I think it did feel good, not really pointing it at my brother-in-law, but explaining how my dad wanted to be reimbursed for things he never paid for. I only posted it on Facebook. I still haven't thanked him for causing my mental breakdown.

Point 3. gender confusion added by my dad wanting to be reimbursed for my birth expenses when I was born at home. At the time all I could think of was that the expenses were because I was intersex.

Point 4. It was in my army medical records, a report that the doctor observed a healthy ovary while performing an appendectomy on me.

When the doctor refused to see if I had internal female organs saying that it never happens, isn't that the same as saying intersex people don't exist.
Michelle

I have a relative that has prostate cancer. He is on estrogen to reduce the cancer. I would hate to see him denied his prescription because his insurance says he is a male.

I woke up this morning with thoughts of choir boys and castrated males. I think it was a Christian view about transgenders. The statement was made that transgender is not in the Bible because at that time it did not exist. It has been a long time, but I seem to remember something about self mutilated males called eunuchs.
Michelle

This might not be the right place to post. Finally getting some idea of what might have been going on. Something happens and I am a witness, my dad was not there, but wants every detail. Even with all the details he can say, I don't believe you. Later he tells his buddies the details as if he witnessed the whole thing. Maybe even state that he never saw me there.

He made a couple of errors where I was concerned. One was taking my skates and claiming they were his. The second one raises a question, if the skates were locked up safely in the shop, why was the skate key hanging on the shelf in the house next to the radio.

When telling my dad stuff, he was constantly correcting me. And then I would forget what I was talking about. First off, I was a preteen child, correcting how I talked, use the proper words, etc. Made sure I understood the consequences of lying, sit in that chair until you are ready to admit the truth. He was so against lying that you would think he never lied. The biggest lie that he told was that he never lied. His proof being a gun and a badge.

At the moment, I have on my driver's license application that I am female. I don't know if I can do this. Such a fear of lying that I may change it back to male before getting my license.
Michelle

Mother didn't bother with talking, she just grabbed the paddle stick if she thought you were lying. How long do you paddle the child? Until your arm is sore from swinging the paddle stick.

Quote from: Michelle_K on March 27, 2025, 04:54:35 PMI seem to remember something about self mutilated males called eunuchs.

They weren't all "self-mutilated" and most were not. Some were not even castrated.

You might be thinking of Matthew 19:12. Jesus distinguishes three types of eunuchs: those born that way, those made eunuchs by others, and those who choose to live as eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.

Some were just celibate, or what today we might call "asexual".

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 27, 2025, 05:49:33 PMthose born that way,

Are these what some suggests that could potentially refer to individuals who are intersex or naturally infertile?

Quote from: Lori Dee on March 27, 2025, 05:49:33 PMThey weren't all "self-mutilated" and most were not. Some were not even castrated.

You might be thinking of Matthew 19:12. Jesus distinguishes three types of eunuchs: those born that way, those made eunuchs by others, and those who choose to live as eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.

Some were just celibate, or what today we might call "asexual".

That has always been a controversial text.  Literal translations say "made themselves eunuchs" rather than "choose to live as eunuchs".  Modern interpretations do indeed prefer the latter and mainstream churches regard castration that is not medically necessary as wrong.

However, I believe that the latter interpretation is the result of the squeamishness of people who are not transgender.  Physically castrated people usually experience a drop in libido but that would not necessarily happen if someone simply chose to be celibate for religious reasons, as some churches have discovered to their embarrassment.

Those are my thoughts on the subject, anyway, although I gathered while doing some online research years ago that I am not alone.

Right now, I am wondering if it worth the cost of having a court declare a name change. It is so messed up that I don't know what to believe. I'm reading some are getting notices in the mail that any name or gender change papers are invalid. Their new id must agree with their birth certificate.

I think about the children of the hippies, and the names they were given. My original name meant boy in a foreign language, I got laughed at, they could legally call me boy.
My name was court ordered to be changed to Michael. The same as Nostradamus, it is pronounced Michelle.

One I read was to vote, A photo id was needed, a birth certificate to prove citizenship, and a wedding license to show why the id did not match the birth certificate.
Michelle

Another was turned away from voting because the gender on the id did not match the presentation.

I have an existing bob sled for 1/6 scale that will now be repaired for behind a 1/6 scale snowmobile. I think I mentioned the snowmobile does not have a hitch on the back. Half the problem with the bob sled was that the nuts came loose and got lost, and then parts just came off. In the video, he cut off the excess bolt and battered the threads so the nut would not come off and get lost.

