I was all ready to write, and then I started second guessing myself. Might be due to my dad twisting around anything that was said, Like, I know what you said but that was not what you meant. Some statement that he might have made about me not being lovable, not deserving to be loved. Yet, he could express his love for my sisters. One might conclude that I would wish I was a girl to share the love he had for my sisters. It would be the wrong conclusion.
Without knowing my history, it can not be said that this or that caused my dysphoria. I was a problem child, a bit slow in learning. I had difficulty understanding, autistic, and if hereditary, at least one parent was also autistic and may have had difficulty explaining things to me. When I was two, my newborn sister, born in the farmhouse, had deformities. It would be difficult to understand a need to get jackets on to take my sister to the hospital, where she would later die from pneumonia.
From then on I am a reminder that my sister had died, and my dad couldn't handle her death. I am told how great her school grades would have been, and I am expected to get excellent grades in school. I call it competing with a ghost.
There is one other complication, I also acted like a girl. Actions that could be considered disrespectful, thought to remind my parents of my sister that had died. Actions that would not be tolerated, even though they were completely natural to me.
If I mention that I was falsely accused of having sex with my cousin, and her brother decided the proper punishment was to sexually molest me, would you then conclude that was where my genital dysphoria comes from. The problem is that the genital dysphoria was there long before I was sexually molested.
Michelle
I meant to add that the trauma increased the genital dysphoria.
