Hello, All.

As I mentioned in my recent Introduction post, I'm very new to being transgender (~3 months aware) despite being 61 years old. So I'm still very much discovering who I am, what I feel, and (eventually) what I want.

I've never been a particularly social person; I'm very much an introvert - even a hermit - as is my wife. Outward appearances haven't ever been of much concern to me, so they're not likely to become one even as I shift my gender more toward feminine.

What does matter to me is how I *feel*, and I find that that is mostly a function of my still-changing relationship with myself. My expressed gender is very fluid during the day - often dependent upon what I'm doing and how able I am to relax while doing it - to the point where my wife says it's like living with 3 different people: the male, the female, and the in-between. Fortunately, she's very understanding and supportive. Also, I seem to be moving pretty rapidly toward being more female more often.

I've taken some small steps toward changing my outward presentation: shaving cleanly every day, including my sideburns; wearing a silver necklace with a goddess pendant (I love it); in the evenings wearing silky shirts of my wife's that are large enough to fit me (very comfortable). Last night I trimmed the hair under my arms down to 3mm and shaved (electric) the hair (all seven of them) from my chest. I won't lie; these things feel good and do enhance my sense of myself as female. I'll start laser hair removal next month and am very excited about it.

But I don't see myself ever going deep into women's fashion, makeup, hair, nails, and the rest. I've always been attracted to tomboys and more "natural-looking" women, and that's the way I'd prefer to be, too. That said, my wife has always said that I'm more feminine than she is, and she's right.

How much have you found that changes to your outward appearance significantly affected how you felt internally about yourself and your gender? I fully understand that everybody assigns a different importance to their appearance, so it probably hinges a lot on where you are with that.

Thank you for being here.

Pema

Hi, Pema.

As you stated, everyone will be different on this.

As a fellow introverted hermit, I dress more for comfort and function than gender expression. However, on the occasions when I do the hair, makeup, jewelry thing, it makes me feel great. My profile pic was one of those days. I just stared at the mirror because I finally recognized HER, after so many years of not knowing who the face in the mirror was. That made me feel so good, I snapped the pic.

But when I am not looking in the mirror, I don't see how I look, so I can imagine anything. That is both good and bad. I can imagine I look like a trollish lumberjack, or I can imagine that I look like a hot woman. Since the choice is mine, I prefer to imagine the latter. To help that along, the things I can see become important, like nail polish, rings, and bracelets. Those catch my attention and help with affirmation.

Eventually, I got to the point that I still catch a glimpse of her in the mirror, even though she needs a shave. Another thing that really helped with how I feel was when I started on estrogen. That made me feel so good, but it's not something specific. Just in general, I felt great. Is that a placebo effect? Maybe. But I believe that my brain realized it was finally getting what it had craved for 60 years. It said, "YES! The good stuff." 

Hello Pema!

There are certainly no rules on how or "how much" to express the person within.... we are all unique and walk our paths in our own way... what feels comfortable is a great way to start and it sounds like you are taking many courageous steps in that direction... Many of us go a bit overboard at first, kind of making up for lost time and opportunities to enjoy the clothing styles we always wanted to make our own and, after we get that out of our system, we scale back to what suits us most and what makes us feel, like us!  I can tell you that when we begin to glimpse our true self in the mirror... it is a powerful and beautiful thing indeed🌻

I don't know if you are thinking about moving towards HRT?... It is certainly not needed to find what you need in all of this but, if you do go that route, you may find it changes how you feel both inside and what level of outer expression you may want to seek...🌻

If you did wish to try a more outwardly female wardrobe out in the world... a local LGBT organization may have meetups or suggestions about events or places to do so in a more controlled and safe environment of some kind.. and happily it sounds like you could also experiment at home a bit at home with that and seek out your  balance point of expression...🌻

Don't stress too much about any of this sister!... Embrace the opportunities that are now yours to explore!... You are on an amazing journey and you will find your way! Enjoy It All 🌻

Onward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

Quote from: flowers_and_trees on April 27, 2025, 04:26:51 PMBut I don't see myself ever going deep into women's fashion, makeup, hair, nails, and the rest.

Same here.  I'm not into fashion per se.  I do like to wear women's clothes, especially ones that are colourful and have a bit of swish to them.  I found the range of non-colour and non-style in men's clothes depressing.  But I couldn't care less if the nice clothes that I wear now are the latest style or are 20 years out of date.  (That is what I think of in connection to the word "fashion.)  In fact, part of my style in clothes comes from channeling my mother, who was born 100 years ago.

Makeup...  I did learn how to use it, and did so for several years.  It was necessary before I had completed facial hair removal, to cover up beard shadow.  But between the electrolysis and the remnants of my beard turning white, there isn't that need any more.  I stopped using makeup during covid, when wearing a mask was mandatory.  Not much point in making up one's face if no one can see it, and the mask made a mess of it anyway.  Since those days, I just never started using it again.  I think the natural look is more in keeping with my 70 year old face anyway.

Hair...  I always wear a wig or a hat in public.  So hair management is pretty simple.  Not something I find interesting.

Nails... I trim them when they get long.  I do have some nail polish and I might use it on special occasions.  For example, for Pride parades, I might paint my nails to match the five coloured stripes of the Trans Pride flag.

