Quote from: Annaliese on May 05, 2025, 12:05:24 PMWell like I said I had a very busy week, both emotionally and physically.

You certainly have, Annaliese! And still looking good. Greatly enjoy sharing your journey with you. I'm sure you and your therapist will hit it off at first sight. I fully understand; I would not be able to share with a male therapist with the same degree of intimacy I share with my female therapist.

Quote from: Annaliese on May 05, 2025, 12:05:24 PMHere we are the the 5th of May Cinco De Mayo. For me this is a celebration of mini wins for the past week. I started the week very anxious and in a funk. I was constantly looking too deep into my thoughts. I know I wanted to handle this journey by myself. I really thought I could handle it. The more I kept thinking how I would get through this the more lost I became. I would research, read, listen, and overthink. This was giving me migraines. I realized I could not do this alone.

On Monday,  I started a search for therapist in my area that I could reach out to. I had to ensure that I could find one that my insurance would cover. I was surprised that I was striking out everywhere I was looking
This was really bothering me as this area is not a small are. It is a major city in most aspects. I found several that would provide online therapy  and were lbgqt friendly but no in-person. Or the few I found only took out of service insurance. I was striking out.

Finally on Thursday I finally found a place, I was relieved. I was set up with an appointment with a male therapist.  I honestly did not feel comfortable with this and requested a female therapist.  I don't know why but I can't discuss these feelings with another man. I have my first appointment on Wednesday 7 May. I can't wait to be honest.

So I am so relieved that I can now finally talk to someone about this with. That is huge for me. Maybe I will sleep better now.

I also attended my first support group last Wednesday. It was an online zoom group. I really enjoyed it. I felt so at ease and comfortable.  I thought I would feel out of place, but I didn't.  I look forward to next months meeting.  Perhaps after a few zoom meetings I will attend the in-person meetings.

On Wednesday I also had my blood work done for my hrt levels. This part was also a bit good. My levels did progress some in a positive way.
My testerone went from 470 to 290.
My Estradiol went from 27 to 63.1
I meet with my provider on 23 to discuss results. I can't wait.

Had my first Motaf AY laser removal on Friday for my legs. Now all my body hair has finally completed step 1of laser hair removal 😊 go back in 6 and 8 week intervals to maintain and finish.

I also lost 4.1 pounds since my last blog. But I am afraid it was muscle weight.  I need to work on that. I am now down to 171.5
And today I got the courage to post my picture on my profile here, thanks to the beautiful Lilis. She was my main reason I posted it. I drew from her strength.

Well like I said I had a very busy week, both emotionally and physically.

Well that is all for my weekly blog.

Tremendous progress, Annaliese! Congratulations on reaching out to a therapist and booking your first session.

- Lilis 💗

Annaliese!!!

Congrats on the wonderful progress and I Love your beautiful new avatar!... Keep doing what your doing sister!!!

Onward!

A💕

Just got back from a visit with my therapist.  This one hour was the best hour of the last two months.  😊 It was such a relief to talk to someone.

Quote from: Annaliese on May 07, 2025, 03:36:51 PMJust got back from a visit with my therapist.  This one hour was the best hour of the last two months.  😊 It was such a relief to talk to someone.

Annaliese!

That's Wonderful Sister... Putting all the stuff out there that has burdened us for a lifetime is a powerful and liberating thing indeed! 🤗 Well Done Girl!!!

Onward!

Ashley 💕

You are gorgeous, Anna. Honestly all you girls are. Kinda jealous, honestly. And you're taking lots of very big steps.

Not least of which is the realisation that not only are we not built for... but we don't have to do this stuff alone. There is no shame in reaching out. That's a lifetime of dude conditioning. And one of the first things that it's kind of helpful to get past. We are stronger together, always. No matter who you are.

If you're ever in a place with no one immediately around, shoot me a PM okay? If there's stuff you just want to get out. I can't promise I'll reply in a timely fashion because I have to kind of store up energy to come here and... well.. function. But I can promise that I'll get back to you eventually. But sometimes it just helps to have a sounding board. And to just know that you aren't, and don't have to be alone with any of this. <3

Another week and I feel like I am going with the following seas with smoother waves but some difficult waves here and there. Nothing so far that is hindering my journey.

It was a busy week as I previously mentioned it would be. But busy is always good for me. I started a new exercise program. This led me to take a break for 4 days from my routine. I ordered a treadmill.  Since Sunday, yesterday I have been walking on it for 30 minutes every morning  averaging 3000 steps. I really like this so much better. I will continue this I believe daily.

Only lost 1.3 ponds this week but I think that is good as I did take 3 days off with no exercising. Still maintaining my healthy eating. 😊 I did enjoy the treadmill. I stopped bike riding also, the damn temperatures were in the 80's.

