I cannot imagine my life "going back" to normal as it never really felt normal, but I'm a much younger person. I began my transition as a 23 year old. I will be 26 in a few weeks.

My past as a pre-transitioned person was basically just a lot of depression, anxiety and pain. I just dealt with severe depression and constantly felt like my body didn't belong to me. I had moments where I questioned my gender and others in which I convinced myself I had to be a cisgender girl.

I began my transition with social transition with changes in clothes, hair style and eventually I began to use a different name. Then I bought my first binder, then another... And packers for the days in which I felt more dysphoric.

Life slowly began to feel more normal. I could feel my body as my own, as if I were inside of it and controlling it. It felt like I could finally breathe. My anger is more intense, but short lived. My mind is no longer stuck with ruminations. My depression and anxiety are under control both with psychiatric meds and HRT with testosterone.

I didn't manage to get top surgery and bottom surgery yet, but I plan to do so in the future when I can afford it. My life was never really put on hold for the transition. It just kept happening while I started to actually live.

I can't really imagine what it will be like for me to fully transition or if that day will ever arrive. I'm always aware of being transgender despite passing all the time and having all my documents changed. Nobody knows I'm trans unless I tell them.

Still, I feel like my body isn't fully my own yet. I have no regrets over transitioning. Sometimes I feel the regret of not starting sooner, but this is something I know I will have to always live with and I'm much happier now.

Quote from: darksou on April 16, 2025, 04:13:18 PMI can't really imagine what it will be like for me to fully transition or if that day will ever arrive.

One way of looking at this is  transition happens in your head and your body follows. Get the deal done in your mind and everything else is like tidying up after a party you're never going to have to attend again.

Quote from: TanyaG on April 17, 2025, 02:25:55 AMOne way of looking at this is  transition happens in your head and your body follows. Get the deal done in your mind and everything else is like tidying up after a party you're never going to have to attend again.

Goodness!  At the risk of harshness, its not meant that way.  Quit worrying so much.  You have to be comfortable with you.  Get it right in your head and just be, don't over think it.  Wear what you want, act how you want.  Do away with the drama.  Practice what you think you need to, yet you need to live your life or it will pass you by and you will have been caught up in the insecurities too long to see the starlight and smell the sweet fragrances of the rose. 

Normal is what you make of it.  People are people, you will grow into yourself and accept the new normal as soon as you fully accept what and who you are. 
Normal is every day. 
You are in Normal right now. 
Who says it's not Normal.

Are you defining you as abnormal?  Well, stop it already!

Quote from: TanyaG on April 17, 2025, 02:25:55 AMOne way of looking at this is  transition happens in your head and your body follows. Get the deal done in your mind and everything else is like tidying up after a party you're never going to have to attend again.

I tend to agree somewhat on this. For many years it was just a mere passing thought in my mind, actually I wouldn't even say it was a thought but a few actions of dressing and liking that place.
Once I actually  made my decision in my mind and envisioned what I wanted, it became  real to me. I can't even remember what actually was my deciding factor. I just knew this was what I wanted more than ever. That's when I knew I had to move on my way forward now.

If by normal you mean how it was before, then no. After figuring out who you are and that you're not in the right body you can't just go back to being the person you were. Sure you can ignore it and pretend that everything's normal, but you'll know. I say take the leap. You'll find a new normal or maybe you're life will turn into one journey after the next, but it'll be you living your life.