I love her and she's done everything she can to make me happy...

Well other than with my gender issue, which she just essentially ignored, said I wasn't transgendered due to me not being a stereotypical female (the two things she mentioned were invalid as my sister didn't fit into either of them.), and due to the fact that she thought it was a "phase." I could not argue with her...

But this was 4/5 years ago. We haven't set down and talked of it since. She still makes sure I'm as masculine as can be, though.

Floating -- that's a really lovely screen. The my first thought was "logarithmic? quadratic?" I should have taken a second to notice the pattern. It makes a great effect.

--

I was always close to my mother. I always felt I was the favored child in her eyes, if only because I took after her more than my sisters did. My gender dysphoria made me draw back from her (and pretty much everyone else) through my teenage years, and  it remains a source of discomfort for me in my relationship with her. I sensed that it hurt her, and that as much as she tried to be supportive, it made her so uncomfortable that it made me very self-conscious. I never experienced much guilt about my gender issues until she found out when I was about 13, after which it immediately became almost unbearable, despite her supportive words. That wound has still not healed, and I wonder if it ever will.

Mom?  Well she and have always been very close.  We look alike too.  My hands and feet are carbon copies of hers and she has always enjoyed holding them up together.

That being said, she was the absolute family matriarch.  She ran the family with an iron hand.  Things went her way or we all paid the price.  I think the old adage "If Mama ain't happy, nobody's happy" was written just for her. 

I don't know what she will say when we have the talk soon, but I know at first it won't be pretty.  I was the good son, the one who have her the granddaughter she wanted, since she only had sons.  I just hope I am not completely, totally disowned.  But I fear otherwise.

Kristi

My mom was a drug addict and an escort. She had abusive boyfriends. We lived in a run-down condemned house for years with ply-wood covered windows. Often we had no food, heat, water, or electricity. Several times I had to run to the neighbours, who would look at me in disgust as I told them that my mom OD'd again and we needed to take her to the hospital. Everyone in the town knew what was going on, but everyone turned a blind eye.

That's my childhood in a nutshell.

--natalie

I was the only surviving child of newly immigrant parents ....

My younger sister (Eva) was born early and died at a few months old ....

My dad died when I was just 10 years old ....

The "golden years" where when we were a family .... I was an incredibly pretty child, was always dressed immaculately, never ever got "dirty", allowed to have dolls until a really late age until they slowly but "traumatically" weaned me off them, overprotected on account of my sisters death.

So it remained just me and my mum through puberty and my teenage years (I was 20 when she re-married).

There were just the two of us in a foreign country, no family, no support, and my father's death affected her moods real bad. 

She loved me absolutely, but could be hard and demanding in her expectations of me (straight A's & everything else demanded), we'd argue and scream at each other endlessly ....

First time I really felt free of her control was when I left home for a job around 20.

Suddenly things became calmer as even now 25+ years on it takes two weeks together before nerves start itching and we reduce ourselves to tears in silly confrontation ....  ....

In my teens she discovered a stash of female clothes I'd hidden, and had she not been living her life through "expectations of me" - career, wife, grandchildren .... guess I would have come out ?

I was in my late 20's when I came out to her about my "dressing" and spending weekends as a girl .... and she accepted but kind of denied it.

Took another 15 years before I revealed the full truth about my being TS (the hardest hours of my life), but by then I guess hopes of daughter in law & grandchildren had long evaporated ?

She embraced me unconditionally as Laura with the (Hungarian) words "I love you as my only child absolutely, and I shall support you in whatever it takes for you to find happiness in your life"

I spent 10 weeks in post-op recovery with mom & stepdad .... and she would bring me coffee and chat during dilations, wash the stents before I had the chance !

I see her for a long weekend each month and we go shopping !  We help each other with picking clothes (our tastes for what suits our different ages are surprisingly the same) ....

She is really proud of me as her daughter in front of all her friends ....

But suddenly a whole new range of expectation like "finding a nice guy with a good career", "marriage !", "moving on in my own career", "buying that really nice apartment / cottage to live in so that I can impress boyfriends ... ..." ...

And given 2 weeks like Xmas / Summer vacation together we still end up in argument and tears !!!

Sure I love my mum to bits and will feel devastated when she's no longer around ....

Laura x

Mirror, mirror on the wall,
I am my mother after all.

My mother was my guide, protector, teacher, and friend.  From my mother I learned to clean and cook and sew.  She played with me and helped me with my homework.  And I am more like her than anyone else in the world.  All of my virtues and all of my flaws seem to be the same ones she had.  And now that she is gone, I miss her.

Quote from: Lisbeth on May 17, 2008, 09:04:58 PM
And I am more like her than anyone else in the world.  All of my virtues and all of my flaws seem to be the same ones she had.

