Hello all, nice to meet you  I haven't exactly started transitioning MTF yet. I just turned 37 and im very interested in undergoing the process and making progress sort of speak. I dont care that i know some people who are against LGBT people, that doesnt matter, they arent living my life or walking in my shoes or know or understand what im going through and dealing with on a daily basis. Im going to try talking to a therapist and had an appointment scheduled but it fell through and got canceled because i didnt fill out the online form in time so have to reschedule. This is to confirm whether i really am transgender and i think i am ever since i was born.



I was on these boards like 2 years ago on a different account but i forgot my username and password.

Hi Lunaria, welcome to Susan's Place!

I'm going to leave you with a copy of our welcome pamphlet. It'll get you off to a good start on the site! See you around the boards!

Hugs, Devlyn

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Hi!


      Welcome Lunaria!



Chrissy

Thank you everyone i appreciate it especially you Devlyn, im happy to be back here. Im a little envious by how you all look too, so beautiful and passing. One thing that worries me is being able to pass or not. If you saw a picture of me now even crossdressed you'd understand what i mean. HRT should feminize me to the point where i could pass probably, ive had men say i am beautiful just by crossdressing and wearing makeup. I loved getting complimented like that.

I was always under the assumption i was a femboy, not trans, which is different, but femboy's are usually naturally feminine which some of my features are but not all of them. Either way i think im trans and just need a therapist to confirm what i already know because ive been like this my whole life, family even suspected it but i never had enough courage to tell them. After i see the therapist, i want to get on HRT.

By the way i noticed some of my post got deleted and my other thread got deleted? Am i not allowed to ask specifically about that? I didnt mean to break the rules, i just didnt know. Im sorry. Ill make sure to read the rules. Im certain i used to know them but i forgot.

Oh and Chrissy your avatar was the exact same one i used for my other account if i remember correctly.

I edited your posts, there's an explanatory message in your inbox. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Hi Lunaria,

Welcome!

The most useful skill to passing for many of us is learning to speak in a feminine voice.
This may not require surgery as some women have deep raspy voices like the actress Awkwafina.
But it may require lots of frequent practice to change your voice.
I had lots of speech therapy to modulate my sentences.  As I started with a high pitched voice to begin with, it is now distinctly feminine.

Marion

For many of us, the word passing has no meaning.

If I identify as a woman, my avatar picture may or may not be perceived as passing.

But if I'm identifying as a man, I think my avatar picture is a complete passing failure. That's exactly how it goes some days. This dude goes around looking like that picture.

Hugs, Devlyn

Ill check my inbox. I agree Devlyn, im an active member on some other trans sites and basically they talk about being passable all the time. Its surprising that some of them even say hurtful words to each other but i decided to give this place a try again because im really serious about transitioning now. I think its hard with many doctors though.

For many some don't even realize or know you're trans unless you tell them, im sure.

If you're comfortable with your body, then it doesn't matter whether people think your passable or not.

@Lunaria
Dear Lunaria:
Welcome back... I am very glad to see that you have successfully registered as a member
again here on Susan's Place and the Forum. 
On your first Introduction posting (below)  you had mentioned that you were on these boards
like 2 years ago on a different account but that you had forgotten your username and password.

If you feel so inclined, please contact me via my Direct Email address at  alaskandanielle@yahoo.com and
tell me what might have been your username 2 years ago ... and also the Email address that you were using
at the time. 
DO NOT post your Email address or any contact information here on this or any other Forum thread.
 
With that information I might be able to find your old account and any postings that you had submitted.

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Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
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Quote from: Lunaria on Yesterday at 05:34:57 AM
Hello all, nice to meet you  I haven't exactly started transitioning MTF yet. I just turned 37 and im very interested in undergoing the process and making progress sort of speak. I dont care that i know some people who are against LGBT people, that doesnt matter, they arent living my life or walking in my shoes or know or understand what im going through and dealing with on a daily basis. Im going to try talking to a therapist and had an appointment scheduled but it fell through and got canceled because i didnt fill out the online form in time so have to reschedule. This is to confirm whether i really am transgender and i think i am ever since i was born.

I was on these boards like 2 years ago on a different account but i forgot my username and password.

I played golf two years ago at Highland Links near Provincetown on Cape Cod.
I doubt anyone in Provincetown cares about your gender.