I believe the highlight of my week was meeting my therapist.  This was a huge deal. I know we chat sort of on here, but to be able to talk to someone in person and have that 2 way feedback was so very much needed. She was so easy to talk to. I was amazed at how I just kept talking and felt so at ease even though I never discussed these feelings or thoughts to a soul before. I was shocked that I was telling these deepest feelings and thoughts. I can't wait till we meet again. Anyways I'm so glad I joined here or I don't think I would have even gotten this far.

One other thing happened,  so I had my labs done and I got a message from my provider after she read the results and asked if I would like to move my appointment from the 23rd May to the 11 May. Of course I jumped at the chance to have an earlier appointment.  This week was just getting better. So yesterday we met via zoom and we discussed a lot of things and after we talked for a while we determined it was time to increse my Estradiol and add a anti-androgen. She recommended a choice of spironolactone or finasteride.  I wasn't sure so she said she was going to start me on Finasteride to start with and double my Estradiol to 2x .1mg/ twice weekly patches from 1. Not sure about the Finasteride but I'll take the doubling of the E. I will see how the Finasteride goes.

So yes another good week. Mentally it has been ok.I just fee so much better since I have made these healthy choices and found myself.

Until my next blog.  Thank you everyone here for your continued support. 🫂 🤗 Annaliese.

Anna, where in the world do you live? I don't mean specifically. I mean... hmm... where I live it's very open countryside. Lots of green and nature and whatnot. The reason I ask is because... I lost 90lbs just walking in that environment. I used to walk like 40 miles a week back when I could, just because it was a nice place to walk. Seeing nature and whatnot. Walking is insanely good for losing weight and building metabolism. So you're doing the right thing with the treadmill but, honey... you can't beat walking in nature. Feeling the wind in your face and hair. Is it at all possible that you live in a place you can do this? If so... I promise you that you will feel much better for it. <3

Quote from: Sephirah on May 12, 2025, 06:03:09 PMAnna, where in the world do you live? I don't mean specifically. I mean... hmm... where I live it's very open countryside. Lots of green and nature and whatnot. The reason I ask is because... I lost 90lbs just walking in that environment. I used to walk like 40 miles a week back when I could, just because it was a nice place to walk. Seeing nature and whatnot. Walking is insanely good for losing weight and building metabolism. So you're doing the right thing with the treadmill but, honey... you can't beat walking in nature. Feeling the wind in your face and hair. Is it at all possible that you live in a place you can do this? If so... I promise you that you will feel much better for it. <3

I live in a neighborhood where I could walk about, but I get sunburn easy. I also have to stay out of the sun due to the hair removal treatment  I am going through. I really don't want to were clothes covering arms and legs in this heat. Also I can use my treadmill when I wake up.

Quote from: Annaliese on May 12, 2025, 06:06:49 PMI live in a neighborhood where I could walk about, but I get sunburn easy. I also have to stay out of the sun due to the hair removal treatment  I am going through. I really don't want to were clothes covering arms and legs in this heat. Also I can use my treadmill when I wake up.

Girl, you're talking to the OG Susan's Vampire. I can get sunburned when there isn't even any sun. I am not even kidding.

Get some heavy duty sun block and try it a couple of times okay? Just out in nature for a while with the wind in your hair and a smile on your face. You might find you like it.

For reference, this is where I live... roughly:

Quote from: Sephirah on May 12, 2025, 06:09:37 PMGirl, you're talking to the OG Susan's Vampire. I can get sunburned when there isn't even any sun. I am not even kidding.

Get some heavy duty sun block and try it a couple of times okay? Just out in nature for a while with the wind in your hair and a smile on your face. You might find you like it.

For reference, this is where I live... roughly:

nice, my neighborhood is more city.

Quote from: Annaliese on May 12, 2025, 06:10:38 PMnice, my neighborhood is more city.

I get it, Anna. Do what makes you happy, okay? I am like the polar opposite of a city gal. Cities make me massively claustrophobic... and this is coming from someone who spend a good chunk of time in a metal tube under the oceans, lol. I don't know what it is.

If you can find a space with nature though, Anna, that you can appreciate... try to use that, and appreciate it. It will give you more impetus than walking in place, sweetie. But anything you can do to keep you active is awesome! Go you!! <3

Quote from: Annaliese on May 12, 2025, 05:54:24 PMSo yes another good week. Mentally it has been ok.I just fee so much better since I have made these healthy choices and found myself.

I love hearing this, Annaliese. That the therapist has worked out so well, the medical aspects are progressing well, exercise... I feel better just from reading about your experiences. Thank you for sharing them with us.

Quote from: Pema on May 12, 2025, 06:39:12 PMI love hearing this, Annaliese. That the therapist has worked out so well, the medical aspects are progressing well, exercise... I feel better just from reading about your experiences. Thank you for sharing them with us.

Pema, I am exited for you and like that you have come so far as well. I enjoy also reading your post. I feel that we all give each other some sort of hope in that we are all walking the same path of sorts. We learn through each other as we take these journeys.

