Quote from: Adrian26 on April 11, 2025, 08:05:29 AMGirl I will gladly cook you a good ol' Texas steak and baked potato for some advice any day.

I was half kidding but the thought of having a genuine Texas guy do what he does best is kind of too good to pass up. In the UK, you cannot get a good steak unless you cook it yourself. And even then... we don't have the cuts you folks do.

Adrian, anything you want advice on, if I can give it I will. I wish more guys reached out instead of thinking they can do everything alone. That doesn't make you a dude. It makes you dumb. Take it from someone who spent a lot of time being forced to attend dude school. The teachers are crap.

Quote from: Sephirah on April 11, 2025, 08:55:15 AMI was half kidding but the thought of having a genuine Texas guy do what he does best is kind of too good to pass up. In the UK, you cannot get a good steak unless you cook it yourself. And even then... we don't have the cuts you folks do.

Adrian, anything you want advice on, if I can give it I will. I wish more guys reached out instead of thinking they can do everything alone. That doesn't make you a dude. It makes you dumb. Take it from someone who spent a lot of time being forced to attend dude school. The teachers are crap.

Haha yeah. All guys school seem boring, then again all my friends are dudes except for my younger cousin. Any I'm 100% serious abt the steak. I love cooking for people so it's a win win

In that case, sign me up. Yum!

I have this image of you as the Grillmaster. Glaring at people who get within 10 feet of your barbeque.

I'm kinda like that sometimes, but if someone wants to learn then I'll gladly teach the trade. It's the BEST perk about Texas, my dad taught me to grill and now it's what's making me feel like a dude during the beginning of transition!
Still have my exes wrapped around my fingers tho lol

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 11, 2025, 09:27:54 AMI'm kinda like that sometimes, but if someone wants to learn then I'll gladly teach the trade. It's the BEST perk about Texas, my dad taught me to grill and now it's what's making me feel like a dude during the beginning of transition!
Still have my exes wrapped around my fingers tho lol

What else makes you feel that way, Adrian? Other than obviously being a steak samurai.

Quote from: Sephirah on April 11, 2025, 09:34:44 AMWhat else makes you feel that way, Adrian? Other than obviously being a steak samurai.

Thanks for the compliment! But I'm not sure...maybeee rodeos and going out to the shooting range, both very Texan

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 11, 2025, 09:37:55 AMThanks for the compliment! But I'm not sure...maybeee rodeos and going out to the shooting range, both very Texan

Uh huh. Extremely Texan. I meant more what makes you feel like you? Like... when you can just forget about everything else... what makes Adrian tick? What do you like that makes you feel like you? What puts a giant grin on your face?

Quote from: Sephirah on April 11, 2025, 09:40:40 AMUh huh. Extremely Texan. I meant more what makes you feel like you? Like... when you can just forget about everything else... what makes Adrian tick? What do you like that makes you feel like you? What puts a giant grin on your face?

I honestly don't know. I've never really done something just for myself. I've always made my decisions based on my family. Even my college plans are based on what my family wants for me. I'm going to UT for psychology because my parents wanted me to take care of them when they get older and it makes good money.

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 11, 2025, 09:45:48 AMI honestly don't know. I've never really done something just for myself. I've always made my decisions based on my family. Even my college plans are based on what my family wants for me. I'm going to UT for psychology because my parents wanted me to take care of them when they get older and it makes good money.

Is that what you want to do? Like... if your family wasn't a factor, what makes Adrian... Adrian? What makes him happy? I am not saying you have to change anything, hon. I'm just... lol I'm your typical girl trying to get into your head. What makes my guy tick? What would you want to do if you could do anything?

Honestly I'd probably just travel. See everything, do anything, just live like I'm dying (iykyk) and probably just enjoy other places. Other than that I don't really know bc I haven't really done anything so idk what I enjoy

I think a lot of folks around you have put their expectations on you, Adrian. And you feel compelled to fulfil them. To be the dutiful son. You've never really had a chance to find yourself. And... hon, that makes me sad. Part of me thinks you should just be like "Screw everything" And do what you want to do. I don't know how realistic that is for you but I feel like you're bearing a burden you should not have to bear. You are living your life without being given a choice in how to live your life, because you feel like you have to keep those around you happy.

They are not you, Adrian. They are not the kind, funny, smart, switched on guy I've come to know. And I don't think it's fair that you should dedicate your life for people who don't even really know you.

Because you don't really know you. I think you need to find out who you are, Adrian. Before you can do anything else.