Philip Larkin -

They ->-bleeped-<- you up, your mum and dad.
  They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
  And add some extra, just for you.

But they were ->-bleeped-<-ed up in their turn

  By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
  And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
  It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
  And don't have any kids yourself ....

(an infamous "favourite poem" by one of my favourite poets !)

Laura x

They ->-bleeped-<- you up your mum and dad,
but considering the life i've had
i'd not be ->-bleeped-<-ed up in any other way.
They tried damn hard through every fault
They tried make sure that you were taught
And that's all there is to say.

My relationship with my Mom was a good one. Contrary to what many people experienced on here, my mother was not domineering at all. My father was in the military so my Mom would often be the one taking care of us back then. I remember that she always asked me how I was doing, she would always encourage me to open up and really talk to her. I think when I was younger, like before high school or even middle school, I did...about most stuff. I think that's one of the regrets I have, not talking to her about gender stuff. I know, I have no way of knowing how she would have reacted, this was the 80's after all.

She's been supportive of my transition and she's going to FFS. I'm not saying that she's been encouraging of my transition, because I don't feel like that either. I feel like she's being there for me because I'm her child and she loves me. She's always known that I was a really sensitive and emotional kids and I think she tried to really be there for me, and honestly, she was, as much as I needed her to be. As I get older, my relationship with my Mom feels like it's returning to where it was when I was younger. I hope that transition has the possibility of bringing us even closer than we were.

I'm sure if she had her choice, I wouldn't be doing this, but I think she knows where I am with everything. Meghan

Well I don't see how there can be a connection between being TS and how you are raised. There seems to be too many that had o.k. childhoods. I guess that would be a stupid observation anyhow considering how many people that had crappy childhoods that are not TS.

so bad i don't want to talk about it, but i'm sure it'll be one of the first questions out of his mouth when and if i finally ever get to go see him......


Warrior Princess,
Mickie

It was often rocky when I was growing up, however we get along well now. My mom is a very intelligent, opinionated, independent woman, always says what she thinks whether you agree with her or not. I've got many similar traits 

Z

My mom was very accepting of how I was.  If I wanted to play with my sisters' Easy Bake Oven, that was okay with her -- there was no pressure from her to conform to a gender stereotype.  In fact, later in life she would occasionally ask if I was gay, or hint around the subject, or come right out and tell me it's okay if I'm gay.  And each time, I'd tell her no, that's not it...

The problem was that she was addicted to her second husband, and was unable to protect me from his desperate attempts to 'make a man out of me'.  She would 'try' to shield me from him, but ultimately stood by while he administered various lessons and then tried to make it all right in the aftermath.  Eventually, she kicked her addiction, and him out of our lives.

Karen

Quote from: Alyssa M. on May 16, 2008, 08:53:19 PM
Floating -- that's a really lovely screen. The my first thought was "logarithmic? quadratic?" I should have taken a second to notice the pattern. It makes a great effect.

--

Thanks!.

I've read a few of your posts.  I was wondering if you'd catch that. ^_^
(also, when it's upside down, it's reminiscent of the hyrdogen spectrum which is what my friend thought when he saw it).

My relationship with my mother was, ehm, almost non-existing actually.

Ok she did the "normal" things a mother does, picked me up from school, untill i was old enough to take the bike.
She cooked, punishment was there if i did something wrong, etc.

But trying to talk to her was like talking to a brick wall........
I could say whatever i wanted, that's it. There was no other "interaction" with her......
She never showed any type of love. No hugs, nothing.

Later on, she tried to blame mé from that. Luckily her sister interfered, she basically did the same with us the way she was brought up. My aunt said that even she, never learned it from their parents, and as soon she was married, she hád to learn from her husband how to show love towards her children.

Luckily things changed a bit the past 5 years  and especially the past year.(In the past she could be really, ehm, arrogant towards everyone.)

When i came out to her, she was in a way, unresponsive, the "oh, it's just a phase thing". And ignored it.
Later on she realized it wasn't something to be ignored, and she was visibly having a hard time with it. This showed that she does love her children but never knew how to express herself (Only to her husband.)
While she was having a hard time, and had to think things through, she was negative about my "illness" as she called it. Calling me crazy, etc.
Partially this last part was done  because of the great influence my father had over my mother.
But that changed as well, and after reading letters about my feelings, and the problems I was experiencing, she realized that she had to support me, because i was her child, she couldn't just let me drop like that. These days, i'm there for her, and she's here for me. We finally do some hugging. And talk deeply about me and her, my feelings, and, well, almost like mother and daughter ^^
She respects me, and the way I "express" myself these days (living female 24/7).

Things really improved, though we're far from a happy ending..........