Quote from: Mrs. Oliphant on June 14, 2025, 01:50:03 PMEven at home I carry a suitcase full of other truths. I rarely crossdress in front of my daughter and never crossdress in front of her partner. They've been together nearly five years but there is still a bit of frailty to the relationship: she voted for Kamala and he didn't. He is a good man (stereotypes aside) and my daughter loves him very much. He is aware of my gender variance but I am determined not to rock the boat.
There are times I read things here and think of when I was working in medicine. I would sometimes meet people socially whom I knew things about because I'd treated them and sometimes those things packed enough power to destroy their relationships, had they not lived behind the wall of confidentiality. But, like every doctor does, I became used to knowing things I could never tell and editing my responses in the light of that. It altered how I saw what people here sometimes refer to as 'the truth'.
Very few people, whatever they may say to the contrary actually live in a world of full disclosure. For one thing, it isn't necessary for everyone to know everything about you, and for another, it isn't necessarily wise that they should. So there'll be things your daughter's partner doesn't do in front of you and things you don't know about them and so it goes for everyone else in your life (and in mine and everyone's.)
I've a long memory, I'll carry 'truths' I know about others until the day I die, I'll carry some about me as well. If I've learned a lesson it's not to overvalue full disclosure, because there's a time and a place for it and the time and place varies for each truth. If it's a confidential truth, that time is never, if it's one about gender identity and sexuality, say, that time is sometimes, and if it's 'do I like triple chocolate brownines?' that time is always.
If you're beating yourself up about not doing full disclosure with everyone, resist punishing yourself for not being authentic and remind yourself there's a time and a place. Meanwhile, authenticity lies within your own head and never forget you have the power to grant it to yourself, based on your own standard, because criteria which fit for others won't necessarily fit for you. You've got this pretty sorted, darling.