*hugs*

I guess you're right. I'm the oldest of my siblings so I feel like I have to be the example, the one they're supposed to look up to. It's become who I am as a person. I've always known I have to meet the expectations of those around me and I can do that well. But finally finding myself a bit has made everything feel off I guess you could say. Like everything everyone expected of me was thrown out the window and it's just me. But I've never gotten a chance to know the real me so I don't know who I am and what I enjoy. I guess this'll be an interesting experience in learning about myself 18 years into everything

I am also the oldest in my family, Adrian. I had two younger brothers. One now, and he hates me more than probably anyone else alive. I know how it feels to be seen to be the one who has to guide others. But you can't do that when you don't even know who you are and what you want. I ran away to sea when I was a little younger than you, just to get away from everything. I was told, in no uncertain terms, to not come back, lol. By my mom.

It will be okay. You're at the point where you get to decide who you want to be. You don't have to be a cut out of who the world wants you to be, okay? I mean the fact that you're here is kind of proof that you're not. You're Adrian. Wry, smart, erudite, determined, open, gentle, and cooks a mean steak. Hold on to that. Find things you want to do and do them, hon. Find what you like, and live like there's no tomorrow.

I am proud of you and I believe in you. Go out there and find who you are and what you want, okay? Don't let anyone guilt you into living their life for them.

Adrian,  I can understand how it feels.  When I gave my self permission to be who I truly am, I had no expectations of my family or friends accepting my decision. I have told noone and my intention at this current moment is not to. Maybe in the future, who knows. But I am no longer living my life for others. I did this for 66 years. I can no longer deny who I am. I tried and I lived up to the expectations of other for many years. I have a transgender daughter and cis daughter. I have not heard from either of these in so many years. I have only a couple siblings that I am in contact with. They live in England.  I feel when I tell them, they will be hurt as I am close with them. But I can't let this stop me anymore.  It's  time for you to live YOUR life. If this is who you are. I wish I had listened to myself over 20 years ago. 😪. But it's  to late to look back. If when I make the decision to let my family know, they either accept me for who I am or they go on with out me, as that is what I will continue  to do. But when it all boils down to it.  It is your life to live.  🤗 You have tremendous support here. I hope you make your way through this tough time with ease and comfort.

Yeah, but I don't even know where to start in terms of finding myself and telling my family
Honestly I probably won't, at least not until I'm out of the house

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 07, 2025, 11:58:20 AMI'm worried about the hate of different people that's basically ingrained in people.

Sometimes we have to step outside our comfort zone, there has been some excellent books written such as "feel the fear and do it anyway". Try to live your life for you, we only get one chance so step out and say I deserve better. Do you have any hobbies? a few friends I have made have been via walking groups, then when my partner passed away I joined a widows group, my father once said the world will not come to you, you have to go to it. No decision is the wrong decision, it is the right one at that moment in time.

@kat2 You're right. I'll make sure that I live life for me and not my surroundings. Y'all are the best! Who knew I'd find the people who understood me in some maternal figures across the world

Quote from: Adrian26 on April 11, 2025, 11:26:02 AMYeah, but I don't even know where to start in terms of finding myself and telling my family
Honestly I probably won't, at least not until I'm out of the house

Adrian, many of us have these thoughts as well. You are not alone. Yes some of us have the advantage of being older and not under our parents guidance, but coming out to family is a decision that can be very tough. As stated by many here, but at the same time only you can decide when you are ready. And when you do decide to tell them, it is their choice to accept you. If they can't accept your choices, then it's time to just move forward.  You are responsible for your life and happiness. You need to know you are supported by many here.  🤗

Thanks! I guess we'll see how it goes when I do tell them

Hi Adrian!

I use the phrase "All Shall Be Well" around here a good bit because it is true.. We all carry the perspectives our lives have brought us to from our lives thus far... my perspective as someone who has circled the sun more than a few times is this...🌻

When I was your age I worried a lot about all manner of things... it is the very nature of things as you move from childhood into more adult ways of looking at the world... taking the steering wheel of your life away from your parents and placing it in your own hands where it was always destined to be... So many unknowns in the road ahead but don't let them worry you... you will find your way to the life you need and you will grow stronger, and better, and wiser with every challenge you face and navigate... learn to love the gifts of these challenges...🌻

@Lori and I both love to quote Richard Bach from his book Illusions...

"Every Problem in your life carries a gift inside it" 🌻

You aren't supposed to have life figured out yet... perhaps we are never supposed to and that is okay...

You will tell them when you are ready... their reaction to the truth of things that you reveal is up to them... often, it takes awhile for others to remake long held images of who we are but, with time, they can come around... The truth is that more of their child's true essence will be theirs to love and enjoy whether they see that immediately ... in a month or years down the line... Be gentle with them and be gentle with yourself...🌻

All Shall Be Well...

Onward We Go!

Ashley 💕