OK, so my family physician, who has been seeing me since I was less than a decade old, referred me to the local endocrinologist to see why my estrodiol levels are at astronomical levels. He wanted another opinion other than the TS HRT specialist I see now, because...my levels were HIGH! I visited this endocrinologist about two months ago where he told me that he wants to do follow-up blood work in about two months, so it was no surprise when I received a letter in the mail saying I had to go in for more tests; I was to show up at the laboratory, I didn't need to call in, they'd be expecting me--standard stuff.
I walk into the lab, approach the receptionist and tell her I need lab work done.
"Medical record number?" she asks. I give it to her.
"Oh... uhmm... hmm... It says here we're supposed to examine your... prostate?
?"
I feel my heart drop out of my butt just as she bursts into hysterical laughter. I follow suit and muster the most uncomfortable laugh Ive ever forced from my lips. " A heh heh... heh... heh... a heh...."
"OMG! That's so funny! Hold on, let me see what's going on here! Don't worry, this happens from time to time. Doctors are always in such a hurry!" she continues to chuckle... As she grabs for the phone, I continue uncomfortable small-talk with her about these darn doctors, they really need to pay attention to what they're doing. I laugh along with her, all the while pinching my bum as to not let my heart fall out.
"Hi, this is Shanon at [my city] medical clinic," she tells a mysterious voice on the other line. "I have [Laci] here, medical record number 111-333-4444. Dr. Jones has a future order for a prostate exam," she pauses for a moment.
"Uhmmm hmmm... right...OK, well, see... She's a female!" Shanon bursts into laughter again.
At this point, the receptionist next to her, Jenn, overhears and asks what's so funny. Shanon tells. All the other patients overhear the story. The laboratory waiting-room bursts into laughter. I'm sitting there, horrified when I realize, I'm the ONLY one not laughing. I burst into quasi-laughter hoping not to arouse suspicion.
Shanon continues with the voice on the other line. "Can you find out what Dr. Jones needs... Well, I dunno... hold on," Shanon presses the phone against her collar bone, looks up and me and asks, "Do you have a prostate?"
Before I can process the formulation of her words, she bursts into another round of laughter as the laboratory clinic follows her cue. She lifts the phone back to her ear, " yeah, so if you can find out what Dr. Jones needs, that would be great. OK, Thank you. Bye."
She looks at me and politely says, "You can have a seat. I'm sorry. We'll find out what the doctor needs. it shouldn't be long."
As I walk to my seat, managing a half smile, I look around. Everyone's staring at me with grins stretched ear to ear as if sharing in this humorous mistake. I immediately take my seat and call Meghan, trying to take my mind off the smiles directed my way, and escape to a happy place.
After what feels like eternity, the laboratory phone rings and Shanon muses with the voice on the other line for a short while. She then calls my name and says, "He wanted
prolactine, and
progesterone! Prostate was right below that and he must've clicked it. How funny huh! That would've been REALLY hard to find on you!"
She points me to the small room to the right. I have my blood drawn. As I leave, Shanon and Jenn look up at me, share quick laugh and say, "Have a great day, ma'am."
The irony kills me.
The moral of the story: We can be so caught up in feeling like we're harboring a secret that something as innocent as a mischecked box, or a misheard "ma'am" as "man," can have us start sweating bullets. I really need to lighten up!
LoL