I find myself at times overwhelmed by the thought that spin in my head that the fog is so thick it gets so heavy. I will flip through the many pages on this site and find that this often clears alot of my mind as many have had some of the same thoughts and emotions I have. For this I find so much relief and know that this long journey is indeed going to be exhausting but worth every mile.

This has been a really good week.  I did have another wonderful visit with my therapist.  I again do love visiting with her, maybe this is because all week I have no one but me and my noggin to talk to. I think having someone who is sensitive to my thought is indeed a blessing.  Maybe it's just her job, I don't know but it is my highlight of my week. I always feel good when I leave.

I have been enjoying my treadmill. I will say this is definitely helped me alot. I didn't realy enjoy the bike riding that much, but the Treadmill I am really having fun with, I use it for 30 minutes a day.  I barely notice the time pass as I can watch t.v
at the same time. I average 2.1 miles the first week. But am aiming for 3.0 now. I am definitely loving this.

I started to learn how to crochet,  damn I figured this was going to be easy. Yeah I was so wrong. I spent 3 long frustrating hours yesterday and got no where.  I just can't believe how I can't wrap my brain around this. 😩  I have so much respect for my mom who could do this. I WILL get this down, by HOOK 🪝 or crook. I am looking for some self care project that I can use besides t.v.

At last the weather is finally warming up. I usually am out working on my Jeeps and yard, but for some reason, I seem to be loosing interst in these things. I don't participate in my Jeep club that I founded anymore. I seem to be more laid back than ever. I have reevaluate my recreational activities.

I do find myself doing more clothes shopping as I have alot of jeans and t-shirts. I am starting to wear shorts now the weather is getting hotter here in southeast Virginia.  I have a hard time finding my style yet, but I am liking pastel colors. I am trying to find my style.

I did venture out to our lbgqt life center this past week  for an event. I was so glad I went. I met some amazing people  there. It was a workhop to help transgender people survive. It was an all day event. A lot of great info, good food and great company.

Well that's my week in a hopefully not too long nutshell.

I hope everyone has a very happy week 😊 💗 Until my next blog. Hugs 🫂 🤗 Annaliese.

Annalise!!!

Sounds like a fine week indeed! Isn't it an amazing feeling as life begins to open up and blossom in new ways as we start to see all the new possibilities that are now ours to enjoy? 🌸🤗🌸 I smiled when you mentioned the Jeep club... I think we can often discoverer that some, or many, of our previous activities were more about self distraction to some degree and they kind of fade away as new activities begin to fill our new life! Keep doing what you are doing sister... The world is yours! 🌻

Onward!

Ashley💕

Quote from: tgirlamg on May 20, 2025, 09:15:37 AMAnnalise!!!

Sounds like a fine week indeed! Isn't it an amazing feeling as life begins to open up and blossom in new ways as we start to see all the new possibilities that are now ours to enjoy? 🌸🤗🌸 I smiled when you mentioned the Jeep club... I think we can often discoverer that some, or many, of our previous activities were more about self distraction to some degree and they kind of fade away as new activities begin to fill our new life! Keep doing what you are doing sister... The world is yours! 🌻

Onward!

Ashley💕

Thank you Ashley,  yes I see that, I was so enthralled with that club, it was my everything.  I now know it was the one thing like the Navy that I was holding onto. I am finding new and more interesting things that I am findind interest in. I even found myself changing my ring tones and screen savers to more feminine styles from what they were. It's so refreshing.

Quote from: Annaliese on May 20, 2025, 09:22:30 AMThank you Ashley,  yes I see that, I was so enthralled with that club, it was my everything.  I now know it was the one thing like the Navy that I was holding onto. I am finding new and more interesting things that I am findind interest in. I even found myself changing my ring tones and screen savers to more feminine styles from what they were. It's so refreshing.

Early in transition I redecorated my place way...way...Wayyyy femme! It was nice to come home from work to that to affirm my new direction in life!... A trans friend came over and said "OMG.. I looks like Hollie Hobby and Strawberry Shortcake came over and threw up all over your place!" 😅

Enjoy every step girl!

Onward!

A💕

The new pastels I have been exploring

Loving the Bambi top! 💕😀👍

Quote from: Annaliese on May 20, 2025, 08:42:46 AMPema, I am exited for you and like that you have come so far as well. I enjoy also reading your post. I feel that we all give each other some sort of hope in that we are all walking the same path of sorts. We learn through each other as we take these journeys.

Annaliese, I'm humbled. Sometimes it's hard for me to imagine how anyone witnessing my often-graceless course could see it as anything more than an example of how not to go about things. When I read others' posts, including yours, I understand that we're all human, and this is not an easy or well-traveled path, and I feel that hope and that camaraderie.

I'm ecstatic that you're continuing to discover ways of being more genuinely yourself and identifying what no longer serves you. Rebuilding your life in small ways will absolutely move you toward a place of greater confidence and authenticity that I think will result in more of that fog clearing.

Thank you so much for sharing your progress here. I'm eager to hear about your next steps.

Pema