I was halfway to another town to get my groceries, when I realized I did not have the measurements for the missing parts on the bob sled. Not that it mattered that much, just that I won't be able to finish it until I get the parts.The bolts and nuts are 1, 2, and 3 mm. The local hardware stores and running stores do not handle anything that small so bolts are special ordered.
Michelle

I get a lot of medicare advantage calls. The tell me I can get vision and dental and even a grocery card, plus money back from medicare.
They never tell me that some appointment must be approved. they don't tell me that if I don't get approval for a specialist, I am responsible for the whole cost. They don't tell me certain hospitals do not accept Medicare advantage due to low payments. I hang up a lot.

Now I see something on Facebook about Medicare refund if medications are through VA. In the last 20 years, my only prescription has been baby aspirin and acetaminophen for my broken wrists. It was cheaper to buy over the counter. No prescriptions means no medications, therefore no medications through VA.

I didn't know if the call was from another scammer. It was from the place for my pulmonary function test. VA will pay for it, and it will be about 15 miles away. It sounds like a rough test and I may have to rest afterwards before driving home.
Michelle

I am tired, I am always tired. I sleep 9-10 hours every night. Granted I wake up a few times during the night to use the bathroom. Being tired all the time can be a symptom of low hormones. But my testosterone is in the normal value. Back in 2005, my testosterone was checked, so no follow up as to why I wanted a hormone test.

I thought it was odd that at age 75, my testosterone level is about the same as when I was 55. Can I then say that it is likely that at age 35 it was the same?

I was never told that I could have testosterone deficiency and still be in the normal range.I have been suffering from symptoms of testosterone deficiency for decades. In my case it would be since puberty, so I have nothing to compare it to. At the age I am now it becomes normal to suffer from age related sexual problems. It seems to be a problem telling a doctor that I have had these problems all my life.

Ya but, what about my sexual relations with my cousin at the age of ten? I have a question of why my dad would believe that at age 10 I would be sexually involved with anybody. With my dad thinking that, there is no reason to believe that there might be a hormonal problem with my puberty.

I think with the endocrinologist, I tried to explain that I might have Klinefelter Syndrome, and I already suffer the same symptoms as the side effects of HRT. I didn't get the chance. I soon as I mentioned Klinefelter, I was told it was not possible because it was not in my medical records.

I want to make sure that my testosterone and estrogen levels are checked first, to make sure I get the proper prescription.

Now I'm confused. I have a note in MyChart that I have a gender dysphoria diagnosis, and could go through they to get my estrogen. This is prior to the appointment with the endocrinologist. I sure that the VA had also given me a gender dysphoria diagnosis, and sent me to the endocrinologist. Then why did the endocrinologist send me to a therapist to get a gender dysphoria diagnosis?

I had to check, and so now I have gender dysphoria diagnosis from three different places.
Michelle

Just a quick edit to note that the endocrinologist is connected to the university of Minnesota.

I never dated when I was going to school. My dad asked me if I had a girlfriend. I told him no, but somehow he found out because I now had a restraining order against me. I was told that I was to stay away from that girl because she was the daughter of one of the church leaders.

After writing this, some things might become clearer. I never mentioned a girlfriend because I did not have any. I did not know how he got any idea she might be my girlfriend. I assumed that her father had a complaint against me, and had contacted my dad to tell me I am not to be near his daughter. The problem being she rode the same school bus as I did. She was also in some of the same school classes, being in the same grade. She was also the girlfriend of boy that used to be my friend.
I'm guessing my dad asked my sister about any girl I might like. No matter who she would have named, I would not be good enough for any of the girls.

I was not served any papers for a restraining order. Years later at my class reunion I stayed away from them to not violate my restraining order.

How much of this is due to the fact that I have autism, I don't know. I forget things, I get told things that are not true. How much was made up by my dad just so that I would do the work that he should do.


Change of subject. Some of this I was already guessing at. I'm sitting here and again my leg is itching something fierce. No more guessing. It is a nickel plated keyring in my pocket. Perhaps the same keyring when I thought it was the silicone gripper on my stay up thigh highs. The same thing happens if have a nickel coin in my pocket.
The same with earrings, The post is ok, but if the rest of the earring touches my ear then I have a problem. Although I could, I guess, paint the earring with clear nail polish, except for the post.
Michelle

As I am waiting for the shower to warm up, I grab my dentures and rinse them off and put them into my mouth. I dry my hands and step into the shower. I ask myself why did I just do that. Seems to be a bit of a waste, to dry my hands just before getting them wet again.

