. The last I remember of it is that he got his pants wet when I peed on him. From then on I will have a death grim on the pipe above the urinal every time I use one. I also get what the therapist called shy bladder when there is someone else in the restroom. Finally I can put some more pieces of the puzzle together. I can't use the restroom when there is another person in there, and at break times there are other people there. So I would use the rest room when it was not break time. Somebody thought they were smart by getting between me and the restroom and point me back to the machine. The result being that I went a 10 hour shift without peeing. Quite likely I also went the 10 hours without drinking water as the water fountain was by the restroom door. I think I could say my kidneys shut down. Once home after my shift I can get some water. maybe sit on the toilet until I pee, with thought of driving to an emergency room.
Next because of the lack of water and dehydration, all because of my dread to use the men's restroom, I end up at the medical clinic was a UTI and high PSA. I get treated with Cypro, which is known for causing hallucinations. I have a hallucination of giving birth and breast feeding a baby. I have no idea how to describe the feeling of breast feeding a baby. I know it was a hallucination, but felt so real.

I get put onto a forklift, and continue on. At the end of my shift, I grab my water bottle from the forklift and realize I forgot to drink my water during my shift. About 10 years later (2005), I am again at a medical clinic with a UTI and high PSA. This time I get sent to an urologist for a prostate biopsy.
I had requested a testosterone test and a thyroid test, both being normal, testosterone being just a bit above low. The prostate biopsy come back as being inflammation.

Later in 2013 it is very severe, to the point that I can feel every crack in the floor that the forklift hits. Again I am at the medical clinic with UTI and high PSA. I was given pills that did not help. I felt I was all alone. Common sense, if I was suddenly running to the restroom right after eating my sandwich, then there had to be something in the sandwich. My mother insisted on making my sandwiches and packing my lunch.
I caught her putting margarine on my sandwich instead of the butter. This was after I told her the margarine was making me sick. I told her I wanted butter on my sandwiches, she pointed to the margarine and said that is butter. I don't know if she was trying to prove me wrong. I gave up, at work I ate the meat from the sandwich and tossed the rest into the garbage. Mom had a doctor's appointment coming up, and it was decided she would stay at my sister's house from now on.
My diet changed as I no longer had sandwiches in my lunch. instead I had a small can of peas and carrots.
 Michelle
 

I believe I had mentioned that I was sexually abused when I was about 3-4 years old. I would not remember any of it until about 40 years later. Then when I was about 9 I stopped going to my cousin's house for sleepovers. I would sleep in her brother's bed,and he was a bully. He was the one that would pull my pants down when I was younger. I don't remember anything happening, but suddenly I dread sleeping in his bed, and I have some odd idea of what boys do to boys when they sleep together. He is the same boy that later punishes me for having sex with his sister, when I am falsely accused by my dad.

Imagine me freaking when in high school, after phys-ed class, there are are a bunch of naked boys. My way of dealing with it was to shower after every one else was done and getting dressed.
In the army that was showering at night after everyone else was in bed.
Michelle

Cold again today (Jan 20, 2025) My computer is showing about -14F at 11:00 AM. My thermostat is set at 74F and the reading is 64F.

Little things may not seem like much, but can tell a lot. When I moved into this house, I put curtains on all the windows. My understanding is men would not bother with curtains. I have purple curtains in my bedroom. Back on the farm, I had pink curtains on my windows. After my dad died, I put curtains on the windows of his workshop. Upstairs in this house, one room with the barbies has pink curtains, the room with the GI Joes has blue curtains.
I can look out the door of this room and see my glass cupboard. On display is my collection of old dishes, quite likely found at the garbage dump. On top of the glass cupboard are 3 14 inch tall gumball machines. On top the gumball machines are Mickey Mouse ears. I also have a collection of glassware with the family crest that I bought decades ago. I'm not sure if it is a proper crest as my grandfather was from Germany.
other knickknacks are the characters for the video game Disney Infinity. I guess I could say that this house has a feminine touch.
Michelle

I added the shaken child comment to the head injury post. This way I can do a print out to take with me to the therapist. Or even put it into MyChart.

