Hi everyone, I'm Jen. I'm 51, married and I have two amazing teenagers. I'm literally in the very beginning of my journey (I think that word is so overused but I also couldn't think of a better one), sort of in the pre-launch countdown you might say. I only just came out to my therapist last week. So far she's the only one who knows. After 40 years of trying to squash all these thoughts and feelings, I just HAD to get it out. To tell someone. Anyone.

I feel lighter already.

I don't know where the path will ultimately lead and I am at the same time thrilled and utterly terrified to find out. The fear has kept me quiet for all these years. The fear of rejection and loss. My own low self-esteem and self-confidence. I'm going to have to beat these things if I'm going to move forward.

Then, just yesterday, I found this place and I started reading some of your stories. It feels a whole lot less lonely to hear so many people expressing many of the same thoughts and emotions as I've had. It brings that confidence up a bit. I'm still deathly afraid of what my family will think but finding a community like this one gives me hope.

Peace, love and happiness,
Jen

A big, warm welcome to the site, sweetie. Some folks will be along shortly with all the technical stuff but I remember being where you are and the feelings when coming here for the first time. You're among friends here, Jen. It's really good to have you here and thank you for taking the plunge to put yourself out there. That's not an easy thing to do.

You can do this, honey. Take a look at the link in my signature when it comes to low self esteem. I wrote a thing about it a while ago and maybe it will help you to feel better about yourself.

The important thing is, you have the most important thing. You don't let fear beat you. That's the definition of courage. You're going to be okay, Jen. And you just adopted a big family who cares what you're going through. *giant hugs*

<3

@Jen T.
Dear Jen:
Hello and WELCOME to Susan's Place and the Forum.  I am so very glad that you
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You definitely came to the right place to share with our like-minded members regarding your transition journey..
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Hi Jen,

Welcome!  It is great to hear that you are talking to a therapist!

But, to be honest, I've never done therapy.  Instead I talked about everything with my wife.

Marion

Quote from: Jen T. on July 19, 2025, 02:03:02 AMThen, just yesterday, I found this place and I started reading some of your stories.

Hey Jen,

I was terrified when I came to my therapist, congrats that's a huge step.

And welcome to Susan's Place! 💞


~ Lilis 🌷

Welcome, Jen!

We are happy to have you here with us.

As you noticed, many of us have experienced the same feelings. Our paths all follow a similar journey. What makes each one unique is our own attitude, goals, and life situations. How we handle those is what determines the outcome.

The whole purpose of Susan's Place is to provide a safe space to share our stories so that new members can see how we handled various situations, to ask questions, seek advice, and tell our stories for those who follow. You have come to the right place.

Again, welcome to the forum. We look forward to seeing you around.

Hi Jen,
It's lovely to meet you and welcome to Susans. I remember in my first post here on Susans, I told how scared I was.....and I WAS terrified.
Coming here and telling your story is a big step forward. It takes a lot courage to click that "POST" button for the first time and put yourself out there. Now that Jen is out in the open you have opened the door to many friends who will be there to listen and support.

Welcome Jen.

Ciara ❤️

Welcome, Jen. Thanks for the heartfelt introduction and the wishes for peace, love and happiness. All of which are in ample supply inside Susan's.

Hi, Jen. Welcome to the family.

That "feeling lighter" you mentioned? Isn't it wonderful? That's a really important cue. It's telling you that you're on the right path. I described it as a feeling that the atmospheric pressure had dropped dramatically, and I was no longer being compressed, confined into being something I'm not. I could expand to feel the fullness of my being.

The more you follow that feeling and take subsequent steps that reinforce it, the more whole you will become. What that looks like for you will be unique to you, but you are discovering the way, and it's truly a beautiful experience. Try to enjoy every moment of it.

Again, welcome. We are delighted to have you join us.