Before taking my shower, I think of the old joke from full house. "Did you take a bath?" "Is there one missing?"
The weirdest thing, wondering what are the chances. Over in Germany, to meet a German that immigrated to the U.S., got drafted, and then stationed in Germany.
He said some of our language does not make sense. For instance, take a pee, shouldn't it be leave a pee.
Michelle

As long as I am uploading photos. Am I really a man in a dress? Kind of a before and after.



Trying to find out when it was, I come across a date of Sept. 13, 1998. And the blue dress also has the same date. That makes it more than 25 years ago
Michelle

Edit: decided to move this post. Thought about explaining how I had to go back in time to tell myself to cover my mouth to confuse any face recognition, when I post the photo.

I sometimes come up with the weirdest thoughts. Wondering if my dad really was that way, not only play with the proper toys, but there was a proper way to play with the toys. A toy car is an example, it must be pointed in the proper direction. As for the dolls, they were bought after my dad had died.

My dad was just plain lazy, using an excuse that his fingers got smashed to get out of work. Most men would claim that the outdoor grill belongs to him, and the woman better not touch the meat on the grill. My dad was the other way, the grill is an extension of the kitchen, therefore it is the woman's job when using the grill. Now I wonder if it was his laziness, claim it is a woman's job to get out of doing work.

Thinking about all the tv shows where the diners and restaurants have men at the grill. I could go on with sewing and cleaning house and washing clothes. And it would seem the men's job was to watch tv. The kids took care of everything else, including getting his beer. Of course he was the only one qualified to drive the farm tractor, and I would have to find him to move the tractor when I cleaned barn.
Michelle
 

Tomorrow will get rough. I have a pulmonary function test. Interesting, sit in a sealed box and breathe through a tube. The change in air pressure gives the lung air volume. Basically try to give me an asthma attack. Not quite, but measure how fast I breathe and transfer rate of oxygen into the blood.

On the instructions for tomorrow, no smoking, and no medication. I'm sure they will want to know when I quit smoking. You know, they want you to stop smoking 14 days before an operation. It might have been 16 days before the operation to stabilize my broken wrists. Same day as I fell, with no food or drink for 8 hours so they could do the operation. Quit smoking on June 15, 2023, and broke my wrists on July 1st, 2023.
Michelle 

And no coffee.

Quote from: Michelle_K on March 30, 2025, 11:57:06 PMTomorrow will get rough. I have a pulmonary function test. Interesting, sit in a sealed box and breathe through a tube. The change in air pressure gives the lung air volume. Basically try to give me an asthma attack.

That does sound like a tough test, but it's good that you're being thorough in checking your lung function.

Wishing you smooth breathing for tomorrow. Let us know how it goes!

The Pulmonary lung test turned out normal. All it means is that I have normal lung function when I don't have an asthma attack. I don't know what other tests they have. I read about a walking test, measuring how far you walk in 6 minutes. I thought about it a little bit, and started wondering if the air inside the hospital/clinic is different than the air outside. Is it filtered, so no contaminants in the air. And air temperature might make a difference.
Michelle

Humidity makes a difference for me. If it is raining outside, or even in the shower, I start coughing.

Quote from: Michelle_K on April 01, 2025, 05:48:46 PMI thought about it a little bit, and started wondering if the air inside the hospital/clinic is different than the air outside. Is it filtered, so no contaminants in the air. And air temperature might make a difference.

I think so. Don't they have ways to recreate an environment similar to when you're experiencing asthma symptoms?

I get tired of all these places wanting a survey done after an appointment. A lot of questions to answer.

Too bad I didn't know how to rate the one dentist I had in the past. Two teeth were left in my jaw to stabilize my denture. My denture did not fit properly past those two teeth. The dentist tried to make it fit, and I got told I had to live with it. Those two teeth held the denture up like a teeter totter. Later when the denture was refitted, I paid the same price as they originally cost. They still teeter tottered.

years Later I looked him up on the internet. He wanted to sue someone who gave him a bad review.

At the price I paid, they should have made a new denture that fit properly.
Michelle