This is getting strange, it seems every morning after I eat, I get a runny nose. So far today all I have had was 2 eggs and some coffee. I have 8 oz. of milk and 8oz. of grapefruit juice in front of me that I haven't touched yet. The eggs were fried in butter, and the butter carton says natural flavoring. Anyway, stuffed up runny nose means I need to breath through my mouth. That would mean -13F air directly into my lungs if I went outside today. I'm also one that gets an instant headache when hit with the cold air. I am going to consider that my headache today is weather related, a migraine from it being cold in the house. I could do a quick test. I have an open stairway, that means it is warmer upstairs, and I am sitting in the draft of cold air coming down the stairs.
I am behind in my other projects, when I sit and write I forget about other things. I will even forget to eat. I need to get my priorities right.
Michelle

Quote from: Michelle_K on January 20, 2025, 02:15:20 PMwhen I sit and write I forget about other things. I will even forget to eat. I need to get my priorities right.

A little grounding exercise helps me stay focused when I sit down to write. I like the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Exercise. It's a mindfulness tool that helps reduce anxiety and brings me back to the present moment by engaging my senses.

It's easy, quick and effective.

A bit of grounding. How about a clock that chimes the hour, every hour. I found one in a thrift store, except that it was battery powered. I can hear the chime when it is quiet.

I think it was a long time ago I read about smoking being a way of grounding. Nicotine to lesson the lung pain? Everything stops when I have a smoke, I sit and catch my breath. Poison is the cure until it is no longer a cure, does that make any sense. Some old Woody Allen movie, where he is removed from some cryogenic tube in the future, and smoking has been found to be beneficial.

I decide to quit smoking and then I start coughing when I try to light my cigarette. Or was it that I stepped outside and the cold air caused my cough. How right they were when they called the cigarette a pacifier. Just something to put in my mouth. I actually went into the store and bought baby pacifiers, I needed something to chew on, other then keep shoving food into my mouth. I found some adult pacifiers on eBay. I have one in my purse, one by my computer, and one in my car. The one in the car helps with the stress of driving.

I don't have a problem with staying focused, I get too focused. It wasn't that I was drinking less to avoid trips to the restroom, I was not getting the thirst to remind me to drink. I hear the chimes from the clock, I look at the clock. I've been up for three hours, I see the bottles in front of me. They are still full, all I've had to drink were a couple sips of coffee. Even if I am not thirsty, I tip the bottle up and get at least 4 oz. I might catch my breath and finish the bottle. By the time I go to bed I should have at least 6 empty bottles in the drying rack.
Michelle

Quote from: Michelle_K on January 20, 2025, 11:31:09 PMA bit of grounding. How about a clock that chimes the hour, every hour. I found one in a thrift store, except that it was battery powered. I can hear the chime when it is quiet.

This can work. I have some apps, but there's nothing like a real one. I think I might look for one on Amazon, or probably go looking for one this weekend.

At 11:00 AM today (1/21/2025), it showed the outside temperature to be -4F, the inside temperature to be 61F.
I think at 9:00 AM it was -18F outside, 60F inside. It is expected to be 7F above zero by 2:00 PM. I don't know how long it will take to get to a normal temperature inside.
I'm at a point where I don't know if I am tapping my shoes due to the cold or the autism. Some thoughts on the medication, I can't forget to take my medication if I am not on medication.

I read part of the executive order. It will take awhile to absorb all that information. What concerns me is the transgender people who will say that it doesn't affect them because they use the genderless restroom. Yet the order can be looked at, and the conclusion can be that genderless rest rooms are not needed.
I still don't understand how someone calls themselves transsexual and has gone through the surgery, can state that transgender people just have mental disorders. Transsexuals are real, transgender are not. We need to agree with _____ or we loose the money from You Tube.
Michelle

Get a bird clock that has recordings of birds chirping.  If you learn the bird calls you will know what hour it is when you hear it.  A photocell is used to quiet the calls when the room is dark.

Sorry about the rant. Now back to my original thoughts.

I was writing about medication. Sometime medication can get wild. This drug will help you, but you need another drug to deal with the side effects of that drug, and you need one more to deal with the side effects of the drug for the side effects of the first drug. What if we substitute nutrition for the drugs?

Back to the pickles, I have occasionally drank pickle juice right out of the jar. This time I picked up a different brand. The preservative in this brand caused lung inflammation. Investigation found the preservative to be the cause, that brand appears to be the only one that uses that preservative. Use a different brand and no need for medication to fight inflammation in my lungs.