Pema

Quote from: Jen T. on July 19, 2025, 02:03:02 AMHi everyone, I'm Jen. I'm 51, married and I have two amazing teenagers. I'm literally in the very beginning of my journey (I think that word is so overused but I also couldn't think of a better one), sort of in the pre-launch countdown you might say. I only just came out to my therapist last week. So far she's the only one who knows. After 40 years of trying to squash all these thoughts and feelings, I just HAD to get it out. To tell someone. Anyone.

I feel lighter already.

I don't know where the path will ultimately lead and I am at the same time thrilled and utterly terrified to find out. The fear has kept me quiet for all these years. The fear of rejection and loss. My own low self-esteem and self-confidence. I'm going to have to beat these things if I'm going to move forward.

Then, just yesterday, I found this place and I started reading some of your stories. It feels a whole lot less lonely to hear so many people expressing many of the same thoughts and emotions as I've had. It brings that confidence up a bit. I'm still deathly afraid of what my family will think but finding a community like this one gives me hope.

Peace, love and happiness,
Jen

Jen!

Welcome aboard sister!!!... Your story holds many a common thread with all of us here who came to the realization that some changes were needed around the half century mark!... I think after a half century of trying to hide, ignore and distract ourself from what we feel... We come to a tipping point of sorts where our worst fears of how it might go if we decide to simply... be ourself... Are no longer as bad a prospect as hiding any longer...

Fear not girl... this journey will be what you choose to make it so it can't help but be amazing!... look around this place and you'll hear the stories of so many who moved from a place very similar to where you find yourself now... to a life that serves the needs of... and better reflects... the soul within!

There are many ways to make this all work... all challenges can be navigated... all fears can be managed... Your answers are out there patiently waiting for you and they will be worth all your efforts to seek out... Amazing things await!

Onward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

Quote from: Maid Marion on July 19, 2025, 05:21:33 AMBut, to be honest, I've never done therapy.  Instead I talked about everything with my wife.

Marion

I wish I had your courage.

Hi Jen

My name is Sarah and I would also like to formally, Welcome you to Susan's Place!

I see that other members of Susan's have also welcomed you as well.

Coming out to your therapist after so many years was a powerful first step and the lighter feeling makes sense because you finally let those thoughts out.  Naming your fears of rejection low self esteem and low self confidence turns them into clear targets you can work on in sessions with your therapist who can suggest practical strategies, that will guide you in what you want.

Ask your therapist whether they use an informed consent model for HRT if you ever choose to explore that path.  Keeping medical questions in that professional setting keeps the focus on your needs.

It is never too late to deepen self knowledge.  Many begin in their 40s 50s or later.  You are not alone here.  Hearing familiar feelings in other members' stories can certainly keep build your confidence.

Small steps are working already.  You noticed the inner pattern you booked the appointment you spoke honestly and you wrote here.  Each step is proof of progress when doubt tries to erase it.

Starting with a therapist was a wise choice.  That private space lets you test words sort feelings plan possible future talks with family or decide to wait until you are ready.

My path was different.  I never had a dramatic reveal.  Family learned through an uncle who already knew and they accepted me.  Different paths are all valid.  A quiet careful unfolding like yours is just as authentic.

I had already lived as female for over twenty years when I found Susan's in 2010.  The forum gave me information I never had earlier and when I returned after time away, the same steady helpful company was still here.

A few gentle ideas.  Keep a brief session log with date strongest feeling one insight one question for next time.  Draft what you might say to a trusted person if you decide to tell someone else.  Practice self kindness by catching harsh self talk and restating it in neutral factual words.  Balance reading others' stories with quiet reflection so comparison does not turn into pressure.

Hold on to that lighter feeling.  Honest expression tends to reduce weight not add to it.  You have already shown courage thoughtfulness and care.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the other forums and threads.   I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members.

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely will discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these issues as well.

Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL AGES PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets.   Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

Peace love, happiness to you as well, take care and all the best for the future.

Once again, Welcome to Susan's Place!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Devlyn  @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah  @Northern Star Girl  @Lori Dee
@Jen T