Welcome back, Lunaria! I've only been here a few months and look forward to getting to know you.

I look forward to it too Dances, i cant wait to make lots of friends here who are similar to me and not feel so lonely. And ok Northern Star Girl thank you, it feels great to be back. i will definitely email you with that bit of information, however my previous email used for my other account got deleted because someone hacked my email at the time so they deleted it. It might not be able to get recovered in this case or my old account is just straight up gone and disappeared. Ill tell you my username though as i think i remember it now.

@Maid Marion: Honestly most people dont think about gender very much because it doesnt concern and affect them, only in situations and experience like ours. Also when it comes to sexual orientation or preference and who you want to date and be in a relationship with but too many toxic people out there want to hurt us and make us believe and feel like we're less than human or that we're bad shameful people for being different and wont leave us alone and let us live our lives the way we want in peace and let us be who we are and they are overly judgmental. We're not harming anyone, what we feel isnt wrong or unrealistic, its actually natural but the idea confuses many people and they are ignorant about trans. We dont have trans therapists and experts for no reason and my therapist happens to be trans herself so she will understand how i feel. Society is dominated by patriarchy also, so its frowned upon when what they see as a man acting and behaving womanly and being feminine.

Its not meaningless to be trans though, but i feel lost, worried, and confused on what i should do. There's this girl im talking to that i have feelings for and a romantic interest for a relationship so she can be my significant other and future wife but she views me as a man. I really dont know what to do or how she'd react if i told her i was transgender. Should i not transition in fear of not being together with her anymore? If i start taking HRT there's no turning back, its irreversible. So its kind of a problem im having, i do want to start getting serious with her.

Sorry idk if this is the right thread to ask, but it is just bothering me and i'm embarrassed to tell her.

What you shouldn't do is to dress androgynously all the time, in that uncanny valley between male and female. While this can be very sexy, eliciting strong emotions in people, this is dangerous territory to be in all the time.  Instead, I suggest dressing either male or female, so folks won't give you a second glance.  If you want to attract attention you may do that, but aware that attracting attention may be dangerous.  There may be times and places where you can do that safely.

You may consider relocating to a safer place to live. Cities tend to be more accepting of us.  You may not have to travel far.
It is hard to transition in place, where people may remember you before.  You may want to relocate for that reason.  To get a new start in a new place.

 It is likely that I'm one of the most well known private citizens in the town I live.  I grow an amazing flower garden that people visit when they walk around the neighborhood.  I've moved my most  fragrant roses to a row just off the sidewalk.  They also see it on their commute to work.  I got a thank you note from a commuter!

Ill try to take your suggestions and advice, thank you. Some people act like we dont belong or fit in with society, its crazy. I hope i never get hurt again, i wish we would just all get along as human beings but some people thrive on hurting and hating others even to the point of committing crimes against us and oppose us so much.

I crossdress and have attracted both unwanted and wanted attention, some guy said i identify as something i dont have i quote. Its insane. But while another guy said i was very beautiful. Of course i was wearing makeup too but all this doesnt define us or who we are and our sense of self, its merely trying to look more feminine. Women didnt always have makeup and some dont even put it on.

I dress male most of the time right now, not a cross between male and female and if i crossdress its all female dressing, no mixing the two. I still have to confirm if im non binary with the therapist. Think i am though.

I dont know about the big cities, that is a maybe, i own land in a very small town. I'm not sure id want to sell it and move somewhere else. The city is only 45 miles away so its relatively close by and near me. I dont know ill think about it to see if that would be the best option. I prefer to live in a more quiet and less chaotic place.

Id like to start over or restart after i decide to transition in order to get a fresh brand new start in life and live as myself easier and nothing reminding others of how i was before or what i looked like, i dont want to take the risk and chance of getting hurt. Its a tough choice and one that scares me a little but also is very exciting to me. That's really awesome about your flower garden and how successful you have been with it and that was very nice and respectful of the commuter. I do intend and plan on growing things on my property but no one is going to notice it because my land is so remote and secluded, in the middle of nowhere. I guess i moved out so far off the beaten path is because when i do finally transition no one will know where i live and come bother or harass me. Neighbor is like a mile away and i doubt she'd do anything.