It used to be that I was getting up almost every hour at night to use the bathroom. I knew the cause, it was in the margarine. It was in the mayonnaise on the sandwich from the fast food place. It was in the tarter sauce for my fish fillets. Soy oil is called vegetable oil, and it is even in the cans of tuna.
When I finally eliminated everything with soy from my diet, I started to sleep for longer periods. Eventually getting to getting up 1-2 time during the night. I can even drive for a couple hours without needing to use the restroom. Check the clock to make sure I drink my water to stay hydrated.

My computer is now showing the temperature outside is above +4F. I can now get to the car with less distress. If I need to I can put my gloved hand over my mouth to help warm the air if I need to breathe through my mouth. It won't take long on my drive for the temperature in the car to get warmer than it is in the house (at the moment 63F). I have the thermostat set for 73F, and it should be close by the time I get back.
Michelle

I found some chiropractic bill from 1985. Trying to read the diagnosis from a couple of them. One seems to be dealing with a 17 year old whiplash that never got taken care of. That it's your fault for being in a place for it to happen, to quit faking it. The other is lower back pain, possible from a short leg. More likely due to my mother yanking my hair to make me sit straight. Maybe too straight, or jerked straight.
at a later date a Medical doctor thought I should put my hands on my forehead and put tension on my neck to strengthen my muscles. I can move my head from side to side and feel the neck joints pop, with my hands nowhere near my head or neck.
I think I had to go to the doctor once because of some guy who thought he was smart. He would see me coming down an aisle and wait until I got near him. He would then step out and I would have to do a quick stop. The forklift was called a walkie-rider where I stood on a platform. The sudden stop would jerk my back.
At the moment I am considering finding another chiropractor.
Michelle

Another day, another story. This one concerns a trophy given by a seed corn company. It was in the spring and I got a bag of seed corn from the vocational agriculture teacher. We were to harvest the corn in the fall and report results. My dad harvested the corn in the fall and didn't keep track of anything. The teacher handed me the booklet my cousin had done the year before. While copying the information over, I found a mistake that he had made and corrected it. The corrected copy earned me a trophy from the seed corn company.

On the Saturday that the dinner given by the seed corn company, my dad decided we were going to put up a new fence around the corn crib. My dad said don't worry, we have plenty of time, You will be able to meet the others for your ride. Once we had the old fence down, my dad said he had to get something and he would be right back. Naturally I had to stand guard and keep the cows away from the corn crib. I stood guard 1 hour, 2 hours, 3 hours, the time to meet my ride had come and gone, and my dad had not returned and instructed me on how he wanted the new fence to be. In anger I put my pocked watch on top a fence post and smashed it with a hammer. What good is a watch when no one else seems to care about the time.  Finally my dad returns and we finish putting up the new fence.

I never got to the dinner and I never got my trophy. However, I did get to see that trophy every day in a display case in the classroom. I felt bad for the people waiting for me and I never showed up, so I never asked for the trophy. The reason I never got to my ride was not discussed, and the trophy was never given to me.
Michelle

One spring, I think I was in eighth grade, My dad asked me about my school attendance. It turned out he wanted me to stay home and help him plant the corn. I informed him that I had a test, and he stated that I could do a makeup test. It was obvious that no matter what, I was going to stay home and help him plant the corn. This was the first, last, and only day that I helped him plant corn on a school day. I got to wait at the end of the field, and help put seed corn into a little 4 row corn planter. Just so he could brag about needing someone to stay home from school to help him plant crops.

Why not lie like all the other lies? I never got a makeup test, all I got was sheet of paper with my name on it with a big red F. The teacher decided to make an example of me, This is what happens to students that think they will get out of doing a test by being absent.
If I had perfect attendance then he could not complain about my attendance. And the test, fail it and he can complain about me getting the F.
My sister lived for only 24 hours. I get to hear how great she would have been. She would have gotten perfect attendance for every grade. She would have been an A++ student. Since she could do all this then there was no reason that I could not do this.

Who was taking my homework out of my schoolbooks before I went to school, and putting it back when I got home? Have you any idea what it feels like to search you books for your homework and not find it, and when you get home search for the homework and find it in the schoolbook?


