i hope i am in the right place, and i hope my post makes sense to someone. i have searched this forum for information relative to my post's subject and i have found nothing. possibly my search terms were not correct, but be that as it may, i would like to enter into a discussion about heterosexual males who are attracted to TS/TG, view them as 100% women, and feel they are not homosexual, in the true sense of the word.

i have dated and had relationships for over 20 years now with TS/TG women. i live in Thailand and i found that i was attracted to them in the exact same way i am attracted to women. i have never had "homosexual tendencies" of any kind  (i do not find men attractive in any sense of the word) . i have spoken to my TS friends about this and most of them say i am not gay/homosexual and that i am straight, yet we engage in "homosexual" activity as it is defined by our society. i still also date genetic women, and find that for me there is absolutely no difference in the thought processes involved in communicating and interacting with them as all being women of "equal stature". i either find them to be someone i wish to spend time with, or not.

i have obviously kept this a secret from my friends, family and employers all of these years because i fell there would be recriminations and problems if i did come out and reveal this side of myself to them. i am tired of living a half of a life and i want to get beyond all of this.

one problem i do have is that by virtue of living in a forgein country i am here as a guest which makes supporting one's self a bit mopre difficult than if i were at home in America. so i am reluctant to
"come out" because of that aspect (i could lose my job), and also i hear what comes out of people's mouths relative to TS/TG and i know that they are not tolerant or understanding at all in any regard, and it is frightening. i have tried to not let ridicule of another nature bother me in the past, but this is a level of abuse i do not think i am prepared for at this late stage in my life. (I am mid-50's now.)

i have tried to find research or discussion about folks like myself and where we "fit in" to this equation of our society, what the medical establishment has discovered or learned about people like myself, and i have gotten nowhere. i hope that if i can find something that will put this all into perspective i will not be so restless and unsettled, and maybe one day i will get over my phobia of (possibly) being an outcast and get on with my life, and possibly have a fulfilling relationship with the person of my choice. i currently do not allow myself that luxury as i know i am all confused and not in the proper state of mind emotionally to make a commitment to someone who has reached that level of emotional maturity to get on with their life as they see fit.

if anyone understands my question and has any info, personal experiences to relate or knows where i can find such info please let me know. thanks.

To me you sound like a straight male attracted to a woman that started her life trapped in the body of a man.

Quote from: Kikly on May 12, 2008, 08:07:14 AM
To me you sound like a straight male attracted to a woman that started her life trapped in the body of a man.

this is exactly what i am referring to.

i feel no unease about my affection, but i do not know what to do or how to incorporate this "turn of events" into my reality of family, friends and work.

you should probably ask in the SO part of this site find out what others have done.

Great post!  Thanks for bringing up this side of things.

I am surprised there would be that much discrimination in Thailand.  But I guess you learn something new every day. 

FWIW, you sound like a straight guy who happens to like women.  Period.  We all do what we have to do to fit our job and family status, but you just sound like a great guy who is open minded and caring, and perhaps just enough adventurous that you will do what you feel regardless of societal taboos. 

From what I have seen of the tgirls over there, you have some really beautiful ones to get to know.  If they do pass as well as it appears, who has to know?  It's your business and nobody else's.

I wish you the best of luck, and thanks for writing.

Kristi

Quote from: looking4answers on May 12, 2008, 07:36:14 AM
so i am reluctant to
"come out" because of that aspect (i could lose my job), and also i hear what comes out of people's mouths relative to TS/TG and i know that they are not tolerant or understanding at all in any regard, and it is frightening. i have tried to not let ridicule of another nature bother me in the past, but this is a level of abuse i do not think i am prepared for at this late stage in my life. (I am mid-50's now.)


if anyone understands my question and has any info, personal experiences to relate or knows where i can find such info please let me know. thanks.

Putting people into categories or binary boxes while making life simplier, actually robs us of the full expression of our lives. Obviously society does this and I too am surprised that this is the case in Thailand even though I know this is the case in the US. Although I am transgendered and you just like transgendered women, it sounds like we share many of the same struggles such as fear of intolerance, repercussions on the job, etc.

Quote from: looking4answers on May 12, 2008, 07:36:14 AM
i have dated and had relationships for over 20 years now with TS/TG women. i live in Thailand and i found that i was attracted to them in the exact same way i am attracted to women.

Why shouldn't you be attracted to them in the same way?  They are women, aren't they?  As far as your question, you are just a heterosexual guy! 

tink

Quote from: Kristi on May 12, 2008, 09:32:50 AM
I am surprised there would be that much discrimination in Thailand.  But I guess you learn something new every day. 

Quote from: feliciahawthorn
I too am surprised that this is the case in Thailand even though I know this is the case in the US.

the problem is not the Thais, it is the foreigners who live here, who are my friends and my employer. the locals care little as you suggest, they just tend to ignore and go about their own business.

i have been living a "normal" life for so long, and when i hear the comments and slurs that emanate form people's mouths i just cringe at the thought of all of that idiocy being projected at me. i also think that some of these folks will be offended, take exception to the fact that i never "warned" them about my sexuality, and the worst part is that one of these people is my employer.

i know for the most part that the people who are my true friends will be OK with it and adjust, as well as my family,  it is the others, and my job that have me so paralyzed.

in regard to the comment about Thai Katoeys being passable: many local TS are so beautiful, and have reached such a state of perfection, that most folks know they re not women because the woman rarely compare. sounds crazy but it is true. in a society that puts so much credence on looks and beauty, it is hard for such observations to pass or go un-noticed. so i continue living my two lives, being unhappy a lot of the time, and i keep trying to figure away to put my fears to rest, and get on with my life as i see fit.

thanks for the words of support, it is all appreciated. it feels good to be among common friends and to know someone realizes what i am going through. it helps calm the "insanity" i feel at times.

To answer you question "NO YOU ARE NOT GAY"...I just had a relationship end not because this guy lost interest in me but because of comments made by a supposed girl friend. The comments where an attack on his ego and hinted to him being gay because he had sex with me, I am falling apart right now. I am not attracted to gay men and can't date them even if I wanted to cuz I'm not a gay man. I'm just a woman stuck in a bad situation, the pain I've been through having a pee pee is just to much for me. So I'm taking actions to do whatever I have to do to get the money to have it fixed. Thanks a lot Canadian Health Care for allowing me to suffer all these years, at least I can count on you to cover my HIV treatment when I get it from selling favors.

Posted on: May 13, 2008, 11:35:32 PM

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Sorry everyone my hearts just been broken, I needed to vent...Hugz