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Pin the Diagnosis on the Weirdo
Now that's an excellent turn of phrase.
Yes, I'm shy and don't really fit in.
The calm exterior thing is a recent development for me, though. Is it that I'm just maturing? I hate to word it that way as it seems a bit judgemental. I think it's just that I'm making a conscious effort to have a calm exterior, as I hate confrontations. I guess it makes me seem passive, which is something I've always been. I had to work to be assertive, and that didn't really start until my early 20's. But then, it wasn't long before assertive turned into aggressive.
I think I'm losing the aggression and trying to be more calmly assertive. It's not easy, as there's a lot of anger, frustration, and hatred in me. I try to keep it in check, and I think the
zazen and walking the labyrinth helps. But, I feel like I need better methods still.
When I was very young, about 7 I think, I had been diagnosed as having some kind of "motor coordination" problem. I couldn't stay focussed in class, would fidget and not do my work. I ended up repeating second grade. I hated it then, but it was probably a good thing, looking back. And I don't mean that just for educational and developmental reasons, but because of the friends I had as a result of the class I was suddenly put into.
Based on what I understand Autism to be, I doubt that I have it. But, I'm not an MD. Do I have traits that are similar with Autism? Apparently so. But then, I have traits that are similar with any number of conditions, it seems.