Do you know what you can do with a computer. Sometime after my dad died, I found a certificate maker program. I made up a bunch of certificates with her name. I took them out to my dad's workshop and put them in his desk. I said "There are perfect attendance certificates for your perfect daughter. The ones you could not get because she died."
Michelle

Who am I trying to convince? you or me? I've been called a lair so much that I find it hard to believe that anyone would see my writing as anything more than a work of fiction. How dare I accuse my sister of doing something like that. Sugar and spice and everything nice, that's what little girls are made of. Everything was my fault. Sure, how can it be my fault my sister died from a birth defect? I'm supposed to have some kind of power that my touch can cause my sister to be born with a birth defect.
But that is only a small part.

My dad claimed he was not loved because his parents wanted a girl. I mock him by acting like a girl. It is two fold since I had a sister that died. Now I mock the fact that my sister died. Just by being around reminds him that my sister died. Why couldn't it have been the boy that died.
He did die! He died from a broken heart, her love could not break through the anger of her father. It was said that a girl has unconditional love for her father.
Do you know how hard it is for a girl to pretend she is a boy? Especially when you grow up surrounded by girls. I'm supposed to act like a boy, when my dad is nowhere around to teach me how to act like a boy.

I think I got way off track. I mentioned the boy died, I didn't mention he took a lot of bad memories with him. I don't think my sisters understand, I experienced the death of a new born sister when I was 2 years old. I seem to remember the oven door open trying to have some heat to keep her warm. Of me holding her while my dad got my mother to the car. I have visited her grave a few times.

I was supposedly too young for it to have any affect on my life.
Michelle

Asperger, autism, what do you mean? My dad tells me I can't be trusted around my sisters. I am told that I am not to touch, look at or even talk to my sisters. He just hit the three main symptoms of autism. Almost a guarantee he will be obeyed. Now he can take credit for my silence. At least someone does as they are told. He doesn't talk because I haven't given him permission to talk.

When my dad tells his buddies about his miraculous escape from death, I'm hurting inside. I hurt because I can't find the words to say no, that's not what happened. I couldn't idle down the tractor because I was holding the clutch lever of the blower.

You can't have autism, it would have been caught in school. This is the 1950s, these teachers may have been there since the 1940s. The sixth grade teacher actually called me stupid and said that I will never learn. They have no idea what autism or adhd is.

We have a boy that doesn't talk. Since he doesn't talk, we can blame him for stuff and he won't deny it. And I have no idea why I am suddenly getting my mouth washed out with soap when I never said anything. This idea that I should know I said naughty words and that's why I'm being punished. Later I will figure it out. I am being punished because my sister tricked my grandma into thinking I said naughty words.

I heard once that when they were adults, my brother gave my sister a good talking to. Talked to her about the mean things she did while they were growing up. My brother met his wife at, I think it was Camp Challenge, where they worked with mentally disabled people.

I don't understand some things, like trying to gain the ability to make eye contact, then when I do manage, I get my face slapped by my mother, from behind. So I end up with two reasons, one being the autism, the other the pain of my mothers slap.
Michelle

In high school, I don't know if one thing had to do with another.
One time in study hall, a couple of students came to me and wanted to test something. I was to do a maze while looking through a mirror. I stopped almost as soon as I started. I don't know what they thought as I my other hand down. I placed that hand so I could not see the maze without looking in the mirror. I finished the maze. I believe they were psychology students. I wondered how many others had done this test, and how many others actually blocked their vision.

I think it was only a couple of times that I was taken from a classroom and given a reading comprehension test.

One time a teacher stopped and approached my desk. I was unable to talk but I mentally recorded what she said and analyzed it later. She said she knew I was intelligent from the library books that I would have. At the time on my desk was the book war and peace. But I did not do any book reports. She made a comment that I don't understand a word she says, she then says take care.
I have a problem with hearing comprehension, I don't know how much is due to the damaged hearing. Somewhere I learned I can learn to lip read.

One time I mentioned lip reading to a therapist. He decided to test me, and slowly moved a paper over his mouth. I don't think he expected to be called out on it, when I said I knew he was testing me. I explained I can also analyze what I do hear and fill in the blank sounds.

I don't know if it was before or after, but I did get my hearing checked. It was explained that due to the type of hearing loss I had, hearing aids would not help. He made a comment about wondering how I managed to cope, function, whatever.
Michelle
 

I hear okay but sometimes my brain does not take it in, thats the dyslexic bit! Now my hearing is a bit down, to many years using power tools without protection.