I am much more interested in how I feel than in how I look.  People see me as female and interact with me that way.  That's what is important to me.

Quote from: tgirlamg on April 27, 2025, 04:55:50 PMOnward Brave Sister!

For whatever reason, I'm in poetry mode. So a public domain poem that reflects, in my opinion, where flowers and trees, me, and perhaps a few others are in their journey, offered in appreciation of one of the bravest and most beautiful sisters of all the sisters I've me in this space: Ashley.
Emily Dickinson: This is my letter to the World
that never wrote to Me--
The simple News that that Nature told--
With tender Majesty

Her Message is committed
To Hands I cannot see--
For love or Her--Sweet--countrymen--
Judge tenderly--of Me

When I 'came out' a little more than two years ago, this is the poem I included with a photograph of me wearing an ill-fitting and utterly out of style dress. In other words, I relied on Emily to convey the essence of the message I was attempting to convey. Dear flowers and trees, your wife reminds me of a, perhaps allegorical, friend TanyaG calls 'Ginny.' Your wife and Ginny are cut from the same cloth. Lucky you. 

Quote from: flowers_and_trees on April 27, 2025, 04:26:51 PMHow much have you found that changes to your outward appearance significantly affected how you felt internally about yourself and your gender?

Great question. Outward appearance can enhance and help confirm how one feels, but the fire that burns inside me will always be there regardless. It's there whether I have make-up and a dress or jeans and a t-shirt. Dresses do make me more happy but the core feeling has always and will always be there. 

Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on April 27, 2025, 07:40:51 PMFor whatever reason, I'm in poetry mode. So a public domain poem that reflects, in my opinion, where flowers and trees, me, and perhaps a few others are in their journey, offered in appreciation of one of the bravest and most beautiful sisters of all the sisters I've me in this space: Ashley.
Emily Dickinson: This is my letter to the World
that never wrote to Me--
The simple News that that Nature told--
With tender Majesty

Her Message is committed
To Hands I cannot see--
For love or Her--Sweet--countrymen--
Judge tenderly--of Me

When I 'came out' a little more than two years ago, this is the poem I included with a photograph of me wearing an ill-fitting and utterly out of style dress. In other words, I relied on Emily to convey the essence of the message I was attempting to convey. Dear flowers and trees, your wife reminds me of a, perhaps allegorical, friend TanyaG calls 'Ginny.' Your wife and Ginny are cut from the same cloth. Lucky you. 

Annika!

Thank You so much for, The Sweet Words... The Beautiful Poetry... and The Beautiful Spirit Within You That Offers Such Things! Truly Appreciated! 💕🙏🤗🌻💕

Onward!

A 💕

Thank you all for sharing your experiences.

@Lori Dee, I have begun to have those "recognizing HER" in the mirror moments. I hope to have more of them more frequently. And yes, changes to my appearance do facilitate them.

Ashley, I shared this thread with my wife, and she said she's seen that "when we begin to glimpse our true self in the mirror... it is a powerful and beautiful thing indeed" times when I've tried on her clothes and seen myself in them. I honestly don't know yet whether HRT is in my future; it's all so new to me.

Quote from: KathyLauren on April 27, 2025, 07:34:53 PMI am much more interested in how I feel than in how I look.  People see me as female and interact with me that way.  That's what is important to me.

I've rarely put much of my satisfaction on how other people see me, but I have to admit... I'd like to have this, too. Right now, it feels very distant, and that's OK; I'm not in a hurry.

Annika, I'm always up for an Emily Dickinson poem. Now I need to learn more about Ginny.

Thanks again, everyone,
Pema

I've done so much experimenting with my presentation since I realized I was transgender. I have piercings in both my ears, my nose pierced, and my navel pierced. I've been growing my hair out, and my toenails are always painted.  I've found that when I started changing my expression to a more feminine expression made me feel very good. There's something magical about having your legs freshly waxed, and putting lotion on them.   

There's days I do my makeup, and I do it perfectly, and I feel like I could take on the world. 

Quote from: Alana1990 on April 28, 2025, 12:20:24 AMI've done so much experimenting with my presentation since I realized I was transgender. I have piercings in both my ears, my nose pierced, and my navel pierced. I've been growing my hair out, and my toenails are always painted.  I've found that when I started changing my expression to a more feminine expression made me feel very good. There's something magical about having your legs freshly waxed, and putting lotion on them.   

There's days I do my makeup, and I do it perfectly, and I feel like I could take on the world. 

Enjoy your expression! 


Chrissy

@flowers_and_trees
Dear Pema:
As I do with all of our Forum members I have really been enjoying reading your sharing
of thoughts regarding your transition journey.

One of the best things that is available here on the Forum are the various member blogs
that describe the individual transition journeys of our members.

While it is a fact that each of us have our own personal and unique experiences, there
are many things that we can learn from each other ... so it is well worth your time and
effort to search out and read about what other members have shared on their blog threads
and and all around the various threads and topics on the Forum.

You easily find my own blog threads shown at the bottom of any of my postings.

I trust that you will find success and happiness as you continue on.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
The Forum Admin